A guy who always comes into the store and yaps about Harvard Square becoming too commercialized and announcing his grandiose plans to solve this problem; plans that he has no way to implement, sees me on my way to work and said “This is a disgrace. A disgrace, I say. Do you see that?” He points to the recently gutted 7-11, which is being renovated into a burger place. “They’re tearing down all the landmarks and putting corporations there.”
"Ummm. Are you complaining that this place is getting too corporate because they TORE DOWN a 7-11? 7-11 is the epitome of corporations. They’ve been shutting down local convenience stores since before Starbuck’s existed. You should be thrilled that they’re gone."
"But," he says, "it’s a landmark."
"How? How is a 7-11 a landmark?"
"Right." I say. "The only way it’s a landmark was in the ‘Hey, can you recommend a convenience store that won’t have what I’m looking for, but will have something similar, but grossly overpriced? Oh, and I’d really like the people behind the counter to be rude to me for interrupting their conversation on their cell phone.’"
"Well, *I* liked it there."
I mistakenly got into work a half hour early. The phone was already ringing.
Guy On Phone: Oh, good! You’re open.
Me: Not yet. We open at eleven. Is there anything I can help you with?
GoP: Why did you answer the phone if you’re not open?
Me: Is there anything I can help you with?
GoP: I’m looking for the Bob Dylan graphic novel.
Me: Hold on. (I check, and we don’t appear to have it.) I’m sorry. It doesn’t look like we have it in.
GoP: People have told me that before and they’ve been wrong.
Me: That sounds frustrating. You’re welcome to come in at eleven and check for yourself.
GoP: Oh, I can’t come in today. I live in Connecticut. Do you have New England Comics’ number?
Me: Sure. But they are also not in Connecticut.
Him: YES THEY ARE. THEY’RE CALLED NEW ENGLAND COMICS FOR A REASON.
Me: Sure thing, buddy. Have a Happy Father’s Day.
(New England Comics has eight stunning locations, five of them in Greater Boston, all of them in Massachusetts.)
Dude comes in and says “Hey, guy. I’m a Green Lantern fan. Do you read any of his comics?”
I point to my Sinestro Corps shirt.
"What’s that supposed to be? A record spindle?"
"It’s the Sinestro Corps. The yellow lanterns."
Eyetwitch. “Pink face, Hitler stache. Green Lantern’s nemesis.”
Guy shrugs. “I only read Green Lantern. Nemesis is for pussies.”
Off in the distance, I hear Mark Millar and Geoff Johns drawing themselves nice warm baths, sharpening their best knives, and glaring at their ineffectual wrists.
The dreaded phone rings.
Constant Caller: What can I get for $12.
Me: Many things.
CC: What’s the best book I can get for $12. I only have $12.
Me: Depends on what you like. You should come into the store, and look for yourself.
CC: I’m coming in tomorrow. What can I get?
Me: Anything under $12. Sorry, it’s very busy and I have to go now.
ONE HOUR LATER
CC: Hi. I just found some money.
CC: What can I get for $37?
Me: Even more things than you can get for $12.
CC: How did you know I only had $12 before?
Me: I’m really busy right now. You should come in tomorrow. (When I’m not working.)
HALF AN HOUR LATER
CC: Do you have any R. Crumb books.
Me: Yes. You know this. You come in every week.
CC: Which ones?
Me: Dozens of them.
CC: How many can I get with $37?
Me: I’m very busy. You need to ask these questions in person.
CC: Can I call back in a half hour?
Me: Your best bet would be to call back after ten. (When we close)
Him: I’ll call you in a half--
Me: Good morning, Comic Book Store.
GoP: Is this BAM?
Me: Margera? No.
GoP: Is this a BAM store?
Me: I don’t know what that is.
Me: What does that stand for?
GoP: I don’t know.
Me: Me, neither.
GoP: So are you a BAM store?
Me: I don’t think so.
GoP: Your website says you are.
Me: (checks the web and discovers our website has expired). Um. We don’t have a website.