Despite being on air for only a little over half as long, The Simpsons have almost as many episodes in its run as Doctor Who. It's The Longest Running Primetime non-news show Ever. Not the longest running cartoon, or the longest running four-fingered yellow people show, the longest fictional program in primetime TV ever. And it's there because it used to be Excellent, and then it was pretty okay, and it's still sometimes watchable.

At the beginning of the year, I put on episode one in the background while I worked, and I went all the way through season thirty-effen-one. It was A Lot. And I remembered way more episodes than I imagined I would. Possibly because I had a coworker in the early 2000s who had Seasons 1-10 or so playing in the store we worked at on a fairly regular basis.

I thought, How Would I Begin To Make This A More Watchable Endeavor While Not Skipping Too May Classic Pop Culture References? Well, I made a system.

Because continuity isn't important very often, I allowed myself to play around with the order of the episodes, so that if there were seven great Bart episodes in a row, but no good Lisa episodes for a while, it wouldn't feel too repetetive. I think, unlike most series,  The Simpsons really benefits from having more structure to its watching order. Every season is fifteen episodes, the fifth episode of every season will have Bart's name in it, the ninth episode of every season will feature a secondary character (almost always Flanders but not exclusively Flanders), the tenth episode will almost always somehow include Sideshow Bob, every episode that ends in 2 or 7 is Lisa-centric, and the season will close with a Treehouse Of Horror.​

Establishing Episode, 16: The Way We Was
"Pffft, English. Who needs that. I'm never going to England."


Lisa On The 7s And 2s, 17: Homer Vs.  Lisa & The 8th Amendment
"Come on, Lisa. Watch a little cable with us. Heh heh. It won't cost you a thing ... EXCEPT FOR YOUR SOUL!"


Episode 18: Principal Charming
"It's Patty who chose a life of celibacy. Selma simply had celibacy thrust upon her."


Episode 19: Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
"Hey handsome, want to 'dunk the clown'?"


Bart's Name Goes In The Title, 20: Bart's Dog Gets An 'F'
"Have the ad say 'Kind, faithful dog for sale. Says I love you on command...in three languages'!"


Episode 21: Brush With Greatness:
"Dear Marge, thanks for the fab painting of yours truly! I hung it on me wall! You're quite an artist. In answer to your question, yes we do have Hamburgers and Fries in England, but we call French Fries 'chips'! Love, Ringo. PS. Forgive the lateness of my reply."


Lisa On The 7s and 2s, 22: Lisa's Substitute
Miss Hoover: "You see, class, my Lyme Disease turned out to be (Spells on blackboard)  psychosomatic."

Ralph: "Does that mean you're crazy?"

Janey:  "No, that means she was faking it."

Miss Hoover: "No, actually, it was a little of both. You see, when a disease is in all the newspapers and TV shows, you think you have it."


Episode 23: War Of The Simpsons
Barney: Hey! You're Homer's sister-in-law, right? I remember you. But I don't remember you being so beau [burp] tiful!

Patty sprays him in the eyes with Mace

Barney: Oh, ow, hey! [burp] [cough] Is that a new kind of Mace? It's really painful!
​

Hi Diddly Ho It's A Flanders Episode, 24: When Flanders Failed
"Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister!"


Terwilliger, It's Sideshow Bob, 25: Black Widower
"eh pah dee meh moo-doo. That's Sanskrit for Your toes are like perfume."


Episode 26: Three Men And A Comic Book
"Looks like you got more than you bargained for."


Lisa On The 7s and 2s, 27: Mr. Lisa Goes To Washington
"Ooh, I love your magazine. My favorite section is, How To Increase Your Word Power. That thing is really, really...really...good."


Episode 28: Blood Feud
"Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?"


Episode 29: Bart The Murderer
"Fat Tony is a cancer upon Springfield! And I am the, uh, whatever cures cancer."


