Roseanne Barrnoldargent has spent most of the last few years ruining the hard work she did in the 80s and 90s, making the most realistic American sitcom of the 20th century. While the original run of the series had its ups and -- hooooboy -- some very deep downs, it was mostly a well-written family comedy. John Goodman, Sara Gilbert, Laurie Metcalf, and even Roseanne were dextrous enough to be funny while still injecting drama without reaching Melodrama. For the most part, the show has been about being progressive and understanding no matter what your political background. It was about acceptance, and being good to each other, especially your family, no matter what. That's why Roseanne's current pro-Trump racist persona is so sad to people who loved the show.

I loved the show. And I still love what it was. We're only one episode into Roseanne Minus Roseanne, and it was...fine. But it certainly opened the possibility that the show could be great again, but without any stupid red hats.

​In the first two seasons, all three kids fit almost neatly into a little role. Becky had one moment where it seemed like she might be rebellious, and Darlene started to come out of her shell. In this season, we start to see a seismic shift in the younger generation (except DJ, whose personality so far can only be described as "weird").

Episode 1: Home Ec
It's Career Day! Darlene has always been a daddy's girl, so she's less than thrilled when Roseanne shows up at her school as a guest speaker in her Home Economics class. This is one of the better episodes of the show when it comes to dealing with gender and class., as Roseanne takes the class on a field trip to show them how to cook for a family of five on a tight budget.

Episode 2: Valentine's Day
It's Valentine's Day! Darlene and Becky each have a type when it comes to boys. So when Darlene's love interest turns out to be into Becky, she doesn't take it well. Also, Roseanne gets a job in a mall diner.​ So the kids are going to see her All The Time.

Episode 3: Her Boyfriend's Back
It's James Dean's birthday! What is Becky's type anyway? We haven't seen Chip in a while. Well, it turns out, Becky is into bad boys. This is our first glance at Mark Healey. He ain't Chip.

Episode 4: Trouble With The Rubbles
It's Love Thy Neighbors Day! We haven't seen much of little DJ this season, what is that forgettable scamp up to? Well, there are new neighbors for the Conners, and they have a kid DJ's age. Unfortunately, they're a little uptown Chicago, and not so thrilled with the Conners from Langford.

Episode 5: Scenes From A Barbecue
It's Mother's Day! Usually, we only get to see Nanna Mary on the Thanksgiving episodes. This year, all the generations converge on the Conner household on Mother's Day. Everything goes swimmingly. Except Mark is there. He ain't Chip.

Episode 6: The Pied Piper Of Lanford
It's Labor Day! Roseanne got a new job this season waiting tables, now it's Dan's turn. An old friend comes into town and tries to convince Dan to go for his dream job.

Episode 7: Darlene Fades To Black
It's Columbus Day! Jocky little Darlene goes gothy little Darlene . Or is she just depressed?

Episode 8: Trick Me Up, Trick Me Down
It's Halloween again! This year's holiday show has the added bonus of those snooty neighbors AND one of Jackie's exes comes back.

Episode 9: Thanksgiving 1991
It's Thanksgiving Day! Nana Mary is back! And Beverly! But there is someone missing. This continues the lovely theme of the generation of Roseanne and Dan's parents unraveling.

Episode 10: Santa Claus
It's Christmas in the mall! Roseanne plays Santa Claus, and as a Christmas gift, she gets to meet Darlene's new friend. Oh, and Darlene has a friend!

Roseanne Barrnoldargent has spent most of the last few years ruining the hard work she did in the 80s and 90s, making the most realistic American sitcom of the 20th century. While the original run of the series had its ups and -- hooooboy -- some very deep downs, it was mostly a well-written family comedy. John Goodman, Sara Gilbert, Laurie Metcalf, and even Roseanne were dextrous enough to be funny while still injecting drama without reaching Melodrama. For the most part, the show has been about being progressive and understanding no matter what your political background. It was about acceptance, and being good to each other, especially your family, no matter what. That's why Roseanne's current pro-Trump racist persona is so sad to people who loved the show.

I loved the show. And I still love what it was. We're only one episode into Roseanne Minus Roseanne, and it was...fine. But it certainly opened the possibility that the show could be great again, but without any stupid red hats.

Each season, after the first one, included a Halloween episode because Roseanne loves that particular holiday. While this season slightly predates Darlene's impending "fade to black", it does contain two of the better Halloween episodes, thus making this season, officially, a Horror Season.

