The Annotated Absolute Woogums

An absolute Woogums and his female compatriot come into the store, and he starts giving her a Very Incorrect Tour of the place.

"They organize the back issues alphabetically because that's one of the things corporate makes all the stores do."

Corporate Whom?

"But this is where they keep all their indie and underground books" Woogums says, pointing to the nostalgia section.

"Are these trading collections or graphic novels?" asks his even less-informed but also less-infuriating friend.

"Graphic novels." He says.

They are hardcover collections of old newspaper strips and EC comics.

"Everyone in this place knows me." he says, waving to me.

I have never seen him before in my life. And, Diamond willing, will never see him again. I do not wave back.

"This place used to be all porn and indie comics but the corporate office made them turn it into more of a superhero store." he says.

"What are you talking about?" I ask. "There is no corporate, and most of our our collections and graphic novels are what would be considered independent, as they're not put out by Marvel or DC. This entire section here. That section over there. Most of our all-ages books are Scholastic or other smaller presses. We have a European comic section. This entire shelf here. We're not really a superhero store, although we do, of course, carry the most popular DC and Marvel comics."

"You didn't used to, though. You didn't carry any at all."

"Weird." I say. "The owner, who shopped and worked here since the early 80s told me that when he started, about 90% of their sales were the Chris Claremont X-Men comics, with the rest being spread between Superman, Batman, and Cerebus. If anything, there are less superhero comics in the store now than there have ever been. Maybe you're thinking of another store."

"Must be." he says, and goes back to talking to his poor companion. "I think you'd really like The Watchmen."

I grab Mjolnir from its drawer and debate hucking it his head.

He continues to misinform her before he leaves without buying anything.

I start to ponder that I am too judgemental and grouchy when one of the guys from the print shop comes in.

"Do you believe that guy?" he says. "He just came into our store and demanded we print a color copy of a hundred dollar bill. That's ILLEGAL. Color copiers are designed to detect currency, and when they Xerox guys come in to repair or upgrade copiers, it reports how many times a person attempted to copy currency, and they have to report it to the government. And when I told him, he said that The Other Guy always let's him do it. But we're all here today, so I asked him to tell me which Other Guy and he huffed at me and walked into your store. Do you believe that?"

​I do.