Dude (not from today's date): Tru Test Time. What are your cat's names?
Me: Selina Ribcage and Motherfucker Goose.
Dude: Are those shelter names?
Me: Nope. I named them.
Dude: Why? There are so many Good Christian Names.
Me: Have you ever met a cat? They're all atheists.
Dude: Are you an atheist?
Me: Depends how my week is going.
Dude: Ya sound like a pussy nihilist to me.
Me: You sound like you spend a lot of time wondering why guys block you on dating sites.
Dude: I can't tell if you're being ironic.
Me: Sounds like a learning disability. Good luck.
Dude: How do you feel about the Bacchae?
Me: I'm more of an Ananke guy.
Dude: Fuck. Yea, you should just block me. I'm not on here very often, and I I only pick fights with people I think can keep up.
Me: I figured both of those things, but wanted to do my research before I blocked you.
Dude: And good day to you, sir.
Dude: "So what have you read lately?"
Me: "I've spent most of this month editing, so...nothing of consequence."
Dude: "I c."
Me: "Ugh. Really? Are you being charged by letter?"
Dude: "Sorry, Mr. Editor."
Me: "That will be on my tombstone. But 'editor' will be in quotation marks, leaving generations to wonder if it's sarcasm."
Dude: "Tombstone? It's 2017. Get cremated like an adult."
Me: "You can be cremated and have a tombstone. In fact, your whole family can fit in the size of a seventeenth century grave."
Dude: "Not me. I come from a long line of obese people."
Me: "Don't you mean a wide line?"
Dude: "Jesus Christ! That doesn't even make sense."
Me: "Again with the pro-Christianity. Why are you still bothering me?"
Dude: "I think you're pretty."
Me: "You are keeping me from getting actual work done. Unless you have something hilarious in the next three messages, I'm going to have to actually block you."
He sends a dick pic.
Me: "That's more tragic than funny, but I understand how you might confuse the two."
And then I blocked him.