Episode 1: Boo!
Recessions are terrifying! And in the heart of the Bush Sr years, the economy was in the tank, and independent contractors like Dan Connor lived week to week, and being unemployed, like Roseanne, means doing truly horrific jobs like magazine subscription telemarketing. To lift their spirits, the Conners stage a Tunnel Of Terror in their house and Roseanne and Dan battle to see who will be crowned the King/Queen of Halloween. See also The Conjuring.

Episode 2: Come Together
Halloween has nothing on Thanksgiving, when it comes to terror. Extended family. Tryptophan. The prospect of Uncle Creepy Touch and Racist Grandma imparting their various shades of incorrect wisdom to the next generation. Count me out. This episode is the first time we meet the previous generation of Harrises and Conners as both sets of grandparents show up to ruin the holiday. See also Addams Family Values.

Episode 3: Braindead Poets
Having spent most of the last twenty years tending bar at a poetry open mic/slam, I feel completely qualified to tell you that there is nothing more frightening than people performing poetry. Frightening? Boring? Annoying? All three? In this episode, jocky daughter Darlene is forced to read a poem she wrote at her school's culture night. See also Buffy The Vampire Slayer. The movie.

Episode 4: An Officer And A Gentleman
Anyone who thinks cops are only scary if you've commited a crime, hasn't watched the news in the last twenty years. Having given up her job in the plastic factory, along with Roseanne and Crystal, Jackie decided to become a cop. That only really factors into the title of this episode, as Roseanne has to deal with a family emergency, leaving Jackie and Dan in charge of the kids. See also The Hand That Rocks The Cradle.

Episode 5: April Fool's Day
Taxes! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! See also Shawshank Redemption.

Episode 6: Like A Virgin
You don't even need to have seen Scream to know that one of the surest ways to die in a slasher movie is to have sex. So Becky seems a prime candidate for a-slashin' in the Conner household. See also Hellraiser.

Episode 7: Like, A New Job
There are four major Nightmares that everyone seems to share: showing up to class naked, being in a play where you don't remember rehearsing, falling from a great height, and waiting tables in a restuarant where everything's gone wrong. Roseanne joins the waiting tables nightmare and adds to it by working at a mall, a job I wouldn't wish on anyone. Luckily, there are only about six malls left in The United States. See also Office Space.

Episode 8: Trick Or Treat
The second Halloween episode of the season focuses on gender in a progressive 90s way that is incredibly dated but inoffensive. See Dan try and figure out why he has a problem with his son dressing up as a witch. More importantly, see Roseanne infiltrate a tribe of toxic masculinity by dressing as a man. See also The Covenant.

Episode 9: Bird Is The Word
High School is an absolute nightmare all the time. Roseanne ends up getting called into the Principal's office (surprise, it's the guy from Law & Order) when one of her rebellious daughters is caught flipping the bird in the class photo. See also The Birds.

10: The Wedding
What would happen if one of your parents knocked up and married one of your childhood friends. Pretty Grimm way to end the season, huh? See also Twilight Saga: Eclipse.

Roseanne Barrnoldargent has spent most of the last few years ruining the hard work she did in the 80s and 90s, making the most realistic American sitcom of the 20th century. While the original run of the series had its ups and -- hooooboy -- some very deep downs, it was mostly a well-written family comedy. John Goodman, Sara Gilbert, Laurie Metcalf, and even Roseanne were dextrous enough to be funny while still injecting drama without reaching Melodrama. For the most part, the show has been about being progressive and understanding no matter what your political background. It was about acceptance, and being good to each other, especially your family, no matter what. That's why Roseanne's current pro-Trump racist persona is so sad to people who loved the show.

I loved the show. And I still love what it was. We're only one episode into Roseanne Minus Roseanne, and it was...fine. But it certainly opened the possibility that the show could be great again, but without any stupid red hats.

I don't know how many seasons this imagining will be. I'm going to keep it to ten episodes a season, like a Netflix or BBC show. The first season throws us right in the middle of Lanford, Michigan, as we open with an episode where The Conners get a Huge Windfall, which will be a recurring theme in the show.

Episode 1: We're In The Money
Meet The Conners, a nice midwestern family with three kids and a live studio audience. All the positive elements of the show premiere here, as Roseanne and Dan work, argue about money, deal with work issues, try to raise their kids well despite being very flawed people, and spend their time in the outside world dealing with classism.

