I was a Big Brother in high school. A group of us signed up to be mentors, and spent our late Friday afternoons/early evenings playing sports, board games, pinball, and having dinner. It was as much a bonding between the Bigs as it was between the Bigs and the Littles. And when the Littles went home, a bunch of us would go to the nearest dorm basement and, along with some of our non-mentoring friends, check out the weirdness that was "X-Files".

The first college I went to only really got together to watch "Friends", which isn't at all why I left but does say something about the people at that school. After one semester, I transferred to a school where a bunch of us would get together and watch things like "Buffy The Vampire Slayer", and, of course, "X-Files".

I've watched many TV series over the years, and when I'm watching things on my own, I tend to enjoy it but not absorb it as much. I haven't watched X-Files (except some of the new stuff) in decades. Yet, even reading the first sentence of an episode description, I'll go "Oh yea! That one! I loved that one." or "Ugh. Doggett." I remember laughing at a bunch of "Friends" episodes, but I can read the complete plot of an episode and have no idea whether or not I'd seen it. I guess I never caught "The One That Was Memorable."

Below is Season Two of an X-Files watchlist.

Episode 11: The Erlenmeyer Flask
(Mulder, Scully, Deep Throat, Smoking Man, Crew Cut Man)

Technically, the final episode of Season 1, I like this much better as the beginning of a season. All of the major characters that have been in play so far have their stories evolved drastically, both the government mystique storylines and the sci-fi premise amped up to eleven. And we get a character death, along with the three words that changed the franchise, and are the title of this reimagined season.


​Episode 12: Little Green Men
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Skinner, Richard Matheson)

The X-Files get shut down on a fairly regular basis over the course of the series, but it's surprising that their first closure is this early. This episode has Mulder doubting his beliefs from the previous season only to be flung into a new extraterrestrial adjacent adventure. Scully, no longer his partner, tries to track him down. Also, we meet Skinner for the first time!


Episode 13: The Host
(Mulder,  Scully, Skinner, X)
​A creepy Monster Of The Week story involving flukeworms that unfolds as Mulder considers leaving the FBI.


Episode 14: Duane Barry
(Mulder, Scully, Krycek, Duane Barry)

Meet Alex Krycek, he's Mulder's new FBI partner, and he absolutely sucks. He tags along when Mulder investigates a former FBI agent who claims to be a multiple-time alien abductee. Eventually, Scully joins in, and all goes higgledy-piggledy.


Episode 15: Ascension
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Skinner, Krycek, X, Duane Barry)

Continuing from the previous episode, Mulder and Krycek must find Scully, who has been kidnapped! Why? Well, it is super complicated, but in a fun adventury way. Also, oooh, the X-Files are already reopened.


Episode 16: One Breath
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Skinner, X)

Scully is back but something is ... different. Something that will be important to the rest of the series.


Episode 17: Irresistable
(Mulder, Scully)

A Monster Of The Week Story where maybe the monster is just human? Because, like, there are some real monsters out there.


Episode 18: Die Hand Die Verletzt
(Mulder, Scully)

A Monster Of The Week Story where the monster is modern religion, which, like creates some real monsters.


Episode 19: Colony
(Mulder, Scully, Skinner, Alien Bounty Huter)

Aliens! Aliens! This whole series has been about dealing with aliens, so let's get some aliens back. This episode ties the greater mythology to Mulder's childhood. This episode is a blast, but where is it leading?

​
Episode 20: Endgame
(Mulder, Scully, Skinner, X, Alien Bounty Hunter)

Aliens? Or clones? Or alien clones? A very action-oriented follow-up to the previous episode is a very satisfying stopping point to our second season, as Mulder and Scully are now both totally invested in figuring out what the X is going on.

Despite being on air for only a little over half as long, The Simpsons have almost as many episodes in its run as Doctor Who. It's The Longest Running Primetime non-news show Ever. Not the longest running cartoon, or the longest running four-fingered yellow people show, the longest fictional program in primetime TV ever. And it's there because it used to be Excellent, and then it was pretty okay, and it's still sometimes watchable.

At the beginning of the year, I put on episode one in the background while I worked, and I went all the way through season thirty-effen-one. It was A Lot. And I remembered way more episodes than I imagined I would. Possibly because I had a coworker in the early 2000s who had Seasons 1-10 or so playing in the store we worked at on a fairly regular basis.

I thought, How Would I Begin To Make This A More Watchable Endeavor While Not Skipping Too May Classic Pop Culture References? Well, I made a system.

Because continuity isn't important very often, I allowed myself to play around with the order of the episodes, so that if there were seven great Bart episodes in a row, but no good Lisa episodes for a while, it wouldn't feel too repetetive. I think, unlike most series,  The Simpsons really benefits from having more structure to its watching order. Starting in Season Two, I lock down the formula a bit tighter, but in Season One we establish that every season is fifteen episodes, the fifth episode of every season will have Bart's name in it, the ninth episode of every season will feature a secondary character (almost always Flanders but not exclusively Flanders), the tenth episode will almost always somehow include Sideshow Bob, and the season will close with a Treehouse Of Horror. Again, Season Two will present even more rules, but this is a good start. 

​Establishing Episode: Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire
"I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?"
"Ow! Quit it. Ow! Quit it. Ow! Quit it."


Episode 2: Life On The Fast Line
"Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!"


Episode 3: Homer's Night Out
"This is a family nuclear power plant, Simpson. Our research indicates that over fifty percent of our power is used by women."


Episode 4: The Crepes Of Wrath
"How can you defend a country where 5% of the people control 95% of the wealth?"


Episode With Bart In Its Title: Bart Gets An 'F'
"This is as good as I can do, and I still failed!"


