It's hard to believe that we're almost caught up with the current seasons of Star Trek franchise shows, but we are. There are, at the time of this posting, 850 hours of Star Trek programming. Obviously, we haven't watched all of it. But all of it worth watching? We're getting there.

In this season we get a very abbrevriated mirrorverse timeline for Picard. Strange New Worlds and Lower Decks battle to be The Most Fun Star Trek Series, even crossing over with one another. There's a ton of Voyager lore in Lower Decks and Prodigy this season, so we'll even revisit them. 

1. The Trial Never Ends
(Picard, Q, 7of9, Guinan, Rios, Raffi, Jurati, Elnor, Dahj)

It's a shock to see a Q episode without the letter Q in the title but here we are. This episode sets up an entire season long Mirrorverse adventure. It's ... So Boring. We'll be skipping most of it. But the setup was mostly fun, which is what we get here.


2. The Broken Circle
(Spock, Uhura, Chapel, M'Benga, Pelia, La'an, Ortegas, Pike, 1, April, Jay)

It's been a while since we checked in with the crew of the USS EverythingsGreat Partytime, but let's see what they've been up to. Oh no! #1 has been arrested for being an Augment within Starfleet. While Pike leaves the ship to help her out, Spock STEALS THE ENTERPRISE, along with the rest of the crew, to answer a distress call from La'an that insinuates the possible beginning of a Klingon uprising against Starfleet. Also, there's a new engineer played by Carol Kane, and she is a delight.


3. The Slingshot Effect
(Picard, 7of9, Rios, Raffi, Jurati, Borg Queen, Elnor, Q)

The old Slingshot maneuver comes through in the clutch again. As Picard's crew finds themselves in an alternate timeline, they must assemble and go into the past to fix something that Q did to mess up history. The kicker? In this world, they're all fascists and are about to exterminate the being most likely to help them reach the past: The Borg!


4. Crossroads/Masquerade 
(Dal, Janeway, Gwyn, Rok, Zero, Pog. Okana, Murf)

The crew of the Protostar realizes the only safew way to engage Starfleet is to abandon the ship for a bit. This does NOT go well, especially when Actual Janeway figures out where they are. Then we find out more about what Dal is before The Romulans show up to try and ruin everything. Stupid Romulans.


5. Ad Astra per Aspera 
(Pike, 1, Batel, Spock, Chapel, Ortegas, M'Benga, LA'an, Uhura, April)

Easily my favorite legal episode in the entire franchise. This is a whole episode about Civil Rights centered around The Augments. It's the best example in decades of what I've always imagined Rodenberry's intention was for the Star Trek franchise.


6.  Preludes/Mindwalk
(Dal, Janeway, Gwyn, Diviner, Vindicator, Rok, Zero, Pog. Murf)

We begin with the origin stories for The Protostar Crew unfolding as The Vindicator helps the amnesiac Diviner try and remember his past. Then we get a classic bodyswap as Dal and Actual Janeway switch places. 


7. Tomorrow And Tomorrow And Tomorrow
(La'an, Kirk, Pelia, Spock, Uhura, M'Benga, Ortegas, 1, Khan, Jay) 

When La'an is recruited to save the timeline from The Eugenic Wars, she ends up traveling meeting Kirk on her quest to kill her ancestory KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN.


8. You Can't Have Your Mirror Glazed Cake And Eat It Too
(Picard, Soong, Dahj, Guinan, Q, 7of9, Raffi, Rios, Jurati, Elnor)

While we're investigating alternate timelines where a Soong messes everything else, let's check in with Picard in the 21st century as he and his crew have to figure out a way to repair their ship, fix the timeline, and get back to their reality. Unfortunately, a crew member merges with the Borg Queen and aligns with both Q and Soong to make everything extra extra difficult.


9. Inheritance
(Data, Picard, Riker, Worf, Laforge, Troi, Crusher)

So much of the Soong dynasty is about daddy issues, but sometimes they have mommy issues, too. Data ends up in that cursed Rigel system to learn more about his past from someone a bit more trustworthy than Lore or his creator. He hopes.


10. Among The Lotus Eaters
(Pike, La'an, M'Benga. Ortegas, Spok, Uhura, Chapel, Batel, 1, Jay)

Has anything good ever happened in the Rigel system? Oxes, terrible video games, doomsday devices, Riker in a bathrobe chasing prostitutes. Oh, and, of course, the whole Pike being captured and tormented and ending up paralyzed waaay back in TOS. Well, this time he's trapped again, and he and the crew on the ground lose their memory making it difficult for them to escape. Which seems fine as the crew back at the ship have also forgotten who they are and how to do their jobs so how can they possibly rescue the ground crew?
​

11. The Europa Prophecy
(Picard, 7of9, Raffi, Soong, Borg Queen/Jurati, Rios, Q, Guinan, Dahj, Elnor, Wesley)

Our Picard-era time travel journey comes to a close as dying Q, evil Soong, and conflicted Borg Queen's plans all either ravel or unravel (same thing) to place everyone back on the timeline where they belong. Well...not everyone.

12. Those Old Scientists
(Boimler, Pike, 1, Spock, Mariner, Uhura, Chapel, La'an, Tendi, Rutherford, M'Benga, Ransom, Pelia)

It's our first ever live-action/animated crossover as the crew of the Cerritos checks on a portal which results in them ending up on Pike's Enterprise!


13. Learning Curve
(Janeway, Tuvok, Torres, Chakotay, Neelix, Doctor, Kes, Paris, Kim)

One of the rare Voyager episodes that spent time dealing with the differences between Starfleet and The Maquis, this episode becomes very relevant to the next Lower Decks episode. Not as relevant as "Tuvix" but we did see that already in this chronology.


14. Twovix/I Have No Bones Yet I Must Flee
(Boimler, Mariner, Tendi, Rutherford, Freeman, Ransom, Rom, Leeta, Shaxs, T'ana, Billups, Kayshon) 

It's Voyager-mania! Boimler and the crew of the Cerritos end up on a mission to help move important artifacts from Voyager to a museum dedicated to the ship. Unfortunately, the same brouhaha that caused the original Tuvix problem gets involved and we end up with a whole Cerritos worth of  jumbled crew members. Then a visit to a space menagerie (which never go well for Starfleet), the crew is stalked by Star Trek's version of Nibbler from Futurama.


15. Faces
(Torres, Janeway, Chakotay, Doctor, Tuvok, Neelix, Paris, Chakotay, Kes, Kim)

Keeping on keeping on with the Voyager energy, we revisit the series to explore Torres's Klingon side as she explores how it balances her humanity.


16. Under The Cloak Of War
(M'Benga, Pike, Spock, Ortegas, 1, La'an, Uhura, Chapel)

On Pike's Enterprise, a Klingon war criminal/hero presents a very dire conundrum to the crew.


17. Supernova
(Dal, Rokh, Janeway, Zero, Gwyn, Pog, Noum, Diviner, Murf, Drednok, Chakotay)

It's the final (so far) episode of Prodigy as the crew of the Protostar and Starfleet unite to protect Gwyn's homeland, and then they must decide whether to enter a time portal in order to save Chakotay and the original Protostar crew.


18. Subspace Rhapsody
(1, Uhura, Pike, Kirk, Ortegas, Spock, La'an, Kirk, M'Benga, Chapel, Pelia, Batel, Sam Kirk)

Because no one demanded it! The musical episode of Star Trek Strange New Worlds. It ain't "Once More With Feeling!" but it is fun.


19. Empathalogical Fallacies/Parth Ferengi's Heart Place
(Boimler, Mariner, Tendi, Rutherford, Freeman, Ransom, Shaxs, T'ana, Billups, Kayshon

Betezoids & Ferengi? Clearly we've moved back a little from Voyager to TNG/DS9 times with a story about controlling emotions and a story that bring Rom & Leeta back to our screens!


20. Hegemony
(Pike, Spock, Chapel, Uhura, La'an, Ortegas, M'Benga, Scott, Pelia, Batel, April, Sam Kirk)

OH NO!!! The Gorn are back and that means death, destruction, and dissolution for the crew of Pike's Enterprise. Also, we sort of end on a cliffhanger for the first time in a long while.

​

Blink-182 hit it big on MTV during the summer of Boy Bands, 1999. It was a relief for me. I do greatly enjoy non-rock pop music, and I've grown to appreciate a few of the boy band songs that came out during that summer but it so saturated my music sources that I couldn't turn on a radio or TV without hearing about how rock and roll was dying. Which I've heard every year since. Rap is killing rock. R&B is killing rock. Reggaeton is killing rock. Sea shanties are killing rock. It's tiresome. While rock is probably my favorite genre, I would hate it if it was as omnipresent as boy bands were in 1999. Or if it was all one genre instead of a variety of subgenres lumped together. You know, like rap is a variety of subgenres lumped together and R&B is a a variety of subgenres lumped together (but not like Reggaeton or sea shanties, Reggaeton and sea shanties are subgenres).

Because I had a roommate/parastic pseudo-boyfriend who found boy band videos arousing, I was grateful for any break in the melodramatic harmonizing. "All The Small Things" was the break I needed, and "What's My Age Again" was the perfect accompaniment to Lit's "My Own Worst Enemy" and Len's "Steal My Sunshine". It was a Sugar Ray/Smashmouth style, sun-drenched pop song about how growing up was tough. Written and performed by people in their twenties. Like I was.

Since then, the band has evolved into something less frat rocky, and put out a bunch of side projects that sound like completely different bands but with the same nasally vocalist.

I didn't really chart their trajectory mush as it happened. I moved onto other bands. But I heard their most recent single and thought "I wonder what they did inbetween." And then remembered how many Angels & Airwaves songs I heard on the radio in the early 2000s. I thought their musical output deserved a deep dive and a discography buuuuuuuut I didn't want to do six posts about Blink-182, so here is one post with three albums worth of material. Part two is in the works.

I. Enema Of The State

The 1990s Blink-182 were crass frat boys making dick and fart jokes, asking women in their audiences to show them their breasts, and other immature things you can imagine a trio of skate pop punk wannabes with puka necklaces doing if they got famous in the late 90s. I don't want to celebrate that but I can't deny that's who they were. This first album culls the tracks I enjoyed from their 90s output, and interweaves them with some of their live show banter from the The Mark, Tom, And Travis Show live album. It's crude (though I did edit out the boob requests and the times when the band was pointing out people in trouble to security members) and not actually very funny but it's who the band was. Well, except Travis Barker who didn't participate outside of the occasional rimshot.

1. Time  is a track off their demo album, Flyswatter. It starts off with acoustic strumming but when the drums hit it becomes surf punk. They do some very poppy background vocals that aren't going to show up anywhere else in the discography. It's a hard, fast, and fun song about punctuality.

2. & 3.  The band's first hit, which I missed when it came out, even though it must have been playing on several of the stations I listened to, is Dammit. This is a typical 90s juvenile song about the end of a relationship and how it means they're growing up. This theme continues on  Untitled. Don't worry, though, they're not growing up for a while.

4. Degenerate is stupid, poppy punk with juvenile lyrics about being badass. Musically, it's upbeat fun, lyrically it's homophobic misogynist trash but it only advocates violence against the protagonist, who is the homophobic, misogynist trash in question, so...swings and roundabouts?

5. A less problematic, but not entirely unproblematic, version of that song is Anthem. A song about wishing you were the ancient age of 21, you know, so you can buy alcohol. It's also about being a time bomb because living with your parents is Just Like Slavery. It's an entirely realistic teenage rebellion song from the 90s.

6. While all their songs from this era are pretty juvenile, some are surprisingly progressive for their era. Don't Leave Me is a breakup song where the girl who dumps him isn't villainized or pined over. She outgrows him (probably a short journey) and moves on. And while he's sad about it, he is also going to move on and be okay.

7. The second of the three megahits from this era, What's My Age Again is a very silly look at being a shitty twenty-something.  

8. & 9. Another quasi-mature breakup song, Point Of View, tells a similar story to "Don't Love Me" but harder and faster. It's followed by Man Overboard, dedicated to Scott Raynor who got kicked out of the band during their first massive tour, and replaced by Travis Barker, who's been the drummer ever since. There's also a bunch of fun Aquabat references, as that was the band Barker was poached from.

10. & 11. & 12. A medley of stupid songs with penis references. Does My Breath Smell is generically lyriced dumbassery. All The Small Things is the third of the three megahits  and a perfectly fun song about a supportive girlfriend. Country Song is dumb as shit and devolves into a brief cover of a song from South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut.

13. Josie is a distinct departure from the previous three songs. It's another catchy song about how the singer is kind a piece of shit but he has a supportive girlfriend whom he loves.

14. & 15. Another descent into juvenile humor. You can probably guess that from the title of Dick Lips that it's not going to be classy, But it's not about blowjobs or sexualizing anyone, it's another song about being a shitty dudebro who wants to escape his parents' tyranny. Dysentary Gary is another song about being shitty and wanting to protect girls from shittier guys. It's wildly dumb and problematic. Sort of a pedophile savior song with a catchier guitar hook than it deserves.

16. A nice contrast is the light humor of A New Hope, a love song to Prince Leia. It,  shockingly, doesn't mention incest. I fix that by adding a minisong that does.

17. & 18. Fentoozler  is a Who the fuck do you think you are rant about their immaturity act growing stale.  Don't worry, though, we're Just About Done with your butt. 

19. I'm Sorry about some of the lyric on this album, and I'm pretty sure the band is at this point, too. This song is yet another we've grown apart because at least one of us is maturing track. It's probably where I should have ended the album. But...

20. American Pie is a perfect place for a Blink-182 song, as it's also a 90s celebration of growing up that's filled with immature dick and fart jokes. Mutt showed up on the soundtrack. It's a song about a roommate who fucks a lot. I've been both the guy with the horny roommate, and I've been the horny roommate. I don't really miss my twenties that much, though.


II. The Box Car Racer EP

We got through twenty mostly immature songs in under an hour. This second album is just twenty minutes. It's a huge departure, musically and lyrically. But it's over before you know it.

​1. All Systems Go is a generically lyriced anti-government song. Think: the weakest of Green Day lyrics with great drums and key/time signature changes.

2. & 3. & 4. The drums take over for a bit when we move to a song about jumping off a bulding. Elevator's first verse is from the point of view of the jumper, the second verse is from an observer. Tiny Voices is the screaming internal monologue of someone depressed and pessimistic about their future. Watch The World is a preview of the upcoming Angels & Airwaves album. It's musically melodramatic and different from everything that's come before it and, like the forementioned upcoming album, it's about watching the world burn.

5. & 6. Every Blink-182 album needs a love song.  And I  is this album's unrequited punk ballad. Cat Like Thief is the I'm shitty but I have a killer girlfriend track for this album, and it closes things off by chanting how he needs to not leave her. It features Rancid's Tim Armstrong on co-lead vocals!


III. All Grown Up And No Place To Go

1. We're back to the familiar drums and guitar riffs of Blink-182. There's a bit too much Jesus in this help me political complaint that supposedly signifies maturity. I guess compared to "What's My Age Again", Anthem Part Two is "mature" but it's really reminiscent of that thirty-year-old friend trying to sound deep by repeating the headline statements of his smarter friends as though they were his own opinions. Or, it's like listening to a four-year-old semi-parroting his parents' complaints abiout the economy.  It's definitely Blink-182.

2. & 3. On the other hand, I Miss You really is a more mature version of the Blink-182 love ballad. Although the way Tom Delonge describes how you're already the voice inside my yed (sic) doesn't really gel with the message. But it's a good feed into Asthenia which is musically more mature but lyrically still caught in the early 20's whiney I-miss-you-so-much-but-can-only-write-generic-lyrics-rather-than-honor-your-specific-personality headspace. Like much of this era of Blink, I wish they had a better lyricist and gave Mark Hoppus more time as the lead vocalist.

4. At least the band acknowledges their aging in Give Me One Good Reason. Instead of complaining about how mom and dad don't understand them, they're complaining about how moms and dads don't understand their kids. It's still kind of a dopey song that doesn't quite say what it thinks it's saying.

5. & 6. Snapping, bass drum, and a buzzier than usual guitar riff are a promising start to Violence. Even the first vocal verse promises a completely different musical experience, then DeLonge launches nasal cavity first into the chorus. It's still a nice departure from their usual fare. The piano outro is also...unexpected. I've followed it up with The Fallen Interlude. It's nearly instrumental, apart from a repeated line near the end. It's a welcome branch off their musical tree.

7. & 8. & 9. DeLonge returns to the forefront with I'm Lost Without You, which is a more wistful and melodic version of their usual ballad until the second verse hits when it becomes a Blink-182 ballad. Obvious, true to its title, never tries to be anything other than adolescent anger at an ex. There's an almost The Strokes vibes to Everytime I Look For You before, it too becomes a kind of generic Blink song about a girl.

10. Robert Smith from the bloody The Cure shows up at the beginning of All Of This, and his inclusion really mellows DeLonge's vocals. It's a nice blend. It's no lyrical anomaly to the album but it does have enough of a different instrumentation to hook me.

11. First Date could very well have been from Enema Of The State. I guess it's more focused on the anxiety of trying to make a first impression than they were capable of on that album but it's optimism and 90s skate punk aesthetic seems nostalgic for this era of the band. 

12. Stay Together For The Kids puts Hoppus back on the mic for the verses on this track about being children of divorce. It's a bit melodramatic, for having been written by guys in their early 30s, but it's an accurate reflection on a common source of teenage angst.

13. We close out with an absolute throwback to the immaturity of the first album, as I've included the band's interpretation of George Carlin's Seven Dirty Words routine, Family Reunion.

The #1 song in the country this week was Jimmy Buffett's "Margaritaville", forty-six years after its original release. This is mostly to celebrate the life of one of the legitimately "good guys" in the music industry. An occasional pot smoking, cocktail swilling dad rocker who owned several businesses and by all accounts stood behind his employees in a way that should be taught to the soulless pieces of shit who own 90% of the businesses in The United States.  Look up Jimmy Buffet and Hurricane Katrina for a ton of feel good stories.

He's mostly known for his songs from the 70s and early 80s, when his tropically inspired rock was at its most marketable. But the truth is, he never stopped being an interesting songwriter, and his band only ever got better as it aged.

I imagine most people, if they were going to make a multi album discography of Buffett would either lean in to this early work or else simply do their own personal version of "Songs You Know By Heart" (hey, I did that!) and then make a second album of everything after that. 

I understand that urge, and will probably make just three albums, the third being everything after 1996. This album exists because it contains the albums that came out during my high school and early college years when I was most easily influenced. I bought "Songs You Know By Heart" in high school because I had several friends, some coworkers from Cape Cod, some school friends from around the world, who loved him and exposed me to his most popular songs. I think that whole album was on the jukebox in my high school snack bar/performance venue. Then, a coworker took me to one of Buffett's live shows, and then I went to college in Florida. So this is the era I most listened to Buffett and am, thus more knowledgeable about it than any other point in his career. And I loved these albums. So please accept this as my "Songs I Know By Heart And Wish More People Knew All The Lyrics To." 

1.​ After getting into Buffett mainly through the Songs You Know By Heart album, I hesitantly bought the first album released after I "discovered" him, Fruitcakes. Everybody's Got A Cousin In Miami is the delightful first song on the album that convinced me I was going to like his new work as much as his classics. It was bright and silly and made me wish I was drinking a virgin cocktail (I was underage.) It's kind of the perfect "Oh, did you know his career continued after his Greatest Hits album?" opening track.

2. The title track for this imaginary album isn't one that's stuck with me over the years. The lyrics are a little stupider than I usually like (I mean, what do you expect from a song called Mental Floss?) but they're refreshingly common man for someone who was incredibly wealthy by the time he wrote them. The harmonica playing off the steel drums is such an unusual combination that it adds a complexity that the song doesn't lyrically warrant.

3. Ballad Of Skip Wiley was made to sound famliar. The baseball stadium organ playing, the 1970s stage musical background vocals and riffs, the vocalist speaking over the bridge rather than singing. Surely, you've heard this song before, even if you don't know any of the words. This song is based on a novel from the 1960s about a reporter who loves his home state of Florida so much that he goes to extremes to protect its honor. I may have to track that book down.

4. I didn't include any of the songs from Buffett's Christmas Island album because I'm just not a fan of holiday music 360 days of the year. But I'm sure Buffett's take on December holiday songs are at least different from most rock or pop stars'. This isn't a December Holiday song, though. This is Buffett reminding you that you need to take some time off from work, and you should probably do it somewhere warm near an ocean. This might be the earliest reference Buffett makes to The Internet, which he suggests you take a break from. Musically, it's middle of the road Buffett, not a ton of creativity but the trumpet solo leading into the steel drum solo is a refreshing breeze of nostalgic air.

5. The early 20th century symphonic swell at the start of this song quickly quiets down to just guitar plucking, piano twinkling, and steel drums for Blue Heaven Rendez-Vous, which certainly has "My Blue Heaven" vibes, which I've been a proponent of ever since I fell in love with the same titled Steve Martin/Rick Moranis/Joan Cusack film that probably hasn't aged very well.  This is just a simple mid-late twentieth century lounge number that could be found in any mediocre 80s or 90s romantic drama ... or a restaurant scene in a Muppets movie. I would love to hear Rowlf cover this.

6. Some soft drumbeats and guitars climb into this tropical soft rock declaration that Buffett never wants to be too famous so he's been Quietly Making Noise to achieve the level of fame he's most comfortable with. It's a sweet country fair sing-along style track.

7. The next track is a meditation on the importance of Buffett's songwriting, which makes it a good follow-up to "Quietly Making Noise." It also has some lyrics that remind you that no matter how wealthy and white Buffett and his followers tend to be, his politics are surprisingly liberal, if often absent from his work. Here he muses Are we destined to be ruled by a bunch of old white men/Who compare the world to football and are programmed to defend? Only Time Will Tell.

8. Fruitcakes is the longest track on this album, just a shade longer than the opening track. It's one of his songs referencing his book Where Is Joe Merchant?, specifically the rocket scientist, Desdemona. This is a delightfully silly song bemoaning political, religious, romantic, and scientific excess. It's also a powerful revolutionary song demanding the return of Junior Mints to theaters.

9. If there's a Whiter, Soft Rockier concept than Jimmy Buffett covering a James Taylor song, I haven't heard it. I was unfamiliar with the original​ until I heard this version. It's a daydream about life would be like in Mexico as imagined/written/sung by someone who's never been there, but would like to. It's then infused with a bunch of references to Buffett songs and stories.

10. I remember hearing the story of how Jimmy Buffett, Bono, and Bono's family were in a plane in Jamaica that was shot at by police who suspected it was a drug-running plane. Jamaica Mistaica is Buffett's processing of the event from his perspective with a chorus from the perspective of the apologietic Jamaican police begging them to come back/come back/come back to Jamaica, promising that the next time they fly there they won't shoot (them) outta the sky.

11. The Night I Painted The Sky is a piano ballad about being a kid and watching a Fourth of July fireworks display. Super simple, and sweet. With a harmonica solo.

12. Lage Nom Ai is a song I loved from the first time I heard the Barometer Soup album, but whose name I could never remember. The title is an integral part of the chorus, and is from the French Caribbean Patois, meaning "the man who gave up his own name", which the song reminds the listener repeatedly. 

13. Shortly after Buffett's passing, I saw a couple of his videos where his daughter, Delaney, interviews him about some of his lesser-known songs. The first video I clicked on was him reminiscing about Delaney's childhood where he specifically talks about how she chase(d) cats through Roman ruins/stomps on big toadstools, and about a party where Delaney Talks To Statues and otherwise behaves like an endearingly weird child. It's like a slightly less saccharine version of Billy Joel's "Lullaby (Goodnight, My Angel)."
 
14. The second cover on the album is a steel drum version of The Grateful Dead's Uncle John's Band. It's to his credit that I like this song, as I'm not a big fan of The Grateful Dead's music. But this is a direct, lyric-centric cover of one of the jam band's most famous songs.

15. The 90s were the decade of The Hidden Track at the end of the CD. Treetop Flyer is Buffett's hidden track from Banana Wind. It's a Stephen Sills solo track (I didn't know Stills had solo albums until I did a deep dive on this track) from his debut album. It's slightly more country rock than Buffett usually leans but the lyrics about flying low to not get caught certainly harkens back to "Jamaica Mistaica," which was on the same album.

16. Lone Palms sounds like it would be more at home on Songs You Know By Heart. It's a smooth ballad about tropical living. It doesn't stretch Buffett's 70s/80s sensibilities. Even the lyrics seem more like his stoic 20s & 30s then the material he was writing in the 90s.

17. We close out the album with one of Buffett's favorite tropes from the era, writing about missing his childhood, discovering your heart/again and again. Jimmy Dreams is also a sweet memorial to him with just the right touch of steel drums. 

This season sees an exciting evolution in wrestling. We start with with the rise of NXT, WWE's developmental division. We introduced it last season, and saw The Shield graduate on to the main roster, but this season, the entire future of WWE goes through NXT. Current and future headliners, get their start, and Most Importantly, the womens' revolution gets underway as The Four Horsewomen (Charlotte Flair, Sasha Banks, Bayley, and Becky Lynch) put on some of the best wrestling matches of the year, regardless of gender.

We also get our first glimpse of Japanese wrestling in a while. I understand that there are a ton of American fans of New Japan, Pro Wrestling Noah, All-Japan and more. I am unfamiliar with Japanese promotions' American commentary, so I've mostly avoided it. But this season, we see the birth of Bullet Club, which will not only include even more future WWE headliners, it's also the genesis for AEW, which is only a couple of seasons away. So we see a few episodes in Japanese this season, but we also see Bullet Club cross into Ring Of Honor, giving it a shot in the arm it desperately needed.

Impact fades out for a bit this season, as their best stars scatter to other promotions, and their pay-per-view events go from monthly to semi-annually. And the quality does not increase with the decrease in quantity.

I was torn by how to properly close out this season, as there aren't any real Super Touchstone Moments, so I went for what appeared to be Sting's last match. He's barely in this season, as his WWE run was incredibly short, but will give him a wave see-you-later here, knowing that he'll be back soon when AEW gets going.

1401. Arrival, 2014

NXT's first, major event sees the second generation of ROH flow over into WWE's farm league. There's some second vs third generation blood when Natalya from the Hart family takes on Charlotte Flair for the honor of being the first ever NXT womens' champion, and Bray Wyatt's younger brother ascends up the card while Bray wreaks havoc in the WWE.

Announcers: William Regal, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips, Brandi Rhodes

1. Caesaro vs Sami Zayn
2. Tyler Breeze vs Xavier Woods
3. Bo Dallas (NXT Champ) vs Pac (as Adrian Neville) in a Ladder Match
4. Tyler Breeze vs Sami Zayn
5. Charlotte Flair vs Natalya for the NXT Womens Championship
6. Pac (as Adrian Neville) (NXT Champ) vs Tyson Kidd
7. Charlotte Flair (NXT Womens Champ) vs Bayley

1402. Caged Heat, 2014

After this quite good match card, the talent started to splinter to New Japan, WWE, NXT, and Ring Of Honor. They went from near monthly pay-per-views to a couple of events per year, and their weekly TV show was fine but it didn't set anybody's world on fire. Don't be too sad about missing these wrestlers, however, as I mentioned, they're going to still be around, just working for other promotions.