Episode 2: Lover's Lane
It's bowling time! The ladies of Lanford go bowling with their loved ones, including Jackie's love interest, George Clooney. Yes, that George Clooney. Meanwhile, Becky is in looooooooove with Chip, who is a 1980s feather-haired teenage dream. If you're into yuppie kids...named Chip.

Episode 3: Dan's Birthday Bash
Langford's local libations locale, The Lobo Lounge, serves as Dan's birthday palace, where everything goes completely smoothly and according to plan. Plus, Becky meets Chip's yuppie parents.

Episode 4: Becky's Choice
Chip's parents come to The Conner house for dinner.

Episode 5: Workin' Overtime
The American Dream is being a working class set of parents who have to work overtime so they can afford to pay the babysitters to watch their kids while they work overtime, right?  Featuring the first service industry employee in the show to not be an upper middle class snob.

Episode 6: We're Not In Kansas Anymore
Weather related tragedies were big business in 1980s/early 1990s television. Earthquakes, hurricanes, Poochinski. Lanford gets hit by a tornado and gives us our first look at a glorious Jackie meltdown.

​Episode 7: Death And Stuff
The age of the traveling salesman has long since given way to the age of popup ads, and this is the television episode that killed it!

Episode 8: Let's Call It Quits
The new boss at the plastic factory is no George Clooney. He inspires the cast to rethink their employment opportunities. It's misogymy and classism at its finest. Oh, and George Clooney is in the episode, he's just not the bad guy.

Episode 9: Inherit The Wind
The Conners parents come to the realization that, sometimes, raising your kids is a gas.

Episode 10: House Of Grown Ups
After a season of familial turmoil, it's time for sisterly bonding, as written by Joss "Buffy The Firefly Slayer" Whedon.

Episode 1: Selfless
(Buffy, Willow, Xander,  Anya, Dawn, D'Hoffryn, Halfrek)

Last season ended on a downer, huh? One of the Scoobies turned out to be The Big Bad. But that threat is totally over now, and things can get back to normal. Wait, is the new Big Bad another Scooby? Damn it.


Episode 2: Soulless
(Angelus, Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, Fred, Connor, The Beast)

Well, if the Big Bad is going to be from the main cast of good guys over on Buffy, let's wander back to LA and check in with...seriously? Angelus?  I mean, they're just using Angelus to get at the real Big Bad, The Beast. So I guess it's fine that the main character of the show is evil now. Fine. Everything's Fine.


Episode 3: Cavalry
(Angelus, Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, Fred, Connor, Lilah, Wo-Pang, The Beast)

Woah. The Beast took out Wolfram & Heart? Is The Beast maybe not The Big Bad that we thought? Or is The Beast such a Big Bad that it's powerful enough to take down all the previous Big Bads? Does this mean the surviving lawyers will be joining Angel's Investigations?


Episode 4: Salvage
(Angelus, Cordelia, Faith, Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, Fred, Connor, Lilah, The Beast)

Ooooh, a slayer is in town! A Big Bad is unbiggenated. Someone dies, and someone else is bound to be born. This kind of stuff is usually saved for a season finale, I wonder where this weird story will go next.


Episode 5: Conversations With Dead People
(Buffy, Willow, Xander,  Joyce, Spike, Anya, Dawn, Jonathan, Andrew, Warren, The First)

In possibly the darkest episode since The Body, each member of The Scooby Gang has an interaction with a different dead person, as the real Big Bad for the Buffy portion of this season reveals itself. 

Episode 6: Release/Orpheus
(Willow, Angelus, Cordelia, Faith, Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, Fred, Connor)

Back to LA, precisely where we left it. But Angelus is talking to himself. Oh, man. Is The First here, too? Do we finally have a non-vampire Big Bad crossing over to both shows? This calls for a witchy guest appearance!


Episode 7: Storyteller
(Buffy, Willow, Xander,  Spike, Anya, Dawn, Jonathan, Warren, Andrew, Principal Wood, Kennedy)

I'm skipping over the entire middle of the final season of Buffy. It's not bad, but if you're going to invest all the time with the minutae of the final season, you should just watch every Buffy episode out there. This episode gives you all the info you need on the entire season, as a familiar face sort of joins the Scooby Gang, and updates everyone on exactly what's been going on as the apocalypse approaches.