Treehouse Of Horror Finale: Treehouse Of Horror 2
​"You will be sorry.​"

Despite being on air for only a little over half as long, The Simpsons have almost as many episodes in its run as Doctor Who. It's The Longest Running Primetime non-news show Ever. Not the longest running cartoon, or the longest running four-fingered yellow people show, the longest fictional program in primetime TV ever. And it's there because it used to be Excellent, and then it was pretty okay, and it's still sometimes watchable.

At the beginning of the year, I put on episode one in the background while I worked, and I went all the way through season thirty-effen-one. It was A Lot. And I remembered way more episodes than I imagined I would. Possibly because I had a coworker in the early 2000s who had Seasons 1-10 or so playing in the store we worked at on a fairly regular basis.

I thought, How Would I Begin To Make This A More Watchable Endeavor While Not Skipping Too May Classic Pop Culture References? Well, I made a system.

Because continuity isn't important very often, I allowed myself to play around with the order of the episodes, so that if there were seven great Bart episodes in a row, but no good Lisa episodes for a while, it wouldn't feel too repetetive. I think, unlike most series,  The Simpsons really benefits from having more structure to its watching order. Starting in Season Two, I lock down the formula a bit tighter, but in Season One we establish that every season is fifteen episodes, the fifth episode of every season will have Bart's name in it, the ninth episode of every season will feature a secondary character (almost always Flanders but not exclusively Flanders), the tenth episode will almost always somehow include Sideshow Bob, and the season will close with a Treehouse Of Horror. Again, Season Two will present even more rules, but this is a good start. 

​Establishing Episode: Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire
"I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?"
"Ow! Quit it. Ow! Quit it. Ow! Quit it."


Episode 2: Life On The Fast Line
"Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!"


Episode 3: Homer's Night Out
"This is a family nuclear power plant, Simpson. Our research indicates that over fifty percent of our power is used by women."


Episode 4: The Crepes Of Wrath
"How can you defend a country where 5% of the people control 95% of the wealth?"


Episode With Bart In Its Title: Bart Gets An 'F'
"This is as good as I can do, and I still failed!"


Episode 6: Simpson And Delilah
"Hitler, North Dakota?"


Episode 7: Two Cars In Every Garage, Three Eyes On Every Fish
"Oh, look! Some careless person has left thousands and thousands of dollars just lying here on my coffee table. Uh, Smithers, why don't we leave the room, and hopefully, when we return, the pile of money will be gone."  (Burns leaves, then returns a few moments later) "D'oh, look Smithers, the money and a very stupid man are still here."


Episode 8: Dancin' Homer
"A Simpson on a t-shirt. I never thought I'd see the day."


Hi Diddly Ho It's A Flanders Episode 9: Dead Putting Society
"Why do I get the feeling that one day I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?"


Terwilliger, It's A Sideshow Bob Episode 10: Krusty Gets Busted
"Take him away, boys."


Episode 11: Bart Vs Thanksgiving
"Oh, we have lots of names for these people. Bums, deadbeats, losers, scums of the earth, we'd like to sweep these people into the gutter, or if already in the gutter, to some other out of the way place. Oh we have our reasons. They're depressing, their ragged clothes, they're crazy, they smell bad. So every year on one conscience salving day, we toss these people a bone. A turkey bone. And that's supposed to make it all better."


Episode 12: Bart The Daredevil
"Now let me start by saying, good for you, son! It's always good to see young people taking an interest in danger. Now a lot of people are going to be telling you you're crazy, and maybe they're right. But the fact of the matter is, bones heal, chicks dig scars, and the United States of America has the best doctor to daredevil ratio in the world!"


Episode 13: One Fish Two Fish Blowfish Bluefish
"Simpson, eh? I want him in my office at 9:00 Monday morning. We'll see who eats whose shorts."


Episode 14: Itchy And Scratchy And Marge
"They love, and share. They share and love and share. Love, love, love, share, share, share. The Itchy & Scratchy Show!"


Treehouse Of Horror Finale: Treehouse Of Horror
"Quoth the raven: Eat my shorts."