I just went to use the bathroom as two Comic Book Meerkats were coming down the stairs. 

Me: "Are you coming to the comic book store or the printer?"

CBMK 1: "No."

Me: "Ok."

I stood and waited for them to either go into the printer or else burst into nervous flames.

CMBK 2 looked at me, then the door, then started walking back up the stairs.

Me: "I'm coming right back, I have ink on my hands. I'll be less than thirty seconds."

CMBK 1: "Are you coming back?"

Me: "Yes. In about thirty seconds."

CBMK 1 sighed and also walked up the stairs.

Both of them were staring in the window when I got back in about fifteen seconds later. I tried to wave them in but they just looked sadly through the window and then disappeared.

Random Loiterer: "Is this the thing he likes?"

Me: "Are you talking to me?"

RL: "Yes."

Me: "Is what the thing who likes?"

RL: "My friend Daniel likes that thing...you know?"

Me: "No. No idea. You should call him and find out."

RL: "Her. Danielle."

Me: "Ok. You should call her."

RL: "But it's supposed to be a surprise."

Me: "Well, if you want me to pick out a gift for this person I don't know based on not knowing what she likes, then I'm pretty sure it will be a surprise for her. I just can't guarantee she'll like it."

RL: "Can you wrap it?"

She hasn't actually selected anything to wrap.

Me: "Nope. No wrapping paper. But they sell some around the corner."

RL: "Oh, but then she'll see it. This is a bummer. This whole day is a total bummer. Poor Danielle." 

Danielle needs to get better friends.

Random Person On Phone: "I have a book and I need to know how much it's worth."

Me: "Ok, let me grab a price guide. What's the name of the book?"

She gives me the wrong name. I flip through the book. "I can't find it." but I start to look up some of the other words she's said.

RPOP: "Look, I've called several places several times and people keep telling me they don't know--

Me: "If I can't find it in the--"

RPOP: "The cover is purple and there's a motorcycle on it."

Me: "Sorry, that's not going to help me find it in this book. I need the na--"

RPOP: "Well, the cover is ripped quite severely but it's still probably very valu--"

I find the book in the guide. "Ok, I found--"

RPOP: "--if it's worth anything but it must be worth something it's very difficult to find."

Me: "I just found it in the--"

RPOP: "My friends have told me it's worth quite a bit of money so--"

Me: "I JUST FOUND IT IN THE BOOK, would you like to know how much it is worth?"

RPOP: "Oh, ok. Well, the thing is, the pages are really dog eared and the cover is ripped mostly of."

Me: "Well I can't give you an assessment of how much your particular copy is worth. I can only tell you what the approximate value would be if it were not ripped up and dog eared. Your best bet is to come into the store when I buyer is here and have him appraise it. He's in--"

RPOP: "I've tried that before and people keep trying to rip me off."

Me: "Like the cover of your book?"

RPOP: "I'm sorry?"

Me: "Ripped off like the cover of your book?"

RPOP: "Oh, ha. Yes. They showed me the price in the guide and then told me they couldn't give me the amount it clearly stated in the book."

Me: "Well, there are several prices per title in the price guide. But there is no Dog-Eared Ripped Cover Price. You're pretty much at the discretion of whoever you're trying to sell the comic to. If it's something that's highly collectible, that people are clamoring for copies of, no matter the condition, you might have a chance of making some money but I've been working in comics for about a decade and I've never heard of it. So, if there's no market for a book and the copy you have is so ripped up that you can't really read the title, and you've been to several stores who say they aren't willing to pay for it, it might just be something you own forever. OR, you could come in at *time boss is in store* and bring the book with you and have him assess it for you."

RPOP: "I don't want to bring it into the store bec--"

Me: "Then you've never going to get a valid assessment. Even if you hadn't just told me that it's ripped and dog-eared, the buyer would have to grade the comic and figure out how worn it is before they can put a price on it."

RPOP: "Why can't they just give me the price over the phone."

Me: "Well, if you called up and told me you wanted to sell me a carrot, and I, personally am not hungry for a carrot, and no one had walked into the store asking me for a carrot in the ten years I worked in the store, I might just blindly tell you that we don't want to buy carrots.  But if you walked into the store with a tub of buttery cooked carrots, saying you wanted to sell them, I might offer you five dollars for those carrots. But if you called up and told me you had three-quarters of a carrot that you fished out of the sewer that has what are probably rat bites on it, I'm not going to look up the price of a new, uneaten carrot at the grocery store and tell you that that's how much it's worth."

RPOP: "You really like carrots."

Me: "Not really."

Silence.

Me: "So, I recommend coming in at *time* and--"

RPOP: "I'm not going to do that. I don't think I want to sell it."

Me: "Ok, then. Have a great day. I wish you luck doing...whatever it is you're hoping to do with that comic."

RPOP: "Could you have your buyer call me back?"

Me: "I could, but why? You don't want to sell us something that I'm pretty sure we don't want to buy."

Silence.

RPOP: "I'll just give you my number."

Me: "Sure. We can never have too many phone numbers."'