Announcers:Mike Tenay, Taz, Jeremy Borash, Christy Hemme

1. Great Muta, Sanada & Yatsu vs Chris Sabin & Bad Influence in a Steel Cage Match
2. Madison Rayne (Impact Knockout Champ) vs Gail Kim in a Steel Cage Match
3. Jaxson Ryker vs James Storm in an I Quit Match
4. Samoa Joe vs Bobby Lashley
5. EC3 vs Bubba Ray Dudley in a Texas Death Match
6. Eric Young (Impact Champ) vs Bobby Lashley vs Austin Aries in a Steel Cage Match
7. The American Wolves (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs The Hardy Boyz
8. The American Wolves (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs Dudley Boyz vs Hardy Boyz in a Full Metal Mayhem Match

1403. Plan A, 2014

This is all we get of Daniel Bryan between when he won the title at Wrestlemania and when he had to vacate the title to go get neck surgery, but it's a great match against his former Hell No teammate, Kane. The Bar goes head to head in the days before they became a dominant tag team. Oh, hey look, there's Bray Wyatt! And The Shield and Evolution, generally considered two of the greatest stable of all time, go head to head for no titles, just glory.

​Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Lilian Garcia, Eden Stiles

1. The Shield vs Evolution
2. Daniel Bryan (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Kane in an Extreme Rules Match
3. Sheamus (WWE US Champ) vs Caesaro
4. John Cena vs Bray Wyatt in a Last Man Standing Match
5. Paige (WWE Divas Champ) vs Alicia Fox
6. The Shield vs Evolution in a No Holds Barred Elimination Match

1404. Plan B, 2014

"If at first you don't succeed, cheat to get what you want." is pretty much Triple H's motto. Evolution changes the game on The Shield. The Uso/Wyatt feud continues, and we get a very brief look at Damien Sandow and Adam Rose. Don't get used to either of them. Although Sandow will show up now and again under various gimmicks.

​Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Lilian Garcia, Eden Stiles, Jojo

1. Evolution vs The Shield
2. The Usos (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs The Wyatt Family
3. Adam Rose vs Damien Sandow
4. The Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Rob Van Dam, Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Kofi Kingston, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Haeger

5. Rusev vs Big E
6. Ladder Match for the vacant WWE Heavyweight Championship
John Cena vs Randy Orton vs Roman Reigns vs Bray Wyatt vs Kane vs Shaemus vs Caesaro vs Alberto Del Rio

7. The Usos (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs The Wyatt Family

1405. Relentless

The slow funneling of talent to NXT means that the ROH roster starts to rotate more quickly but also it begins to reward the people who've either stayed with the promotion or else come back to it afte unsuccessful WWE runs. 

​Announcers: Kevin Kelly, Nigel McGuinness, Steve Corino, Bobby Cruise
​
1. Jay Lethal vs Michael Elgin for #1 Contendorship
2. reDragon (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs American Wolves
3. Kevin Owens (ROH Champ) vs Jay Briscoe
4. Davey Richards vs Paul London
5. Adam Cole vs Michael Elgin for vacant ROH Championship

1406. The Bullet Club, 2013

An almost exclusively all-Japanese episode (there's some Spanish, and even less English), this episode sees Finn Balor (as Prince Devitt) form an all-gajin stable to try and take all the belts in New Japan. In this episode we see the full Devitt reign with Karl Anderson, Bad Luck Fale, Tama Tonga, and the Young Bucks. The next episode will see new leadership for Bullet Club as they go to America to fight in ROH.

1. Finn Balor (as Prince Devitt) & Bad Luck Fale vs Captain New Japan & Ryuske Taguchi
2. Karl Anderson vs Tanahashi
1. Finn Balor (as Prince Devitt) (IWGP Heavyweight Champ) vs Tanahashi
2. Finn Balor (as Prince Devitt) vs Gedo
3. Shinsuke Nakamura (IWGP Intercontinental Champ) vs La Sombra
4. The Young Bucks (IWGP Jr Heavyweight Tag Team Champs) vs The Time Splitters vs Forever Hooligans vs Suzuki-Gun
7. Finn Balor vs Kota Ibushi

1407. The Biggest Party of The Summer, 2014

More fallout from the Shield/Authority feud. More inter-The Bar battling. Gold and Stardust return to the tag team title scene. And Brock Lesnar is back to wreck everyone.

Announers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Lillian Garcia

1. Rusev vs Jack Haeger in a Flag Match
2. Dean Ambrose vs Seth Rollins in a Lumberjack Match
3. The Usos (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs The Rhodes Brothers
4. Sheamus (WWE US Champ) vs Caesaro
5. Roman Reigns vs Randy Orton
6. John Cena (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Brock Lesnar

1408. War Of The Worlds, 2014

Over in New Japan, AJ Styles (formerly from Impact) takes over The Bullet Club, and they pick up gold all over the place, including Ring Of Honor. So in these episodes, stars from both promotions go head to head in Canada and the US for various titles and glory.

Announcers: Kevin Kelly, Steve Corrino, Nigel McGuinness, Michael Elgin, Bobby Cruise 

1. The Young Bucks (IWGP Jr Heavyweight Tag Team Champs) vs Forever Hooligans vs Time Splitters

2. Bullet Club (IWGP Tag Team Champs) vs Chaos
3. Adam Cole (ROH Champ) vs Kevin Owens (as Kevin Steen)
4. Bullet Club (IWGP Tag Team Champs) vs The Briscoes
5. Kevin Owens (as Kevin Steen) vs Shinsuke Nakamura
6. The Young Bucks (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs reDRagon
7. AJ Styles (IWGP Heavyweight Champ) vs Kazuchi Okada vs Michael Elgin

1409. R(ivals), 2014
​
All sorts of fun debuts here as Kevin Owens hops over from ROH to hang out with his buddy Sami Zayn, and former Bullet Club leader Finn Balor drops in to help his buddy Kenta.

Announcers: William Regal, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Alex Riley, Rich Brennan, Tom Phillips, Renee Young, Jojo, Eden

1. Ascencion (NXT Tag Team Champs) vs Lucha Dragons
2. Pac (as Adrian Neville) (NXT Champ) vs Sami Zayn, Tyler Breeze, Tyson Kidd
3. Kevin Owens vs CJ Parker
4. Finn Balor & Kenta (as Hideo Itami) vs The Ascencion
5. Charlotte Flair (NXT Womens Champ) vs Sasha Banks
6. Pac (NXT Champ) vs Sami Zayn in a Title vs Career Match

1410. R(evolution), 2015

It's great seeing New Japan all-stars like Finn Balor and Kenta rising to superstardom in WWE. The continuing epic of Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens is an all-time highlight. But the true heart of this episode is the rise of The Four Horsewomen: Charlotte Flair, Sasha Banks, Bayley, and Becky Lynch are four of the all-time best wrestlers, male or female. Three of them continue to dominate the WWE while the other is a megastar in Japan. Here are some of the early matches that made the wrestling world excited for what was to come.

Announcers: Corey Graves, Jason Albert, Rich Brennan, Jojo

1. Kenta (as Hideo Itami) vs Tyler Breeze
2. Finn Balor vs Pac (as Adrian Neville)
3. Charlotte Flair (NXT Womens Champ) vs Sasha Banks vs Bayley vs Becky Lynch
4. Sami Zayn (NXT Champ) vs Kevin Owens
5. Finn Balor vs Tyler Breeze
6. Sasha Banks (NXT Womens Champ) vs Becky Lynch

1411. All Star Extravaganza, 2014

More international matches with New Japan stars. Bullet Club continues to be a dominant force in ROH this season.

Announcers: Kevin Kelly, Steve Corrino, Nigel McGuinness, Joe Dombrowski

1. The Briscoes vs Matt Hardy & Michael Bennett
2. Adam Cole (ROH Champ) vs Michael Elgin
3. Michael Elgin (ROH Champ) vs AJ Styles vs Adam Cole vs Jay Briscoe
4. AJ Styles vs Adam Cole
5. ReDRagon (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs The Young Bucks

1412. Out Of Nowhere

Randall Keith bookends a fun show with less story progression than normal. This is just a series of good matches that took place around the same time. It's also our final look at The Rhodes Brothers in WWE before they pop up in AEW.

Announcers: Jerry lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Lilian Garcia, Eden Stiles

1. Randy Orton vs Chris Jericho
2. Dean Ambrose vs Seth Rollins in Hell In A Cell
3. The Rhodes Brothers (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs The Usos vs Los Matadores vs The Miz & Damien Sandow

4. John Cena vs Randy Orton in Hell In A Cell

1413. Tables Ladders Chairs And Stairs, 2014

Ever since the Austin/McMahon feud, it seemed like there was always a storyline where some major champion/former champion with a bazillion titles was targeted by a McMahon family (or Triple H, who is a McMahon family member through marriage) as being "the wrong sort of person to represent WWE". Somehow, in this era it's John Cena, a superstar so likable and well decorated that a certain segment of fans hated him for many years because he seemed to win everything. So here is his moment against the Authority where, surprisingly, someone else is given the chance to shine as The Underdog. Plus, the former SHIELD and Wyatt family members cross paths with each other, The Beast Incarnate, and Big Match John.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Lilian Garcia, Eden Stiles ​

1. Team Cena vs The Authority
John Cena, Big Show, Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, Eric Rowan vs Kane, Seth Rollins, Mark Henry, Rusev, Brodie Lee

2. Brodie Lee (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Dolph Ziggler in a Ladder Match
3. Bray Wyatt vs Dean Ambrose in a TLC Match
4. Brock Lesnar (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs John Cena vs Seth Rollins

1414. Winter Warriors, 2014, 2015

Ring Of Honor was just a haven for great tag teams in the 2010s, as well as giving Americans in New Japan a place to perform for English speaking audiences. While we have a couple of strong solo performances here, the tag teams are the highlight, as well as our first peek at Shayna Baszler, who we won't see in a ring for a while.

Announcers: Kevin Kelly, Steve Corino, Niles McGuinness, Bobby Cruise

1. ACH & The Young Bucks vs Cedric Alexander & The Addiction
2. Jay Lethal (ROH TV Champ) vs Matt Sydal
3. reDRagon (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Time Splitters
4. Jay Briscoe (ROH Champ) vs Adam Cole in a Fight Without Honor
5. reDRagon (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs The Young Bucks

1415. The Heist, 2014, 2015

More former SHIELD battles, more John Cena, more Brock Lesnar, and Daniel Bryan returns from injury related retirement. 

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Lilian Garcia, Eden Stiles 

1. Rusev (WWE US Champ) vs John Cena
2. Roman Reigns vs Daniel Bryan
3. Wade Barrett (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Daniel Bryan vs Dolph Ziggler vs Cody Rhodes vs Dean Ambrose vs R-Truth vs Brodie Lee in a Ladder Match

4. Randy Orton vs Seth Rollins
5. Brock Lesnar (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Roman Reigns

1416. Global Wars, 2015

More international bad-assery between Ring Of Honor and New Japan. Once again, Bullet Club is all over this episode but we also get to see Jay Briscoe back at the top of the singles division, and Samoa Joe's final ROH match for seven years.

1. Matt Sydal, Andrew Everett & Caprice Coleman vs Tomasso Ciampa, Cedric Alexander & Moose

2. Jay Briscoe (ROH Champ) vs Samoa Joe
3. Bullet Club vs Roderick Strong, The Briscoes & War Machine
4. Bullet Club vs Kazuchika Okada & Roppongi Vice
5. Bullet Club vs The Kingdom
6. Jay Briscoe (ROH Heavyweight Champ) vs Jay Lethal (ROH TV Champ)

1417. Tag Team Elimination Chamber, 2015

While the first ever tag team elimination chamber is the match this episode is named for, there are a lot of ther things going on. The New Day forms and wins their first of many titles in their first appearance as a team in our chronology. Also, John Cena won the US Championship for the kabillionth time in our last episode. Rather than the usual So Now He Will Fight The WWE's Biggest Monsters storyline, he begins a series of open challenges where he faces younger talent, mostly current and former NXT stars. It's way more interesting to watch, especially as one of his earliest challengers takes him to the absolute limit to make his name on the main roster. 

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Booker T, Lillian Garcia, Eden Stiles, Jojo

1. John Cena (WWE US Champ) vs Dean Ambrose
2. Caesaro & Tyson Kidd (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs The New Day
3. Roman Reigns vs The Big Show in a Last Man Standing Match
4. Seth Rollins (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Randy Orton vs Roman Reigns vs Dean Ambrose

5. Tag Team Elimination Chamber
The New Day (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Ascencion vs Prime Time Players vs Los Matadores vs Caesaro & Tyson Kidd vs Lucha Dragons

6. John Cena (WWE US Champ) vs  Kevin Owens (NXT Champ)

1418. Takeover Brooklyn, 2015

Ring Of Honor veterans abound as NXT levels up with strong storylines about betrayal and some wacky tag team gimmicks. We won't be seeing too much of Enzo & Cass, thankfully, or The Vaudevillains, unfortunately, but both put on great shows here. Also, the double main event of this episode is top notch.

Announcers: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Rich Brennan, Mike Rome

1. BAM Factor (NXT Tag Team Champs) vs Enzo Amore & Big Cass
2. Kevin Owens (NXT Champ) vs Sami Zayn
3. BAM Factor (NXT Tag Champs) vs The Vaudevillians
4. Samoa Joe vs Baron Corbin
5. Sasha Banks (NXT Womens Champ) vs Bayley
6. Finn Balor (NXT Heavyweight Champ) vs Kevin Owens

1419. Low Impact, 2015

2015 saw a massive drout in TNA pay-per views which, unfortunately, didn't result in the pay-per-views being of higher quality. But during the spring and early summer, the weekly TV show that the company would soon rename itself after featured some fresh faces and a few fantastic matches.

Announcers: Tazz, Josh Mathews, Elijah Burke, Jeremy Borash

1. EC3 vs Drake Maverick in a Hair vs Hair Match
2. American Wolves (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs Jessie Godderz & Zema Ion vs Sanada & Manik in an Ultimate X Match

3. Bobby Lashley (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs Kurt Angle
4. Taryn Terrell (Impact Knockout Champ) vs Gail Kim vs Awesome Kong
5. Kurt Angle (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs Austin Aries 
5. American Wolves vs The Dirty Heels in an Iron Man Match for the Impact Tag Team Championship

6. Kurt Angle(Impact Heavyweight Champ)  vs EC3

1420. The Architect Vs The Open Challenge, 2015

Seth Rollins really evolves from Triple H's chosen hound to superstar here with a couple of classic matches. John Cena continues his excellent run of Open Challenges. And we see a couple of highlight reel level matches from former NXT stars.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Lilian Garcia, Eden Stiles, Jojo

1. John Cena (WWE US Champ) vs Sami Zayn
2. Seth Rollins (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Dean Ambrose in a Ladder Match
3. John Cena (WWE US Champ) vs Kevin Owens
4. Chris Jericho vs Pac 
5. Bray Wyatt vs Roman Reigns
6. Seth Rollins (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs John Cena (WWE US Champ)

1421. Headliners, 2015

An odd end to the season. We have the last couple of womens' matches before the WWE Womens' Revolution begins in earnest, a rematch from last season's finale, the first of two SHIELD appearances with a fill-in member, and the only WWE Sting match in this continuity. Don't worry, though, he'll be back in another couple of seasons.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Lilian Garcia, Eden Stiles

1. Team PCB vs Team Bella vs Team BAD
Charlotte Flair, Becky Lynch & Page vs Nikki Bella, Brie Bella & Alicia Fox vs Sasha Banks, Naomi & Tamina

2. Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar
3. Nikki Bella (WWE Divas Champ) vs Charlotte Flair
4. The Wyatt Family vs Off-Brand Shield
5. Seth Rollins (WWE US Champ) vs John Cena
6. Seth Rollins (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Sting

Another really fun season that introduces the 21st century movie canon, as well as the sometimes needlessly dour Picard. I did do something a bit different this season as my Picard episodes are edited versions of what aired. Basically, there was a lot of fat to trim, and I managed to cut the episode count by two. (Wait until you see what I do with the second season of Picard). We get the entirety of the official first season of Picard's story in, and there are some more TNG, DS9, and TOS episodes sprinkled in to give context to Lower Decks and Prodigy. 

If there's a theme to this section of seasons (13-15), it's that The Romulans are way more annoying than The Klingons, and despite being less intimidating than The Dominion or The Borg, they still manage to be persistent trouble for The Federation, no matter when they are.

​In this season, one of them disrupts the timeline in such a fashion that TOS is rebooted with a new cast, and it sets up the main conflict of the first season of Picard. 

1. That Hope Is You, Pt 1
(Burnham, Booker, Sahil)

We haven't had a Discovery episode since Season Four! That's when Burnham and friends were flung into the future, which is where we pick up here, as Burnham is off trying to survive in this new era, making new friends, since her entire crew is now hundreds of years behind her.


2.  wej Duj/First First Contact 
(Mariner, Boimler, Tendi, Rutherford, Freeman, Ransom, Shaxs, T'ana, Billups, Gomez)

The LD Cerritos crew is in the background of this story where Vulcan Lower Deckers and Klingon Lower Deckers each disagree with their respective bridge crews about how to deal with the Pakleds, who are headed to Earth in order to destroy it. Later, Mariner turns the Cerritos crew against her mother hoping to prevent her promotion, and Rutherford, while trying to preserve his memories of Tendi learns dark secrets about his cybernetic implants.


3. Far From Home
(Saru, Stammets, Tilly, Georgiou, Reno, Detmer, Owosukun, Rhys, Nhan, Culber, Burnham)

Oh, hey, Discovery is in the far flung future, too! And they're on a quest to find Michael. You know, if they can survive after their ship has crash landed on a planet so far in their future that their knowledge is pretty much useless.


4. People Of Earth
(Burnham, Saru, Stammets, Tilly, Georgiou, Booker, Adira, Reno, Detmer, Owosukun, Rhys, Nhan, Culber, Sahil)

Burnham tries to discover precisely what happened to Starfleet in the days between when she and Discovery disappeared and the time they arrived. And we meet a new Trill! We haven't seen any of these outside of Deep Space Nine's Dax.


5. Starship Down
(Bashir, Dax, Sisko, Quark, Kira, Worf, O'Brien)

And speaking of DS9 and Dax, let's flip back to an adventure about Starfleet making trade agreements with a planet in The Dominion. I know that doesn't sound exciting, which may be why we skipped it during the previous seasons, but it will be important to the next episode. And not because that also inolves trade negotiations.
​


6. Reflections/Hear All, Trust Nothing
(Mariner, Boimler, Tendi, Rutherford, Freeman, Ransom, Shaxs, T'ana, Billups, Gomez, Quark, Kira, Aberdeen)

A recruitment drive goes awry turning Boimler into Starfleet's most prized attraction and revealing Rutherford's past and why he has his cybernetics. Then it's a very special adventure on Deep Space Nine as the crew has to undo Quark negotiations.
​

7. Die Trying (D) 
(Burnham, Saru, Stammets, Tilly, Georgiou, Booker, Adira. Reno, Detmer, Owosukun, Rhys, Nhan, Culber, Vance)

The Discovery crew becomes part of the new, futuristic Starfleet after a successful mission that involves the seeds from their spore drive. Whew. They're lucky they didn't show up in The Enterprise or one of those other useless ships from the past.

8. The Trouble With Edward (Short Treks)/Crisis 2: Paradoxus (LD)
(Pike)
(Boimler, Mariner, Rutherford, Ransom, Tendi, Sulu)

More trouble with tribbles. Then, it's a Holodeck episode where Mariner tweaks a Boimler program after the crew gets sad news about the Boimler clone.

Serial 1: Romulan Reboot (M)
(Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov, Pike, Sarek, Amanda)

It's a Not Quite Reboot when a Romulan travels through time to avoid a major tragedy to his his people creating a whole new ... timeline ? dimension ? where we see an entirely new cast as the classic TOS characters (and yet another Spock). It's like The Original Series with a Beastie Boys soundtrack.

11. Children Of Mars (Short Treks)/Remembrance (Pic)
(Picard, Data, Jurati, Raffi, Narek, Laris)

Romulan refugees from the movie's incident are prevalent in this episode about what Picard is up to as a retired admiral. There's also a return to studying the Singh/replicant storyline that was so prevelant in TNG and Enterprise.

12. Maps, Beginnings, Legends & Endings (Pic)
(Picard, 7of9, Hugh, Soji, Jurati, Raffi, Narek, Laris, Rios)

The Borg are back. Like, your favorite Borg from TNG and Voyager. They join Picard on his quest to save the assasin clone of the Data descendent we met in the first episode.

13. Asylum/Let Sleeping Borg Lie (Prod)
(Dal, Gryn, Pog, Zero, Rok, Murf, Janeway, Chakotay, Noum, Diviner)

The crew of the Protostar, along with Hologram Janeway are now being pursued by The Dauntless, which includes real Janeway and real Chakotay. But this chase is more of a curiosity and concern issue rather than a wrathful father's vendetta, so everyone should be fine.

14. Reclamation (Pic)
(Picard, Soji, Jurati, Raffi, Narek, Elnor, Maddox)

Heists abound!

15. Symbiosis (TNG)
(Picard, Riker, Laforge, Worf, Troi, Data, Crusher, Tasha Yar, Wesley)

A truly terrible episode about warring planets. But it's not as bad as "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield", and it gets a nice callback in the next episode.

16. Trusted Sources/The Stars At Night (LD)
(Boimler, Mariner, Rutherford, Ransom, Tendi, Aberdeen)

In the last episode, Picard helped the Omarians overcome an addiction, and now the Cerritos shows up to see how how it's going. Well. So well that a journalist uses past secrets about Freeman to get her shipped off to Starbase 80 while the Cerritos has to deal with The Breen. Then Aberdeen is back. It turns out her financial backer is someone very familiar.


17. Conduits (Pic)
(Picard, Riker, Troi, Hugh, Soji, Jurati, Raffi, Narek, Elnor, Maddox, Rios)

Picard and Soji seek refuge from with some familiar faces from TNG. Meanwhile, Elnor and Hugh have an exciting teamup on a Borg ship that's been turned into a museum.​


18. Obsession (TOS)/All The World's A Stage (Prod)
(Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scott, Uhura, Checkov, Chapel, Leslie, Garrovick)
(Dal, Gryn, Pog, Zero, Rok, Murf, Janeway, Noum)

Captain Kirk is the living embodiment of the Old Man Yells At Cloud meme from The Simpsons but his actions in this episode affect a planet that The Protostar visits when they receive a distress call.


Serial 2: Et in Arcadia Ego (Pic)
(Picard, Data, 7of9, Soji, Jurati, Raffi, Narek, Elnor, Maddox, Rios)

A trip to Soji's home planet is interrupted by a Romulan attack. Picard isn't just old, now he's sick. So sick that he ends up conferencing with everyone's favorite android crew member...which may have something to do with the fact that Soji's home planet is run by one of the Singhs.

When we left the crew of Discovery, they were slingshotted nearly 1,000 years into the future, leaving behind Captain Pike, Spock, and some other members of the pre-Kirk Enterprise crew. So now that we're (sort of) done with the main timeline of TOS/TNG/DS9/VOY era, we're going to double back and find out what that Enterprise is up to, while also learning what happened after TNG & VOY as we introduce Lower Decks and Prodigy, two animated series, one for children, one not for children, into continuity.

"Lower Decks" is filled with references to the classic shows, while also being an amusing character study of the non-bridge crew of a starship. "Prodigy" is a follow up to Voyager featuring some rebellious kids who steal a spaceship that has a holographic interface which happens to be Janeway.

​1. Strange New Worlds
(Pike, Spock, Singh, Ortegas, 1, M’Benga, Hemmer, Chapel, Uhura, T’Pring, April)

Shortly after The Discovery fiasco waaaaaaaaaaay back in our Season Four...that's right Nine Seasons Ago in our continuity, Cmdr. Pike took a sabattical. Well, it didn't last long for him, even if it's been ages for us, and he's being called back to Starfleet to track down his missing first officer with a new crew, on his new ship, Enterprise.


2. Lost & Found (Prod)
(Dal, Gryn, Pog, Zero, Rok, Murf, Dreadnought, Diviner, Janeway)

This all-age, animated Star Trek series brings us to a new section of the galaxy where one of hundreds of enslaved aliens accidentally assembles a crew and stumbles upon a Starfleet ship called the Protostar which comes equipped with a training program: Janeway in hologram form. They set out to escape the planet and ... uhhh ...  there's probably more of a plan eventually.


3. Children Of The Comet (SNW)
(Uhura, Pike, Spock, Singh, Ortegas, 1, M’Benga, Hemmer, Chapel)

You can tell me all you want about how progressive the Star Trek universe is, and how we live in a post-racial society because we elected a Black President in 2008, but let it be known that it took SIXTY YEARS before Star Trek did an episode centered on Uhuru. Yea, yea, yea, Burnham is the lead in Discovery and she's a woman of color, but the Uhuru character has been around since the 1960s and she didn't get her moment in the spotlight until 2022. It's a really good episode about becoming part of a team, and I hope it means we'll get another Uhura-centric episode before 2081.


4. Starstruck (Prod)/Threshold (Voyager TAS)/Second Contact (LD)
(Dal, Gryn, Pog, Zero, Rok, Murf, Janeway, Dreadnought, Diviner)
(Chakotay, Tuvok, Kim, Janeway, Paris, Doctor, Seska, Neelix)
(Boimler, Mariner, Tendi, Rutherford, Freeman, Ransom, T'ana, Barnes)

A trilogy of animated episodes. We open with Hologram Janeway and the new crew of The Protostar trying to figure out what their mission should be now that they've escaped Tars Lamora. Then we go back to Voyager times (but animated this time) to see the abbreviated version of the time Real Janeway and Paris ended up evolving into ... something different. And, finally, we meet the crew of the Cerritos, whose mission is to visit planets that have had some limited contact with The Federation. Instead of the bridge crew, we spend more time seeing things through the eyes of the less-experienced crew.


5. Ghosts Of Illyria (SNW)
(1, Singh, Pike, Spock, Ortegas, M’Benga, Hemmer, Chapel, Uhura)

Invasion of the moth people! The crew of The Enterprise is sent to investigate a planet where an entire colony has disappeared. A virus spreads amongst the crew that gets them addicted to light, and we get some great background on the crew.


6. Much Ado About Bornier /Veritas (LD)
(Boimler, Tendi, Rutherford, Mariner, Freeman, Ransom, T'ana, Ramsey)

Sure, some transport accidents give you a cool clone with fake sideburns, but in Lower Decks they make it so that Bornier is slightly out of phase, so he's sent to The Farm for ... a better life? Then the bridge crew is captured and the lower decks members are put on trial to discover how good the bridge crew is at their job?


7.  Return Of The Archons (TOS)
(Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, Uhura)

We go all the way back to OG Kirk/Spock times as the most familiar crew of The Enterprise ends up on a planet where a cult is all prim and proper during the day but at night it's All Purge All The Time. How is this connected to a previous Starfleet mission?


