First Loiterer Of The Day walks in and starts rooting around the M-O wall of the store.
FL: Where are your Atari comics? Your ET? Your Centipede? Your Pac-Man?
It should be noted that I have dealt with this jewel of a human being several times both here and during my days at the previous comic book store. Also, none of those titles would have been on the M-O wall.
Me: I haven't seen those in years.
FL: Where do you keep them?
Me: We don't. I haven't seen them in years.
FL: Could you help me find them?
Me: No. We don't have them. They aren't in the store.
FL: What kind of ads do they have in them?
Me: I have no idea. I. Haven't. Seen. Them. In. Years.
FL: I bet they had cereal ads in them. Do you think they had oil company ads in them?
FL: Because people needed oil to get to the arcades to play the games, so I bet they had oil company ads. I wonder what they looked like. Were they colorful?
FL: I used to collect Star Wars comics.
This I know. I know him as That Asshole Who Always Puts Old Star War Comics Aside And Never Buys Them. Since 2009, I wait for him to leave and then return the comics from where he picked them up, knowing he won't be back for months or a year, at which point he will pick up the same books, promising to pick them up the next day.
FL: Do you know bout the new movie?
Business Associate: A new Star Wars movie? I think I've heard of that.
FL: I guess a lot of people went to see it. There was an article about it in the paper.
Don't have the paper with you. Don't have the paper with you. Don't have the paper with you. Don't have the --
FL pulls paper out of jacket pocket and begins flipping concernedly through the various sections.
FL: Here it is. Here it is. There's a whole article on Star Wars. And pictures of people who went to see it. Isn't that chick hot?
Me: *internal screaming*
FL: You can keep the paper. In case you need it.
I am unclear whether he means "In case you need it to talk about how there is a Star Wars movie." or "In case you need it to furiously masturbate to a woman I just objectified who is just a perfectly normal looking human being wearing normal human being clothes while she went to watch a popular movie, which is in no way sexually gratifying for people who aren't sociopaths like me."
Me: I've already read the article, (and a thousand like it on The Internet) thanks.
FL: Just keep it.
BA: I was about to go get you some rope.
He mimes throwing it up over the pipe above the counter. I'm not sure whether he was suggesting I use it on myself or FL.
The second loiterer was a Slight Improvement.