Typical Monday

Lying Customer: "Hi, these books are from my subscription."

Me: "I'm sorry, did we forget to put them in your folder for you?"

LC looks at me, perplexed.

Me: "I saw that you had to pick them off the shelf. I'm sorry if we missed them."

LC: "It's ok."

Me: "Here, let me make sure they're in the computer for you."

LC: "That's ok."

Me: "Huh. I don't have any of these titles on your subscription list. Would you like me to add them?"

LC: "No. I just get them off the shelf."

Me: "Ok." I ring up the comics full price.

LC: "Thanks."

While he's still in the store, I go over to his folder, which is chock full of issues.

Me: "Hey, your folder is a little thick. Do you think you'll have a chance to pick some of these up soon?"

LC: "Oh, I don't want those."

Me: "Ok." I pick up the folder and start sorting through the comics to reshelve them, and I walk over to the computer. "Why don't you tell me which books you'd like so that I can update your subscription in the computer."

LC: "It's fine the way it is. Thanks."

Me: "Ok, well, I'm going to delete all these books you don't want, and next time you come in, just tell me or whoever's working what you want added to your subscription."

LC: "Will I get my discount."

Me: "Your discount is good on anything you order, so if you give me a list of titles you want right now, I can make sure those things are on your subscription. Or, I can just add the titles you just purchased."

LC: "I might not want them next time."

Me: "Well, the subscription service helps us figure out what books to order for people. You're certainly free to put books that we order for you back on the shelf but we ask that you let us know so that we don't keep ordering books you don't want to read anymore."

LC: "Usually I just pick up what I want from he shelf and they give me the discount."

Me: "Do they usually ask you if the books you have are from your subscription?"

LC: "Yes."

Me: "And you say yes?"

LC: "Yes."

Me: "But they're not from your subscription. What's on the shelves are not available for discount unless we mess up and forget to give you something that you ordered."

LC: "That's confusing."

Me: "Anything we order for you, that you ask for, is discounted. Anything: issues, collections, t-shirts, toys. Anything that you haven't asked us to order for you is NOT discounted."

LC: "That's confusing."

I shrug.

Me: "So what would you like on your subscription."

LC: "It's fine the way it is."

Me: "Ok, well, next time you come in, and you say 'subscription', it's going to show up in the computer that you don't have a subscription, and you're going to have to either fill out a new form or just tell the person behind the counter which titles you'd like from now on."

LC: "Why?"

Me: "Because we're not going to keep ordering books that you don't want to read. That costs us money and takes up space. It also messes up our inventory numbers."

And then a dude in a parka who has been wandering around the hallway comes in.

DIP: "I'm trying to get into the print shop. Do you have any idea how to get in there?"

I point across the hall.

Me: "There's a door right there."

DIP: "Where?"

Me: "Directly ahead of you."

DIP goes into the print shop.

LC: "Boy, some people have a real problem with simple instructions."

My right eye twitches.

Me: "Yes." "Some people do."

And then I cancelled his subscription.