Episode 8: Dirty Girls
(Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander,  Spike, Faith, Dawn, Andrew, Principal Wood, Kennedy, Caleb)

Willow didn't come back from LA alone, Faith is with her, making Buffy's house more full of slayers than any other house in history. Also The First recruits a mini-Big Bad who totally changes the game for the final two episodes of the season.


Episode 9: Touched/End Of Days
(Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander,  Angel, Spike, Faith, Dawn, Andrew, Kennedy, Principal Wood, Caleb, The First)

The penultimate Buffy storyline. You know shit is real when both the two major slayers, and the two major good guy vampires are all in the same episode. 


Episode 10: Chosen
(Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander,  Angel, Spike, Faith, Dawn, Andrew, Kennedy, Principal Wood, Caleb, The First)

It's the end of the Sunnydale portion of the Buffy/Angelverse. Villains will be redeemed, love will conquer, people will die (it is a Joss Whedon show, after all), and there will be a game changing event that, should the forthcoming Buffy series end up being less of a reboot, and more of a different story told within the same continuity, makes the world significantly more interesting. And don't be too sad about this being the last Sunnydale season, there's still an entire season left over in LA.

Episode 1: Bargaining
(Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya, Dawn, Tara, Spike)

How can you have a show called Buffy The Vampire Slayer is Buffy is dead? Do you get Sandy Duncan to join the cast and call it The Hogan Family? Add James Garner & David Spade until the show suffocates under its own mediocrity? Nah, it's a sci-fi show, BRING HER BACK FROM THE DEAD!!! Everything will now be fluffy unicorns and sparkly vampires. Yay!

 
Episode 2: Deep Down
(Angel, Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, Fred, Conor, Lilah, Gavin))

Everything's fine over here in LA. Angel is keeping up with his swimming lessons, his somehow nearly adult son is hanging out with his vampire fighting friends, and Wesley is practicing his throat singing. This season is just so bright and shiny!


Episode 3: Once More With Feeling
(Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya, Dawn, Tara, Spike)

In fact, everything this season is Just So Wonderful, that it's time for a musical episode!  Sing about how happy you are! Keep singing until the world is happy forever!


Episode 4: Spin The Bottle
(Angel, Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, Fred, Conor, The Beast)

Love is in the air! Let's get all middle school slumber party and play a game of spin the bottle. Oh, you know what, forget it. Just forget everything. It will all work out in the end. This is the happy season!


Episode 5: Apocalypse Nowish
(Angel, Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, Fred, Conor, Lilah, Gavin, The Beast)

Love is in the chair! That's why we keep tying people to it and demanding information! Love is in the chair! But who is The Beast? And why is making people's dreams all boo-hoo-hoo when he could be making them a reality like in those late night infomercials?


Episode 6: Tabula Rasa
(Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya, Dawn, Tara, Spike)

It's Spin The Bottle again! But this time in Sunnydale! It's so easy to be so happy when you don't know who you so are! But once you remember, oh, it's time for the ones you love to leave you.


Episode 7: Normal Again
(Buffy, Willow, Xander, Joyce, Dawn, Tara, Spike, Jonathan, Warren, Andrew)

What if Buffy never died? What if Buffy never moved to Sunnydale? What if Buffy wasn't The Slayer at all? Would that have made everyone happy? Is this what happiness looks like?


Episode 8: Awakening
(Angel, Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, Fred, Conor, The Beast)

How  can everything be sunshine and lollipops if someone has blocked out the sun? LA is So Dark under the rule of The Beast. Well, at least if nothing's happy here then Angel can't be turned into Angelus. Nobody wants to see that guy again.


Episode 9: Seeing Red/Villains
(Buffy, Willow, Xander,  Dawn, Tara, Spike, Jonathan, Warren, Andrew)

See, everything is all happy again! Tara and Willow have reconciled, Buffy is a completely sane slayer, the season's villains are just three dudes the Scoobies went to high school with. Nobody could possibly be in danger from these three idiots. So everything will be fine.

​
Episode 10: Two To Go/Grave
(Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander,  Dawn, Tara, Spike, Jonathan, Andrew)

Last episode revealed a new Big Bad for this season. So much more dangerous than three high school idiots. So much more heartbreaking than an angry god or an old vampire. So say goodbye to this happy, joyful season.