Episode 6: Simpson And Delilah
"Hitler, North Dakota?"


Episode 7: Two Cars In Every Garage, Three Eyes On Every Fish
"Oh, look! Some careless person has left thousands and thousands of dollars just lying here on my coffee table. Uh, Smithers, why don't we leave the room, and hopefully, when we return, the pile of money will be gone."  (Burns leaves, then returns a few moments later) "D'oh, look Smithers, the money and a very stupid man are still here."


Episode 8: Dancin' Homer
"A Simpson on a t-shirt. I never thought I'd see the day."


Hi Diddly Ho It's A Flanders Episode 9: Dead Putting Society
"Why do I get the feeling that one day I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?"


Terwilliger, It's A Sideshow Bob Episode 10: Krusty Gets Busted
"Take him away, boys."


Episode 11: Bart Vs Thanksgiving
"Oh, we have lots of names for these people. Bums, deadbeats, losers, scums of the earth, we'd like to sweep these people into the gutter, or if already in the gutter, to some other out of the way place. Oh we have our reasons. They're depressing, their ragged clothes, they're crazy, they smell bad. So every year on one conscience salving day, we toss these people a bone. A turkey bone. And that's supposed to make it all better."


Episode 12: Bart The Daredevil
"Now let me start by saying, good for you, son! It's always good to see young people taking an interest in danger. Now a lot of people are going to be telling you you're crazy, and maybe they're right. But the fact of the matter is, bones heal, chicks dig scars, and the United States of America has the best doctor to daredevil ratio in the world!"


Episode 13: One Fish Two Fish Blowfish Bluefish
"Simpson, eh? I want him in my office at 9:00 Monday morning. We'll see who eats whose shorts."


Episode 14: Itchy And Scratchy And Marge
"They love, and share. They share and love and share. Love, love, love, share, share, share. The Itchy & Scratchy Show!"


Treehouse Of Horror Finale: Treehouse Of Horror
"Quoth the raven: Eat my shorts."

A group of a little over a dozen of us have been watching the Star Trek In Significantly Fewer Seasons (how many? who knows? they Keep Making Star Trek series!), and it's been a blast. One of the regular co-viewers, Valerie asked me last night if I was ever going to do one for X-Files, and I thought "Man, I tried watching all of X-Files at some point, and something stopped me from following through and watching them all. I wonder what it was."

A coma. Not caused by aliens or demons or werecreatures, as far as I know. 

I decided to do a Best 100 Episodes of X-Files, making ten seasons of ten episodes, but it would have been slightly padded. The X-Files, like The Simpsons, and really any show that goes on for too long, becomes a victim of The Law Of Diminishing Returns. I'll take about that when I get to later seasons.

This first season of my Ten Season version of X-Files doesn't even quite contain the original first season, as we have to set up a ton of mythology (which, I need you to inhale deeply, count to ten, ok, let it all out) is only going to get slightly resolved, and that resolution will not be at the end of the series), and really get to know Mulder and Scully.

Episode 1: Pilot
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Scott Blevins, Billy Miles)

Fox Mulder is a cuckooo pants, conspiracy theorizing, FBI agent who thinks aliens are real and that they kidnapped his kid sister. So he spends his time investigating the weirdest, unsolvable crimes in the division, referred to as The X-Files. His bosses are like "Woah, slow down there Professor Paranoia." and assign a By The Books, Squaresville scientist named Dana Scully to debunk all of his theories and try and solve the crimes rationally. This is the story of how they become friends!


Episode 2: Deep Throat
(Mulder, Scully, Deep Throat)

No, pervs, not the porn. A reference to the Watergate Informant. Mulder has a friend in the agency who helps him connect conspiratorial dots. In this episode, it's all about flying saucers!


Episode 3: Squeeze
(Mulder, Scully, Tooms, Briggs)

No, fans of 1970s British pop, not the dudes who sang "Tempted". A reference to someone constricting themselves to fit in a tight space. Mulder and Scully investigate some murderages that can't be explained, and run into the series' first Monster Of The Week.


Episode 4: Ice
(Mulder, Scully)

No, diamond thieving meth heads, this is about frozen water. It's kind of a "What If The Thing monster was much, much smaller, and therefore more menacing?"


Episode 5: Fallen Angel
(Mulder, Scully, Deep Throat, Max Fenig)

No, Buffy-fans, I know you've had a terrible year finding out about Joss Whedon, and all, but this isn't a fun crossover between two of the 90s best sci-fi shows.  It's about UFOs and alien abductions, so, you know, an early X-Files episode.


Episode 6: Eve
(Mulder, Scully, Deep Throat)

No, Bette Davis devotees, this has no relation to the classic 1950s movie. This is about clones. Like "Orphan Black", kinda, sorta. You know?


Episode 7: Beyond The Sea
(Scully, Mulder)

We're pretty far into the run of the first season, and it's time to see what happens when Scully wants to believe something, and Mulder is like, "Nah, Really?"


Episode 8: EBE
(Mulder, Scully, Deep Throat, The Lone Gunmen)

Are we still doing UFOs and alien abductions? Really? Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. Well, in this episode we meet The Lone Gunmen, a group of other conspiracy theorists who are interesting, but not, like, interesting enough to have their own series or anything.


Episode 9: Darkness Falls
(Mulder, Scully)

Oh, I'm a Lumberjack and I'm ok. I work all night and then I disappear completely with no explanation. Where did I go? *tune changes* Where have all the lumberjacks go-one?


Episode 10: Tooms
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Skinner, Tooms, Briggs)

We wrap up the first season with our first returning villain, our returning menacing supervillain, and the introduction of a new recurring character.