8. Crisis Point (LD)/Kobayashi (Prod)
(Mariner, Boimler, Tendi, Rutherford,  Freeman, Ransom, Migleemo)
(Dal, Gryn, Pog, Zero, Rok, Murf, Janeway, Dreadnought, Diviner)

A holodeck adventure reveals a surprising truth to Boimler that we, the audience already knew. Plus, we're introduced to a villain that could only really work on this animated show. Then, Dal tries to beat the Kobayashi Maru to prove he is worthy of being the captain of The Protostar, while Hologram Janeway works with the rest of the crew. 

​
9. Arena (TOS)
(Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Uhuru, Scott, Sulu, Lesley)

There's a reason we skipped over this episode when we were deep in The Original Series. It is TERRIBLE. The acting, the fighting, the alien costumes. Just one of the worst episodes of the series. But comically The Worst as  opposed to The Most Boring. And while I don't remember the Metatrons returning, we do encounter The Gorn again in Strange New Worlds, so I figured we should check out their terrible origin.

10. Momento Mori (SNW)
(Pike, Singh, Spock, 1, Ortegas, M’Benga, Hemmer, Chapel, Uhura)

Oh hey, look, it's The Gorn again! This time, instead of a slow moving fake looking alien, they're an unseen dangerous menace who wipe out entire colonies. Luckily, Singh has some experience with them and can help try and save The Enterprise from imminent doom.


11. The Samaritan Snare (TNG)
(Riker, Laforge, Troi, Picard, Wesley, Data, Pulaski, Worf)

In addition to cringey TOS episodes, we also skipped over some seemingly mundane TNG episodes that ended up being relevant to the current crop of shows. In this one, we meet the Pakleds, an unevolved race that seeks the immediate satisfaction of technology and weapons. But, alas, Picard is away getting surgery, so it's up to Riker, Data, Troi, Worf, and Pulaski to rescue Laforge when the Pakleds take him hostage.


12. No Small Parts/Kayshon, His Eyes Open (LD)
(Mariner, Boimler, Tendi, Rutherford, Freeman, Ransom, Riker, Troi, Migleemo)

This is an absolute blast of callbacks. We travel from "Return Of The Archons" to "The Samaritan Snare" to "The Most Toys" to "Darmok" to "Second Chances" in this delightful pair of episodes where Boimler accidentally outs Freeman as Mariner's mother and then tries to get a promotion to the Titan with its Captain Riker, and Number One Troi.

13. Squire Of Gothos (TOS)
(Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Uhuru, Sulu, Scott, Leslie)

Spoiled children of the idle rich are always a disaster. And this alien is no different when he tries to turn Kirk into the target of The Most Dangerous Game. It's delightfully terrible with a Rennaisance Theme, which we will come back to in the next episode.


14. An Embarrasment Of Dooplers/Where Pleasant Fountains Lie (LD)
(Boimler, Freeman, Rutherford, Mariner, Tendi, Billups, Ransom, T'ana)

A race of aliens who multiply whenever they're embarrassed send an emissary to Cerritos which results in some Tribble-esque duplication. Then, Billups, who has had minimal screen time gets to be the focus of an episode when his mother, a member of a very Rennaisance style race, needs his help to save the planet where he is supposed to be the next ruler.


15. Spock Amok (SNW)
(Spock, T'Pring, Chapel, Pike, Singh, Uhura, M'Bega, 1, Ortegas, April, Kyle)

It's classic body swap shenanigans when Spock's fiance visits during a very important diplomatic meeting with a race of moody aliens who are trying to decide whether to align with Starfleet or The Klingons. Oh, and the two "fun-killers" on staff play Enterprise Bingo to get a better emotional connection with the crew.


16. Time Amok (Prod)/I, Excretus (LD)
(Dal, Gryn, Pog, Zero, Rok, Murf, Janeway, Dreadnought, Diviner)
(Boimler, Mariner, Freeman, Tendi, Rutherford, Ransom, T'ana, Shaks, Borg Queen)

The crew of the Protostar gets stranded across time in The Enterprise and have to work together without being able to communicate with each other. While on the Cerritos, the crew is tested on how well the bridge crew would function as lower decks crew, and lower decks crew would function on the bridge. 


17. Lift Us Where Suffering Can Not Reach (SNW)
(Pike, Spock, Chapel, 1, M'Benga, Uhura, Ortegas, Sam Kirk, Kyle)

Pike's old girlfriends don't seem as dangerous as Kirk's old girlfriends, and yet, when one shows up asking for help protecting the messiah of her paradise planet, everything quickly falls apart.


18. All Those Who Wander (SNW)
(Pike, Ortegas, Hemmers, Uhura, Spock, Chapel, 1, M'Benga, Sam Kirk, Kyle)

A regular old, every day, let's respond to a distress signal mission turns into an homage to Ridley Scott's Alien. It's another great example of how this series manages to seem fun and light, despite having sometimes greater consequences than the very dreary "Discovery" series that preceded it.

19. A Moral Star (Prod)
(Dal, Gryn, Pog, Zero, Rok, Murf, Janeway, Dreadnought, Diviner)

It's the conclusion to our Prodigy arc as the crew returns to the planet where they were enslaved in order to exchange the Protostar for the freedom of the remaining prisoners. That's when the doublecrossing begins.
​
20. A Quality Of Mercy (SNW)
(Pike, Pike, Spock, Kirk, Ortegas, 1, Uhura, Chapel, M'Benga, Sam Kirk, Kyle)

"Lower Decks" isn't the only series that gets to do callbacks this season, as our season finale of SNW is a retelling of "The Balance Of Terror" (the very first episode of our continuity!) but with Pike in the captain's chair. Oh, and Kirk is there, too, as the captain of another vessel. How will Pike's differing techniques change the outcome of this pivotal TOS moment? And is this somehow connected to the next season where the Romulans are about to become Super Important again?

All three of the wrestling federations from the last few seasons start to get their acts together this season. We get some compelling stories, some top rate matches, and we see stables start to rise again for the first time since The Attitude Era. Sure, there was Evolution in WWE, and Impact tried a few grizzled old timer stables, but this season sees WWE introduce The Shield, who will be THE headliners of the industry for the next decade as well as The Wyatt Family, and Impact will get their first real compelling stable story out of Aces & Eights. ROH still bumps along with solid matches and forgettable storylines, but we're going to see them less and less, as this season also sees the arrival of NXT. NXT is the joint where ROH vets work to become WWE rookies, and some of them make that transition effortlessly. This also begins the fall of the Divas era (mostly terrible sex-focused matches for women like pillow fights and pudding matches rather than wrestling matches) and the rise of the Four Horsewomen in NXT, who will help usher in "The Womens' Revolution" in WWE where the women get actual storylines, character development, and the division is comprised of athletes on par with the men, as opposed to models that Vince McMahon wishes he could sleep with (or, allegedly, in some cases, has to pay hush money to after he sleeps with them). 

While there's no real focus at the beginning of this season, other than highlighting entertaining matches and storylines, we end the season with the climax of Daniel Bryan's Yes Movement, and then the most shocking moment in Wrestlemania History.

​1301. Over The Limit, 2012

We get a bit of a peek at the impending Hell No/Yes Movement here, as well as CM Punk at the height of his first real run at the top of the WWE. Oh, and Brock Lesnar returns from a near decade long absence and absolutely annihilates John Cena.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Booker T, Jim Ross, Josh Matthews, Matt Striker, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts, Lilian Garcia, and Howard Finkel

1. CM Punk (WWE Champ) vs Chris Jericho
2. Sheamus (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Daniel Bryan in a 2/3 Falls Match
​3. John Cena vs Brock Lesnar in an Extreme Rules Match
4. Sheamus (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Chris Jericho vs Randy Orton vs Alberto Del Rio

5. CM Punk (WWE Champ) vs Daniel Bryan

1302. Roode Awakening, 2012

Bobby Roode had an incredible and long run as TNA champ. His best matches weren't against the TNA Dino Squad but against the younger up and comers, and here he gets his up and commance against Austin Aries, who we saw dominate ROH a few seasons ago. There's also minor AJ Styles controversy that leads him to friendship and a tag team with former rival Kurt Angle.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Jeremy Borash

1. Kurt Angle vs AJ Styles
2. Bobby Roode (Impact Champ) vs AJ Styles
3. Bad Influence (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs Kurt Angle & AJ Styles
4. Christopher Daniels vs AJ Styles in a Last Man Standing Match
5. Bobby Roode (Impact Champ) vs Austin Aries
6. Austin Aries (Impact Champ) vs Bobby Roode

1303. Young Wolves Rising, 2012

Tomasso Ciampa and Adam Cole debut, Lance Storm retires, and we see Nigel McGuinness join the commentary team. 

Announcers: Kevin Kelly, Nigel McGuinness, Vada Scott, and Bobby Cruise

1. Jay Lethal (ROH TV Champ) vs Tomasso Ciampa
2. Adam Cole & Eddie Edwards vs Team Ambition
3. Lance Storm vs Mike Bennett
4. Davey Richards (ROH Champ) vs Michael Elgin

1304. Kill Steen Kill, 2012

Jim Cornette HATES Kevin Owens (aka Kevin Steen). Kevin Owens hates not destroying everything in his path. And a babyfaced, pre-baby Adam Cole quickly climbs the first class of ROH members who are destined to be known more for their time in AEW than WWE.

Announcers: Jim Cornette, Kevin Kelly, Nigel McGuiness, Steve Corrino, Matt Hardy

1. Adam Cole vs Kyle O'Reilly in a Hybrid Rules Match
2. Kevin Owens (ROH Champ) vs Davey Richards in a No DQ Match
3. Adam Cole (ROH TV Champ) vs Mike Mondo
4. Davey Richards vs Jay Lethal
5. Kevin Owens (ROH Champ) vs Michael Elgin
3. Kevin Owens (ROH Champ) vs Eddie Kingston in a No DQ Match

1305. Contractually Obligated, 2012

Brock Lesnar is back and annoying The Corporation, so the head of The Corporation, Triple H steps back into the ring to get him in line. Plus, Ziggler climbs up the card, and CM Punk and Daniel Bryan relive their ROH days before Bryan enters the tag team division, and Punk becomes a Heyman Guy and takes on John Cena

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Booker T, JBL, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel,  Justin Roberts

1. WWE Heavyweight Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Christian, Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, Damien Sandow, Santino Morella, Sin Cara, Tyson Kid, A-Train

2. CM Punk (WWE Champ) vs Daniel Bryan
3. Chris Jericho vs Dolph Ziggler
4. Brock Lesnar vs Triple H in a No DQ Match
5. CM Punk (WWE Champ) vs John Cena

1306. NXT, 2012

WWE's developmental rebrands from FCW (and we catch a glimpse of the FCW at the very beginning of this episode)  to NXT, and they start with an amazing class of future WWE headliners. Some we're seeing for the first time here, others, like Seth Rollins, we saw during their ROH days. Plus, we get a late career William Regal match.

Announcers: Jim Ross, William Regal, Byron Sacton, Todd Grisham, Josh Matthews, Maryse, Howard Finkel

1. Dean Ambrose vs Wiliam Regal
2. Bray Wyatt vs Aiden English
3. Big E vs Chase Donovan
4. Drew McIntyre vs Seth Rollins
5. Brodus Clay vs Ryan Collins
6. The Usos vs Ascension
7. Richie Steamboat vs Chris Hero (as Kassius Ohno)
8. The Usos vs Ascencion
9. Big E vs Chad Baxter
10. Damien Sandow vs Garret Dylan
11. Tyson Kidd vs Curtis Axel (as Michael McGillicutty)
12. Seth Rollins vs Jinder Mahal for 1st ever NXT Championship

1309. Full Sail, 2012

The Rollins run collides with Big E, one of two unstoppable forces introduced during the early days of NXT (the other one being Roman Reigns). We also see Corey Graves brief stint as a wrestler before he becomes one of the core WWE announcers, and Cesaro jumps the fence to NXT from ROH. 

Announcers: Jim Ross, William Regal, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

1. Chris Hero (as Kassius Ohno) vs Richie Steamboat
2. Roman Reigns vs CJ Parker
3. Caesaro (NXT US Champ) vs Tyson Kidd
4. Paige vs Sasha Banks
5. Seth Rollins (NXT Champ) vs Jinder Mahal
6. Big E vs Camacho and Aiden English
7. Big Show (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Bo Dallas
8. Seth Rollins (NXT Champ) vs Corey Graves
9. Wyatt Family vs Percy Watson & Yoshi Tatsu
10. Seth Rollins (NXT Champ) vs Big E

1308. Aces & Eights, 2012/2013

Last season's main storyline where Hogan and Bischoff made Impact all about WCW nostalgia isn't remembered as a golden age for the company. But this season, we see the rise of the Aces & Eights stable where they took months to slowly reveal a gang of wrestlers who set out to destroy the old guard. It was fun, it had some interesting twists, and in this episode we get to see them debut, we see a couple of them unmasked, and we even see some decent wrestling as it happens. We also get our first glimpse of Joseph Park a Not Wrestler who will have a fascinating storyline through the rest of the season.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Jeremy Borash, Christy Hemme, "Joseph Park"

1. Jeff Hardy vs Bubba Ray Dudley vs James Storm vs Mr Stone
2. Bad Influence (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs Kurt Angle & AJ Styles vs Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez

3. Aces & Eights vs Sting & Bubba Ray Dudley
4. Austin Aries (Impact Champ) vs Jeff Hardy
5. Jeff Hardy (Impact Champ) vs Kurt Angle

1309. THE SHIELD, 2012

Daniel Bryan & Kane's unlikely tag team gets a shot at the title. CM Punk extends his time as one of the longest reigning WWE champs in history with the help of three little NXT stars who level up as THE SHIELD, and who will soon be three of the top names in wrestling. Oh, and The Rock comes back. Again. Again. The only real downside to this episode is the "AJ Lee is crazy" storyline but I promise, the WWE Womens' Revolution is right around the corner.

Announcers: Michael Cole, JBL, Matt Striker, Lilian Garcia, Justin Roberts

1. Kofi Kingston & R-Truth (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Team Hell No 
2. CM Punk (WWE Champ) vs John Cena vs Ryback
3. The Shield vs Ryback & Team Hell No in a TLC Match
4. Dolph Ziggler vs John Cena for the Money In The Bank Contract
5. CM Punk (WWE Champ) vs The Rock

​1310. Defy Or Deny, 2013

The Kevin Owens era continues to be a fun one. With Jim Cornette gone, and NXT taking some of ROH's top talent, we start to see more of a focus on the tag team division, and a few WWE and Impact castoffs popping into the singles main event scene.

Announcers: Kevin Kelly, Nigel McGuinness, Steve Corino, Bobby Cruise

1. Matt Hardy vs Adam Cole
2. Kevin Owens (ROH Champ) vs Sami Zayn in a Ladder Match
3. The American Wolves vs The Forever Hooligans
4. The Briscoe Brothers (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs reDragon
5. Kevin Owens (ROH Champ) vs Jay Lethal

1311. The Jabroni Chamber, 2013

So far, The Rock's last hurrah in the WWE has him squaring off with CM Punk. Yea, he has a John Cena match after this, but it's not great so we're skipping it.  The SHIELD is also making their presence felt as more than just CM Punk's muscle.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Lilian Garcia, Justin Roberts

1. The Royal Rumble
Dolph Ziggler, Chris Jericho, Cody Rhodes, Kofi Kingston, Santino Marella, Drew McIntyre, Titus O'Neil, Goldust, David Otunga, Heath Slater, Sheamus, Albert (as Tensai), Brodus Clay, Rey Mysterio, Darren Young, Bo Dallas, The Godfather, Wade Barrett, John Cena, Damien Sandow, Daniel Bryan, Antonio Cesaro, The Great Khali, Kane, Zack Ryder, Randy Orton, Jinder Mahal, The Miz, Sin Cara, Ryback

2. #1 Contendor Elimination Chamber
Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, Kane, Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry, Jake Haeger

3. The Shield vs John Cena, Shaemus & Ryback
4. The Rock (WWE Champ) vs CM Punk

​1312. Wrestling Weddings Are Always Cursed, 2013

I have often busted on Impact's storytelling. The Vince Russo Senior Citizen Brigade Ideas were pretty terrible and the Hulk Hogan/Eric Bischoff era wasn't much better. And yet, Hogan is still the General Manager of Impact at this point and, somehow, the storytelling gets really interesting. In this episode it's revealed that Hulk Hogan's daughter is in love with Bubba Ray Dudley. Now ... is it movie level storytelling? Nah. Is it on par with WWE's Attitude era at its peak? Kinda. 
​
Announcers: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Todd Keneley, Jeremy Borash, Christy Hemme

1. D-Von Dudley vs Kurt Angle
2. Jeff Hardy (Impact Champ) vs Austin Aries in a Ladder Match
3. Samoa Joe (Impact TV Champ) vs D-Von Dudley
4. Sting vs Knox
5. Sting vs Luke Gallows (as DOC)
5. Jeff Hardy (Impact Champ) vs Austin Aries vs Bobby Roode

1313. Saturday Morning Slam, 2012-13

Be prepared for an episode like no other. This cartoonish show was focused on bringing wrestling to kids in the 2010s. The focus of the show was humor, faster-paced matches, and some ridiculous spots. Oh, and dancing. There was a TON of dancing.

Announcers: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews, Santino Morello, R Truth, Tony Chimel

1. Tyrus (as Brodus Clay) vs Curt Hawkins
2. William Regal vs Matt Cardona (as Zack Ryder)
3. Sin Cara vs Jinder Mahal
4. Daniel Bryan vs Tyson Kidd
5. 3MB vs The Usos
6. Kane vs Jinder Mahal
7. Daniel Bryan vs Heath Slater
8. Alicia Fox vs Natalya
9. Ryback vs 2 jobbers
10. Randy Orton vs Damien Sandow

1314. Stable Champions

The SHIELD gets all the gold. CM Punk leaves the title behind to chase some of the biggest names in the business. Brock Lesnar Brock Lesnars, and Damien Sandow reaches his apex in the business.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Lilian Garcia, Justin Roberts

1. The Undertaker vs CM Punk
2. Kofi Kingston (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Dean Ambrose
3. Team Hell No (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs The Shield
4. Brock Lesnar vs Triple H in a Steel Cage
5. CM Punk vs Chris Jericho
6. The Shield (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Daniel Bryan & Randy Orton
7. WWE Heavyweight Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Dean Ambrose, Cody Rhodes, Caesaro, Jake Haeger, Wade Barrett, Damien Sandow, Fandango

1315. The Next Next Big Things

The SHIELD stomps all over their former playground but the big story is that the future womens' revolution gets started here as Bayley and Charlotte Flair each debut.

Announcers: Jim Ross, William Regal, Tom Phillips, Brad Maddox, Renee Young

1. British Ambition vs The Wyatt Family for the inaugural NXT Tag Team Championship
2. Bo Dallas vs Corey Graves vs Conor O'Brian for the #1 Contendership
3. Seth Rollins vs Corey Graves in a Lumberjack Match
4. Chris Jericho vs Bray Wyatt
5. Paige vs Bayley
6. Big E (NXT Champ) vs Bo Dallas
7. Charlotte Flair vs Bayley
8. Emma vs Page for the Inaugural NXT Womens Champ
9. AJ Lee (WWE Divas Champ) vs Bayley
​10. Sami Zayn vs Caesaro

1316. Stacked Deck

It's the turning point of the Aces & Eights storyline, as they stop having to wear masks and start running things in TNA. Plus, Joseph Park is still out there having fun. And then the Aces & Eights storyline starts to go off the rails for a bit. We'll see if it rights itself next season.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Todd Keneley, Jeremy Borash, Christy Hemme

1. Joseph Park vs Joey Ryan
2. Aces & Eights vs Team TNA in a War Games Match
D-Von Dudley, Kennedy, Luke Gallows, Mike Knox & Garrett Bischoff vs Sting, Samoa Joe, James Storm, Erick Young & Magnus

3. Matt Hardy (Impact Champ) vs Bubba Ray Dudley in a Steel Cage
4. Gail Kim vs Taryn Terrell
5. Kurt Angle vs AJ Styles
6. Bubba Ray Dudley (ROH Champ) vs AJ Styles in a No DQ Match

1317. Goat Herding, 2013

The Yes Movement is on the horizon as Vince McMahon and Triple H make it clear that they don't think Daniel Bryan has what it takes to be the WWE champ. So we get some twists and turns and some special guest referees interfering with the Bryan/Orton feud. Oh, and while they're keeping Daniel Bryan down, Triple H and Stephanie are also out to rid the WWE/NEXT of the Rhodes family, who must fight for their jobs in this episode by going head to head with The SHIELD. Plus a dream match as CM Punk takes on Brock Lesnar.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Shawn Michaels, Booker T, Vickie Guerrero, Lilian Garcia, Justin Roberts

1. Brock Lesnar vs CM Punk in a No DQ Match
2. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton
3. Randy Orton (WWE Champ) vs Daniel Bryan
4. The SHIELD (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs The Rhodes Scholars
5. Randy Orton vs Daniel Bryan in a Steel Cage for the WWE Championship

​1318. The Eater Of Worlds

The Wyatt Family's jump from NXT to WWE proper takes off with nearly as much momentum as The SHIELD's. We get to see Roman be mean to the Usos years before The Bloodline storyline takes shape, and the ROH alums continue to have some of the best matches in the WWE.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Renee Young, Lilian Garcia, Justin Roberts

1. The Rhodes Scholars (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs The SHIELD vs The Usos
2. CM Punk & Daniel Bryan vs The Wyatt Family
3. CM Punk vs The SHIELD
4. AJ Lee (WWE Divas Champ) vs Natalya
5. Bray Wyatt vs Daniel Bryan
6. The Wyatt Family vs The Shield

1319. Nostalgiamania

The matches in this episode are youngish and freshish superstars but there are cameos from the 80s, 90s, and 00s. I threw the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle into this because it's fun but also because there is a drout of Royal Rumbles this and next season, as there was a creative dry spell around the event for a few years, but it will be back. We also get a setup to our finale which features two Major Events in WWE history.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, The Rock, Lilian Garcia, Justin Roberts

1. Big E (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Jake Hager
2. WWE Heavyweight Elimination Chamber
Randy Orton (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs John Cena vs Christian vs Daniel Bryan vs Shaemus vs Caesaro

3. Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
4. John Cena vs Bray Wyatt

1320. Windex & The Yes Movement

The wildest short term story of the era: Daniel Bryan and The Yes Movement, and the longest running storyline in sports entertainment history: The Undertaker's Streak are the only two elements of this excellent season finale.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Lilian Garcia, Justin Roberts

1. Daniel Bryan vs Triple H
2.The Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar
3. Randy Orton (WWE Champ) vs Batista vs Daniel Bryan

The creative doldrums of the last few seasons start to slowly fade as the current crop of AEW and WWE stars ascend to the top of Ring Of Honor, we get our second Summer Of Punk, as well as The Pipebomb, and Impact gives some spotlight time to some looked over WWE veterans while also continuing their excellent X-Division.

This is an era I was totally tuned out for. I wasn't watching any wrestling at all, and nobody I was talking to ever mentioned it. (I didn't even hear anyone elude to the pipebomb until 2014.) So it was fun to go back and see some of these matches, and realize that the mediocrity that turned me away from sports entertainment didn't last very long.

1201. Sort Of Extreme Rules, 2010

I won't be including him in any matches, but to give the beginning of this season some excitement, there is a huge return in this episode that makes for a really feelgood moment. (Though, again, there won't be any singles matches with the returning superstar because he was past his time of being able to put on good shows.)

1. Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Kane, Matt Hardy, Christian, Shelton Benjamin, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, MVP, Jack Hager, Matt Sydal, Drew McIntyre

2. Triple H vs Sheamus in a Street Fight
3. Chris Jericho (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Edge in a Steel Cage Match
4. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs Batista in a Last Man Standing Match
5. Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk in a Hair vs Straight Edge Society Match

1202. Big Bang Theory, 2010

While WWE and Impact each have definitive new storylines for this season, ROH continues to just ... exist. There are some great matches here, and it's always fun when Jim Cornette shows up, but, uhh, the storylines are elementary school basic so even though the matches are good, it's tough to invest in them. So this is episode is to highlight Caesaro in the Kings Of Wrestling, the Motor City Machine Guns (who are about to go nuclear in Impact), and give Seth Rollins some more screen time before he jumps to WWENXT nxt season.

Announcers: Jim Cornette, Dave Prazak, Kevin Kelly, Bobby Cruise

1. The Brisco Brothers (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Kings Of Wrestling
2. Davey Richards vs Kenny King
3. The Kings Of Wrestling (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Motor City Machine Guns
4. Seth Rollins (ROH Champ) vs Austin Aries vs Roderick Strong

1203. Lethal Fortune, 2010

We're just a few seasons away from AEW coming into existence and really making it feel organically like WCW is back. It will be on the same channels that WCW used to be, it will have some of the old school announcers, it will have a couple of the old guard as mentors, and one or two as wrestlers. But now, in Impact, in addition to having Jeff Jarret, Sting and a bunch of aging WWE veterans around, Impact does its best WCW impression by introducing ... sigh ... Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff. Luckily, they don't wrestle in this episode. This episode is a tag team clinic in three excellent matches as Beer Money and Motor City Machine Guns go all out (like AEW) for the titles. Also, we see some non-Kong Knockout matches, as the division gets fresh blood.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Jeremy Borash

1. Beautiful People vs Angelina Love & Victoria
2. Beer Money vs Motor City Machine Guns for the Impact Tag Team Titles
3. Ric Flair vs Jay Lethal
4. Madison Rayne (Impact Knockout Champ) vs Roxxi in a Title vs Career Match
5. Motor City Machine Guns (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs Beer Money in a Ladder Match
6. RvD (Impact Champ) vs Sting
7. Madison Rayne (Impact Knockout Champ) vs Angelina Love
8. Motor City Machine Guns (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs Beer Money in a 2/3 Falls Match

1204. Over The Limit, 2010

We open with a title match featuring two stars who will go on to have one of the best title matches in this history of the WWE but on this night their match is interrupted by the debut of a new faction that features some familiar faces from ROH and Impact. We also see Drew McIntyre get an early spotlight, and two Money In The Bank matches with two genuinely surprising winners. And, even though he's only shown up for a few minutes at the beginning of one episode, we see Bret Hart already being written off the show. For now. 

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

1. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs CM Punk
2. Kofi Kingston (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Drew McIntyre
3. Matt Sydall (as Evan Bourne) vs Chris Jericho
4. Smackdown Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Kane, Big Show, Christian, Matt Hardy, Cody Rhodes, Drew McIntyre, Kofi Kingston, Dolph Ziggler

5. Rey Mysterio (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Jake Hager
6. Raw Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, Edge, Mark Henry, The Miz, Ted Dibiase Jr, Matt Sydal (as Evan Bourne), John Morrison

1205. The Nexus, 2010

Hell yeah, the first graduating class of NXT, from its brief stint as a game show, arrived in the last episode to wreak havoc. But we haven't seen them wrestle. Oh, and it was never mentioned on TV but Daniel Bryan was suspended for being Too Real during the Nexus debut, and is quietly brought back in this episode as someone fighting the Nexus. And, hey, Bret Hart's back. Don't blink.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

1. Team WWE vs Nexus
Bret Hart, John Cena, Edge, Chris Jericho, Daniel Bryan, R-Truth, John Morrison vs Wade Barrett, Ryback, Heath Slater, David Otungo, Justin Gabriel, Darren Young, Michael Tarver

2. The Miz (WWE US Champ) vs Daniel Bryan
3. Randy Orton (WWE Champ) vs Sheamus
4. ​Wade Barrett vs John Cena

​1206. The Stairway To Janice, 2010

It's Hogan/Bischoff shenanigans in the title scene of Impact, as RVD and Abyss feud, and Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy and Kennedy (as Mr. Anderson) battle over the Heavyweight title. We also get to see the Young Bucks in Impact as they wrestled as Generation Me. 

