The phone rings. I debate not answering it.
My Buddy Greg, who is NOT my buddy says "Hey, buddy, is Tom there?"
Me: "Wrong store."
Me: "You're trying to call Store I Used To Work For, this is Store I Currently Work For."
MBG: "Oh hey, buddy, I think I recognize that voice, my nam---"
Me: "Hi Greg."
MBG: "You recognize my voice." I hear it in nightmares. "I'm trying to sell some comics." So nothing ever changes. "I have --"
Me: "Unfortunately, I'm still not a buyer. You need to call back Wednesday nights or Friday or Saturday during the day when the buyer is here."
MBG: "I hear ya buddy, but what I have is a run of --"
Me: "I have no idea what we're looking to buy. Nobody else here can assist you in any way about selling your comics. You have to call back when the buyer is here."
MBG: "Ok. I hear ya." You hear but you don't listen. "But you used to work at That Other Store for years, right?"
MBG: "Why are they all such faggots."
Fuck this guy.
MBG: "You know me, buddy, I'm a big guy. I lift. I'm not one of those Big Bang Babies who only think of science and comics, I'm two-dimensional." Accurate. "I walk in and I know I look like the guy who beat everybody up in high school but I haven't fought anybody since the 80s when all of these pussies started suing each other."
And here, I NEED to make an aside that this complete waste of genetic material. This man that I won't even deign to call a piece of shit because a piece of shit is created from something that once nourished something and the only things this person has ever offered to the world are fear and shame. This walking billboard for "Masculinity Is Awful" is a lawyer who sues people all the time. If they look at him funny on an airplane flight, he sues them (actual incident), if he feels someone hints that he might not be a heterosexual male, he sues them (actual case). This guy who frivolously sues anyone he comes in contact with has sued more people than anyone else who has ever ingested a penis, regardless of their assigned or preferred gender.
MBG: "You remember that bitch that worked in the Allston store right? Do you know what her fucken problem is?"
Me: "I only know about a third of their staff these days, so I can't speak for them. But if you walked into the store I was working at and started throwing around the words 'pussy' and 'faggot' and 'bitch', I wouldn't be eager to talk to you, either."
MBG: "Woah, buddy, you've talked to me before, you know how I am."
Me: "I do. I wish you luck selling your comics," This is not technically a lie. I wish him awful luck. "but I can pretty much guarantee that we're not interested in anything you have to offer."
MBG: "Oh, come on, buddy, I--"
Me: "I have to go. I have customers."
MBG: "So, tomorrow, after six?"