Delivery Guy: I have a box for you!
Me: Great! Thanks.
Random Loiterer #1: Oooh. Goodies.
Me: I don't know if they're goodies. They might be terriblies.
RL #1: You don't know what you ordered?
Me: I didn't order them. I'm just the guy that was here when the box showed up.
RL #2: So there's some real intrigue going on here.
I cut open the box.
RL #1: What is it?
Me: Register tape. Easily the most boring solution to the mystery, as it's neither a goody or a terribly, just a necessity.
RL #2: It could be worse. The box could be empty.
Me: That would be way better. Then it would be a new mystery. Was there something inside it at one point? Is this an elaborate prank? A metaphor? Invisible bees trained to attack when you completely forget about the box?
RL #1: That's terrifying.
Me: I KNOW! Thank god it was register tape and not nothing, right?