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Lauren Thompson, Jeremy Borash

1. RvD (Impact Champ) vs Abyss in a Stairway To Janice Match
2. Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy
3. Motor City Machine Guns (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs Young Bucks (as Generation Me)
4. Kurt Angle vs Kennedy (as Mr Anderson) in a Lethal Lockdown Match
5. RvD vs Abyss in a Monster's Ball Match
6. Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy vs Kennedy for the Impact Championship

1207. Bitter Friends, Stiffer Enemies, 2010

Say goodbye to Seth Rollins, and then pretend to say goodbye to Kevin Owens (he'll be back soon), as this crop of ROH superstars are soon destined for NXT. Meanwhile, on the opposite side of that exchange, Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas show up here to prove they're one of the top tag teams in the business even without Vince McMahon, Kurt Angle or Paul Heyman to guide them.
​
Announcers: Jim Cornette, Dave Prazak, Kevin Kelly, Bobby Cruise

1. The Kings Of Wrestling vs World's Greatest Tag Team
2. Seth Rollins (ROH Champ) vs Roderick Strong in a No DQ Match
3. Sara Del Rey & Serena Deeb vs Daizee Haze & Awesome Kong
4. Roderick Strong (ROH Champ) vs Davey Richards
5. Sami Zayn vs Kevin Owens in a Career vs Mask Match

​1208. Meltzer's WWEt Dream, 2010

The Nexus storyline begins to fade out, as we focus on some of the rising stars who don't need a stable to make names for themselves. Miz grows into his heel persona, Daniel Bryan puts on some wrestling clinics, Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero provide WWE's near constant corrupt management storyline afloat, Low-Ki even shows up for a one-off (as Kava), and we get out first glimpse of Alberto Del Rio. And the title is because Dave Meltzer reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally likes Daniel Bryan. Smooches.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

1. Daniel Bryan (WWE US Champ) vs John Morrison vs The Miz
2. Daniel Bryan (WWE US Champ) vs Dolph Ziggler
3. John Morrison vs Shamus in a Ladder Match
4. Daniel Bryan (WWE US Champ) vs Ted Dibiase Jr
5. Dolph Ziggler (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Low-Ki (as Kava)
6. John Cena vs Wade Barrett in a Chairs Match
​7.  Kane (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Edge vs Rey Mysterio vs Alberto Del Rio in a TLC Match

1209. Mortal Fortune, 2010, 2011

The senior citizen brigade had a long running storyline about power struggles between Hogan, Bischoff, Flair, Sting, and Nash throughout this season, and I've mostly ignored it. It was better than the Jarret/Russo nonsense but not by a wide margin. WCW alumni gotta WCW, I guess. There's some fun stuff here, though, as Mickey James makes the first of many jumps, this one from WWE to Impact, the Young Bucks put on a masterpiece against Motor City Machine Guns. We also see a rare post-ECW Dudley vs Dudley match that goes way beyond the pale, and we end with one of those faction vs faction in a cage matches that are totally not War Games, just as the over-the-top timed supecards aren't precisely Royal Rumbles.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Christy Hemme, Jeremy Borash

1. Mickie James vs Victoria
2. AJ Styles (Impact TV Champ) vs Doug Williams
3. Motor City Machine Guns (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs Young Bucks in a Full Metal Mayhem Match

4. Bubba Ray Dudley vs Devon Dudley in a Street Fight
5. Kurt Angle vs Jeff Jarrett
6. Kennedy (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs Jeff Hardy in a Ladder Match
7. Fortune vs Immortal in a Lethal Lockdown Match
Christopher Daniels, Robert Roode, Kazarian, James Storm vs Ric Flair, Matt Hardy, Bubba Ray & Abyss

1210. Loading The Chambers, 2011

The second longest/largest ever rumble match is ... long. Plus, two Elimination Chambers that push us toward some impending plotlines.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Tony Chimel

1. Edge (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Dolph Ziggler
2. Royal Rumble
CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Justin Gabriel, Zack Ryder, William Regal, Ted DiBiase Jr., John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu, Bray Wyatt (as Husky Harris), Chavo Guerrero, Mark Henry, JTG, Michael McGillicutty, Chris Masters, David Otunga, Tyler Reks, Vladimir Kozlov, R-Truth, The Great Khali, Mason Ryan, Booker T, John Cena, Hornswoggle, Tyson Kidd, Heath Slater, Kofi Kingston, Jake Hager, Sheamus, Rey Mysterio, Wade Barrett, Dolph Ziggler, Kevin Nash (as Diesel), Alex Riley, Big Show, Ezekiel Jackson, Santino Marella, Alberto Del Rio, Randy Orton, Kane 

3. WWE Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber
Edge (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Kane vs Rey Mysterio vs Big Show vs Drew McIntyre vs Wade Barrett

4. WWE #1 Contender Elimination Chamber
John Cena vs CM Punk vs Randy Orton vs Sheamus vs R-Truth vs John Morrison

1211. Four On The Floor, 2011

Apart from the opening title match, every battle on this card has an "extreme" stipulation. Triple H goes after The Undertaker's Wrestlemania streak, Alberto Del Rio goes on a mission to get the Heavyweight title, Christian returns to the WWE, and The Miz, somehow the WWE champ, defends his title in a steel cage.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews, The Rock, Justin Roberts, Tony Chimel, Howard Finkel

1. Edge (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Alberto Del Rio
2. The Undertaker vs Triple H in a No Holds Barred Match
3. Christian vs Alberto Del Rio in a Ladder Match for the WWE Heavyweight Championship

4. The Miz (WWE Champ) vs John Cena vs John Morrison in a Steel Cage Match

1212. Honor Takes Center Stage, 2011

A couple of epic multi-team tag matches balance the oncoming storm of Tomasso Ciampa and the inaugaration of Davey Richards as the new face of ROH.

Announcers: Jim Cornette, Dave Prazak, Kevin Kelly, Bobby Cruise

1. Tomasso Ciampa vs Colt Cabana
2. World's Greatest Tag Team (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Kings of Wrestling vs The Briscoe Brothers vs All-Night Express

3. Eddie Edwards (ROH Champ) vs Davey Richards
4. The Young Bucks vs Future Shock vs The Bravado Brothers

1213. Hardcore Justice, 2011

We're nearing the end of the Hogan Bischoff era of Impact. Sting has lost his mind and become Joker Sting, Kurt Angle and Jeff Jarret's feud gets personal when Jarret's wife (who happens to also be Angle's ex-wife) makes disparaging remarks about their marriage, and we even get an appearance by Chyna, who has her own history with Jarret. This is the final time we'll see Chyna, and we really don't get enough of her here. Oh, and Low-Ki is already back from the five seconds he was in the WWE.

​Announcers: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Christy Hemme, Jeremy Borash

1. Kurt Angle vs Jeff Jarrett in a 2/3 Falls Match
2. Bubba Ray Dudley vs AJ Styles in a Last Man Standing Match
3. Kurt Angle & Chyna vs Jeff Jarrett & Karen Jarrett
4. Austin Aries vs Low-Ki vs Jack Evans vs Joaquin Wilde for an Impact contract
5. Mickie James (Impact Knockout Champ) vs Katarina
6. Fortune vs Immortal
7. Sting (Impact Champ) vs Kurt Angle

1214. Capitol Punishment, 2011

This is a great episode. The heartbreak of Christian's short reign as WWE champ, and CM Punk dropping The Pipebomb and threatening to leave with the title. It was nearly some of the best storytelling of the 2010s WWE, except that they didn't let it linger long enough after the shocking ending of this episode. But for this chronology, we'll at least take some time off to pretend there was a long time between this inciting incident and the next part of the story.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Booker T, Matt Striker, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

1. Christian (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Randy Orton
2. Kofi Kingston (WWE US Champ) vs Dolph Ziggler
3. CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio
4. Randy Orton (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Christian
5. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs R Truth in a Tables Match
6. Raw Money In The Bank Match
Rey Mysterio, The Miz, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Alberto Del Rio, Jake Haeger, Matt Sydal, Alex Riley

7. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs CM Punk

1215. Northern Aggression/Southern Defiance, 2011

Another no nonsense Jim Cornette affair with miminal storytelling outside the ring but a ton of action in the ring.

​Announcers: Jim Cornette, Dave Prazak, Kevin Kelly, Bobby Cruise

1. The Briscoe Brothers vs All-Night Express in a Ladder Match
2. Jay Lethal (ROH TV Champ) vs Sami Zayn vs Mike Kanelli
3. Kevin Owens vs Steve Corino
4. Davey Richards (ROH Champ) vs Eddie Edwards

​1216. Control, 2011, 2012

It's the end of the Hogan/Bischoff era as Joker Sting takes out The Immortal once and for all. Plus, Bobby Roode ascends to the top of the card, Gail Kim returns to dominate the Knockouts Division again, and we see how ROH alum Austin Aries is faring in the X Division. All in all, it's a fun endpoint to this season's Impact Adventures.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Christy Hemme, Jeremy Borash

1. Kurt Angle (Impact Champ) vs Bobby Roode
2. Gail Kim (Impact Knockout Champ) vs Mickie James
3. Bobby Roode (Impact Champ) vs AJ Styles in an Iron Man Match
4. Austin Aries (Impact X champ) vs Kid Kash vs Jesse Sorensen vs Joaquin Wilde
5. Sting vs Hulk Hogan for control of Impact

1217. Disputed, 2011

Vince McMahon holds a tournament to crown a new WWE champ in CM Punk's absence. Then Triple H returns, fires McMahon, and throws John Cena at the new champ. And THEN CM Punk comes back, meaning there are two WWE Champs. Plus, Randy Orton and Christian continue to toss the Heavyweight title back and forth.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

1. Rey Mysterio vs The Miz for the vacant WWE Championship
2. Rey Mysterio (WWE Champ) vs John Cena
3. Randy Orton (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Christian
4. Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston & John Morrison vs The Miz, R-Truth & Alberto Del Rio
5. Christian (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Randy Orton
​6. CM Punk (WWE Champ) vs John Cena (WWE Champ) for the Undisputed WWE Championship

1218. Hall Of Pain, 2011

It's been a while since the Heavyweight Champ was a super heavyweight. And it's been a while since we've seen Mark Henry in a solid storyline. Finally, these two things converge. The match where he won the title wasn't great, but he did have some strong matches as champ, and here's the first of them.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews, Justin Roberts, Tony Chimel, Howard Finkel

1. Dolph Ziggler (WWE US Champ) vs John Morrison vs Jake Hager vs Alex Riley
2. Triple H vs CM Punk in a No DQ Match
3. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs CM Punk vs Alberto Del Rio in Hell In A Cell
4. Mark Henry (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Big Show
5. Alberto Del Rio (WWE Champ) vs John Cena in a Last Man Standing Match

1219. Awesome Truth, 2011

This isn't precisely a filler episode, but it's mainly to showcase a few people who are going to be left out of the final episode of the season, as well as provide more drama leading into the big finale match of: John Cena vs The Rock. It feels wrong that CM Punk isn't in the final episode, but it also sort of proves his point that the WWE was usually happy to overlook him to make room for John Cena.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews, Lilian Garcia, Justin Roberts

1. Alberto Del Rio (WWE Champ) vs CM Punk
2. Awesome Truth vs John Cena & The Rock
3. Dolph Ziggler (WWE US Champ) vs Zach Ryder
4. Mark Henry (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Big Show vs Daniel Bryan
5. Randy Orton vs Wade Barrett in a Tables Match
6. CM Punk (WWE Champ) vs The Miz vs Alberto Del Rio in a TLC Match

​1220. "Once" In A Lifetime, 2012

Next season will see the rise of Team Hell No & The Yes Movement but we get a preview of why they happen here. Plus, while the WWE lied to you about The Rock vs John Cena being "once in a lifetime", I will tell you the truth: this is the only time they'll face off in this continuity.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews, Lilian Garcia, Justin Roberts, Tony Chimel, Howard Finkel

1. Royal Rumble Match
The Miz, Alex Riley, R-Truth, Cody Rhodes, Justin Gabriel, Primo, Mick Foley, Ricardo Rodriguez, Santino Marella, Epico, Kofi Kingston, Jerry Lawler, Ezekiel Jackson, Jinder Mahal, The Great Khali, Hunico, Booker T, Dolph Ziggler, Jim Duggan, Michael Cole, Awesome Kong,  Sheamus, Road Dogg, Jey Uso, Jack Hager, Wade Barrett, David Otunga, Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Big Show

2. Beth Phoenix (WWE Diva Champ) vs Tamina
3. The Undertaker vs Triple H in Hell In A Cell
4. Daniel Bryan (WWE Champ) vs Sheamus
5. The Rock vs John Cena

Like most American fans, I came to know Pulp through "Common People", their biggest hit off the Different Class album. By the time they popped up on the Trainspotting soundtrack, I was hanging out with British nannies who made sure I got a copy of the previous Pulp album, His & Hers. They told me the band had been around since the 80s New Wave movement. But that they kind of sucked for a while.

I think it's less that they sucked, and more that they were directionless and forgettable. They had some decent songs but frontman Jarvis Cocker was still writing about love and life in his twenties, which isn't nearly as interesting as the sexual voyeurism and class envy that he focused on in the 90s and early 2000s.

I bought their early hits anthology, Countdown, when it came out but...I didn't listen to it more than once. I have very different opinions about what early Pulp songs are worth a listen or two. Death Goes To The Disco is my personal compilation of their best singles, album cuts, and B-sides from the 80s and very early 90s.

It's sort of Nick Cave meets The Cure  but fails to write a mega-pop hit.

1. There's a Nick Cavey bop to the first track, Don't You Want Me Anymore? It's a love song about falling in love with someone at their worst and being desperate for them not to leave him but with a weird dash of how he wants his whole home town to watch and approve. It's a slight twist on a common songwriting trope and it helps elevate this out of typical love song territory. There's a bit of growl to Cocker's voice that he smoothes out over the years. It's a shame. I like the growl. Also, there's fiddley-violin on this track that gives it a brightness most New Wave tracks lack. This could absolutely be a melodramatic ballad in an 80s Coming Of Age film.

2. I Want You isn't just an answer to the previous track's title. It's also a familiarish piano twinkle riff New Waver. It's got some fun 50s style doo-wop background vocals in some places. The lyrics start out pretty forgettable and common with some super easy rhymes but evolve more malice to them than you'd expect. A lot of love songs sound stalkery and creepy if you really listen to them, but this is In Your Face Psycho Love with actual threatens of violence if the love is not returned, all with those doo-wop bum bum bum bums in the background.

3. We pep things up with some drum machine and bleepy pop at the beginning of Death II. There's some lovely twangy bass in the background while Cocker sings about dying at the disco, and yet waking up alive and in love the next morning. It's pretty delightful. This also marks the first time Jarvis Cocker points out that he isn't Jesus Christ. This will be a theme he revisits several times over the decades, including during his biggest pop culture moments where he hopped on stage while Michael Jackson was singing "Earth Song" and mocked Jackson's martyr image. I also noticed when I was putting this together how many Pulp songs end with the word away. This track makes it 2/3 for the album.

4. There is a LOT of violin on this album. The previous track ends with a violin riff, and this track begins with another one before a whole string section climbs into the song. I swear this could be a B-Side to "Fiddler On The Roof". And then, out of nowhere, it turns into an 8-bit country western song. Seperations is an unsung howler in Pulp's discography. It doesn't sound at all like a Tom Waits song but it has hie energy. If someone told me that this was the song that inspired The World/Inferno Friendship Society, I'd 100% believe them.  And we're 3/4 for away.

5. There's No Emotion has the most Cure-y lyrics on this album. There is a beautiful harmony background vocal to this song which I wish appeared more often in the discography. I think this would be stronger about how emotionless he seems, as opposed to making it about someone else. But that's a 2023 view of 198something song. 4/5 for away.

6. There's a darker hook to the strumming guitar on There Was. It has an early REM feel to it. It's a cozy stalker song about how he knows what you're thinking. You love him. You love him. He totally knows that you love him. So why don't you love him? The lyrics are way more complex than I'm giving them credit for but the subtext screams while Cocker and his background vocalists give us an entire verse of la la la las.

7. I love me a song that starts with a tight drum groove. Life Must Be So Wonderful is an unexpected but not unwelcome side hug from an acquaintance. The two of you sway from side to side to the laid back song. Maybe holding a lighter aloft. Then everything falls away but the drum machine. When the music comes back you're no longer touching, and the swaying has shrunk down to just head bopping. Cocker teases us with the last line being a way but then adds another few lines and then BOOM away! 5/7.

8. Dogs Are Everywhere is a tropical breeze about the omnipresence of the kind of people who just suck to be around. Not literal dogs, which are awesome, but cads. How they're omnipresent, and that deep down we're all dogs. It's a sweet conceit. Instead of away, we end the song with the title.

9. We bring back the circus energy for Down By The River. Something about this song reminds me of Ween. Oh dear, someone dies again in this song. Maybe don't date Jarvis Cocker. He seems to leave a lot of angry women and corpses in his wake. I was really hoping this wong would end with the water washing the corpse away but it didn't happen.

10. Ambient conversation bridges the previous track to the spare piano of Blue Girls. The flute and reverb lift this weird little song  into the ether. 

11. I love the flute and background vocals on Wishful Thinking but the lyrics remind me of the poetry I wrote when I was nineteen and constantly in love with bad decisions. It's not very creative, just one of those self-pitying love me love me love me why don't you know how much I love you love me love me love me songs. But the melody is haunting, so I'm keeping it on the album.

12. Uh-oh, another song about a woman Jarvis is in love with that has death  or dead in the title! There were definitely some decaying "Blue Girls" in that track, too. She's Dead is less metaphorical about it, though. I mean She's dying is the opening lyric. It's got a New Wave western movie from the 80s feel. I don't know what video game this could be the theme to but I know you'd be playing it on the original Nintendo. It's also one of them there songs about how you wish you would have/could have died with the object of your love so that you wouldn't be separated.

13. Here's the title track! Another drum machine start with Nintendo theme vibes. But you can really dance to this one as Death Goes To The Disco. One of the more upbeat songs warning about the perils of overdosing on drugs. 

14. We wrap things up with the lush lullaby Manon about, what else, a guy sitting in his house, and later his garden, picking the flesh off the corpse of his deceased girlfriend. You know...you know...I thought the voyeuristic lyrics from Pulp's 90s output was creepy but DAMN Jarvis, how many dead women are on this album? (Sadly, we end this album with a paltry 5/14 songs ending with the preposition away​.)

We start to come out of the doldrums with WWE, as they do start to push more exciting, younger wrestlers, like Cody Rhodes, Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne (formerly and futurely Matt Sydal of ROH), MVP, Dolph Ziggler, and a few others. It's certainly not a Golden Age yet, but it's really starting to build up to a more exciting era, as long as you can slog through a billion John Cena vs Randy Orton matches.

Sadly, it's meager pickings for Impact and ROH, despite very talented rosters. There are just even worse booking choices than WWE, which is quite an achievement. Sixty minute matches with no definitive winner was an exciting staple of early ROH but it is well rusted by 2009. And while Impact has truly moved almost all the way on from its previous Dinosaur generation, it's still guilty of throwing Mick Foley, Sting, and some other past-primers in a spotlight that still should really belong to the X and Knockout Divisions, which fade into the background a bit this season. You might imagine that this meant more WWE episodes this season, but my ROH & Impact timelines were a little bit behind where WWE was, so this season gets everything properly aligned again.

I wanted to end the season with one of the best Wrestlemania matches of all-time, The Career Vs Streak Match. I mean, we ended Season Nine by saying goodbye to Hulk Hogan, Season Ten saw Shawn Michaels retire Ric Flair, now it's Michaels's own turn to bow out of the competition. And unlike the others, he never came back. NO, HE'S NEVER EVEN BEEN TO SAUDI ARABIA. This was his final Ever match.

1101. Priceless Opportunists

The Michaels/Jericho feud is one of the all-time best, and though we join it already in progress, it's going to fester beneath most of this season, and never disappoint. Also, Legacy's origin starts in this episode.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Mick Foley, Mike Adamle, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

1. Shawn Michaels vs Chris Jericho
2. World's Greatest Tag Team vs Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes
3. Edge vs Undertaker in a TLC/Loser Leaves WWE Match for the WWE Heavyweight Title
4. Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Brian Kendrick & Paul London
​
5. Chris Jericho (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Kofi Kingston
6. Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Priceless
7. Edge (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Batista

1102. New Horizons

Just a series of brutal matches from the names and faces who would dominate the sport in the coming decade.

Announcers: Dave Prazak, Lenny Leonard

1. Nigel McGuinness (ROH Champ) vs Caesaro
2. Daniel Bryan vs Seth Rollins
3. Roderick Strong & Naomichi Marufuji vs Sweet & Sour Inc
4. Daniel Bryan vs Seth Rollins vs Kenny Omega
5. Austin Aries & Briscoes vs Age Of The Fall in a Steel Cage Warfare Match

1103. Escalation, 2008

We don't often see storylines continue from episode to episode on ROH, so I put these two together to resolve some feuds from the previous episode. Also, I forgot that Ace Steel used to wrestle on stage in ROH before he was a backstage biter in AEW. So I plopped one of his six person tag team matches here in the midst of the Age Of The Fall story, and Daniel Bryan's long awaited rematch with Nigel McGuinness.

Announcers: Dave Prazak, Lenny Leonard

1. Age Of The Fall (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn
2. Sweet & Sour Inc vs Ace Steel, Brent Albright & Roderick Strong
3. Austin Aries vs Jimmy Jacobs in an I Quit Match
4. Nigel McGuinness (ROH Champ) vs Daniel Bryan

1104. Mayhem

Impact revisits their early glory days by holding an international X Division tournament of high flyers who haven't yet ascended to the main event level. It's long and convoluted, but the semifinal Survivor Series style match was an absolute blast. But most of the episode continues to be about the heavyweights, including Awesome Kong, the woman who helped wrestling companies realize that women had evolved into excellent wrestlers years ago, and maybe it was time to start treating them like the athletes they were.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Frank Trigg

1. Awesome Kong (Impact Knockout Champ) vs Gail Kim
2. King Of The Mountain Match
Samoa Joe (Impact Champ) vs Christian vs Booker T vs Rhino vs Bobby Rhoode

3. Survivor Series Match
Team TNA vs Team Japan vs Team Mexico vs Team International

4. Taylor Wilde (Impact Knockout Champ) vs Awesome Kong
6. Full Metal Mayhem Match
Kurt Angle & Dudley Boyz vs AJ Styles, Christian & Rhino

7. Kurt Angle vs AJ Styles in a Last Man Standing Match

1105. Slow & Steady

Finally, CM Punk reaches the main event scene in the WWE. Sure, he was the ECW champ for a few minutes, but WWECW was such a bummer to watch. Plus, more Jericho/Michaels and Edge/Undertaker.

​Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Lillian Garcia, Tony Chimel

1. Triple H (WWE Champ) vs John Cena
2. Matt Hardy (WWE US Champ) vs Shelton Benjamin
3. Chris Jericho vs Shawn Michaels
4. CM Punk (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs JBL
5. The Undertaker vs Edge in a Hell In A Cell Match

1106. No Surrender

There's a seemingly objectifying storyline in this episode that goes against the women's revolution, but don't worry, they resolve it in a very Wrestling Way. The highlight of this episode is Mick Foley signing on as an authority figure and all the former WWE guys taking shots at him and "Daddy Vince". Sure, Jeff Jarret returns, but it's for a decent story.

​Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Mick Foley, 

1. Awesome Kong vs ODB in a Falls Count Anywhere Match
2. Sonjay Dutt vs Jay Lethal in a Ladder Match
3. Steel Asylum Match
Jay Lethal, Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Curry Man, Jimmy Rave, Johnny Devine, Petey Williams, Shark Boy, Sonjay Dutt & Super Eric

4. Taylor Wilde (Impact Knockout Champs) vs Awesome Kong vs Roxxi

4. Monster's Ball Match for Impact Tag Team Championship
Beer Money vs Dudley Boyz vs LAX vs Abyss & Matt Morgan

5. Jeff Jarrett vs Kurt Angle
6. Samoa Joe (Impact Champ) vs Sting

​1107. Untitled

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Lillian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

It's Jericho's time at the top of the title scene, as he has another stunner of a match with Shawn Michaels, and then has to defend against Batista. We also see the Hardy Boyz in the singles title scene for a change, and we finish off with a classic Survivor Series match between former members of Evolution.

1. Triple H (WWE Champ) vs Jeff Hardy
2. Chris Jericho (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Shawn Michaels in a Ladder Match
3. Matt Hardy (WWECW Champ) vs Matt Sydal
4. Undertaker vs Big Show in a Last Man Standing Match
5. Chris Jericho (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Batista
6. Team Orton vs Team Batista in a Survivor Series Match
Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, Shelton Benjamin & Mark Henry vs Batista, CM Punk, Matt Hardy,Kofi Kingston, R-Truth

1108. Final Armageddon

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Lillian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

Just as it seems everything is going well for the Hardyz, uhhhh, it stops. Plus we see Legacy absolutely dominate The Royal Rumble.

1. Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk
2. Edge (WWE Champ) vs Triple H vs Jeff Hardy
3. Jake Haeger (WWECW Champ) vs Matt Hardy
4. Jeff Hardy (WWE Champ) vs Edge
5. Royal Rumble
Rey Mysterio, John Morrison, Carlito, MVP, The Great Khali, Vladimir Kozlov, Triple H, Randy Orton, JTG, Ted DiBiase Jr., Chris Jericho, Mike Knox, The Miz, Finlay, Cody Rhodes, Undertaker, Goldust, CM Punk, Mark Henry, Shelton Benjamin, William Regal, Kofi Kingston, Kane, R-Truth, RvD, Brian Kendrick, Dolph Ziggler, Santino Marella, Jim Duggan, Big Show

1109. Final Countdown

It's Daniel Bryan...I'm sorry...Bryan Danielson's last hurrah in Ring Of Honor before heading off to the sunny pastrues of WWE. Plus, our first look at The Young Bucks!

