M. Froggypants left his cell phone in my room. It had fallen between my bed and the wall, and thus, I didn't even know I had it until about a half hour after he left. And, even then, I only knew I had it because it started to ring, I shit you not, La Marsellaise (the French national anthem). It was M. I- Must-Be-Gooeeeng-Now-Or-I-Weeeel-Meees-My-Trayeen checking to see where his phone was.
After our brief conversation, he hoofed it back to my place, and knocked on the door. He smiled when I answered, as though I should be glad to see him. "Waaayer eees my cellephoan?"
"Sorry. It's in my room. I didn't realize you'd be here this quick."
"Ees no problem, I weel go een and get it?" And so we walked into my room. His phone was on my bed, right on the spot he'd ejaculated on (though I'd wiped it up as soon as he was done). Also on my bed was Darth Vader, the bottle of lube I've been using. "Thees eees such a strayange-" and he dropped Darth, who must have had a bit of lube on it, to the floor, spilling a bit, but not too much. "Sorreee. Aneewayez, I shood bee goeeng." And he picked up his phone with his now slippery hand, and it, of course, fell to the floor as well. This happened twice more as he tried to pick his cell phone up off the floor with his lubey hand. Eventually, he managed to get the phone into his pocket, making a few lubey spots on the outside of his khaki pockets. "I weeel see you laytare." Which he wouldn't. No, when I keeeel heeeem, it will be from a distance, with a sniper rifle.
And as he turned to leave the room, his shoe skidded briefly in the floor lube. He quickly regained his balance, flashed a smile in my direction, and said "That was cloase." And then he took two more steps forward, and slipped halfway out of my room, falling on his overly sensitive ass. "Ow." He said. "Weel you help meee up?"
My turn to smile. "No. I don't want to get any lube on my hand, it's nearly impossible to get off. Don't worry though, it'll dry up in ten minutes or so." And I laughed quietly watching him try to get up, watching him carefully navigate out of my house, and watching him wiping his shoes on the concrete steps outside my house.