As I'm making the sign for Wednesday's New Releases, a woman walks in, picks her wedge, scratches her butt, and walks out without saying a word or pretending to look at any books. A Random Loiterer giggles, and then approaches me:
RL: Did you see that?
Me: Oh yea.
RL: Is this, like, the place people go to be weird?
Me: Pretty much.
RL: Do you ever have days where you just want to lock the store and sit in air conditioned silence?
I put my marker down and stare, wistfully, into the dist...wall covered in posters.
RL: "Rephrase. Do you ever NOT have any of those days?"
Me: "Shhhhhh. I'm in my Happy Place."
While calling people who've ordered books:
Me: "Hey, is Henry there?"
Henry: "Um, hi? This is Henry."
Me: "Hi I'm calling from *store name*, the comic book store in *location*"
Me: "Hey, you ordered a book from us a few weeks ago, and I'm just calling to let you know that it came in.'
Henry: "Um, who are you looking for?"
Henry; "Sorry, I think you have the wrong number."
Me: "You already told me that you were Henry."
Henry: "Ummm, what? No. BYE." He hangs up.
Fuck you, Henry.
Loiterer #1: "I fucked up.'
Loiterer #2: "What did you do now?"
L1: "I forgot to stretch out before going into the comic book store."
L2: "Think you're gonna make it?"
L1: "I don't know. Think I'm going to have to lay down in the hallway for a while. Tell my wife I loved her."
L2: "So you want to die a liar?"
Random Loiterer: "Dan Brown?"
Me: "Sorry, we're a comic book store. We don't have any Dan Brown."
RL: "Dan Brown."
Me: "No Dan Brown. Only comics."
RL: "Dan Brown?"
Me: "I'm sorry, are we having a language problem or a communication problem?"
RL furrows her brow: "Where. Do. YOU . Keep. Your. DAN. BROWN."
Me: "At. The. Harvard. Bookstore. Down. The. Street. We are a comic book store. We sell comics. As far as I know, there are no Dan Brown comics."
RL: "Comic books are a type of book. You should carry the type of books that comic book people read."
Me: "We barely have room for comics."
RL: "Well get rid of some of your comics, and move some books in."
Me: "I'm sorry, do you also go into ice cream stores and demand they get rid of one of their ice cream freezers to make room for an espresso machine because you think they should carry espresso drinks for "the type of coffee that ice cream people drink"?
RL: "Where is the bookstore you were talking about?"
During a discussion about Richard Gere and Urban Myths:
Bobby: "You'd think he would have been more inspired by....umm...the Pretty Woman lady...uhhh..."
Me: "Juli --"
Bobby: "Julia CHILD!"
Me: "No. But that would be some cutting edge casting." In my Julia Child voice: "$100 per hour" In my Richard Gere voice: "That's a little stiff." In my Julia Child voice: "No, but it's got potential."
On having to get up early to open the store, today.
Me: "I feel a great disturbance to my day."
Bobby: "As if millions of voices cried out in terror?"
Me: "No, just one voice, which will never be silenced."
Bobby: "So it's not a world that's being destroyed, it's just a Saturday"