Announcers: Dave Prazak, Lenny Leonard
​
1. KENTA (GHC Jr Heavyweight Champ) vs Davey Richards
2. The American Wolves (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Daniel Bryan & Seth Rollins
3. The Briscoes vs The Young Bucks
​4. Daniel Bryan vs Davey Richards

1113. Middlin' Impact

A lot of time passes in this episode as The Main Event Mafia angle, while a fun little nostalgic trip just served as a sort of Senior Citizens Of Wrestling clique with some fun ideas, but not so great wrestling. There is also the silent passing of the announce desk, as Don West gets promoted to backstage marketing guy, and a freshly released from WWECW Tazz joins Mike Tenay. 
​
Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Tazz, Lauren Thompson

1. Beer Money Inc vs Dudley Boyz (IWGP & Impact Tag Team Champs)
2. King Of The Mountain Match
Mick Foley (Impact Champ), Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Jeff Jarrett

3. Steel Asylum Match
Christopher Daniels, Alex Shelley, Amazing Red, Chris Sabin, Xavier Woods, Elijah Burke, Jay Lethal and Suicide

5. ODB (Impact Knockout Champ) vs Awesome Kong vs Victoria
6. Bobby Lashley vs Samoa Joe in a Submission Match
7. Kurt Angle vs Matt Morgan
8. Victoria vs Awesome Kong in a Six Sides Of Steel Match

1114. Title Vs Mask

CM Punk continues his rise to the top of the WWE, and Chris Jericho, having wrapped up his mega feud with Shawn Michaels, puts on another set of classics against Rey Mysterio.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, Josh Matthews, Matt Striker, Lillian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

1. Umaga vs CM Punk
2. John Morrison vs Shelton Benjamin
3. Rey Mysterio (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Chris Jericho
4. Edge (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Jeff Hardy
5. Rey Mysterio (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Chris Jericho in a No Holds Barred Match

6. Edge (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Jeff Hardy in a Ladder Match
7. Chris Jericho (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Rey Mysterio Title vs Mask

1115. Breaking Point

This episode is all about CM Punk and Jeff Hardy with the cheeky return of DX as they begin their battle with Legacy. Also, our first look at Dolph Ziggleras himself and not a cheerleader. And ... there have been, I don't know, thousands of matches between Randy Orton and John Cena, and most of them are unspectacular but this I Quit Match is one of their absolute bangers.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, Josh Matthews, Matt Striker, Lillian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

​1. CM Punk (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Jeff Hardy
2. Rey Mysterio (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Dolph Ziggler
3. DX vs Legacy
5. Randy Orton (WWE Champ) vs John Cena in an I Quit Match
6. CM Punk (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Jeff Hardy in a TLC Match

1116.Survival Of The Fittest

The era of Rollins has arrived (ok, he's still Tyler Black for now) as he fills the gap left behind from the departed Daniel Bryan. Plus, we get an early Young Bucks match, and Jushin Thunder Liger makes an appearance.

Announcers: Dave Prazak, Lenny Leonard

1. Survival Of The Fittest Match
Seth Rollins, Caesaro, Colt Cabana, Roderick Strong, Chris Hero, Delirious

2. Kevin Owens & Samy Zayn vs Young Bucks
3. Austin Aries vs Jushin Thunder Liger
4. Austin Aries (ROH Champ) vs Seth Rollins

1117. Bragging Rights

​Settle in for the longest episode in this chronology. Beginning with a fun segment about the incredibly stupid "rivalry" between Smackdown and Raw, this episode mainly focuses on the rise of the next generation of wrestlers, some of whom end up becoming the future of WWE/AEW, some of them disappearing into obscurity. But it ends with probably the best ever Cena/Orton match, a one hour Iron Man battle.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, Josh Matthews, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

1. John Morrison (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Dolph Ziggler
2. Jeri-Show (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Batista & Rey Mysterio
3. DX vs Legacy in Hell In A Cell
4. Team Smackdown vs Team Raw in a Bragging Rights Match
Chris Jericho, Kane, Matt Hardy, R-Truth, Finlay, Tyson Kidd, David Hart Smith vs Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Big Show, Mark Henry, Cody Rhodes, Kofi Kingston, Jack Haeger

5. Randy Orton (WWE Champ) vs John Cena in an Iron Man Match

​1118. TLC

Tables, and ladders, and chairs, oh my!It's a nearly all Gimmick event featuring a mildly diverse cast of wrestlers. It's also our first glimpse of Sheamus in this chronology. 

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts, Savannah

1. Christian (WWECW Champ) vs Shelton Benjamin in a Ladder Match
2. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs Sheamus in a Tables Match
3. Jeri-Show (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs DX in a TLC Match
4. Undertaker (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Rey Mysterio
​5. Royal Rumble
Dolph Ziggler, Matt Sydal, CM Punk, JTG, The Great Khali, Beth Phoenix, Zack Ryder, Triple H, Drew McIntyre, Ted DiBiase Jr., John Morrison, Kane, Cody Rhodes, MVP, Carlito, The Miz, Matt Hardy, Shawn Michaels, John Cena, Shelton Benjamin, Yoshi Tatsu, Big Show, Mark Henry, Chris Masters, R-Truth,  Jake Haeger, Kofi Kingston, Chris Jericho, Edge, Batista

1119. Three Degrees Of Pain

Nigel McGuinness jumps ship from ROH to Impact under the guise of "Desmond Wolfe" to torment Kurt Angle while AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, and Samoa Joe revisit their glory days of ROH and early Impact. 

1. Kurt Angle vs Nigel McGuinness
2. AJ Styles (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs Samoa Joe vs Christopher Daniels
3. The British Invasion (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs Motor City Machine Guns
4. Kurt Angle vs Nigel McGuinness in a 3 Degrees Of Pain Match
5. AJ Styles (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs Christopher Daniels

1120. Career vs Streak

There's some who think that the Undertaker/Sean Michaels match we saw earlier in the season is the greatest Wrestlemania match in history. There's others who think this rematch is even better. Either way, it's Shawn Michael's swan song closing out our season. 

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

1. WWE Championship Elimination Chamber
​Sheamus (WWE Champ), Triple H, John Cena, Randy Orton, Kofi Kingston, Ted Dibiase Jr, Batista

2. The Miz (WWE US Champ) vs MVP
3. WWE Heavyweight Elimination Chamber
Undertaker (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs CM Punk, Chris Jericho, Rey Mysterio, R-Truth, John Morrison

4. Chris Jericho (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Edge
5. Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels in a Career Vs Streak Match

There is something macabre about writing up reimagined discographies of older artists, and hanging on to them until they pass, even though it would make posting about them immediate and topical, and therefore seemingly more relevant to people. It's not my style.

I didn't want to wait to post this Tina Turner discography, though. She's an artist who I enjoyed immensely since I first heard "What's Love Got To Do With It" in some neighbor's car when I was in first or second grade. My parents only listened to oldies, so while I was familiar with Tina Turner from "Proud Mary" and "I Want To Take You Higher", I had no idea she was still putting out music. (My musical education at seven was shamefully shallow.)

But ever since hearing that track, I've been a fan. I had cousins who owned the Private Dancer tape, and my parents had no problem with me listening to modern music, it just wasn't their thing, so they bought me Break Every Rule, which I failed to properly appreciate. In fact, I mostly forgot about Tina unless she was on the radio until I joined the Columbia House and BMG scams of the 90s, and first got her Simply The Best, and then all of her solo CDs. I saw What's Love Got To Do With It during its first week in theaters, and I came out of the movie remembering that I had once made a cassete mix of my favorite Turner tracks, and decided I needed to update it.

This first album is nothing like those mixes. I really only knew a few songs from  of her work with Ike when I was a kid. I knew Tina from the radio, and considered plunging into her eighties and nineties work, and sticking "Proud Mary" somewhere a sufficient knowledge of her music.

I was, obviously, an idiot.

I think I reinvested in listening to Tina in 2007ish. I was on the dumb side of a bad breakup, and had made a joke about listening exclusively to Tina Turner songs, and then thought "I mean, I should totally do that. Not to be sad or triumphant but because Tina Turner's music is amazing." So I delved into the sixties material, and discovered that one of my favorite 90s Tina Turner songs was just a rerecording of a 1970s hit.

Like previous Reimagined Discoveries, this is not a guide to The Historically Most Important And Highly Rated Songs  Of Tina's Career, this is just a collection of songs I like that I've put together for an album feel. 

1. We start off with drums, partially because it's a solid beat, partially because I don't want Ike to be the first thing we hear in a Tina Turner discography, important as he was to her early career. Soon the riff pops in, and then Tina's vocal for Honky Tonk Woman comes in fairly gently before we near the chorus. I'm not much of a Rolling Stones fan, so it shouldn't be too surprising that I prefer this cover to the original. She and Ike have released a ton of live versions of this song, but the studio cut from Come Together​ is my favorite version.

2. Sorry to open with two covers but Tina just owned any song she touched, and in the Ike & Tina days, the songs by Not Ike were mostly better than the songs by Ike. Stagger Lee And Billy was a song I was familiar with because my parents listened to the original Lloy Price, which is also a banger. 

3. Early Tina Turner's style was often described as "nice and rough" for her effortless journey from a sweet, soulful beginning of a song to a scorching chorus. She made it easy for people to tag her with this style when she mentions it at the beginning of her iconic cover of Proud Mary, easily the most famous song from the Ike & Tina days. This is another song that's "nearly as" to "more" iconic than the original version (by Creedence Clearwater Revival).

4. I love Sly & The Family Stone. I should probably do a Reimagined Discography of them soon, too. I can't tell you what the first song I heard from them was, but I'm pretty sure I heard Tina's cover of River Deep Mountain High first. The Ikettes just absolutely nail the background vocals on this song. And Tina tinas her way into the stratosphere.

5. We stretch way ahead for the next track. Tina croons her face off to the piano torch song version of A Woman In A Man's World. This was from her first post-Ike album, and it's a gorgeous lament. I didn't want a chronological tale of love narrative to this album because Tina was so much more than her relationship with Ike, so I decided to include this as an intro to, as opposed to a climax to the next track.

6. A Fool In Love is one of the few early songs that starts with acapella Tina before the Ikettes and the band join in. It's from Ike & Tina's first album which is a horror of a realization when you examine their relationship. Like, this was the first time most people heard Tina. You kind of want to reach across time and say "Trust your gut, Anna Mae. He's not a good man. Don't wait almost twenty years to get out!" Musically, you can still feel the 50s all over this early 60s track. It was clearly in their arsenal for a while before their record deal.

7. Let's put the focus back on Tina with one of her own songs, Nutbush City Limits is the song I mentioned hearing the 90s version of before the 70s version. They're both wonderful. But the funk guitar intro on this before the vocals kick in just make you want to dance jaggedly. It's nowhere near as full voiced or catchy as her own reimagining but it's a perfect raw pop rock song. Also, great use of a Moog synthesizer by Ike to make this sound absolutely nothing like any other Tina Turner song. 

8. If You Can Hully Gully is another song Tina co-wrote. A nostalgic song about a 1950s dance where no one was allowed to touch. Probably popular at church socials and other places people should run from.

9. Keeping the fun dancing alive, we move to The Night Time Is The Right Time. On par with Ray Charles's original scorcher, it's a song I could listen to on repeat as Tina screeches "Squeeze me!" and the Ikettes monotone "night and day" in the background. The breakdown guitar solo is also just good, solid, mid-century rock and roll. 

10. And if the night time really is the right time then why not Let's Spend The Night Together? It's another Rolling Stones song where  prefer the cover to the original. And it's all because of Tina. The arrangement is fine but it's not the star. The Stones' arrangement is better. But Tina's vocals leave Jagger in the dust. And that's not a knock on Jagger. His vocals on the original are fantastic. I just think Jagger sounds like he wants to spend the night together while Tina NEEDS to.

11. The Temptations' Ball Of Confusion is one of my favorite songs of all-time. The arrangement, the lyrics, the message. Perfection. This is one of the few times where I think the original far surpasses Turner's cover but that doesn't mean I don't also want to listen to her sing it. Her version just needs more background vocals than it has, preferably something slightly different than the style in the original.

12. We close out this album with a piano ballad. Another torch song. Sometimes When We Touch is just lush and gorgeous and all the other easy cliches to describe a song that's just emotionally heavy but beautiful to listen to. I always thought this version of the song belonged in the Little Shoppe Of Horrors musical. 

Everything is someone's favorite something, so I'm sure somebody loves the 2007-2010 era of wrestling, but it's not me or anyone I've ever talked to about wrestling. While combing through the Attitude Era/Monday Night Wars involves sifting through a lot of crap, that's more an issue of quantity than quality, combined with industry-wide late 90s misogyny placing womens' wrestling as either a joke (old ladies giving birth to hands and being stripped to their granny panties) or as pure sexualization (see every Playboy match, every lingerie match/pillow fight/evening gown match, etc). But there were also epic stories like Austin vs McMahon, the NWO, Kane vs The Undertaker, etc.

In the late 2000-0s, there are three companies we're focusing on.

Ring Of Honor barely has storylines, its focus is on wrestling matches featuring up and coming talent. And by now, the original crop of superstars has either gone on to Impact/WWE or are soon to be on their way. And while their second "generation" of talent is also immensely talented (and won't be around too long before they head to Impact/WWE), the brand as a whole starts to lose its luster. I can't tell you why. There's still a lot of talent there, and interesting booking decisions, I just started to lose interest in it, as did many viewers.

This season, Impact evolves from a federation of uninteresting dinosaurs (Jeff Jarret's stranglehold on the title scene, for example) plodding their way through nostalgia runs while burying the exciting new, acrobatic talent that they were also mildly pushing (AJ Styles broke through that ceiling, but most of the X division did not) to its own interesting brand of sports entertainment . A lot of talent exchange with ROH, and the influx of some current WWE stars, ends up with the company feeling fresh for the first time since its original pay-per-view.

WWE, meanwhile, is still coasting off their post-Attitude ideas. It's still all about John Cena, the Evolution/DX stable, and the Undertaker. Most of the new blood introduced in this season fizzles out by the end, despite their talent and promise. The storylines just feel stale.

There's also still a massive problem with how women are portrayed. WWE being, by far, the worst, as Vince McMahon continues the unnecessary sexualization of women to satisfy his rape kink, or whatever it is that drove him to allegedly sexually assault all those women he spent millions of dollars of hush money on. ROH just doesn't present a very strong roster of women yet. The only company headed in the right direction in this era was Impact with its Knockout Division that pops up near the end of the season and will be the actual Womens' Revolution that WWE co-opts almost a decade later. Not bad for a company that started with several years of women being nothing more than cage dancers on the entry way or promiscuos harlots with no agency who solely existed to break up friends and tag teams.

​1001. Treading Water

Just because there aren't a ton of great storylines from this era, doesn't mean there weren't some amazing matches, and some new faces oozing with talent. We get an early look at Dolph Ziggler (who is trapped in the Spirit Squad this season, but he'll have his moment soon), and Bobby Lashley, who, despite having a couple of championship runs in this era, really wasn't used well for well over a decade. There's also a ton of old talent/legends in this episode who put in some entertaining time.

Announers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel

1. Chris Benoit vs William Regal
2. Booker T (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Bobby Lashley vs Batista vs Finlay
3. MNM vs Hardy Boyz
4. Team Legends vs The Spirit Squad
Ric Flair, Sgt Slaughter, Dusty Rhodes, Farooq vs Dolph Ziggler, Kenny Dykstra, Mike Mondo, Johnny

5. DX vs Rated RKO
Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, CM Punk vs Randy Orton, Edge, The Hurricane, Mike Knox, Johnny Nitro

6. Mr Kennedy vs The Undertaker in a First Blood Match

1002. New Angles

The addition of Kurt Angle to Impact's roster can not be understated. Tossing him into an immediate feud with Samoa Joe was an inspired decision, and helped make Impact shows events. The ascension of Christian up the card was also impressive, as WWE really dropped the ball with his character.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash

1. Rhino vs Samoa Joe vs Monty Brown in a Falls Count Anywhere match
2. Gail Kim vs Sirelda
3. Low-Ki (Impact X Division Champ) vs Chris Sabin
4. Rhino vs Christian in a Hardcore Match
5. AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs LAX in a 6 Sides Of Steel Match

6. Kurt Angle vs Samoa Joe

1003. The Kings Of Wrestling

Every participant in every match on this card became a top name in the sport. And the continued reign of Daniel Bryan (as Bryan Danielson) in this episode is jaw dropping.

Announcers: Dave Prazak, Lenny Leonard​

1. Daniel Bryan (as Bryan Danielson) (ROH Champ) vs Samoa Joe in a No Holds Barred Non-Title Match
2. The Kings Of Wrestling (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Christopher Daniels & Matt Sydal
3. Austin Aries & Roderick Strong vs Matt Sydal & Shingo
4. Daniel Bryan (as Bryan Danielson) vs Samoa Joe in a Steel Cage

1004. Scramble

Apart from the titles up for grabs during this episode, there aren't a ton of stakes, just solid matches from people who don't usually get enough spotlight time. Oh, and John Cena, DX and Rated RKO who have more than enough time, but each put in a strong effort here.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel

1. Fatal 4 Way Ladder Match for the WWE Tag Team Championship
Paul London & Brian Kendrick (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs William Regal & Dave Taylor vs MNM vs The Hardy B0yz

2.The Hurricane (WWE Cruserwieght Champ) vs Jimmy Yang Wang
3. Jeff Hardy vs Johnny Nitro in a Steel Cage
4. Mickie James (WWE Womans Champ) vs Victoria
5. Rated RKO (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs DX
6. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs Umaga

1005. Heavyweight Impact

For a company that started off with a highlight reel of smaller, more agile wrestlers in the X Division, we have landed solidly in the super heavyweight era. All the big, beefy boys in this episode beat every shade of hell out of each other here.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash

​1. Abyss (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs  Christian vs Sting
2. Samoa Joe vs Kurt Angle
3. Sting vs Abyss in a Prison Yard Match
4. Christian (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs Kurt Angle
5. Christian (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs Samoa Joe
6. Lethal Lockdown
Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe, Rhino, Sting, Jeff Jarrett vs Christian, AJ Styles, Abyss, Scott Steiner, Tomko

1006. The Gravest Rumble

One of the more fun rumbles of the era, this event sets up storylines for literal years to come.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, JBL, Joey Styles, Lilan Garcy, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts.

​1. MNM vs The Hardy Boyz
2. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs Umaga
3. The Royal Rumble
Ric Flair, Finlay, Kenny Dykstra, Matt Hardy, Edge, Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, Hurricane, Shelton Benjamin, Kane, CM Punk, Booker T, Super Crazy, Jeff Hardy, The Sandman, Randy Orton, Chris Benoit, Rob Van Dam, Viscera, Johnny Nitro, Kevin Thorn, Hardcore Holly, Shawn Michaels, Chris Masters, Chavo Guerrero, MVP, Carlito, The Great Khali, The Miz, Undertaker

1007. Wood Of Honor

ROH isn't known for rapid title changes, so it's fun to see the belt travel here. Also, the debut of Pac!

​Announcers: Dave Prazak, Lenny Leonard

1. Daniel Bryan (as Bryan Danielson) (ROH Champ) vs Homicide
2. Homicide (ROH Champ) vs Samoa Joe
3. The Briscoes vs Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn
4. Homicide (ROH Champ) vs. Takeshi Morishima
5. Matt Sydal vs Pac

1008. Battle Of The Insane Billionaire Rapists

Two of the worst people in American History wrestle by proxy in this episode. I'm sorry they're included, but the match was good. It would be better if they'd both died of lack of heart attacks during it, or if the combined hundreds of women they've sexually assaulted had banded together, showed up during the bout, and had them both arrested where they were sentenced to life imprisonment. America might still have a smidgen of respect. Politics aside, there were some great matches on this card. It's a shame there weren't more opportunities to put Cade and Murdoch in this chronology, and that Mickie James only gets a handful of appearances in this season. Don't worry, she'll be back.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, JBL, Joey Styles, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts, Howard Finkel

1. John Cena & Shawn Michaels vs Batista & The Undertaker
1. Money In The Bank Ladder Match
CM Punk, Randy Orton, Matt Hardy, Booker T, Jeff Hardy, Edge, Mr. Kennedy, Finlay

2. Batista (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Undertaker
3. Bobby Lashley vs Umaga
4. The Hardy Boyz (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch
5. Melina (WWE Womans Champ) vs Mickie James
6. John Cena (WWE Champ)  vs Shawn Michaels

1009. Deja Pay-Per-Vu

An unusual title change begins a pay-per-view not too dissimilar to the previous episode. 

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, JBL, Joey Styles, Todd Grisham, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts.

1. Umaga (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Santino Morella
2. Undertaker vs Batista in a Last Man Standing Match
3. Melina (WWE Womens Champ) vs Mickie James
4. The Hardy Boyz (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch
5. Candace Michelle (WWE Womens Champ) vs Melina
6. The Hardy Boyz (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs World's Greatest Tag Team in a Ladder Match
​
7. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs Randy Orton vs Edge vs Shawn Michaels

1010. The Greatest Sacrifice

This is just a solid use of many of superstars on the Impact roster. Yes, quite a few will go through/already went through their time in the WWE (or WCW in the case of Sting), but each of them were all in for Impact at this point and put on some incredible matches, even if the Impact storylines were pretty weak.

​Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash

1. ​Chris Sabin (Impact X Champ) vs. Jay Lethal vs. Sonjay Dutt
2. Jeff Jarrett vs. Bobby Roode 
3. Chris Harris vs. James Storm in a Texas Death Match
4. Low Ki vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Alex Shelley vs. Tiger Mask in a 4 Corners Match
5. The Dudley Boyz (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs. LAX vs. Tomko & Scott Steiner
6. Christian vs. Kurt Angle vs. Sting for the TNA Heavyweight Championship

1011.  Respect Is Earned

This is a fun episode that includes a rare locker room emptying brawl in ROH when Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn challenge The Briscoes to a title match.

Announcers: Dave Prazak, Lenny Leonard

1. Caesaro (as Claudio Castagnoli) vs Yamato
2. Homicide & Colt Cabana vs Adam Pearce & Brent Albright
3. Takeshi Morishima (ROH Champ) vs Shingo
4. Daniel Bryan (as Bryan Danielson) & Takeshi Morishima vs Kenta & Nigel McGuinness
5. The Briscoes (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Caesaro  (as Claudio Castagnoli) & Matt Sydal
6. Delirious vs Roderick Strong
7.  ​The Briscoes (ROH Tag Champs) vs Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn

1012. Championship Rollover

We begin with Dusty Rhodes's final wrestling match, which also happens to be our first glimpse of his son Cody, who will soon be all over this chronology. But we also have that wonderful night where Randy Orton was arbitratily given the WWE title, lost it immediately in a match, and then regained it before the night was over. Plus, Rey Mysterio fares better as The Silver Surfer than whoever played him in the Fantastic Four film.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, JBL, Joey Styles, Todd Grisham, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts.

1. Randy Orton vs Dusty Rhodes in a Bullrope Match
2. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs Bobby Lashley
3. Rey Mysterio (WWE Cruserweight Champ) vs Chavo Guerrero
4. Randy Orton (WWE Champ) vs Triple H
5. Umaga(WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Jeff Hardy
4. Triple H (WWE Champ) vs Randy Orton

1013. Kings Of The Mountain

More devestating heavyweight action from the company that earned its reputation by featuring the lighter weight flippy flippy guys.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash

1. King Of The Mountain Match
Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Christian, Chris Matthews

2. Gail Kim & Eric Young vs Ms Brooks & Bobby Roode
3. Kurt Angle (Impact Champ) & Samoa Joe (Impact X Champ) vs Dudley Boyz (Impact Tag Team Champs) for All The Belts

4. Samoa Joe vs Christian 
5. Kurt Angle (Impact Champ) vs Sting

1014. Undeniable

We're seventeen years, and three companies into their friendship/feud here in 2023, but in this episode we see Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn have their first potential implosion. Plus, the debut of Awesome Kong in our chronology. Get used to seeing her for a while.

​Announcers: Dave Prazak, Lenny Leonard

1. Caesaro (as Claudio Castagnoli) vs Matt Sydal
2. Takeshi Morishima (ROH champ) vs Daniel Bryan (as Bryan Danielson)
3. The Hangmen 3 vs Delirious, Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn
4. Awesome Kong & Daizee Haze vs Lacey & Sara Del Ray
5. Austin Aries vs Roderick Strong
6. Takeshi Morishima (ROH Champ) vs Nigel McGuinness

1015. Cyber Sunday

A little romp of an episode where we get to see the top talent fight as the top talent, and we get to see Cody Rhodes battle with his future tag team partner, and underrated mentor, Hardcore Holly.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Tazz, Joey Styles, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

1. Triple H vs Umaga in a Street Fight
2. Hardcore Holly vs Cody Rhodes
3. Team Triple H vs Team Umaga
Triple H & Jeff Hardy & Kane & Rey Mysterio vs Umaga & Viscera & Finlay & Mr Kennedy & MVP

4. Hardcore Holly vs Cody Rhodes
5. Randy Orton (WWE Champ) vs Shawn Michaels
6. Batista (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Undertaker in Hell In A Cell

1016. Regenesis

We got to see her once in an ROH episode, but here's where Awesome Kong becomes a dominant force in wrestling. I don't think I can overstate how much better Impact's Knockout Division was, compared to WWE's Divas. Sure, WWE accidentally gave us Chyna, Trish Stratus, Lita, and Mickie James. But, apart from Chyna, the other women were hired as beauties. That they learned to wrestle, and became very talented at it, is a happy accident for history. Awesome Kong and Gail Kim and ODB joined the industry to wrestle. And were treated like people who joined the industry to wrestle.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash
​
1. Christian vs Kaz in a Ladder Match
2. Gail Kim (Impact Knockout Champ) vs Awesome Kong
3. Kurt Angle (Impact Champ) vs Christian
4. Gail Kim (Impact Knockout Champ) vs Awesome Kong
5. LAX vs Rock & Rave Infection vs Motor City Machine Guns
6. Awesome Kong (Impact Knockout Champ) vs Gail Kim vs ODB

1017. Reckless Abandon

Nigel McGuinness's reign in ROH is beautifully brutal. Plus, the debut of Age Of The Fall is our introduction to Tyler Black, who is just a couple of years away from becoming WWE legend, Seth Rollins.

Announcers: Dave Prazak, Lenny Leonard, Becky Bayliss

1. Takeshi Morishima vs Daniel Bryan (as Bryan Danielson)
2. Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn vs Age Of The Fall vs Hangmen 3 vs Vulture Squad in a Tag Team Scramble

3. Nigel McGuinness (ROH Champ) vs Austin Aries
4. Daniel Bryan (as Bryan Danielson) & Austin Aries vs Age Of The Fall
5. Go Shiazoki vs Necro Butcher
6. Nigel McGuinness (ROH Champ) vs Seth Rollins

1018. Point To The Sign

Ok, so it's not Sting yet, but another WCW holdout finally joins the ranks of WWE, as Michael Buffer finally says his trademark "Let's get ready to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmble!" at the actual Royal Rumble. Oh, and a surprise entrant in the rumble wins, and gets their chance to main event Wrestlemania.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Taz, Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts, Michael Buffer

1. Shawn Michaels vs Mr Kennedy
2. Jeff Hardy vs Triple H
3. The Great Khali vs Finaly
4. Beth Phoenix (WWE Womans Champ) vs Mickie James
5. Batista (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Edge vs Undertaker
6. Royal Rumble
The Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Santino Marella, The Great Khali, Hardcore Holly, John Morrison, Tommy Dreamer, Batista, Hornswoggle, Chuck Palumbo, Jamie Noble, CM Punk, Cody Rhodes, Umaga, Snitsky, The Miz, Shelton Benjamin, Jimmy Snuka, Roddy Piper, Kane, Carlito, Mick Foley, Mr Kennedy, Viscera, Mark Henry, Chavo Guerrero, Finlay, Elijah Burke, Triple H, John Cena

1019. Up For Grabs

The future of WWE/AEW continue to climb their way through the rankos of ROH, as Seth Rollins and Kevin Owens become bigger attractions, and Kenny Omega debuts in our chronology.

