Blog Archives - The Crooked Treehouse

The Crooked Treehouse

What I Can Only Hope Was An Incident Of Live Action Trolling

1/25/2016

Random Loiterer: "Do you know when the next season of Game Of Thrones starts?"

Me: "Not off the top of my head, no."

He frowns.

Against my better judgment, I look it up on the computer.

Me: "April 26th is the premier date."

RL: "Why so late?"

Me: "I have no idea."

RL: "Could you look it up?"

Me: "No."

RL pulls out iPhone.: "I have to do EVERYTHING myself."

RL: "This is so frustrating. I've been waiting For. Months."

I shrug.

RL walks out of the store and into the hallway to make a call.

RL: "Yea. Practically May. No. No. He won't tell me. NO ONE WILL TELL ME WHY."

Who Knew This Issue Of Guns & Ammo Was Going To Have So Many Guns In It?

1/25/2016

Subscriber: "Hi. Um. I need to make a change to my subscription."

Me: "Sure."

Sub: "Could you make sure I only get the unbagged 'Sex Criminals' covers?"

Me: "Of course." clicks a few buttons. "I did have you down for the XXX variants. Did we make a mistake?"

Sub: "No. I asked for them. I just didn't...I didn't expect them to be so...racy."

Me: "You didn't expect the Triple X variants of a book called 'Sex Criminals' to be racy?"

January 25th, 2016

1/25/2016

First call of the day, setting the tone:

Random Caller "Hi. Do you buy comics?"

Me: "Not too often, but there are some things we're looking for. You're best bet is to call back Wednesday after 6 or Friday and Saturday during the day to talk to our buyer."

RC: "Ok. When should I call?"

I throw the phone into a vat of lava.

Me: (screaming into the lava, obviously) "Wednesday after six or Friday and Saturday 11-5."

RC: "Ok. Than--"

Me: "And you should have a list prepared of what comics you are trying to sell. It goes much faster that way."

RC: "Well, that's easy. I have the second season of The Walking Dead."

Me: "The....the second issue?"

RC: "The collection."

Me: "Hardcover, trade paperback, or giant omnibus?"

RC: "DVDs."

Me: "We....we don't sell DVDs here. Just comics."

RC: "But you could sell Walking Dead DVDs."

Me: "Nope.We have no room for DVDs. You can still call the buyer if you'd like, but he's going to say no. You're better off trying Newbury Comics or someone that deals in DVDs,"

RC: "But it's a comics TV show. Why don't you sell it?"

Me: "When you hang up are you going to try and sell your Fast & Furious DVDs to a car dealership? Or your Top Chef DVDs to a restaurant? We don't sell DVDs. I'm sorry."

Family Man

1/25/2016

Random Strict Dad Customer: "Do you have any comics that an eleven year old would like? Something that teaches family values, particularly being obedient to your parents."

Helpful Coworer: "Have they read Amulet?"

(The Amulet series begins with the death of the father.)

One Of The First Unrequested Conversations After Opening A New Dating App

1/24/2016

Random Dude: "It's too bad you're not a bottom. We could have fun."

Me: "Such is life."

RD: "What are you doing tonight? Want to hook up?"

Me: "I'm working. And we don't appear to be a match."

RD: "We could meet where you work. Hawt."

Me: "Not really. I'm a security guard at a museum."

RD: "Museum sex. Hawt."

Me: "I work at the Museum Of Screaming Babies in the Used Diaper Wing."

RD: "LOL. Where really?"

Me: "Are you calling me a liar?"

RD: "Museum Of Science?"

Me: "No. We don't experiment on babies. That would be cruel."

Me: "Although that might explain the screaming."

Me: "Oh my god. Do I work at a baby torturing museum?"

Me: "I'm sorry. I have to go and reevaluate my life decisions now. Thanks for the chat."

The Princess And The Pen

1/23/2016

On the way to work: "Man, these boots are uncomfortable. I must have really destroyed the soles last winter. I should probably get the insoles replaced."

At work, I switch them out for my sneakers.

At the end of the day: "Why are there PENS in my boots? Was I walking on PENS this afternoon? No wonder my feet were killing me."

I'm Not The Only Person Who Forgets Relationships

1/19/2016

Sora: I'm still getting used to having long hair.

Me: You had long hair when we met.

Sora: I didn't. I've never had hair this long.

Me: You did, too. I have pictures.

Sora: Why do you have pictures of me on your computer?

Me: We Dated. For. Three. Years.

Sora: Oh, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea.

Ex-squeeze Me? Baking Powder?

1/17/2016

Every week, my boss and I have a nearly identical conversation near the end of my Sunday night, when I tell him what books we've sold over the last few days.

Boss: Hi Adam, it's Boss.

Me: Hi Boss.

B: What are we up to tonight?

I tell him our numbers.

B: And what have we sold?
And then an intricate ten minute long discussion about books that we sold that we might be sold out of, or might be hidden somewhere that he remembers. My favorite part tonight was when I told him we were sold out of a book and he said, sternly, "No. We have about a dozen of those left."

Me: Where?

B: In the trunk of my car.

Me: ...well, I can't See Those From Here.

B: Yea, sorry.

We go over more books.

And then, the following exchange has taken place every Sunday for at least a couple of years.

B: Ok, I think that's it.

Me: Ok.

B: Well, have a good night.

Me: You, too, Boss.

B: I might see you tomorrow.
------

Tonight, he Completely threw me.

B: Is that it?

Me: I think so.

B: Ok, well party on, Garth.

Me: Party...on...Wayne?

Ummm, It's Just Called A Jedi Hoodie

1/17/2016

There is a dad with his sixish year old blond son (wearing a Luke hood, no less) doing a live reading of Jeffrey Brow's Vader & Son book.

It's a pretty good day in the comic book store.

BREAKING NEWS

1/17/2016

Wet Cat Regrets Bathroom Espionage Ploy.