I got to work a few minutes early today, saw a certain regular pain in my eardrums standing by the door, and decided to run some errands instead of opening early. Of course he was still there when I got back. I don't know what he was saying as I came down the stairs with my headphones blaring.
Annoying Loiterer/Occasional Buyer: Nevermind. I shouldn't have said that.
Me: Said what?
ALOB: Nothing. It's just that sometimes it's true.
ALOB: I'm going to buy all those Harley Quinn comics my fiancee likes.
There is no fiancee.
ALOB: I've been looking at them every day for the last month.
ALOB: Do I need a key to get into the drawer?
Me: Have you needed it every previous day for the last month when you've looked at them?
ALOB: I thought maybe you locked them up sometimes.
The Phone Rings.
Comic Delivery Guy On Phone: Are you almost to work?
Me: I'm at work already.
CDGOP: The lights aren't on.
Me: Yes, they are. And we bought new bulbs on Saturday, so the store is brighter than it has been in five years.
CDGOP: Oh, well we're coming in then.
ALOB: I think I'm going to get all these comics. I don't know how much they are because who can add that much?
CDGOP: Is that Name Redacted?
Me: I have no idea.
CDGOP: Is he buying Harley Quinn comics?
CDGOP: Goddamn it. I'm going to get coffee. I'll see you in ten minutes.
Apparently, it's not just me.
After the requisite ten minutes, the delivery guys start bringing in books while ALOB (aka Name Redacted) sputters on about Harley Quinn and how snow means it's cold outside and how much he's paid for various Harley Quinn books that nobody has ever cared to hear the prices for,
ALOB: Hi Comic Delivery Guy. Oh wow.
CDGOP: Hi...Name Redacted.
ALOB: Remember how I went into your store and told you I could buy those comics cheaper here? Well, I'm here, and I'm buying those comics.
CDGOP: You sure are. I thought your fiancee didn't want you spending money on comics.
Me: Well, these are for her. She loves Harley Quinn.
CDGOP: Really? I thought she hated comics.
ALOB: It was good to see you. Bye!
We sit in silence until we see ALOB flee up the stairs and streak (not in a naked way, it's snowing) by the windows.
CDGOP: There is no fiancee.
Me: Are you sure she's not Canadian?
CDGOP: He's mentioned having a fiancee to every comic book store employee in the Greater Boston area, but in every store she has a completely different set of behaviors, and a different favorite character. In some stores, he says they live together. In some, she lives far away.
Me: Well, that's even creepier than I thought it would be,
CDGOP: Isn't that impressive?