1.) Ask who Alan Moore is.
2.) Inform the complete stranger who, at this point, doesn't know you're about to ask for a job, that Alan Moore once attacked you on the psychic plane while you were trying to establish a psi-link with Neil Gaiman.
3.) When asked what your name is, say "What's your name?" and then offer to change your name so that it matches.
4.) Suggest which coworker should be fired so that you can take their job.
5.) Suggest that Alan Moore psychically raped you when you just said ten minutes ago that you didn't know who he was.
6.) Laugh maniacally when asked what your phone number is.
7.) Inform the person you think you just met (but whom you have actually spoken with twice before) that you once dropped off a rock you painted to the store (he knows, he's the one you gave the rock to) and that he should hire you because painting rocks takes time and by giving him a painted rock you were showing him your dedication to getting a job.
7a.) Ignore #7 if you are applying for a rock painting job. Or an arts & craft instructor.
8.) Insist that you once dreamwalked to an alternate dimension where the apocalypse was taking place, and you saved the life of the person you are talking to.
9.) Tell the employee which medications you currently aren't taking because the fairies told you not to.
My coworkers are no longer allowed to leave the store on Sundays. Because just as that crackpot left, My Buddy Greg came in, and I left my flamethrower at home.