The "Gay Cake" we ordered had a RYOBGV center instead of a ROYGBV center, so we almost didn't eat it.
Luckily, there is a homemade apple pie, and a homemade pumpkin pie which are, hopefully, delicious.
I can't remember what the phrase on the menu was that had Comrade and I discussing Worst Possible Drag/Porn Star Names, but my contribution was "Squelchy Donuts".
Not only is that NOT a Googlewhack, it's both a description that an actual bakery uses to entice people to buy their actual donuts, and also, unsurprisingly, part of adjective noun spam for adult sites that will absolutely steal your personal info.
But also, a porn star whose work one should never have to encounter. Or, a drag performer who is probably utterly delightful.
Random Loiterer: "Look, I may be a super gay lesbian, but Conner Kent from Young Justice can GET THIS."
No word on what "THIS" is. I assume it's her frequent customer punch card from a coffeehouse.
There has been construction going on upstairs pretty much since we moved in. It's not every day, but at least two or three times a week. Today, they are blasting pan flute music while sawing, drilling, dropping heavy objects on the floor, laughing at whoever dropped the heavy object last. All the while, the You Are Waiting To Get On A Line At Disney World pan flute music plays, and in the background, Motherfucker is Howling for it all to stop.
We've been waiting for an email from Comrade's Aunt Wendy about a couple of night stands she might want to give to us. A few minutes ago, Comrade said "Oh, her email got caught in my spam folder. Oh. This is Not From Aunt Wendy."
From: Wendy <email@example.com>
Date: November 1, 2020 at 7:45:57 PM EST
To: "Comrade" <Comrade@hotmail.com>
Subject: You're not leaving here until I suck your dick.
I am Ksenia. Everything I really need вЂ“ it is to bring an end to this dull solitude, I need unique feelings: I can't be alone further. At the moment, I went through a range of a problem days, and I need a assist. I can give you anything you want: my delightful new tits, my impressive body figure, and many other things! Discover this inside my profile. I am willing to lick you!
My reply: So I guess we're only getting a One Night Stand?
I do a basic search for the item I'm looking for. I find a store that I'm previously unfamiliar with, or that has a style I tend to like. (I don't use Amazon. Jeff Bezos can suck a rusty tailpipe.)
I scroll through the first page of the results and see some interesting things.
Page two is less interesting but a similar style.
Page three is Incredibly American Patriotic. Like, Stars And Stripe Hard Hats (which, ok, if you're still able to feel patriotic for America in 2020, you probably sustain frequent head injuries), Bald Eagle Freedom Belt Buckles, Red White And Blue Tie-Dyed Hoodies. I know businesses got to do what businesses got to do to stay in business but the tacky American Nationalism shit needs to Stop.
Because page four? All Native American and "Aztec" designs. M'dudes, American Nationalism literally kills the people who created these designs and motifs. If you're wearing a Stars And Stripes hard hat as part of your day, you are almost definitely complicit in the removal of Central and Southern American children from their parents, complicit in stealing Native American land so you can half-assedly bury leaking oil pipes there. You want to wear an approximation of their heritage while you destroy their culture? You Sick Fuck.
I don't even get to page five. Now I have to look up a new store, and that completely non-patriotic looking jacket I was thinking of buying? Nah. I can probably find something similar on another site. And even if it's slightly more expensive, I'd rather give my business to a website/store with ugly plaid, stupid inspirational t-shirts, and beer stein hats than that Page Three and Four crap.
Now I have to go rethink my entire closet.
(This isn't intended as a Look At Me I'm So Progressive post, but a Fuck. Is My Entire Generic Looking Wardrobe Secretly Some Sort Of Colonizing Racist Dogwhistle Collection?)
1. The lining and jacket are not zippable.
2. Feels heavy, and is expensive for the quality of leather.
3. With no possible flaws, this coat gives you everything you wish to have. The genuine leather gives you a reliable and durable feel. You will love the texture and quality of this material. Its benefit is that it does not wear out quickly.
4. This company does run small, especially when ordering the color brown. The side pockets on the outside are not deep enough for some and seem more decorative than useful
5. Two main flaws that it holds may push people away from buying it. First of all, the use of faux leather as the main fabric creates an unreliable impression. Faux leather does not last long enough. Other than this, the product does not support machine wash as well. You will have to hand wash or dry clean it.
6. Not stylish. Too expensive.
7. Reputable brand name, but low quality material.
8. A womens' coat that runs small, and many people are allergic to. (This is a list of mens' coats. Assigning gender to coats is a bit silly, except when it comes to fit. So if it runs small for womens' coats, I must be like a 8XL, and I don't think my fragile ego can handle that.)
9. With so many choices in leather styles of pretty much the same cut except for a few minor changes like the cape collar, consumers really need to scrutinize over the different pictures, sizes, collar styles, and leathers to pick the right company’s gothic duster for them. It's also very pricey for the quality.
10. Looking at the flaws of the item you will be disappointed that the coat is uncomfortable and you cannot use it for a longer period. Another problem is that the size doesn’t fit everyone easily. The coat is quite lengthy and it may become difficult to handle it. The material is thick as well.
This is not me being silly, and creating my own reviews. I cut and pasted pieces of the descriptions for The Top Ten Jackets as recommended by this site.
These are the TOP TEN jackets that this website recommends. But apart from #3 (which was my choice anyway), every jacket comes with a "By The Way, This Jacket Sucks AND IS Too Expensive" caveat. So, like. These are what you think are the BEST jackets online? So, there is only ONE jacket on the entire internet worth buying? Geez, I'd better get it. And soon!
This motherfucker is seriously rolling Every Loose Die In The Store to see which ones give him the highest count? I'm going to chase him out of the store with this Curse Of Strahd coffin set.
Comrade: What would it take for you to get rid of Selina, so we can get a dog?
Me: Selina loves dogs, and dogs ... some dogs tolerate Selina.
Comrade: But she's The Worst cat.
Me: She's not the worst.
Selina runs into the kitchen, jumps on the table, knocking a full tub of duck sauce on my lap and the floor, then runs back out.
Me: I fucken hate that cat.
Comrade: Just think how much better ANY dog woud be.
Me: Well, not Any Dog. But ... yea, most dogs.
Selina runs into the overturned duck sauce, and runs out again.
I grab some paper towels and start cleaning up the duck sauce. "Can you ... put her in the other room while I clean this."
Comrade tries to corner Selina, she runs into the bedroom. Comrade goes into bedroom, Selina runs into the living room. Comrade goes into the living room, Selina runs back to the bedroom. Comrade begins squawking like a chicken and running at her, full speed. Selina runs into the office (aka The Cat Room), and Comrade shuts the door behind her.
Me: Thank you.
Comrade: Do I get some sort of reward?
Me: I'm going to slather you in duck sauce and--
Comrade: No. That is not something I'm going to do for you.
Me, invading his personal space: Quack for me.
Comrade: I've been meaning to ask you ... what do you think about having a more open relationship?
Employment is challenging right now. I bet it's damn near impossible to find work if you don't have experience, but calling up businesses at random and saying "Hi. This is totally strange, you know, but if you guys are hiring, I think you found your next employee."
I can guarantee you, we are not, but if we were, we wouldn't have.