​Coworker: How is today going?
Me: A little slow. I feel behind.
Cw: How come?
Me: My hand is bothering me.
Cw: What did you do to it?
Me: Got old.
Cw: Ah. Did you sell any books?
Me: Yea. (goes down the list) And we're sold out of Killing & Dying.
Cw: We should have three more copies.
Me: We don't.
Cw: It's over with the rest of the Hickman books.
Me: No. That's The Dying & The Dead, this was Killing & Dying. We're sold out of it.
Cw: The Rucka book? What volume?
Me: That's Kill Or Be Killed. Killing & Dying is by Adrian Tomine.
Cw: I don't think we have any more copies of that.
Me: WE DON'T. I've been trying to tell you that.

Random Customer: I don't know why anyone reads Marvel comics. They're so expensive.

Me: They're the same price as almost all comics.

RC: No. DC comics are a dollar cheaper.

Me: No. DC relaunched them at a dollar cheaper, but they came out twice a month, so it was more expensive to collect them. And then they bumped the price up, so now they are the same price but ship twice as often, so it's twice as expensive to collect most of their books.

RC: What?

Me: Check the cover. Almost all of the titles that people read are now $3.99 just like Marvel.

RC: Then why does everyone say DC is cheaper?

Me: Because marketing is more powerful than truth.

RC: What?

Me: Back to your original question,a lot of people read Marvel because those are the stories they like. The same reason people should read DC comics or Image comics or Boom comics or anything else. Read what you enjoy, not what's cheapest. When DC comics were $2.99, they were a few pages shorter but with the same amount of ads.

RC: They were not.

I shrug.

RC: You're a Marvel guy, I guess?

Me: I'm a Read Comics I Like guy. Right now it's mainly Image and some Marvel stuff. But back around Blackest Night, I was buying mostly DC.

RC: So you have no loyalty?

Me: Nope. There are so many comics out, why would you waste time and money on a series you're not enjoying? I'd rather spend an extra dollar for something I'm enjoying or just not buy anything at all than spend money on dull story, in the name of saving a buck.

RC walks over to the shelves, gets a couple of All-Star Batman issues, and comes back to the counter.

RC: Are these any good?

Me: I haven't been reading it, but the people who liked Snyder's Batman run have been really enjoying it.

RC: Do you think it sucks?

Me: I haven't been reading it.

RC: Because it sucks?

Me: I have no idea. I haven't read it. It sells well. Nobody has told me that it sucks.

RC: That sounds like it sucks but you want me to buy it.

Me: I want you to buy whatever makes you happy.

​RC glares at me, walks back to the shelves (leaving the comics on the counter, natch), picks up some more comics, puts them down, and leaves. Because nothing makes him happy.

Two weeks before someone asked me if the autographed copy of Brad Meltzer's "I Am George Washington" was autographed by George Washington. When I explained that it was autographed by the author, not the subject of the book, they shook their head and said "I suppose the Abraham Lincoln book isn't signed by Abraham Lincoln, either."
​
No. No it is not.

Dude: "What did you do for Pride?" 
Me: "I worked."
Dude: "On Pride?"
Me: "I just got back from vacation. Also, I'm not hugely into Pride."
Dude: "I can't believe you worked on Pride! It's like a cultural holiday for us."
Me: "Well, to be fair, I did work in a very gay way."
Dude: "What? LOL. How?"
Me: "I blew a guy between each transaction."
Dude: "TOO FAR."
Me: "I mean, it was the same guy. Mostly."
Dude: "TOO FAR."

Random Customer #1: "Hey, babe, I hear Doctor Strange is on Netflix now. If you haven't seen it, we should check it out."

Random Customer #2: "I did see it. We went together. For our anniversary. Remember? For our anniversary. You took me to see Doctor Strange."

​RC #1: "Oh. Yeah. Let's go out somewhere nice for dinner tonight."

​Weather God: How was your vacation, Adam?

Me: Great, thanks. I had a good time.

WG: How was....the weather?!?

Me: Uhm. Fine. It was mainly great.

WG: And was it....HOT?!?!?

Me: Uh. Yea. It was nice and warm while I was there.

WG: I see. I see. So glad to hear you enjoyed the tempera...AND DID IT RAIN?!?!?!?

Me: I mean. A couple of times, yes. But mainly at night, or when I was in a building, so...no big deal. The weather wa--

WG: NOW THAT YOU ARE HOME, IT WILL BE COLD AND RAINY UNTIL YOU DIE!!!!

Me: Oh. Uhm. Ok. That seems a bit extr--

​WG: UNTIL YOU DIE!!!!!

Good to know Mondays haven't changed.

​Random Customer: I'm here to clear up a matter.

Me: Ok.

RC: Someone from this store keep calling me about an X-Men book that I didn't order.

Me: That's odd.I wonder how we got your number if you didn't order anything from us.

RC: I ordered a comic book called Archangel. but I keep getting calls about an X-Men book.

Me: Oh, I remember you. Yea. You ordered the comics, and mentioned wanting to get the early X-Men stuff, and we went through the website, found the book you were looking for, and ordered it. That's what this book is, the one we ordered together.

RC: I don't remember that. I don't even like the X-Men.

Me: We didn't spend a half hour where you went through all the X-Men books you used to own, and how sad you were that your wife made you sell them, and how you were trying to track down all the stories you'd lost? Because you look a lot like the guy I talked to.

RC: I did used to collect the X-Men but I don't remember that.

Me: Huh. Ok. It's weird that we would have wrote down one book that you did order and one book that you didn't want.

RC: I just don't like the newer comics.

Me: This collects the early issues from the 1960s. It's not new material.

RC: Can I look at that?

Me: Of course. You ordered it.

RC: I don't think I did. But this is exactly the stuff I've been looking for. I'll take it.

​My eyes roll back so far in my head that I nearly step on them.