I've heard of it being so hot that cities have blackouts, but they are prediciting that tomorrow it will be so cold that New England, New York, and possibly PA will have blackouts. Daaaaaaaaayum.
How cold is it?
It's so cold my icon is shivering.
It's so cold I check my Hotmail every two minutes just for the heat.
It's so cold slam poets have stopped doing political pieces in an effort to conserve their hot air.
It's so cold I'd rather get a ride to the grocery store from Michael Brown than walk.
It's so cold I saw a mouse skating across our kitchen floor.
It's so cold I'd almost consider moving back to AZ.
It's so cold my Weather Pixie lit himself on fire.
It's so cold (this one is true) they're closing down ski mountains for insurance reasons.
That's fucken cold.
So cold that I have decided to move again. I'm going to move to a warmer clime like Siberia, Moscow, of the North fricken Pole. It was twenty degrees warmer today in Moscow than it was in Boston. When I went to open my front door today, my hand broke off on the knob. You read that right. I am now typing one handed, and not because blog entries turn me on.
I went to the aquarium today and asked one of the workers if he would consider letting the penguins out to play. I think he thought he was coming on to him, though I'm not sure what "letting the penguins out" means in perv. The sea lion I could see, but penguins?
When I'm a millionnaire I'm going to buy me some Emperor Penguins and let them loose on the streets of Boston. Sure, they look cute on TV, but imagine walking down the street on your way to the grocery store and seeing a flock of pissed off four foot tall penguins waddling towards you. Everyone assumes penguins just eat fish, but there's not a lot of human flesh around in the Emperor Penguins natural habitat. In fact, it gets so cold in Antarctica that every type of bird migrates except for the Emperors. They're some hardcore fucken penguins. I bet if I start feeding them human flesh, they'd develop a taste for it and start running amock in a way that even Alfred Hitchcock couldn't imagine.