​Announcers: Dave Prazak, Lenny Leonard

1. Erick Stevens vs Roderick Strong
2. Nigel McGuinness (ROH Champ) vs Go Shiozaki
3. Age Of The Fall (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Daniel Bryan (as Bryan Danielson) & Austin Aries

4. Daniel Bryan (as Bryan Danielson) vs Caesaro  (as Claudio Castagnoli)
5. Delirious vs Kenny Omega
6. Nigel McGuinness (ROH Champ) vs Kevin Owens

1020. The Last Ride

We ended the last season with Hulk Hogan's final WWE match (he has another Impact run in our chronology, but it's more angles than a matches), so it makes sense to end this season with the final WWE match of Ric Flair, which is Way Better. And, um, ok, he Also has some Impact matches after this, but I don't think any of them will be making our watch list, and we will most assuredly not be watching the utter trainwreck of Ric Flair's "final match" or any other final matches that might be in the future. This also starts a trend of celebrity matches that are actually good. Floyd Mayweather may not be Bad Bunny or Logan Paul, but he is a massive step up from Mr. T and Lawrence Taylor (who did great for celebrities but didn't show a tremendous wrestling skill set).

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts, Howard Finkel

1. WWE Heavyweight Champ Elimination Chamber
Triple H, Shawn Michaels, JBL, Chris Jericho, Jeff Hardy, Umaga

2. Money In The Bank
CM Punk, Shelton Benjamin, Mr Kennedy, Chris Jericho, Carlito, MVP, John Morrison

3. Floyd Mayweather vs The Big Show in a No DQ Match
4. Randy Orton (WWE Champ) vs John Cena vs Triple H
​5. Edge (WWE Champ) vs Undertaker
6. Shawn Michaels vs Ric Flair

We've officially reached a point where, between The Original Series, The Animated Series, the original movies, The Next Generation, The Next Generation movies, Deep Space Nine, Voyager, Enterprise, the Kelvin movies, Discovery, Lower Decks, Prodigy, Picard, and Strange New Worlds, it would take over a month to watch all of Star Trek. That's with no bathroom breaks, no sleeping, over thirty-one days of watching back-to-back-to-bak-to back episodes and films. And that's not considering Short Treks, or any other short form content.

In. tense.

It takes a while to watch through even my Significantly Fewer Seasons list. And with this season, we reach the end of the 20th century Star Trek series. It's the end of The Dominion War for Deep Space Nine, and Voyager reaches the end of their trek across the Delta Quadrant. Both are some satisfying endings (though you could easily cut out most of the seven week-long curtain call during the last episode of Deep Space Nine). But don't fret, next season we encounter some new ships, and also see some old friends from The Discovery era who stayed out of the time travel debacle. There's way more content to come.

1. Once More Into The Breach
(Worf, Martok, Kor, Sisko, Odo, O'Brien, Quark, Jake, Dax, Bashir, Kira)

The original Klingon from The Original Series is ready for his last mission, and Worf must convince Martok to allow him to be a part of an attack on The Dominion. It doesn't go well.


2. The Seige Of AR-5581
(Nog, Sisko, Bashir, Dax, Quark, Vic Fontaine, O'Brien, Jake, Kira, Rom)

Part of the crew goes on a mission in The Defiant to deliver supplies to a front line planet in the Dominion War. When the Jem'Hadar attack, the Ferenghi part of the crew is tested in ways they never have been before.


3. Tinker Tenor Doctor Spy
(Doctor, Janeway, Seven, Chakotay, Torres, Paris, Neelix, Tuvok, Kim)

An alien race of observers follows the course of Voyager and accidentally alter The Doctor's subroutines, causing him to daydream, and disrupt the ship's progress.


4. Pathfinder
(Barclay, Troi, Janeway, Doctor, Seven, Chakotay, Torres, Paris, Tuvok, Kim, Neelix, Adm Paris)

Earth has not forgotten about Voyager. Enterprise's favorite Holodeck Addict is mostly living in a simulation of Voyager in order to figure out where they are and how to rescue them. When his supervisor asks him to take a break, he consults Deanna Troi about his interactions with the simulated Voyager crew, and how he intends to communicate with them before Admiral Paris (whose son is on Voyager) visits.


5. Blink Of An Eye
(Janeway, Doctor, Seven, Paris, Tuvok, Torres, Chakotay, Neelix)

Voyager encounters a planet where time travels much faster, so that centuries pass there while only hours pass on the ship. 


6. It's Only A Paper Moon
(Nog, Vic Fontaine, Dax, O'Brien, Bashir, Quark, Rom, Sisko, Jake, Odo, Kira)

Nog returns from the Seige of A-5581 missing a leg and his self-esteem. He decides to live in the Vic Fontaine holosuite and try and improve Vic's casino. I loathe the Vic Fontaine character, but he's used very well in this episode.


7. Collective
(Seven, Janeway, Kim, Torres, Chakotay, Paris, Doctor, Tuvok, Ichben, Mezoti, Azan, Rebi, Neelix)

A Borg Cube attracts the attention of Voyager. When it turns out to be staffed by Borg children, Seven and Janeway make plans to rescue them and bring them onboard Voyager. The children have other ideas.


8. Child's Play
(Janeway, Seven, Ichben, Doctor, Tuvok, Chakotay, Torres, Paris, Kim, Neelix, Mezoti, Azan, Rebi, Naomi)

Voyager discovers Ichben's parents are alive and would like him to return to their home planet. Seven would like him to stay as part of Voyager's crew. But Ichben's parents are, perhaps, not what they seem.


9. Life Line
(Doctor, Barclay, Troi, Janeway, Seven, Tuvok, Chakotay, Torres, Paris, Kim, Neelix)

Doctor's creator is dying and Barclay figures out a way to get Doctor to the space station to help him. Only ... he doesn't want to be helped. 


10: Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges
(Bashir, O'Brien, Sisko, Odo, Quark, Kira, Worf, Dax)

It's more Section 31 adventures with Bashir. 


Serial 1: Unimatrix Zero
(Seven, Janeway, Doctor, Torres, Chakotay, Paris, Tuvok, Kim, Neelix, Born Queen)

There's a dreamscape where Borg drones live free. They reach out to Seven shortly before the Borg Queen tracks them down with the intent on destroying the Unimatrix and removing any of their individuality.


13: Strange Bedfellows
(Sisko, Worf, Dax, Odo, Kira, O'Brien, Bashir, Quark, Dukat, Martok, Weyoun, Damar, Winn, Yates)

Sisko has angered The Prophets. Gul Dukat is posing as a Bajoran to win over Kai Winn. The Dominion has forged an alliance with The Breen. A virus is slowly wiping out the changelings of The Dominion. Worf and Dax have been captured by the Breen. Gul Damar, who replaced Dukat as head of the Cardassians, begins to doubt the benefit of Cardassia's alliance with The Dominion. A LOT of twists begin to unravel as we near the end of Deep Space Nine.


14: The Changing Face Of Evil
(Dukat, Winn, Weyoun, Damar, Worf, Dax, Sisko, Odo, Kira, O'Brien, Bashir, Quark, Martok, Nog, Yates)

When The Breen attack Earth and become a much larger threat than any previous Dominion ally, Damar begins a Cardassian rebellion to take them down. Meanwhile, Dukat is successfully turning Kai Winn away from her Bajoran faith in an attempt to take Bajor down.

 
15. Body And Soul
(Doctor, Seven, Kim, Tuvok, Paris, Janeway, Chakotay, Torres, Neelix)

Doctor and Seven must work together, in her body to escape from an enemy prison. Meanwhile, Tuvok is experiencing pon farr, and Paris uses the holodeck to help him overcome it.


16: Tacking Into The Wind
(Worf, Sisko, Odo, Kira, Garak, Bashir, O'Brien, Martok, Gowron, Damar, Weyoun, Dax, Quark)

Kira, Garak, and Damar lead an attack on The Dominion. Worf believes that Gowron's jealousy of Martok is leading the Klingon Empire astray. Dax realizes she may be in love with Bashir. And The Breen continue to seem unstoppable. 


Serial 2: ​What You Leave Behind
(Sisko, Worf, O'Brien, Kira, Odo, Bashir, Dax, Quark, Dukat, Garak, Nog, Winn, Martok, Weyoun, Jake, Yates, Keiko O'Brien, Vic Fontaine)

It's the end of The Dominion War as we know it, and Deep Space Nine feels fine.


19: Shattered
(Chakotay, Doctor, Janeway, Seven, Icheb, Naomi, Neelix, Torres, Paris, Tuvok, Seska)

Time shenanigans ... sorry ... chronal displacement fields are effecting Voyager, and Chakotay seems to be the only one who can travel between eras of the ship. 


​Serial 3: Endgame
(Janeway, Seven, Doctor, Chakotay, Tuvok, Paris, Torres, Neelix, Barclay, Adm Paris, Icheb, Borg Queen)

Admiral Janeway illegally time travels to the past to stop certain tragedies from affecting the crew of Voyager on their journey home. Part of her plan involves exchanging some of her future technology with The Borg. Captain Janeway thinks the plan is flawed, and begins develops her own plot to get Voyager home, perhaps a bit earlier than Admiral Janeway was able to.

The tracks U2 released ahead of Songs Of Surrender had me absolutely dreading this release. Bono has tweaked lyrics and none of the tweaked lyrics are an improvement. Most of the songs appeared to just be slowtempo versions of classic bangers with all the life strangled out of them. 

I gave the forty-track album a full listen through, and then looked online to see what songs the band had selected for the sixteen and twenty track releases, and realized that my goal from putting together this reimagined album was much different from their idea of what their best material was.

For me, I chose the songs that were different from any previous versions. Ones that were rearranged for Bono's current range, and didn't pervert the original lyrics too much. Songs that I could see myself listening to on their own merit, not just because they were familiar songs. 

Still, it's best not to listen to this as a studio album, but as a live soundboard recording where they've managed to completely erase the sound of the audience. Maybe a Zoom concert? Something more akin to the Remixes For Propaganda bootlegs than something that needed a mainstream release.

The songs range all the way from Boy to Songs Of Experience. There are a few albums not represented, as there weren't any songs from October or No Line On The Horizon on the forty track album. On the flip side, there were plenty of songs from Achtung Baby and Songs Of Innocence, they just all sucked.

Below is the track listing for the fourteen tracks out of forty that I enjoyed. Below that is a review of each of the forty songs from the Deluxe Release that came out today. I would neither waste my money on the forty track version, nor would I bother either of the sixteen or twenty track versions, as I believe the band completely whiffed on this concept. They should have been trying to please fans by putting out alternate takes to less well-known tracks, which may have also drawn in new fans, or won over some of the many justified U2 haters. Instead, they decided to release an album that could be called What If Our Greatest Hits Sucked?

1. Red Hill Mining Town (from The Joshua Tree)
2. Miracle Drug (from How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb)
3. Dirty Day (from Zooropa)
4. Stories For Boys (from Boy, featuring The Edge on vocals)
5. Two Hearts Beat As One (from War)
6. Lights Of Home (from Songs Of Experience)
7. If God Would Send His Angels (from Pop)
8. 11 O'Clock Tick Tick (unreleased track)
9. The Little Things That Give You Away (
10. Sunday Bloody Sunday
11. Out Of Control
​12. Bad
13. Peace On Earth
​14. All I Want Is You

My review of the forty track Songs Of Surrender, after listening through it a couple of times:

1. One
​
While I vastly prefer almost every other version of this song I've heard, be it a live version, the Mary J Blige collaboration, the original, Damien Rice's mournful crooning cover, Johnny Cash's raspy interpretation, Melissa Etheridge's one woman loop band cover during the pandemic, the music in this version isn't really the problem. Yes, Edge's background vocals of love is a temple, love is a higher law  are a hokey distraction near the end of the song. The real problem, though, is Bono's vocals. People age. When they age, their range changes. I remember a friend went and saw U2 twenty years ago, and even then he mentioned that they had to do a medley of some of The Unforgettable Fire songs because Bono couldn't hit those notes anymore. That's going to happen to singers. So you change keys, you write new music or find appropriate covers that fit your range. But why would you rerecord one of your best songs with noticeably poorer vocals. Cracks in the foundation of your larynx. Warbling around the key, like you're not sure what fits the melody's lock. This is a dooming intro to an album of reimagined hits. It's at least a better version than the one REM and U2 did for MTV in 1993.

2. Where The Streets Have No Name
​
The original version of this song has such an iconic opening, that, honestly you have to swing for the fences when you reinterperet it. I think Edge did a solid job of arranging this song to fit the vibe of New Age Soft Rock For Boomers. It's not an improvement over the original by any stretch, but it's a solid alternative. Bono's vocals even work for this track. Unfortunately, Bono has decided to rewrite the lyrics to this song so it's specifically about a desert, like he really really wants you to know it's about a desert so he says desert repeatedly. And he's even changed other lyrics for no valid reason. And while Bono in 2023 isn't quite the singer he was in 1987, he's a much worse songwriter. If these were the lyrics to the song in 1987, even if it was matched up with the tempo and arrangement of the original track, this would not be anyone's favorite U2 song. Not even The Joshua Tree National Park Desert Preservation Society. I will say that Bono's croony oooooooos near the end were a wise choice, given his current vocal limitations. 

​3. Stories For Boys

The Edge is the spotlight on this arrangement of one of U2's earliest tracks. He provides vocals, and plays piano. This is the first track that I actually like on this album. Is it better than the original? Maybe. It's certainly a valid reinterpretation. It's definitely an Old Man Looks Back On His Youth song, as opposed to the I Just Graduated From High School And I'm All Grown Up/Too Early For Nostalgia song that was the original. It works really well.

4. 11 O'Clock Tick Tock

Another interesting alternative to the original/live tracks I've heard. The updated lyrics don't bother me much. I thought I was annoyed that he changed the ethereal bridge lyrics to sad song, sad song but it turns out those are the original lyrics, they were just so mumbly in the original, I didn't realize they were actual words. I will go on the record as saying this version, with Edge's Latin American inspired guitar near the end, is actually a vast improvement over the original.

5. Out Of Control

When I wrote the reimagined version of Boy and October (my version os Boytober), I mentioned that the lyrics to this song about turning eighteen were some of U2's worst. The arrangement wasn't much better. But, again, it was very early U2. They were still teenagers. This version is the second song in a row that I would say is an actual improvement over the original. It sounds like a B-Side from How To Assemble An Atomic Bomb. If that sounds like feint praise, it is. I like this updated version more than the original, but it's never been one of their best songs. And Bono using his aged Picard whispy voice to sing about how he's out of control is just silly and doesn't really work.

6. Beautiful Day

Did we need this piano-forward reinterpretation of the lead single from All That You Can't Leave Behind? Sigh. Yes. While I prefer the original, I'm not sure if that would be true if I heard this version first. I think it's a case of enjoying what I'm already used to. That said, there is an unnecessary lyrical change in the second verse where Bono seems to be updating, not "Beautiful Day" but the Passenger's Soundtrack ​cut "Your Blue Room", which is an interesting choice. But not a better choice. The original lyrics were better. Still, this isn't as bad or unnecessary as I feared.

7. Bad

If this were a live album by latter-day U2, this would be the breakout hit. It's set in Bono's current range. It's pretty much just an acoustic version of the original except. Except. Except the lyrics are updated. And, again, Bono is not a better songwriter in 2023 than he was in 1984. But, even though this one of my favorite early U2 tracks, I don't Hate the changes. They're just okay. Against all my expectations, this is a perfectly fine alternative version to the original. I would voluntarily listen to this. It's still a banger.

8. Every Breaking Wave

When I did my reimagined version of Songs Of Innocence and Songs Of Experience, this song didn't make the cut. This one won't make the cut, either. Like the previous track, it just feels like an acoustic, live version of the original. In this case, it's Bono singing while Edge plays piano, and there are no other instruments. But they've made it sound like it was recorded in a space with vaulted ceilings so we get a nice echoey vibe for both the vocals and the piano. It would be a fine closer to a later-day U2 album. It's just never going to be my favorite track.

​9. Walk On

Nope. This was never U2's strongest song. It got extra attention paid to it because it was an uplifting song that was released during 2001, and was therefore wrongly co-opted as a response to 9-11. Woof. Now, however, Bono has rewritten it. Not because of the 9-11 issue, but because the original was banned in Burma, as it was about an ousted democratic leader there. The new version is about The Ukraine, and the lyrics are terrible. This is a real Elton John rerecords "Candle In The Wind" moment. Only worse because the original wasn't very good to begin with. Changing home/that's where the heart is to home/that's where the hurt is is a strong contender for valid reasons to use the barf emoji.

​10. Pride (In The Name Of Love)

This was the first song I heard from the new album, and one of the reasons I was convinced this whole project was going to be terrible. If you drain all the passion and power out of the original version of this song, the tepid elevator music version of this song would be better than this soulless, poorly produced lullaby.  They should have either left this song alone, or come up with a better idea for rerecording it.

11. Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses

I've heard that U2 actually hates the original version of this song from Achtung Baby. I've always quite liked it. Both the original, and the Temple Bar Remix from the single's B-Side. This updated recording is unnecessary but inoffensive. It's barely discernable from the Temple Bar Remix, apart from worse background vocals and the feeling that most of this album has, that it's just a watered down, live acoustic version from an aging band.

​12. Get Out Of Your Own Way

Another song from either Songs Of Experience or Songs Of Innocence that I didn't think was good enough to make my reimagined album, Sometimes. And, again, this version wouldn't make an album, either. While it is nice to hear drums for what feels like the first time on this album, the lyrics are not just badly written, they're flatly delivered. If Bono doesn't care about this song, why should I? Get out of your own way, Bono, and let this song be forgotten.

13. Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of

Another All That You Can't Leave Behind song that got wrapped up in the post 9-11 fervor. This was on heavy repeat on MTV during the weeks after the tragedy. I like it more than "Walk On". And this version, like "Bad", falls into the Perfectly Acceptable Acoustic Live Version category. The bongos might be a bit much, but *shrug emoji*.

14. Red Hill Mining Town

The original version of this song had a really unique sound that worked with The Joshua Tree, and yet felt jarring, with Edge's guitar squeak. This version serves as a tribute to that, as it's much meatier than an other song on this album. It's more marching band than acoustic show. I like it. Bono's voice even sounds stronger here than on the earlier tracks.

15. Ordinary Love

When the original track, dedicated to Nelson Mandela came out, and Google had it categorized as Reggae I laughed someone else's ass off (I need mine, and am protective of it). It's never been reggae. This has never been an interesting song, either, and I actually fell asleep listening to it this morning. I legitimately dreamed I was texting someone about how boring this song was, and woke up and started searching for the text. 

16. Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

This was my surprise favorite song from How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb. Sure, I like "Vertigo" and "City Of Blinding Lights" just fine, but there was a real raw honesty to the original version of this song that's often absent from twenty-first century U2. This piano ballad version just sucks all of the intensity out of the original, and leaves a treacly melodramatic breathathon in its place. The new version of Can you hear me when I sing / You're the reason I sing / You're the reason why the opera is in me makes me viscerally angry. It's such an affront to the original take. It's between this and "One" for What's My Least Favorite Song On This Album.

17. Invisible

Like "An Ordinary Love", I didn't immediately recognize what song this was, as I just never really listened to the original very often. It's like the song was so focused on the theme of "Invisible" that I can't even remember it unless I'm actually listening to it. 

18. Dirty Day

This Zooropa song was a low-key bop on the original album, but when U2 released the Junk Day mix on the B-Side of "Please", I fell instantly in love. This version seems truer to the Junk Day Mix than the original, with bass accompimamet, then adds in percussion and strings. It's Very Sleep Inducing but, unlike, "Ordinary Love", it's not bad. It's just deliberately slow.

19. The Miracle (Of Joey Ramone)

ZzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzz. Huh? I woke up and this song was on. Another song from Songs Of Innocence or Songs Of Experience that I didn't like originally when I was combining them into Sometimes. I dont t'hink this version is an improvement, but I'm not inspired to go back and check out the original, either.

20. City Of Blinding Lights

Another unnecessary track. This is just a pared-down version of the How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb track but with weaker vocals. It would be an acceptable track for a live, acoustic show, but it's nothing special and certainly several steps down from the original cut.

21. Vertigo

The intro to this song hints at a wildly different version of the song before the guitar kicks in, and it's just another stripped down song with Bono toning down the power behind his vocals. There are verious interesting instrumentals popped in to the sections without vocals, but then the band seems to agree that Bono's vocals couldn't shine through them. 

22. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

There are already two popular and well-loved versions of this song. The original The Joshua Tree version, and the incredible, gospel choir backed version from Rattle & Hum. If there is a third, defining version of this song, it's not the one on this album, which boasts a mediocre, low-pitched karaoke level performance with hints of the classic instrumentation buried under soft rock production.

​23. Electrical Storm

Similarly, there are already two versions of this song floating around, neither of them as well-loved as the previous track. One of the two new songs on Best Of 1990-2000, there's a lush ballad feel to the William Orbital mix. The producer of Madonna's Ray Of Light making a B-side level song into an interesting bop. The regular version just felt boring, and poorly arranged in comparison. This feels like a slight, and only slight, reworking of that inferior version. It takes longer than either previous version to amp up the emotion. It gets slightly interesting just as it begins to fade out, again when Bono doesn't have any lyrics.

24. The Fly

There's a "Lounge Mix" version of this Achtung Baby track on the single. Yea, "The Fly" was the lead single for Achtung Baby. While I love the song, it's hardly the best song on the album. I like combining the original and the "Lounge Mix" into a sonically interesting mix. This new version had me for a bit at the beginning, but once Edge's background vocals kick in, it's downhill for a bit. It picks back up near the end, making this track ok but not a viable alternative to the previous versions.

25. If God Would Send His Angels

One of my favorite tracks off of Pop, boasts a fun, over-produced stomping "Big Yam Mix" as a B-side alternate take of the song. That's the version I put on my reimagined album, Popmart, as the real problem with U2's Pop is that it only sort of embraced dance music. The B-side mixes went All In, and in most cases, are the superior versions. This new version is, quel surprise, a stripped down piano ballad. It works better for this track than most of the others on this album. Even Bono's weaksauce falsetto about halfway through work in this song's favor. I don't think this is nearly as strong as The Big Yam Mix, but it might be better than the original version from Pop. Pushing the Where do we go lyric even deeper into the mix than it is in either previous version makes sense. And while I don't love The Edge's background arrangement on this version, they're hardly terrible.

26. Desire

Bono is not, and never will be, Prince. He certainly loves what he sometimes calls his falsetto soul voice. It's on full force on this reimagining of "Desire", and it's a terrible choice. This is a screamer of a song, not a cartoon internet meme from the late 90s. The vocals are incredibly incongruous with the heavy instrumentation. It just doesn't work. I applaud the big swing they took here, but they should have listened to the track and redone the vocals with Bono's gravelly old man voice.

27. Until The End Of The World

I used to love this Achtung Baby cut, but then I heard Patti Smith'e version on Ahk-Toong-Bay-Bi and it was such a better, more powerful version that I found the original rather silly. And this new version is pretty much just the acoustic version of the original, which wasn't heavily electronic. And, again, Bono does a verse in his falsetto, which is difficult to parse and not particularly fun to listen to. 

28. Song For Someone

No, thank you. There are two versions of this song between Songs Of Experience and Songs Of Innocence. One is called "Song For Someone", the other is called "There Is A Light". Neither are bad songs but the world didn't need both. My reimagined album, Sometimes has pieces of these songs as a medley about lightness and darkness, which permeates Experience and Innocence. It's overly long, and threatened to put me back to sleep.

29. All I Want Is You

A seemingly music-box-inspired of this Rattle & Hum classic is another sucessful lullibyification. It almost begs for sing-along vocals (though I'm glad The Edge doesn't provide them). The sweeping build halfway through is undercut a little by Bono's completely unnecessary Yea! Yea! Yea!s but the song quickly recovers. 

30. Peace On Earth

I'm not much of a fan of the original, which appears on All That You Can't Leave Behind. This version, which seems to be just The Edge, singing and playing guitar like some sort of hippie summer camp counselor, before some synths flow in like haunted background vocals, is a vast improvement and sounds like nothing else on this album, which is a good thing. 

​31. With Or Without You

​Another hard pass for me. Bono tweaks the lyrics to one of his best written songs for no valuable reason. Otherwise, this is just a flat rerecording of the original with weaker vocals that warble around the key, and spare instrumentation.

​32. Stay (Far Away, So Close!)

I made a face more appropriate for having eaten a "Lemon" when this song began. This is far and away the best song from Zooropa. The vocals were pitch perfect. Here, they're just low and forgettable until they're supposed to soar. In the original, Bono goes right up to the edge of his falsetto for a bit before finally breaking into it, and it's pure rock bombast. Here, he gently nudges his falsetto, and he just sounds tired, which doesn't work with the lyrics.

33. Sunday Bloody Sunday

On one of the Pop B-sides, The Edge takes over vocal duties for a slowed-down version of "Sunday, Bloody Sunday", and it's such a stark contrast to the original that it's haunting and really feels like the band doing something new. They reproduce that here, twenty-five years later, but with Bono on vocals. It's fine, I guess. Why Bono decided wipe your tears away needed to be changed to wipe your tears from your eyes baffles me. Did he think the U2 fans willing to buy this album wouldn't know where tears come from? He then pushes into a new final verse. I would like to reiterate that Bono hasn't become a better songwriter recently, and should maybe let his songs stand as they are. 

​34. Lights Of Home

Without going back and listening to the original Songs Of Experience track, I couldn't tell you what the difference between that version and this one is. I can only tell you that I think I like this one better. 

35. Cedarwood Road

I almost just typed "ibid" but the original version for this song came from Songs Of Innocence. The only difference is that, while I like this version better, I still don't like it enough that I have any desire to listen to it again. It just doesn't inspire me in any way, nor does it have a memorable hook.

36. I Will Follow

The further away U2 is from the original material, the more interesting their reimaginings are. The new lyrics don't grab me, but I like the production here.

37. Two Hearts Beat As One

It's Disco U2! I thought they disappeared after Pop, but here, on this track from War, they go full 1970s dance pop. It's a damned delight. How was this song left off the standard issues of Songs Of Surrender while absolute slogs like "One" and "Pride (In The Name Of Love)" remained?

38. Miracle Drug

There are songs on How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb that I enjoy but don't often listen to because I rarely have the urge to listen to that era of U2. This is definitely one of them, and it does sound better with its drum-forward opening. I'm not sure if I'll listen to the reimagined Surrendered any more than I do to the reimagined No Line On The Horizon, which is where this track landed in my discography. But I do enjoy being exposed to this alternate take.

