During a discussion about how being half-assed is only acceptable if it results in a zonkey:
Dude: Mules don't cut it.
Me: Mules are the ostriches of horses.
Dude: Or Canada Geese.
Me: Canada Geese are The Worst. If we're going to be a country of racists who build a border wall, it should be to keep out Canada Geese.
Dude: That would have to be a very tall wall, and I doubt we could get the geese to pay for it.
Me: Tax. The. Swans
Me: I don't want to jinx us, but ever since you showed up, my cat has stopped being annoying.
Dude: I'm sorry. Are we dating? Or am I your tawdry cat whisperer?
There are scratching sounds from my drawer.
Dude: Which one is that?
Me: Curse word bird with a weird neck.
Dude: Shit Ostrich?
Me: That is definitely her name from now on.
Selina: MY NAME IS NOT SHIT OSTRICH!
Me & Dude: SHUT UP SHIT OSTRICH!
Shit Ostrich has been quiet ever since.