Honest Conversation Is Overrated
Actual Human Interactions Witnessed Or Overheard
In Twentieth And Twenty-First Century America
In Twentieth And Twenty-First Century America
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I'm walking on a sidewalk, raiding Pokemon gyms. A bus stops directly in front of me. A slender old man gets out, and waves at me. "Hello, sir. My name is Chris, and you are?"
"Joshua." I usually say Alan or Alex as those are reasonably close to my name, and if the person turns out not to be an irritant, I can pretend they misheard me. I knew this person was going to be an irritant. "Hello, Joshua. That's a Biblical name. Today the angels told me" of course "that I would meet a Joshua." "Jeffery." I say. "I think you misheard me." "Oh. Sorry, Jeffery. The angels told me I would meet a man to share a meal with." "Sorry. I don't have my wallet with me." This is very true. I was out for a short walk, so I just took my Florida ID for identification purposes. "Oh, I have money. I just ... do you know where there is a Chili's?" I had just passed one, so I pointed in the direction, in case he really was just a Christian nutter (#notallchristians, #notallnutters). "Spectacular. Will you join me for a meal?" "No, thank you." I said. "I just ate." Which was true. "I see. Did you know that this street is in" blah blah "county, and if you walk across the street you're in" womp womp womp "county?" "I don't want to keep you from your meal. You have a good night, Christopher." He reached out in my direction. "Oh. I'm not in a rush. Could you show me where the --" "Sorry. I'm not from around here. I just saw the one a few minutes ago. If you just walk that way, you can't miss it. Have a great night." "Where are you from?" "South." I said as I walked away. "Well, have a good night. I love you. I mean that. And Jesus loves you, too." "Usually through a hole in a sheet." I said. He then began walking in entirely the wrong way to get to Chili's. So I walked a little bit out of my way before cutting behind a Wal-Mart to return to the house I'm staying at. I didn't see him again.
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I thought I'd found a cool barcade last night, but it turned out to be a budget Hooters staffed by angry, middle-aged, white women and about three video games and a claw machine.
I should mention none of the servers were angry in my direction, I just heard them talking to their customers, and I hope they find better jobs that make them happier because, wow. Also, on the way out, I went to get in the car my dad rented, but he'd moved it, so I opened the door of some strange woman's car, apologized, closed the door, and while I was looking for where my dad had moved to, she shouted "This doesn't have to be the wrong car, you know, I'M LONELY, TOO!" My dad is a Veteran so he wanted to show off a shirt he'd bought to wear to the Veterans' Day Ceremony. I expected a hideous American Flag with Make America Great Again or some nonsense. But he was wearing a Native American shirt that said "Real Americans have been fighting terrorists since 1492."
I mean. Yea. Sure. Looking for vacation homes to rent in Florida to spend time with your friends: fun, amusing to imagine staying at a home that you could in no way afford, mostly emotionally uplifting.
Looking for homes in Florida for a parent to retire to: depressing, houses either look like the meth dealers are still hiding in one of the closets or they look like a hotel room you can't wait to never see again, prices make no sense as some really terrible houses miles away from anything worthwhile are five times as expensive as beautiful houses right on the wa....oh, right, because the meth dealers need their privacy. This is equally as frustrating as looking for housing in Boston, except the houses are somehow even worse. Some of them are just pictures of random palm trees that say "Are you interested in touring the house?" Clearly these are traps that vampires use to make more senior citizen vampires. |
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