39. The Little Things That Give You Away

I included a heavily edited version of this song as part of the long light/dark medley on my reimagined Sometimes. I just think it's a one verse song until the end, where the song flips to the "Sometimes" portion, which I love. I think the second verse of this track is still unnecessary. But this is a beautiful version of the song. I appreciate that Bono enunciates the closing of the song better in this version.

40. 40

​The live version of this song on Under A Blood Red Sky, where the audience sings the band off the stage will always be the best version of this song. This version is an improvement over the original track on War​. It makes sense as the closing song of this experiment but on an album that's pretty much forty ballads, it doesn't really stand out.

We're not there yet, but we're about to enter a kind of dismal era in wrestling. Even more than usual predicatable matches, unbeatable babyfaces that the audience doesn't like, the same matches over and over and over, dominant nostalgia acts. Oooof.

But first, there's some reason to celebrate. An ECW reunion! Then, behold, the first ever Summer Of Punk! One of the hottest indie wrestlers in Ring Of Honor signs a contract with the WWE and THEN wins the ROH belt for the first time, so he sticks around to torment the fans. It's beautiful.

It's hardly downhill from there, as WWE introduces some new blood to intersperse with their headliners and nostalgia acts, and we get to see WWE's biggest 80s star and one of its biggest 90s stars team up, and then feud, leading to a hilarious penultimate match for Hulk Hogan (we'll end the season with his final WWE performance). Daniel Bryan dominates the punkless ROH. And we get a brief glimpse at  Combat Zone Wrestling, when they invade ROH and some of their stars stick around.

Starring: Shawn Michaels, Daniel Bryan, Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, CM Punk, Triple H, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, Ric Flair, Rhino, Kurt Angle, Edge, Randy Orton, Lita, Trish Stratus, Jeff Jarrett

901. One Night Stand, 2005

ECW? ECW? Well...sort of. Vince McMahon will go all-in on a resurrected ECW in a few episodes, but first, it's a reunion show featuring only talent that worked in ECW. Then Smackdown and Raw show up in the audience, and we get a satisfying brawl to close out the show.

Announcers: Joey Styles, Mick Foley, Joel Gertner, Stephen DeAngelis, Bob Artese  

1. Lance Storm vs Chris Jericho
2. Sabu vs Rhino
3. Chris Benoit vs Eddie Guerrero
4. Mike Awesome vs Masato Tanaka
5. The Dudley Boyz vs Sandman & Tommy Dreamer

902. The Summer Of Punk, Part 1, 2005

CM Punk is the most chanted phrase in wrestling history. We've been seeing him rise through the ranks of Ring Of Honor, and have some matches in Impact, but here he wins the championship the night AFTER it's announced that he's leaving for the WWE. It's pandemonium, will he leave with the belt?

Announcers: Chris Lovey, Lenny Leonard 

1. Samoa Joe (ROH Pure Champ) vs Nigel McGuinness
2. Austin Aries (ROH Champ) vs CM Punk
3. Samoa Joe (ROH Pure Champ) vs Austin Aries
​4. CM Punk (ROH Champ) vs Roderick Strong

903. Unbreakable, 2005

Hey, look, it's all the Ring Of Honor guys, plus some Attitude-era WWE midcarders catching all the spotlight in Impact. What an improvement over the dinosaurs that Impact began with. The storylines are still kind of threadbare, and the promos aren't much to sneeze at, but the wrestling is top notch, and it just looks like a fun promotion to work for.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash, Shane Douglas

1. X-Pac vs Jerry Lynn
2. Samoa Joe vs AJ Styles in Super X Cup Tournament Final
3. Austin Aries vs Roderick Strong
4. Christopher Daniels (Impact X Champ) vs Samoa Joe vs AJ Styles
5. Rhino vs Jeff Hardy vs Abyss vs Sabu in a Monster's Ball Match
​6. AJ Styles (Impact X Champ) vs Christopher Daniels in an Iron Man Match

904. The Summer Of Punk Part 2, 2005

The main story here is that CM Punk is still the champ, and still in ROH, despite being contracted to WWE. But the B-story is that WWE mainstay and future legend, Matt Hardy is getting some wrestling in after the WWE fired him because (checks notes) he was upset that his girlfriend cheated on him with another wrestler, Edge, and left him. That is harsh. Luckily, he has ROH to let him take out his frustrations on some past and future champions.

Announcers: Chris Lovey, Lenny Leonard ​

1. CM Punk (ROH Champ) vs James Gibson
2. Christopher Daniels vs Matt Hardy
3. Generation Next vs The Embassy
4. CM Punk (ROH Champ) vs Samoa Joe vs ​James Gibson vs Christopher Daniels

905. The Master Lock Challenge, 2005

There's not a lot of Chris Masters in this chronology or in wrestling history, in general, but when he first showed up in WWE, and challenged people to escape his full nelson hold, dubbed The Master Lock, it looked like he might end up being on the level of Brock Lesnar. Alas. But here is his complete rise in the WWE. He'll pop up in team matches, but I don't think we'll see him solo again. And, oh look! Matt Hardy is back in the WWE. In a Steel Cage match. Against the guy who, in real life, ended up with the love of Matt's life. That sounds like a fun way to end a show.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jonathan Coachman, Todd Grisham, Josh Mathews, Steve Romero, Maria, Tony Chimel, Lilian Garcia

1. Chris Masters vs Stevie Richards
2. Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero
3. Chris Masters vs Tajiri
4. Chris Benoit vs William Regal
5. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs Chris Jericho
6. Chris Masters vs Shawn Michaels
7. Matt Hardy vs Edge in a Steel Cage

906. Taboo Tuesday, 2005

On our way to a real Survivor Series match, we see the biggest terror in 80s and 90s WCW go head to head with his former Evolution stablemate (I believe they've all fought each other at this point), the biggest terror in early 21st century WWE in a Steel Cage, and then a Last Man Standing match. Plus, John Cena goes against two former mega-champs.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Joey Styles, Steve Romero, Todd Grisham, Tony Chimel, Lilian Garcia

1. Ric Flair (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Triple H in a Steel Cage
2. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs Shawn Michaels vs Kurt Angle
3. Trish Stratus (WWE Womens Champ) vs Melina
4. Ric Flair (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Triple H in a Last Man Standing Match
5. Team Raw vs Team Smackdown in a Survivor Series Match
Big Show, Carlito, Chris Masters, Kane, and Shawn Michaels vs Batista, Bobby Lashley, JBL, Randy Orton, and Rey Mysterio

907. Punk, The Final Chapter, 2005

Say it ain't so. CM Punk's final (so far) ever ROH match as he leaves for WW...wait..for WWECW? Interesting. Plus, AJ Styles and Samoa Joe each take on a different Japanese legend.

Announcers: Chris Lovey, Lenny Leonard ​

1. The Rottweilers vs Samoa Joe & Jay Lethal
2. AJ Styles vs CIMA
3. Samoa Joe vs Kenta Kobashi
3. CM Punk (ROH Champ) vs Colt Cabana in a 2/3 Falls Match

908. Re-Enter The Dragon, 2005

ROH Champs usually have pretty lengthy reigns, and yet we're skipping over Colt Cabana's, and most of James Gibson's. Daniel Bryan finally takes the title here, and establishes him as The Next ROH Superstar the WWE sets their eyes on.

Announcers: Chris Lovey, Lenny Leonard ​

1. Samoa Joe (ROH Pure Champ) vs Nigel McGuinness
2. James Gibson (ROH Champ) vs Daniel Bryan
3. Alex Shelley vs Caesaro (as Claudio Castagnoli)
​4. Daniel Bryan (ROH Champ) vs Austin Aries

909. The Ultimate Opportunity, 2005, 2006

In this episode, we have the most fitting tribute to Eddie Guerrero (who died of a heart attack) we end this episode of cruiserweights and superstars with a new champion stealing the title after a thrilling Elimination Chamber match.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Maria Kinelis, Tony Chimel, Lilian Garcia

1. Tribute to Eddie Guerrero
2. Chris Benoit vs Booker T
3. Juventud Guerrera (WWE Cruserweight Champ) vs Kid Kash
4. The Undertaker vs Randy Orton in Hell In A Cell
5. Trish Stratus (WWE Womens Champ) vs Mickie James
6. Elimination Chamber for WWE Championship
John Cena, Carlito, Chris Masters, Shawn Michaels, Kane, Kurt Angle, Edge

910. Joe Is Gonna Kill You, 2005, 2006

Technically, we can't call the first match a Survivor Series match, as WWE owns that term, but Impact puts it to good use here. There are a few team matches here, and we see the Impact X title come to rest on a certain former ROH champion. Wonder how long he can hold on to this title?

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash, Shane Douglas
​
1. Survivor Series Match
Chris Sabin, Matt Bentley, Sonjay Dutt, & Austin Aries vs. Samoa Joe, Alex Shelley, Roderick Strong, & Christopher Daniels

2. Jeff Jarrett & America's Most Wanted vs Rhino & The Dudley Boyz
3. AJ Styles (Impact X Champ) vs Samoa Joe
4. America's Most Wanted vs The Dudley Boyz
5. Samoa Joe (Impact X Champ) vs Christopher Daniels

911. Tribute, 2005

WWE is not alone in honoring Guerrero, as Ring Of Honor, where he went to fight his way back into WWE, honors him as well. We also get out first glimpse at Caesaro, the past and future Claudio Castagnoli.

Announcers: Chris Lovey, Lenny Leonard ​

1. Daniel Bryan (ROH Champ) vs Chris Sabin
2. The Embassy vs AJ Styles & Generation Next
3. Jay Lethal vs Samoa Joe
4. Daniel Bryan (ROH Champ) vs Christopher Daniels

912. Guerrero Rumble, 2006
​
Eddie Guerrero has one last prank on Rey Mysterio from Beyond The Grave, as 2006 sees one of the most feel good rumbles of all-time. Then Randy Orton swoops in to try and take it all away.

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Joey Styles, Todd Grisham, Josh Mathews, Kristal Marshall, Tony Chimel, Lilian Garcia

1. The Royal Rumble
Triple H, Rey Mysterio, Simon Dean, Psicosis, Ric Flair, Big Show, Jonathan Coachman, Bobby Lashley, Kane, Sylvan, Carlito, Chris Benoit, Booker T, Joey Mercury, Tatanka, Johnny Nitro, Trevor Murdoch, Eugene, Road Warrior Animal, RvD, Orlando Jordan, Chavo Guerrero, Matt Hardy, Super Crazy, Shawn Michaels, Chris Masters, Viscera, Shelton Benjamin, Goldust, Randy Orton

2. Booker T (WWE US Champ) vs Chris Benoit
3. Rey Mysterio vs Randy Orton
4. Kurt Angle (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Undertaker

​913. The TNA Backstep

Some decent matches from this era of Impact but not a lot of interesting story development to speak of. But, hey, two matches that include Jeff Jarrett that don't feel like he's included because he started the company.

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash, Shane Douglas, 

1. Rhino vs Abyss in a Falls Count Anywhere match
2. Samoa Joe (Impact X Champ) vs AJ Styles vs Christopher Daniels
3. The Dudley Boyz vs Team Canada
4. Jeff Jarrett (Impact Champ) vs Christian
5. ​Chris Sabin vs Petey Williams vs Sonjay Dutt vs TJ Perkins
6. Survivor Series Match
Abyss, Jeff Jarrett, America's Most Wanted vs Rhino, R-Truth, Dudley Boyz

914. Big Time

It's all Wrestlemania 21 here, as we get a series of classic matches, as well as one of the last interesting Vince McMahon vendettas/matches. We pass the torch from the greatest WWE womens' wrestler (not Divas, she wrapped up her time in the WWE as a legitimately great wrestler) from the Attitude era to a woman who is still a champion in the industry, almost two decades later. And we get a feel good championship win, which sadly, didn't translate to a stellar run, but it was nice to see them at least win the belt.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Gene Okerlund, Todd Grisham, Jonathan Coachman, Lilian Garcia

1. Money In The Bank Ladder Match
RvD, Bobby Lashley, Finlay, Matt Hardy, Ric Flair, Shelton Benjamin

2. Edge vs Mick Foley in a Hardcore Match
3. Mickie James vs Trish Stratus
4. Shawn Michaels vs Vince McMahon
5. Kurt Angle (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Rey Mysterio vs Randy Orton
6. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs Triple H

915. The Dragon's Lair

Bryan Danielson (aka Daniel Bryan) absolutely owned ROH for years. Here we celebrate his dominance during his lengthy title reign.

Announcers: Chris Lovey, Lenny Leonard ​

1. Daniel Bryan (ROH Champ) vs Naomichi Marufuji 
2. Daniel Bryan (ROH Champ) vs AJ Styles
3. Daniel Bryan & CM Punk vs Adam Pearce & Jimmy Rave
4. Daniel Bryan & Samoa Joe vs Naomichi Marufuji  & KENTA 

916. Sunset Flip, 2006

I originally had this episode feature the tag team match between the McMahon and family and the team of Shawn Michaels and God, but I feel like we've had enough of Vince's wrestling, and it was time to give the spotlight to more, you know, wrestlers.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Todd Grisham, Maria Kanellis

1. JBL (WWE US Champ) vs Bobby Lashley
2. Shelton Benjamin (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs RvD
3.  John Cena (WWE Champ) vs Triple H vs Edge
4. MNM (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Paul London & Brian Kendrick
5. Chris Benoit vs Finlay
6. Rey Mysterio (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs JBL

917. That Was Awesome  (Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap), 2006

There's a trio of great Generation Next matches at the heart of this episode bookended by two stellar title matches.

Announcers: Chris Lovey, Lenny Leonard ​

1. Nigel McGuiness (ROH Pure Champ) vs Caesaro (as Claudio Castagnoli)
2. The Briscoes vs Generation Next
3. Blood Generation vs Generation Next
4. Generation Next  (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Matt Sydal & Samoa Joe
5. Daniel Bryam (ROH Champ) vs Lance Storm

918. If Cena Wins, We Riot

ECW is baaaaaaaaaaaaaack. But, you know, WWE flavored.

Announcers: Joey Styles, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Stephen DeAngelis, Lillian Garcia

1. Rey Mysterio (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Sabu
2. Edge, Mick Foley & Lita vs Tommy Dreamer, Terry Funk & Belulah McGullicutty
3. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs RvD
4. Extreme Battle Royal
Big Show, Sabu, Tommy Dreamer, Al Snow, Stevie Richards, Balls Mahoney, Big Guido, Little Guido, Tony Mamaluke, Dany Doring, Roadkill

5. Randy Orton vs Kurt Angle
6. RvD (WWE Champ) vs Edge

919. CZW Invasion

Combat Zone Wrestling was the replacement for ECW in the early 2000s. It was a violent, extreme wrestling federation with a bunch of backyard wrestling stars who rose to prominence in Japan and the American indies. We're not really going to spend a lot of time with them, as it's not my area of expertise but they did briefly infiltrate Ring Of Honor, creating some classic matches, and introducing a working relationship between the two companies, allowing us to see some of their stars return to battle the ROH crew.

Announcers: Chris Lovey, Lenny Leonard 

1. Team CZW vs Team ROH
Chris Hero, Necro Butcher & Super Dragon vs Adam Pearce, BJ Whitmer & Samoa Joe

2. Bryan Daniels (ROH Champ) vs Nigel McGuinness (ROH Pure Champ) in a Unification Match

3. Team CZW vs Team ROH in a Cage Of Death Match
Chris Hero, Caesaro, Eddie Kingston, Nate Webb & Necro Butcher vs Ace Steel, Adam Pearce, BJ Whitmer, Daniel Bryan, Homicide & Samoa Joe

920. So, I Guess We Riot, Right?

John Cena, the dominant face of the PG era of the WWE is at his peak here (and it will stay his peak for several years). He's Hulk Hogan but he doesn't cheat. He's Steve Austin but he's all about positivity. He's Brock Lesnar, but you don't need to run and hide when he smiles at you. We also see the debut of Mr. Kennedy, whose professional wrestling career was brief but eventful. I wanted to end this with Hogan's final WWE match, against The Legend Killer Randy Orton but apparently putting over the next generation just didn't work for the compulsively lying hot dog, brother, so we won't bother watching him fill his red and yellow diapers while somehow beating a superior wrestler who was a quarter century younger than him and a thousand times more talented. So we'll just end on an incredible match between two of the legends of 2006, and have our goodbye be Trish Stratus's final match (for several years...don't worry, she'll eventually come back).

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Joey Styles, Tazz, The Miz, Todd Grisham, Maria Kanellis, Lillian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Justin Roberts

1. RVD (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs The Spirit Squad
2. Rey Mysterio (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Kurt Angle
3. John Cena vs Sabu in an Extreme Rules Lumberjack Match
4. Mr. Kennedy vs Funaki
5. Rey Mysterio (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Booker T (as King Booker)
6. Ric Flair vs Mick Foley in an I Quit Match
7. Lita (WWE Womans Champ) vs Trish Stratus
8. Edge (WWE Champ) vs John Cena in a TLC Match​​

Making the first album for Cyndi's discography was simple. While Madonna may have had more hits, and seemed to be a more consistent 80s and 90s pop star, Cyndi Lauper was a unique 80 pop visionary who could sell songs about sex without making that her entire personality for five years. She didn't need to constantly update her image to appeal to the MTV generation, nor did she feel the need to push taboo envelopes to garner shock value. There's nothing wrong with any of those things Madonna did them perfectly in order to keep a stranglehold on the pop diva crown, but Lauper was just herself for her entire career, and while she fell out of the spotlight for the 90s and early 21st century, she never seemed desperate to reclaim it.

She's not desperate in this era, either. She's doing her own thing, even if it seems to be somewhat unusual compared to her 80s output. I mean, unusual is what Cyndi does. It's the name of her breakthrough album.

I've tried to spread around the two main concepts that make up this album.

1.) There are still some very 80s tracks worthy of being in her discography, even if they weren't the powerhouse hits from She's So Unusual.

2.) She put out a country album called Detour. Is it great country music? I don't know. I have a very specific type of country that I'm willing to listen to, and some of these songs fall into that category. I think they're worth your time.

1. We're going to start off country. Very much pre-1980s country. The classic, slow Patsy Cline style country. It's shocking how well Lauper's voice falls into that groove. Begging To You is just that sweet, generically lyriced love song with some soft fiddle riffs, that sound really 60s or 70s country to me.

2. Moving into the more modern, somewhat mean-spirited country, Vince Gill joins Cyndi for a duet that wouldn't seem out of place in the 1980s Muppet Show. You're The Reasons Our Kids Are Ugly is one of those we love each other, even though our relationship is complicated songs that seem like Jim Henson or Shel Silverstein could have written them, as opposed to Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn. Lauper's delivery is more subdued here than in the first track, but it kind of has to be to keep from stealing the spotlight from Vince's limited range.

3. Back to mid-century we go, Lauper lets us know I Want To Be A Cowboy's Sweetheart. This is more Dolly Parton than Patsy Cline. This is another song that seems like it would be at home on a kids show from sometime before the 80s. It's got a nice little guitar solo broken up by Cyndi using her So Unusual voice to say "Yippee-yi-yay" in the background. Oh, and Jewel yodels on this track. Why not?

4. Ok, let's take a break from the country and go back to Lauper's signature 80s pop ballad style. Who Let In The Rain has the haunting synth organ and minimal percussion leading you into the chorus, where the bass arrives, welcomes the drums, and we start to get a subdued New Wave classic. Something Ric Ocasek might have penned for The Cars. But it ends with a very Tina Turnerish belted fade out.

5. We get a little 90s pop dancy with Sisters Of Avalon, the closes Lauper ever gets to recording an Alanis Morissette song. Her voice waivers in a way I don't remember her using anywhere else in the discography. 

6. What's 80ser than The Goonies? Cyndi Lauper singing the theme song, The Goonies R Good Enough? Yea. I don't remember this song at all. But it's so Cyndi. This probably belongs on She's So Unusual but I didn't remember it, and it makes for a fun retro song on this collection.

7. We're back to the country for the title track. Detour is another fiddley country song. This seems really Johnny Cash to me. It's very speak-country with that twinge of harmony to it, and then a wonderfully simple, yet beautiful harmony during the chorus. Man, I would love to hear Cyndi cover an entire Johnny Cash album. That's going on my musical bucket list.

8. Night Life falls into that chasm between country and Jimmy Buffet tropical soft rock. Slow piano, crooning, soft fiddles, Willie Nelson. All you need for a cool night on a Florida porch, sipping something whiskeyed or, I don't know, vanilla-esque. Something slightly off and delicious in its inappropriateness. It's a very sedated duet.

9. We get the danciness back for Unhook The Stars, which would esaily be the B-side to "Sisters Of Avalon". There's a very country bassline, but everything else is late 80s/early 90s Lillith Fair pop.

10. Heartaches By The Numbers  is very much a prototypical country song but with Lauper returning to her Patsy Cline voice. It's gorgeous and, so far, the toe tappingest of her country songs. 

11. The best title on the album, unquestionably, is Funnel Of Love. Is it country? Is it 90s "alternative" rock? Is it neitherly both? Is it a 50s throwback? There's a lot going on in this simple sounding song.

12. Time for a Lauper classic. I Drove All Night is actually a Roy Orbison song, but Lauper released it first, as a single, and it's perfect. Another very new-wave Cars-y track that's also, somehow, uniquely Cyndi Lauper.

13. We close off the album with a bookend. We began with Lauper channeling Patsy Cline's style, so we end on a classic Patsy Cline cover. I have always loved the original I Fall To Pieces, and Lauper elevates it without altering it very much. It's just such a beautiful, simple sounding love song. It's a great closer.

There are two things at fault for me posting a Jimmy Buffet discography.

1.) Famed poet, and generally good human, Sam Mercer posted a confession that they'd reached the point in life where they found themselves enjoying Jimmy Buffet.

2.) Two days before my body imploded in 2019, and I had to refigure my way back into my life, my mother, her husband, and I went out for a day of minigolf and dinner just outside of Universal Studios. Dinner was at Margaritaville. Despite the fact that I hadn't been cognizant of hearing a Jimmy Buffet song since 1995 (I'm sure I heard snippets here and there in groceries store and from passing cars), I knew every lyric of every song that played while we ate. And they were all, of course, Jimmy Buffet songs.

I will forever know all of them, even when riddled with dementia and confused about my husband's name.

This, I think will be a two disc journey. Possibly, a third? There are songs past Jimmy's greatest hits that I'm familiar with, and enjoy, but there are now 28 years of his music that I haven't yet been exposed to, and I, therefore, can't tell you whether or not I enjoy it. Time will tell.

But here is the album of songs that I can never forget. Whether I can blame the jukebox where I went to high school, the coworker who played Songs You Know By Heart non-stop in the summer of 1993, the coworker that convinced me to go to a Jimmy Buffet concert in 1994, or my grandfather who used to play the eight tracks of some of Buffet's 70s albums when we were on his boat (natch).

1. What, did you think I was going to start out with "Margaritaville"? Nah. We'll get there. This is the ridiculous song where Jimmy Buffet plays guitars and sings like he always sings, but when he gets to the chorus, people put their hands together over their heads to resemble shark Fins and move them to the left and the right, as if it was a dance. Look, most old white people can't clap on rhythm, and this is at close as most of them get to dancing. Let them have this.

2. I think this is the only cover on the album but Brown Eyed Girl is one of those few songs that is definitively associated with both the original artist, Van Morrison, and a particular artist, in this case Buffet, who didn't slow the tempo down or speed it up, didn't change any of the lyrics, just included some steel drums at the beginning and end, and that somehow also made it his song. I don't know how these things happen, how is "Smooth Criminal" so closely associated with both Michael Jackson and Sum 41? 

3. Our first ballad on the album comes in on a slow harmonica. A Pirate Looks At Forty is a beautiful boat ballad. I don't have any snark for this. Like most of his famous slow songs, it borders on country while still having his distinctive tropic Florida flair.

4. Drunk people screaming is a good way to power out of the last track and into the very silly The Weather Here, I Wish You Were Beautiful. Right near the beginning of the song, Buffet pronounces mosquitoes in the most puzzlingly obvious ways I've ever heard. Like they're parasitical charcoal from Texas. If you asked me what this song is about at any point in my life, I wouldn't be able to tell you, but if you start playing it, I'll be able to sing along with every word. Somehow.

5. He might not be able to pronounce mosquitoes but at least he sings Manana properly. He's probably helped more white boomers learn how to properly say this word than Duolingo. This is a sweet take on the Don't Leave Me song that every balladeer rocker or country artist wrote in the 70s and 80s. At one point, he tells the band to make the song Reggae, and they are about as successful as Sting or UB40 on that front.

6. If you're ever at one of Buffet's Margaritaville restaurants, and you hear the opening strums of Volcano, be prepared for the sirens to go off, for the drunk Parrotheads to start chanting like they're at a WWE live show, and for "lava" to pour out of the faux volcano, and into the Vat of Margarita that lives behind the bar. I'm sure the rumors that the lava come from a pipe in the bathroom are just hyperbole. The song, itself, is pretty catchy, in that 70s AM sigalong way that Buffet is such a master of.

7. Love And Luck is probably the least known song on this album, if you're not a Parrothead. The beginning just reminds me so much of Toto's "Africa" that I couldn't help but love this song in high school. It veers pretty quickly into its own thing, but that familiarity, and the requisite 80s horn riff just call to me from 1984 and will not let me go.

8. When I was in high school and had to own every artist's complete discography on CD, as opposed to just having the Greatest Hits albums, even if those were the only songs I knew, Changes In Latitude, Changes In Attitudes, was the first Buffet album I bought. If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane was pretty much the slogan of the dorm I lived in.

9. The previous song just perfectly transitions into Cheeseburgers In Paradise, probably Buffet's second most well-known song. In a world where we didn't constantly reward songs about heartbreak and overcoming adversity, this ode to a very American food would probably have been a #1 hit. The breakdown is delightfully stupid.

10. Taking it down a notch, we get to Grapefruit, Juicy Fruit a ballad about chewing gum and daydreaming that sounds more tropical and breathy than it probably deserves. 

11. I think I was in the midst of reading Tom Robbins's Skinny Legs and All for not the first time when I first heard When Salome Plays The Drums, which may be why I enjoy it so much. Or it's the background vocals, or the line about setting phasers to stun. 

12. One Particular Harbor is very Eaglesy (Buffet did open for them near the end of their initial career). The Tahitian intro translates to Nature lives (life to nature)/Have pity for the Earth (Love the Earth). It sounds much more environmental than the navel-gazing about the meaning of time's passage English lyrics.

13. Every 80s singer songwriter has to have some love song with a very instantly dated chorus that places it solidly in the cocaine and Rubik's Cube era. Money Back Guarantee, with its, obviously, saxaphone riffs, and a reference to Ginsu knives. is Buffet's.  

14. I didn't know where to put Boat Drinks for the longest time. It's one of the few Buffet songs where I can always recognize the lyrics, but can't recognize whichsong it is from the intro music. It's a weird little ditty about cabin fever that features at least the second Star Trek reference on this album.  

15. And that brings us to ...drum roll, please... Margaritaville. Now the name of his tiny empire of resorts in Florida, as well as the name of his restaurants. His most famous song. The most famous song about salt. The second most famous song about tequila. The first 1970s song I ever heard that seemed to be anti-misogynist without aggressively and almost falsely being anti-misogynist. It's a nice change of pace from songs about how women are always hurting male singers' feelings.

