Entertainingly Cookied

​Today I got an e-mail asking me to fill out a survey for a local cookie store. What kind of cookies did I buy, how was the service, would I recommend the cookies to a friend, etc. There was also a section asking me to describe the service in two or three words.

For filling out the survey, I would get two free cookies.

I filled it out positively, got a coupon code, and ordered two cookies and a cookie sandwich (icing between two cookies) to pick up when I was done with work.

When I got there, there were about a half dozen Harvard frosh women. And the two Very Very Very Stoned but happy employees, neither of whom were the very stoned employees from my last trip, gave them a shit ton of free cookies.

At one point, a student asked if they had any peanut butter left. They had one.

Student: "How much is it?"

Very Stoned Dude #1: "I'll flip you for it. Heads, it's free. Tails, it's a dollar fifty."

It was heads.

Everyone giggled, they all eventually got their free cookies, and they left.

Me: "Hey. I'm Adam. I'm here to pick up an order."

VSD #1: "An order? Did you see an order?"

VSD #2: "Check by the computer."

VSD #1: "Is your phone background Kanye's dick?"

VSD #2: "Nah, that's his thumb."

VSD #1: "Whose thumb?"

VSD #2: "Kanye's."

VSD #1: "Oh, here's the order. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaan. OH SHIT."

VSD #2: "What?"

VSD #1: "This is the guy who wrote 'Entertainingly Stoned' in the 'How would you describe our service' box."

VSD #2 (to me): "FOR REAL?"

I shrugged.

VSD #2: "You are definitely not paying for cookies tonight. That shit KILLED ME."

VSD #1 (shouts to the back): "The entertainingly stoned guy is here."

VSD #3 comes out from the back. "You are getting a whole bowl of icing in your Bigwich."

Me: "Thanks."

VSD #3: "And make sure he gets big cookies, too. I don't care what he ordered. You give him the biggest cookies he wants. I laughed my ASS off when I saw that."

VSD #3 goes back to the back.

VSD #2: "The bad news is, we're completely out of all three cookies you ordered. So you're going to have to pick from what's left."

I pick some basic cookies, and two huge ones for the Bigwich.

VSD #2 puts the cookies in a box, and hands me an overstuffed giant cookie sandwich and a bowl of icing.

VSD #1: "Give him that box of oatmeal raisin cookies we got left, too."

Me: "Woah woah woah. I thought we were friends. Oatmeal Raisin? What did I do to you?"

We laughed, and I left with way too many cookies, none of which I'd paid for.

​On my way back to the store, I waited at the intersection with two women carrying salads from Sweetgreen's. I gave them each a cookie and the entire bowl of icing.