Complaints On Ice

​I was too mad and confused to post about this last week, but here is why you should NEVER order groceries via Doordash, even if it seems like it would be much faster and more convenient than using your grocery store's app.

At 6:00 AM, I started putting an order together. We needed some basic things: juice, bagels, not butter, cereal, yogurt, nothing terribly exciting. I also put in some chips because you shouldn't even grocery shop online when you're hungry. I finished the order around 6:30, and DoorDash let me know that it should arrive around 8:30/9:00, which is totally reasonable.

As soon as your order is given to a dasher, DoorDash shows you a map that includes your location, the location of the store/restaurant you ordered from, and the location of the car that is supposed to bring you your groceries/meal. I was assigned a dasher within a minute. But for an hour and a half, their car did not move. And it was not anywhere near the grocery store. I sighed loudly, and clicked on the "get help" button on the Doordash dashboard.

DD: Hello, my name is <notabot>. We are sorry that your are currently being inconvenienced and will do everything in our power to help solve your problems this morning. How may I help you?

Me: Hello. I put in a grocery store order an hour and a half ago, and the dasher's car has not moved since they confirmed the order. I don't know if there is a problem with the app or the driver, but I wanted to check in make sure my groceries are on the way.

DD: I can see how that would be frustrating Mr. Stone. We are sorry you are currently being inconvenienced, and I will do everything in my power to help you solve your problems this morning.

Me: Thanks.

DD: Would you like me to contact the driver?

Me: Please.

DD: Thank you Mr. Stone, I have contacted the driver and there is currently no problem. Your order may arrive a few minute late. Is there anything else I can help you with this morning.

Me: Thank you. Could you tell me if the problem is with the app?

DD: I can understand how that would be frustrating Mr. Stone. Is there anything else I can help you with this morning.

Me: That didn't answer my question. Is the problem with the app? Has the dasher already started the order?

DD: I have contacted the driver. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused. Is there anything else I can help you with this morning.

Me: Your answers aren't matching my questions at all. Are you a bot?

******Chat Closes*****

Oh dear.

I reopen the chat.

DD: Hello, this is <alsonotabot> how can I help you this morning?

Me: Is this a bot? The last "live operator" I chatted with turned out to be a bot and they closed my chat.

DD: I'm sorry. That sounds really frustrating. May I ask what the problem is this morning?

Me: I put in an order at 6:30, which is supposed to arrive between 8:30 and 9:00. It's almost 8:30 and the dasher is nowhere near the grocery store where I put the order in. Is there a problem with the app or is the driver just not doing the order?

DD: That sounds really frustrating. I will do everything in my power to help you this morning.

Me: That's what the bot said.

DD: I'm not a bot.

Me: Oh good.

DD: I have contacted the driver. It looks like they accepted the order, changed their mind, and couldn't figure out how to remove the order from their queue. I'm sorry. Would you like me to find you a new dasher?

Me: Please.

DD: Ok, Mr. Stone. I've reassigned your order. It should now be arriving by 10:30. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Me: What's the difference between a snow tire and a radial tire?

DD: I'm sorry?

Me: Just checking that you aren't a bot.

DD: I promise that I'm not a bot. But I also don't know anything about tires.

Me: Me, neither. Thanks for all your help.

******Chat closes*******

At 10:15, I receive a text from the dasher, a real human being. "The store is out of strawberry yogurt. Would you like a substitution?"

Me: No, thank you.

At 10:24: "The store is out of banana yogurt. Would you like a substitution?"

How is this person STILL in the yogurt section?

Me: No, thank you.

At 10:35: "The store is out of strawberry yogurt. Would you like a substitution?"

Me: No. If the store is completely out of yogurt, that's ok. I don't need any substitutions.

At 10:41: "The store is out of banana yogurt. Would you like a substitution?"

Me: NO.

At 11:00, my phone rings.

Dasher: "Hi, is this Insafemode?"

Me: "Yes."

Dasher: "Can you please tell the app that you do not want any strawberry yogurt? It keeps telling me you want strawberry yogurt."

Me: "Um. I've said no a few times now."

Dasher: "The app doesn't like how you said it."

Me: "I don't know how else to say 'no' other than 'no'."

Dasher: "Ok. I am going to be checking out soon, is there anything else you need?"

I debate asking the tire question, but this guy sounds frazzled. "No, thank you."

At 11:15. "The store is out of banana yogurt. Would you like a substitution?"

Me: No.

At 11:21. "The store is out of strawberry yogurt. Would you like a substitution?"

Me: NO!

Comrade wanders into the room, and I explain the Doordash frustration, and the yogurt issue.

Comrade: "Next time is asks if you would like a substitution, tell it cake?"

At noon, there is a knock on the door. It is the dasher, he hands me two plastic bags and says "I'm sorry, they didn't have the bags I liked." and he walks back to the car.

I carry the bags into the kitchen. Both grocery bags are filled with ice and water. One of them is ice, water, and a loaf of bread. One of them is ice, water, and a bag of Doritos.

Comrade: What the fuck?

Me: I don't know what's happening right now.

I go back to the front door.

Dasher: I tell them I need cold bags for your groceries. You have tipped very well, and I want to make sure you have great service, but they do not have cold bags, so I had them put ice and water in all of the bags so they did not melt while I drove them to your house.

I live a three minute drive from the grocery store. Also, I didn't order anything that needed to be frozen.

Me, grabbing a plastic bag filled with ice, water, and a jar of peanut butter, "Ok. Thanks."

The cat litter is, luckily, neither in a plastic bag, nor a bath of ice and water.

"I think this is all." the dasher says, handing me more soggy bags of groceries. "If I knew they did not have the bags I like, I would not have grocery shopped. But you are very nice."

Me: "Thanks."

As soon he drives away, I click the "Get Help" feature again.

It goes pretty much the same way as before, including a bot terminating the chat when I ask if it is a bot. But I do eventually reach a live person who has the appropriate response to:

Me: "and then the dasher showed up with plastic bags filled with ice and water. Each bag had one type of item floating in ice and water. Whether it was a carton of juice, a loaf of bread, or a jar of peanut butter."

DD: I'm sorry. What? That sounds really frustrating.

Me: Every plastic bag was filled with ice, water, and one type of grocery item. It was very strange. He was really nice. I want to make sure he gets his tip since it took him two hours to buy $100 worth of groceries, but I wouldn't match him with a grocery store order ever again.

DD: I'm sorry. That is an unusual situation. I am refunding your money for this order, and adding fifty dollars in credit. Is there anything else I can do.

Me: Are those credits going to arrive in a plastic bag filled with ice and water?

DD: No. Your credits will be dry and room temperature. I'm very sorry for the inconvenience. I have done everything in my power to help you today. Is there anything else I can do?

Me: Those last three sentences are exactly what the bot said.

*******Chat closes********

​12:35: "The store is out of banana yogurt. Would you like a substitution?"