Big Barda The Barterer

Random Loiterugh: I am looking for a pirate flag to give to my nephew it's for his birthday but not really for his birthday but he has friends with birthdays this month and they like pirates but they don't want the jolly roger or anything or skull and crossbones they just want some sort of flag that's piratey without being too piratey you know what I mean?

Me: We have nothing like that.

RL: Oh, you guys aren't Newbury Comics huh you're something else comics I guess but I suppose you know a lot about comics right?

Me: Sure.

RL: I was in Santa Domingo and there was this little corner store It wasn't too little It
was just the right size for what they had I guess but there were comics there and I gave them to my son-in-law and told him to put them up on ebay because you never know when something is worth something right? and he probably didn't do it because he's into all that Christian rock stuff and you know Anyway so these comics all said 007 or 008 or 009 on the front so I figure they're all James Bond stuff you know but it inside they're all cartoony and in Spanish and I don't know if they're spy like or anything but I got some that were in good condition Some of them were ehhhh not so much you know but ten of them were so I picked them up and brought them back to the states and I went to this little store in Newport that I go to all the time and I try and sell them there but the guy won't take them and he takes less and less of my stuff these days and I don't know why I mean he runs a collectible store and I have some very collectible stuff And I guess I could put it in a time capsule for my grandkids or something but I want some money too you know Do you think they're worth anything?

Me: I have no idea.

RL: How would I find out because I bet they're worth something I mean they're in Spanish and the guy only had a few copies of them I'm just worried that my son-in-law might have given them away Oh Oh I have this old cardboard box that says Kool Cigarettes Do you guys want to buy that?

Me: Not even a little. We don't buy things. Anything. We only get stuff from a corporate distributor. It's a legal thing. We're not allowed to buy anything from people who come into the store. It's company policy.

RL: It's neat though It's like pretend cigarettes for kids and stuff That's gotta be worth something Don't you think? Boy I hope I still have it somewhere It's probably pretty valuable.

Me: So, the Newbury Comics is just across the street. Take a left out of the door and you're looking at a building called The Garage. It's on the second floor. They might have pirate flags that aren't too piratey.

RL: Across the street? Ohhhhh I just got these new shoes and they're super uncomfortable but you know sometimes you just have to do the things you have to do and I had to get shoes for some reason I think I saw the Tasty Burger You say Newbury was upstairs Boy I hope they have this flag thing I feel like I've been looking for it forever and it's been a couple of months since my nephew's birthday He probably thinks I forgot but I never forget I remember everything down to the smallest detail

Me: I bet. You should probably go now, though. They close at 9, and it's 8:45.

RL: Nine o'clock wow I remember when the stores around here used to be open twenty-four hours and you could go and read books and buy music at all hours You probably don't remember that though do you Too young But yea I'm going to go to Newbury now Thanks for all your help Even though you didn't know about 008 and 009

And then she went up the stairs talking to herself.

​I hope I never again have to guest star on the very unpopular Batty Old Aunts Addicted To Speed And Selling Their Tchotchkes In Stores That Don't Buy Tchotchkes television show because, man, it is too intense for me.