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I'm playing my Daft Punk mix in the store, and a guy just chased his girlfriend around the store, speaking along to "Technologic", while she just kept asking questions "Why are you doing this? How do you know the words? What is this? Can you stop?"
He smiled as he chased her out of the store. They left without buying anything, but I was, at least, amused.
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I just accidentally frightened everyone in the store when the phone rang.
Scammer: "I need to speak to whoever handles your electric account." Me: "Fuck. You." Entire store turns towards me. Me: "It was one of those phoney electric company scam calls." Relieved Customer #1: "Oh my god, I get those calls, like, three times a day. I hate them." Relieved Customer #2: "Yea, I know not to answer a call from a number I don't know, but I'm just afraid I'll miss an important call." Me: "Well, our phone is from ... 1991 ? So it *had* a caller ID screen but it doesn't work anymore." RC 1: "So you have to answer the phone every time?" Random Customer #3: "Do you get hazard pay for that?" RC 2: "It sounded like he had the situation well in hand." Random Customer, upon purchasing a couple of back issues: "The demise of Mad Magazine has to be the saddest news of the year."
Completely Correct Teenage Daughter: "Really, Dad? The saddest news of THIS year? I want you to think about that. Because if that's your opinion, I'm never talking to you again." RC: "The saddest publishing news." CCTD: "No. The saddest publishing news is that the media is filled with a bunch of Nazi-enabling cowards." The rest of the transaction took place in Absolute Silence. If you are going to stand outside my window at 7AM, loudly and slowly delivering a five minute soliloquy about how great your kids are for cleaning their rooms, and there are no kids anywhere near you, giving off the impression that you are either practicing your speech, or else you are standing right next to my bedroom window, making a phone call, and you feel the need to pre.cise.lee. are.tick.you.late "Lawwwwwwwwwwwwv. Yuuuuuuu. Buy-eeeeeeeeee." Then I am going to sarcastically, loudly ,and precisely, say "Buy-eeeeee. Lawwwwwwwwwwwv. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuu." right back.
On my way out of the CVS, I got stuck in a terrible 1980s SNL sketch, as an entire family of Russian tourists stopped in front of the exit to look at the tiny energy drink refrigerator.
Russian Dad: "Look at all the different colored Bulls, Helga. Is red bull, and yellow bull, and green bull, and purple bull." Helga: "I think is blue bull." RD: "Ok. Blue bull. And orange bull. There is purple!" I eventually made my way through them, and out the door, only to discover I'd accidentally purchased Ultra Red "Flavored" Monster, instead of the Pipeline Punch, I'd intended. It tastes like being stuck behind a group of tourists. Their nationality is not important. |
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