My Lawyer: "I believe, your honor, that the victim's final words were 'Shouldn't I get 20% off this paper bag, since your store is having a sale?'"
Judge At My Murder Trial: "I find the defendant Not Guilty. Case dismissed."
My Lawyer, To The Press: "He opened the conversation by asking if the store was open, even though it was full of people, the lights were on, there was music playing, and a giant open sign in the window. He then proceeded to ask the price of every book in the store, even after my client showed him where the prices are listed on books. The victim died in front of his nine year old daughter who testified today that 'Daddy had it coming. Mommy and I have been wanting to kill him for years.' This whole trial was less about punishing my client than it was to serve as a warning to the horrible kind of people who think the victim's behavior is at all tolerable in modern society. We won't be taking any questions, as questions are what got us into this mess to begin with. Thank you."