Apart from the aptly named "Tuesday night ladies" who come in every Thursday week and sip decaffinated coffee and eat chicken, The Outback is not known for its regular costumers. Rather, we are host to an assortment of occasional customers who come in whenever they damned well please, regular as construction work.
Last night a whole slew of the irregulars decided to show up. Several of them in my section. The first irregular was a woman who got kicked out of the restaurat two years ago. She and her husband used to come in two or three nights a week to munch on cheese fries and onion, and drink their livers aquamarine. One night, Mayk was waiting on them and the woman fell face first into her steaming plate of cheese fries and started to snore. Naturally, Mayk removed the lady's alcohol and got a manager. Much arguing ensued over how the woman wasn't too drunk, she was merely on a variety of pills that made her drowsy. Then the husband loudly threated to wrestle my boss to decide whether or not they'd give his wife her Appletini back. They were told they could come back whenever they liked but neither of them would be served alcohol again.
Last night Cheese Fry Face came into my section which used to be the smoking section, and lit up a cigarette.
Me: I'm sorry, you can't smoke here. We went non-smoking a week and a half ago.
CFF: What are you talking about? I was here two weeks ago and I could smoke here.
Me: Like I said, we've been non-smoking for about a week and a half.
CFF: But I could smoke two weeks ago.
Me: You're correct. Two weeks ago you could smoke here. A week and a half ago we went non-smoking. You can't smoke here now. Next week, you won't be able to smoke here. In the past you could smoke, but for the present and future you can't smoke. This is now a non-smoking restaurant.
CFF: So I can't smoke?
CFF: Can I get an Appletini then?
Me: No. Keep it up and you can't get food, either.
After a long night of people abandoning plans for your birthday, a night filled a screaming match with your pseudo-boss and an awkward moment with your not-quite-ex who is your not-quite-ex because you were never quite dating; after a night like this you're almost grateful that your roommate's girlfriend greets you with a little kiss when you get home. You are grateful until her boyfriend/your roommate hands her some Altoids and says "Try one of these, your breath still smells like my dick."