Uhoh. We're only an hour into the day, and I've already got a guy narrating his rather dull trip around our store to an audience of me, who already knows what books are where.
He's reading every title he sees out loud, as though it's an old, dear friend who has come to visit him before he goes on to a better place. Occasionally, he picks a book up, reads it, and titters to himself at just how droll the book is.
Random Fucken Weirdo: "Oh, my. You have a book called Missile Mouse. Mice shouldn't have missiles. No. That's bad. Oh, hey."
RFW Makes a cat noise.
RFW: "You have 2000 AD books. 2000 AD used to be the future but now it's an almost archaic past. Where are your Valerian books?"
Me: "We just have the one in your hand. The rest of them are unavailable right now. From the distributor. We can't get them. And we don't know why."
(I was hoping to preempt his questions.)
RFW: "But there's a movie coming out."
Me: "Next year, yes."
RFW: "So they MUST have books now."
Me: "They don't."
RFW: "They have to."
RFW: "What kind of business are they running there. Not a good business, right?"
Me: "Anything else I can help you with?"
RFW: "What can I do to get them to put the books back out? Oh no. They're probably going to put stills from the movie as the covers. I hate it when companies do that. That's what they're going to do, right?"
Me: "No clue. I have no more answers about Valerian."
RFW: "My son and I have the movie poster as our computer backgrounds."
Me: "Oh my God, someone fucked you? Someone willingly let you procreate with them? Did they get to repeatedly bash you in the head with a mace while you fucked? Did they stuff your mouth full of bamboo poles and rubbing alcohol while it happened? Why would someone allow your genes to pass down to another generation. She should be arrested and charged with Accessory To Polluting The Genepool."
Ok, maybe I didn't say that.
RFW: "When will they be available again?"
Me: "No idea. I contain no more information."
RFW: "I'll just buy this Tintin, then."
Me: "Sure. Would you like a bag with that? They're ten cents plus tax in the city of Cambridge."
RFW: "That's why I rarely come here. This town is So Weird."
Me: "Yea, this town, man."