Uncle Creepy: Tony?

Me: Nope. This is Adam. Call back on Friday to talk to Tony.

UC: Ok. Ok. Hi. Adam. You've helped me before. Do you know Nosferatu?

Me: Not personally.

UC: Nosferatu The Bald Vampire. You know him?

Me: ...

UC: Hello?

Me: Is there something I can help you order?

UC: Do you know Nosferatu. He's the bald vampire. Like the first one. He's really old.

Me: Is there something I can help you find?

UC: Do you got statues of Nosferatu the bald vampire?

Me: No. And I'm looking it up now. There aren't any available. There will be one in November, but it's $650.

UC: I'm looking for the $100-$200 range. Like a bust of Nos--

Me: --feratu The Bald Vampire, yes. I get it. But there aren't any available.

UC: What about raven? You know raven?

Me: The wrestler? The Teen Titan? The bird? The bookstore?

UC: Yea. Yea. You know. The bookstore. The Raven bookstore.

Me: It's a couple blocks away. Want me to give you their phone number?

UC: No. No. Not the one nearby. The bookstore.

Me: I don't know what you're talking about.

UC: Sometimes you get me stuff from Raven?

Me: Nope. They're a different store. They sell books, but they don't sell statues. I can give you the number to call them, but I'm not going to call them for you.

UC: Maybe it's not Raven. But it's a store. Sometimes you call other stores.

Me: Nope.

UC: Ok. Maybe not another store. That's ok. That's ok. You know how you guys have comics with Vampirella the---

Me: the almost topless vampire hunter?

UC: Yea. Yea. Vampirella the Vampire Hunter.

Me: Uh huh.

UC: Can you get me statues of her?

Me: You're going to have to call back on Friday and talk to My Boss. He is the one who does the statue ordering.

UC: Ok. Ok. I should call tomorrow?

Me: Friday.

UC: Friday? Sometimes I call on ---

Me: The next time he'll be here to talk to you about statues is Friday. Until then, he won't be here. And none of the rest of us can help you with statues.

UC: What about Wedn--

Me: Friday. Not Tuesday. Not Wednesday. Not Thursday. Friday. Only Friday. Friday is the only day you can call him this week. Not Saturday. Not Sunday. Only Friday. You need to call him on Friday. I have to go now. Remember, call him on Friday. Thanks.

​I hung up the phone.

Republicans can chatter all they want about how The Current Administration has improved our economy, but both banks I visit regularly have stopped offering free pens this year, and started chaining the ones they have to various counters.

​That doesn't fill me with optimism.

here was a Random Loiterer shuffling around the store quietly muttering to himself "Don't look at that. We can't get that. Put that down. That's not for you. None of this is for you. We have to leave this place."
​
I was very concerned for him, until he left the store. As he turned the corner, it was revealed that he was with a toddler who was so small and quiet that I couldn't see them over the counter.

Today, I ordered takeout, and received an empty fortune cookie.

Harvard Square Busker: "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eensy weensy spider went up the water spout. Down came global warming, and burned the spider up. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

​I walked to the next busker, who was doing some kickass keyboards to a song I knew but couldn't name, and gave him $5 while shaking my head in the direction of Global Warming Spider Guy.