16. Pascagoula Run is a lesser-known Buffet track about being adventurous in world travel and love. And it gives time to women being adventurous and promiscuous, too, wthout casting any judgement. It's another outlier in 70s songwriting.

17. But, you know, let's flip that well-meaningness and get into the very silly, but pro-consent Why Don't We Get Drunk. I had a coworker who had three jobs working with children, who loved Jimmy Buffet, and would always play the Songs You Know By Heart even when the kids were around. But she always sang "...IN A LIGHTBULB" after the word screw. Because promoting alcoholism to children is fine.

18. Seeing death as just being Incommunicado is a fascinatingly immature way to way approach it. Buffet talks about his reaction to the death of John Wayne, while Buffet is on a road trip, and how real people rarely day with the bravado of characters in literature and cinema.

19. The Great Filling Station Holdup can be seen as part two of Incommunicado. Buffet is still driving, but he stops at a gas station and robs it because gas is expensive. FIFTY CENTS A GALLON. Ooof. Anyhow, Buffet realizes that the haul from the gas station wasn't really worth it.

20. In the previous song, Buffet lamented he wished he was somewhere other than here. Now he wishes he had a Pencil Thin Mustache. The song is about nostalgia for childhoold, a common Gen X and Millenial theme, but his references (from a song about nostalgia written in the 70s) are soon going to be a think only nerds specializing in early-mid-20th century America trivia know. It also includes one of the only ad jingles as song lyrics you'll hear in any artist discography that I post.

21. The honkey-tonk piano leading into the 80s bright horns and guitarr rifs at the beginning of Domino College are the big draw for me. I only go back to school in nightmares. Haunted background vocals or not.

22. Son Of A Son Of A Sailor  is the beginning of the cooldown to the end of the album, not that I'd call any of the songs on this album anything more than humid. It's on theme with "A Pirate Looks At Forty" as a song of self-reflection with a focus on traveling to exotic (read: non-American) places.

23. The long distant love song is a 70s/80s classic. Guaranteed to involve a pay phone reference. If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me is Buffet's take on how he can't call the one he loves and misses because he's on a boat in the ocean. Like that's his entire persona. He can't call you. Cell phones had barely been invented, and certainly didn't get any bars in the middle of the ocean.

24. Now it's time for Buffet to miss a lover who is away from him. He's not away from her. She has gone away for an entire four days, and he has a big sad about in Come Monday (no, not like that). 

25. Closing out the album is Buffet's controversial bisexual anthem about how the man that he also loved has also taken some time away. He Went To Paris is a tearful reminder about how in the 70s, what happened at sea, stayed at sea. Not really. Can you imagine? It's actually about the life of a Spanish Civil War veteran who ends up living his life traveling by sea. Bob Dylan said it's one of his favorite Jimmy Buffet songs. I get that. It is a smooth way to close out this album of songs whose lyrics are embedded forever in my brain.

We start off this season with a TNA event called Turning Point, and spend most of the WWE portion of the season focused on what's probably the best stable in wrestling history, Evolution. Both of these feel like accurate descriptions of this season.

TNA goes from weekly pay-per-views starring Jeff Jarrett, Vince Russo, and a Senior Citizens Home of WCW and WWE superstars with special guest star AJ Styles to a legitimately fun organizatoin with monthly pay-per-views, and slightly less Monday Night Wars-era storytelling.

And while Triple H is in the midst of his Reign Of Terror in the WWE, Samoa Joe absolutely dominates Ring Of Honor, which continues to have effectively minimal storytelling and fantastic matches featuring the future of WWE & AEW. 

And while he doesn't have any matches this season (but don't worry, he'll be dropping by again next season), it's really fun to see Ricky Steamboat pop back up as an ethical referee in Ring Of Honor.

801. Turning Point, 2004

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash, Shane Douglas

This was the first non-weekly pay-per-view that TNA put on. It seems to set up a returning NWO (dubbed The Kings of Wrestling, with Jeff Jarrett subbing in for Hulk Hogan) but we're going to skip that storyline, apart from its original tease.  We're going to start off with a rumb...I'm sorry, a gauntlet match, and climb up the card until we get to our first heavyweight title match of the season.

1. Ultimate X Gauntlet
Kazarian, Sonjay Dutt, TJ Perkins, La Parka, Jerrelle Clark, Miyamoto, Michael Shane, Héctor Garza, Nosawa, Mikey Batts, Alex Shelley, Matt Sydal, Sonny Siaki, Jason Cross, Shark Boy, Psicosis, D-Ray 3000, Amazing Red, Brian Kendrick, Chris Sabin

2. Trinity vs Jacqueline
3. Monty Brown vs Raven vs Abyss in a Monster's Ball Match
4. Petey Williams (X Champ) vs AJ Styles
5. DDP vs Raven
6. Jeff Jarrett (TNA Champ) vs Jeff Hardy

802. Constant Evolution, 2004

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jonathan Coachman, Tod Grisham, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Howard Finkel

Evolution is at its peak here. Sure, Triple H lost his belt last season, but Orton starts off with the Intercontinental Title before leveling up. Batista starts his push as a superstar. We also get a fun interview where John Cena steals Orton's limelight, a full season before the two begin their decade long feud.

1. Batista vs Chris Jericho
2. Randy Orton (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Edge
3. Molly Holly vs Victoria
4. Booker T (WWE US Champ) vs John Cena
5. Kurt Angle vs Eddie Guerrero
6. Chris Benoit (WWE Champ) vs Randy Orton 

803. Thumb War, 2004

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler,  Jonathan Coachman, Tod Grisham, Lilian Garcia

Evolution, uhhh, evolves into something different in this episode as we immediately open on a rematch from the previous episode where things go wonderfully, and then terribly for Randy Orton in quick succession. 

1. Randy Orton (WWE Champ) vs Chris Benoit
2. Trish Stratus (WWE Womens Champ) vs Victoria
3. Tomko vs Steven Richards
4. Christian vs Chris Jericho for vacant WWE Intercontinental Champ
5. La Resistance (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Chris Benoit & Edge 
6. Shelton Benjamin (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Christian
​7. Randy Orton vs Ric Flair in a Steel Cage Match

804.  At Our Best, 2004

Announcers: Mark Nulty, Jimmy Bower, CM Punk

The Briscoes feud with Samoa Joe comes to an end as CM Punk becomes the biggest non-title holding heel in the organization. 

1. Samoa Joe (ROH Champ) vs  Low Ki vs BJ Whittmer vs Dan Maff in a 4 Corners Match
2. AJ Styles (ROH Pure Champ) vs CM Punk
3. The Briscoes (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Rottweilers
4. Daniel Bryan vs CM Punk
5. Samoa Joe (ROH Champ) vs Jay Briscoe in a Steel Cage

805. Sweet Home Chicago, 2004

Announcers: Mark Nulty, Jimmy Bower

It's hard to even remember that CM Punk and Colt Caban weren't just The Best Of Friends in the aughts, but also a killer tag team. We also see Homicide leap up the card with a new attitude that will keep him in the title picture for the rest of the season.

1. Daniel Bryan vs Homicide
2. The Briscoes (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Second City Saints
3. Homicide vs Brian Kendrick
4.  The Briscoes (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Second City Saints
5. Samoa Joe (ROH Champ) vs Homicide

806. Against All Odds, 2004-5

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash, Shane Douglas

America's Most Wanted is TNA's answer to ROH's Briscoes, as they're a tag time who thrives and is important to the company, regardless of whether or not they're the champs. But, oh, when they're the champs, they absolutely devestate their opponents.

1. Sonny Siaki, Héctor Garza, and Sonjay Dutt vs Kid Kash, Michael Shane, and Kazarian
2. Petey Williams (X Champ) vs Chris Sabin
3. America's Most Wanted vs Triple X in a Steel Cage
4. America's Most Wanted (TNA Tag Team Champs) vs Kid Kash & Lance Archer
5. DDP & Monty Brown vs Team Canada
6. AJ Styles (X Champ) vs Christopher Daniels in an Iron Man match

807. Evolutionary War, 2004

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jonathan Coachman, Maria Kanellis, Tony Chimel, Howard Finkel

Everyone's favorite apple spitting mid-carder joins the fray in this episode, Spike Dudley gets some well-earned spotlight, and we have two classic survivor series matches that efffectively weave together several storylines.

1. John Cena (WWE US Champ) vs Carlito
2. Spike Dudley (WWE Cruserweight Champ) vs Rey Mysterio vs Billy Kidman vs Chavo Guerrero
3. Team Angle vs Team Guerrero
Kurt Angle, Mark Jindrak, Luther Reigns, and Carlito vs Eddie Guerrero, Big Show, RvD, and John Cena

4. Trish Stratus (WWE Womans Champ) vs Lita
5. Team RKO vs Team Evolution
Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, and Maven vs Triple H, Ric Flair, Batista, and Gene Snitsky

6. JBL (WWE Champ) vs Undertaker vs Eddie Guerrero vs Booker T in a Fatal 4Way

808. Dark Disorder, 2005

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash, Shane Douglas

I don't know if this episode features the only post-WCW Kevin Nash match worth watching, but it does feel that way. We get to see Goldust devoid of any facepaint or outlandish suits for the first time since the second season. And we check in with the              X Division, which is still the best part of TNA, even if it's not as exciting as it was a couple of seasons ago.

1. Jeff Jarret (TNA Champ) vs Kevin Nash
2. Goldust (as Dustin Rhodes) vs Raven
3. Jeff Hardy vs Abyss in a Full Metal Mayhem match
4. Ultimate X Challenge
AJ Styles (X Champ), Christopher Daniels, R-Truth, Elix Skipper

809. Scramble Cage Melee, 2004

Announcers: Mark Nulty, Jimmy Bower

Sandwiched between two excellent Samoa Joe title defenses is the first and only Scramble Cage Melee, an event so dangerous that Every Participant was injured during the match, neccesitatintg a bunch of rewrites on the fly.
​

1. Samoa Joe (ROH Champ) vs CM Punk
2.  Scramble Cage Melee
BJ Whittmer, Jack Evans, Luke Hawx, Dan Maff, DeVito, Diablo Santiago, Dunn, Fast Eddie, Loc, Marcos, Oman Tortuga, and Trent Acid

3. Samoa Joe (ROH Champ) vs CM Punk vs Homicide in a 3 Way Dance

810. Bringing The Thunder, 2004

Announcers: Mark Nulty, Jimmy Bower
​
Jushin Thunder Liger stops in ROH for a couple of matches, and we see the first of them here as he has a dream match with Daniel Bryan. Plus, Austin Aries starts to climb the ladder towards becoming the New Dominant Force in ROH.

1. Austin Aries vs Daniel Bryan in a 2 Out Of 3 Falls Match
2. John Walters (ROH Pure Champ) vs Nigel McGuinness
3. Jay Lethal vs Low-Ki
4. Daniel Bryan vs Jushin Thunder Liger

811. Night Of Too Many Champions

The origin of the Trish Stratus/Lita feud, like many storylines for women in a pre-Revolution WWE is horrendous, so you won't see any vignettes about its origins here, just a couple of hard hitting street fights that were atypical of womens' matches at the time. We also see the debut of the Elimination Chamber, and a fun, if mediocre rumble.

​Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jonathan Coachman, Maria Kanellis, Todd Grisham, Tony Chimel, Howard Finkel

1. Trish Stratus (WWE Womans Champ) vs Lita
2. Elimination Chamber Match for the WWE Championship
Triple H vs Randy Orton vs Batista vs Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit vs Edge

3. Lita (WWE Womans Champ) vs Trish Stratus
4. Royal Rumble

Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Daniel Puder, Hardcore Holly, The Hurricane, Kenzo Suzuki , Edge, Rey Mysterio, Shelton Benjamin, Booker T, Chris Jericho, Luther Reigns, Muhammad Hassan, Orlando Jordan, Scotty 2 Hotty, Charlie Haas, René Duprée, Simon Dean, Shawn Michaels, Kurt Angle, Jonathan Coachman, Mark Jindrak, Mabel (as Viscera), Paul London, John Cena, Gene Snitsky, Kane, Batista, Christian Raw, Ric Flair

812. Lethal Lockdown, 2005

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Shane Douglas, Jeremy Borash

All but one of these matches takes place in a steel cage! And that other match is a Raven House of Fun Match, making this the gimmickiest TNA show yet, but it's got some solid battles and not a Jeff Jarett or Vince Russo in sight.

1. Four Man Escape Match
Chris Sabin vs. Matt Bentley vs. Shocker vs. Sonjay Dutt

2. Raven vs Jeff Hardy in a Tables Match
3. America's Most Wanted (Impact Tag Champs) vs Team Canada in a Six Sides of Steel Strap match
4. Christopher Daniels (Impact X Champ) vs Elix Skipper in a Steel Cage Match
5. AJ Styles vs Abyss in a Steel Cage Match
6. Raven vs X-Pac (as Sean Waltman) in a Raven's House Of Fun Match
7. The Naturals (Impact Tag Champs) vs America's Most Wanted

813. Final Battle, 2004

Announcers: Dave Penzer, Jimmy Bower

A​fter two years of running the place, we finally see Samoa Joe lose his title. (Don't worry, he not only picks up a different belt before the season ends, he also starts popping up in TNA.)

1. Daniel Bryan & Low Ki vs Samoa Joe & Jushin Thunder Liger
2. Samoa Joe (ROH Champ) vs CM Punk
3. Daniel Bryan vs Homicide
4. Samoa Joe (ROH Champ) vs Austin Aries

814. Going Hollywood, 2005

​Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Tony Chimel, Howard Finkel
​
The first ever Money In The Bank Ladder Match is the show stealer in an episode that features nothing but All Time Greats in the WWE. We also get one of the best callbacks in WWE history. Certainly the best callback involving thumbs.

1. Edge vs Shawn Michaels
2. John Cena vs Kurt Angle
3. Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero
4. Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Edge, Chris Jericho, Shelton Benjamin, Chris Benoit, Christian, and Kane

6. Triple H (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Batista

​815. Stale Mates

Announcers: Dave Penzer, Jimmy Bower

We start this episode with a match from a Trios tournament that features some WWE cruserweights battling it out with two ROH legends and Vondell Walker (sorry, Vondell, the only thing I really know about you is that you once went shoot on Rick Steiner, which is a match I wish I had to put in this chronology). The biggest part of this episode, though, is that they FINALLY change the lighting array, and future matches aren't as dark and red as the previous ones. 

1. Samoa Joe, Daniel Bryan & Vordell Walker vs Brian Kendrick, Jamie Noble & Nigel McGuiness

2. Samoa Joe & Jay Lethal vs CM Punk & Brian Kendrick
3. Daniel Bryan vs Brian Kendrick
4. Alex Shelley vs Colt Cabana vs Nigel McGuiness vs Samoa Joe
5. Austin Aries (ROH Champ) vs Homicide

816. No Titles, Just Legends

​Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Tony Chimel, Howard Finkel
​
This is the strangest WWE card this season. Wrestlemania 21 was, for the first time in a few years, good enough to split between two episodes. We start off with The Legend Killer trying to end The Streak, follow it up with a great technical match between two WWE legends, continue the excellent Mysterio/Guerrero feud (sans Dominik), and wrap things up with a Dream Tag Team in a mediocre, rah rah rah match. I wasn't going to include any Muhammad Hassan in this chronology, but this helps build to the best Worst match in WWE history.

1. Undertaker vs Randy Orton
2. Kurt Angle vs Shawn Michaels
3. Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero
4. Shawn Michaels & Hulk Hogan vs Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari

817. Gauntlet For The Gold

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Shane Douglas, Jeremy Borash

Another not quite royal rumble in TNA and some more X Division focused battles.
​
1. Christopher Daniels (Impact X Champ) vs Shocker
2. Gauntlet For The Gold
Bobby Roode, Zach Gowen, Eric Young, Cassidy Riley, Elix Skipper, Shark Boy, A-1,  Chris Sabin, Petey Williams, Sonny Siaki, Lance Hoyt, Michael Shane, Jerrelle Clarke, Mikey Batts, Billy Gunn, Trytan, R-Truth, Apolo, Road Dogg, Abyss

3. Christopher Daniels (Impact X Champ) vs Chris Sabin vs Michael Shane

4. King Of The Mountain Match
AJ Styles vs. Raven vs. Abyss vs. X-Pac vs. Monty Brown

5. Raven (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs Abyss in a Dog Collar Match
7. AJ Styles vs X-Pac

818. Mid-Card Again

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jonathan Coachman, Josh Matthews, Todd Grisham, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel

The last WWE Episode starred nothing but the All-Time Greats (and Daivari). This one has a bit more variety but is just as fun. This is also probably the only episode that features The World's Greatest Tag Team members in separate matches. 

1. Shelton Benjamin (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Chris Jericho
2. Hulk Hogan & Shawn Michaels vs Kurt Angle & Carlito
3. Edge vs Chris Benoit in a Last Man Standing Match
4. MNM (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Hardcore Holly and Charlie Haas
5. John Cena (WWE Champ) vs JBL in an I Quit Match
6. Batista (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Triple H

I was getting some work done the other night, and was playing a variety of albums from my Guilty Pop list (which is all pop, only occasionally guilty). I threw on my Cyndi Lauper album and Comrade started singing along to the occasional song, or announcing "This is a bop. I thought Cyndi Lauper was mostly an actor." 

I, too, had a realization a decade or so ago that I kew way more Cyndi Lauper songs than I thought. Yea, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, yea True Colors, yea Time After Time. After that there were a few songs that if I thought about Cyndi long enough, I'd go "Oh, and..." All Through The Night, She Bop, Money Changes Everything. The rest of the songs on this album I wouldn't have been able to come up with if you asked me to name any Cyndi Lauper songs, but I know most to all of the words.

I had imagined this would be a One Album Discography, as I only heard the occasional uninspired cover song by Lauper after, say, 1989. But that's the fault of either the radio or my friends with poor taste, as Lauper has some interesting country, standards, and blues covers, mostly because her voice is still so unusual, and so passionate. I'll get to that album when I'm more familiar with her later work. 

1. Cascading down like synthesized rain, All Through The Night should have been the opening track of the original album. You could argue about opening it with "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" for the hit factor, but otherwise, this is the sensible opener to me. Sure, it's kind of a mid-tempo song, lacking the kick of some of the other tracks, but it's got a catchy chorus and it's simultaneously bright and haunting. It's the perfect weird track for this gorgeous, weird album. You also get a taste of Lauper's voice when it's not So Long Island.

2. In elementary/middle school, there were a trio of somwehat popular kids who had their own dialect of taunt. They used Italian words, and occasional song lyrics as they shook their heads at their targets. Iko Iko was one of their favorite taunts. I have no idea which version of the song they were familiar with but Lauper's was the first one I heard. 

3. When my partner, Comrade, first heard She's So Unusual, he asked why I had a Betty Boop song on my playlist. It is a lovely, weird little song. I suppose this is another song you could argue would be an appropriately odd opener for the album. The old 1940s style intro launches into a sort of generic girl-group sounding rock song. I don't mean the song sounds generic. It sounds like the one off-beat song that Bananarama or The Go-Gos released, The track where you could tell they were actually having fun.

4. The Faraway Nearby is a song that I could have only heard when listening to Lauper's True Colors album. I don't ever remember it until it's playing. I've always loved the way she sings "out from the faraway", and I love the way the ending of the song seamlessly transitions to 

5. True Colors. One of those rare songs that's not written by the vocalist but becomes the vocalist's song. The lyricist, Billy Steinberg, says that he wrote this song as a gospel piano ballad, passed it along to Lauper who decon and reconstructed it to fit her voice and style. It's one of the most resonant ballads of the 1980s in that you can definitely identify when it was produced and recorded but it still has a timeless emotional appeal. The world has never needed Phil Collins, Ana Kendrick, or Justin Timberlake to cover it.

6. I'm not sure which movie soundtrack I think Change Of Heart should have appeared on. It could be a rom-com, it could be an action movie, it could have been the shopping montage from Pretty Woman. It definitely belongs somewhere. It has such a great upbeat energy. I didn't know until this listenthrough that the backing vocalists are The Bangles, who you'll note, I didn't list as a generic girl group earlier. They're one of the most solid pop-rock groups of the 80s. The video for this was shot in England, and it includes a poster for Nightmare On Elm Street 2, an accidentally gay camp horror. This is so on brand for Lauper that it can't be an accident.

7. Lauper's interpretations of almost any song she voices becomes undeniably hers. It's rare that I listen to one of her songs and think "You could use this exact arrangement and replace her vocals with another famous singer, and it would work perfectly as is." Money Changes Everything,  however, could have been a hit for any ambitious New Wave singer from Ric Ocasek to David Byrne to Annie Lennox to Debby Harry to any and all of the vocalists in the B-52s.

8. Do I need to say anything about Girls Just Want To Have Fun? This is the one song Everyone Knows is by Cyndi Lauper. It's one of the most iconic songs and videos from the 1980s. Lauper has had a long career crossing into a variety of genres. Her live shows can pull from anywhere in her extensive catalog, but I think any fan would feel robbed if she didn't sing this bop (as opposed to another upcoming bop) at some point during her performance. This is another of the rare songs I wish I heard the B-52s cover.

9. I earlier disparaged Phil Collins's cover of True Colors. Calm Before The Storm is the most Phil Collinsy song from Lauper's catalog. I'm not sure if it's the production on the drums or the way she holds on to the notes but I could definitely hear this coming off Hello, I Must Be Going. I mean this in the best possible way for both artists.

10. From Phil Collinsish to actually Billy Joel. Code Of Silence is one of the many unexpected duets on Joel's vastly underrated  and weirdly unhappy The Bridge.  If you really hate Billy Joel, give this album a listen. There are some pretty catchy songs that were never really hits, and he claims to have been absolutely miserable when recording it.

11. My father collected cassettes of old radio shows, which I used to listen to. This gave me some weird associations growing up. For example, I always think of The Shadow episode "Nursery Rhyme Killer" whenever I see Boy Blue, be it little or no. This is the song I least remember, apart from the On the street, kids walkin',/Just a kid walkin', just a kid walkin', just a kid/Where are you/Where are you/Where are you boy blue/Hey, where are you section near the end, which sound like they belong in a low budget Corey Feldman/Corey Haim movie...probably Dream A Little Dream, not that I'd change a single song from that movie.

​12. Someone told me what the song She-Bop was about when I was way too young to have any idea what they meant. It was a just a quirky song with that bee-bop-ba-LOOP-she-boppart that everyone loved to sing along to. It wasn't until I heard that certain Divinyls song that I went, Ohhhhh, right, like She-Bop!The synths on this track are so 1984, it's sort of shocking that George Orwell didn't play them.

13. More synth magic sets the mood for When You Were Mine. I love the contrast between the alternating verses, one being a chill multi-track, the next being single track super Cyndi crooning. There's also some killer head voice that pops up here.

14. We close off the album with the classic ballad, Time After Time. This is one of those songs that gets covered frequently, but often by interesting vocalists, even though this is nearly the most mainstream Cyndi's voice ever sounds. Rob Hyman gets props for a basic-ass performance of the melody that make Lauper's harmonies soar. It's almost Simon and Garfunkely in its beautiful simplicity. I also love ending the album on fading whispers.

The Age of Backstage Shenanigans, Directors Of Authority, and General Managers runs amok across both WWE and, its closest competition, Impact, while Ring Of Honor remains the house of great wrestling and terrible storytelling. 

There is a lot of old WCW blood taking power in WWE and Impact as well, as Eric Bischoff co-manages the WWE with Steve Austin, and Dusty Rhodes's run as the Director of Authority in Impact gives way to a ... *prolonged sigh* ... Vince Russo era. There's something awful about even the idea of Vince Russo in a position of power in a company that can't keep the belt off of Honkey Tonk Junior, Jeff Jarrett. But, somehow, by the end of the season, Vince Russo ends up being a ... good ... guy? It ends surprisingly well, considering how terrible the company was when he took over.

As you can tell by the cover photo, this is also the age when The Radicalz really, really got their due in WWE, and AJ Styles becomes the face of Impact.

701. The New Bosses, 2003

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman, Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Tazz, Howard Finkel, Tony Chimel

It's sort of cheap-ass comic book/TV storytelling, but at the end of last season, Eric Bischoff fired JR for not producing Steve Austin. Steve Austin showed up and beat up Eric Bischoff, but this did not mean that JR got his job back. So we ended the season with the team of Jerry Lawler and Jonathan Coachman announcing. Well, we start this season with co-general managers Eric Bischoff and Steve Austin, and the first thing that happens is JR gets his job back. And with more backstage shenanigans (but at least its not McMahon focused?) we see Brock Lesnar, who was betrayed by Paul Heyman at the end of last season, get his revenge, too. But the big story of this episode? Evolution.

1. Jerry Lawler vs Val Venis
2. Brock Lesnar & Chris Benoit vs The World's Greatest Tag Team (as Team Angle)
3. Scott Steiner vs Batista
4. Brock Lesnar vs Paul Heyman in a Steel Cage
5. Trish Stratus (WWE Womans Champ) vs Jazz
6. Kurt Angle (WWE Champ) vs Brock Lesnar

702. Sports Entertainment Xtreme, 2003

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash, Goldylocks

Getting through TNA"s weekly pay-per-views in 2003/2004 was a Slog. Yes, there were some amazing feuds, storylines, and matches that take place in this era, but there was also some garbage so bad that it felt like latter days WCW. In that spirit, the first match of this season is lumbering dinosaurs (Dusty Rhodes and LoD were each fifteen to twenty years past their prime at this point, and Vince Russo has consistenly been the least talented piece of shit in wrestling history), but it gets singificantly better from there. We even get a little ECW flashback with Raven and Sandman.

1. Triple X & Vince Russo vs Jeff Jarrett, Dusty Rhodes & LoD
2. America's Most Wanted vs Rock & Roll Express
3. Zach Gowen vs Road Dogg
4. Triple X (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs Disciples Of The New Church
5. Raven vs Sandman in a Falls Count Anywhere Match
6. Kid Cash (X Champ) vs Paul London
7. Jeff Jarrett (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs AJ Styles

703. Anarchy In The Asylum, 2003 
Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash, Goldylocks

Jeff Jarrett had an absolute death grip on the Impact title scene in 2003, and I'm going to try and ignore his matches as much as possible. I mean, how many times can you feign interest in a middle-aged guy hitting someone with a guitar  (often, not even hitting the intended target) and pretend it's a reasonable finish for a wrestling match? Wasn't that done to death by the Honky Tonk Man in the 80s? We get a brief moment with Vader here, and D-Lo Brown enters the scene, as well.

1. Jerry Lynn vs Juventud Guerrerra
2. Dusty Rhodes & Vader vs The Harris Brothers
3. Raven vs Sandman in a Clockwork Orange House Of Fun Match
4. Raven vs AJ Styles in a Ladder Match
5. Jeff Jarrett (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs D-Lo Brown
6. Four Way Tag Team Elimination Match
Jerry Lynn & The Amazing Red vs Chris Sabin & Jonny Storm vs Jason Cross & Shark Boy vs Triple X

7. Triple X (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs Jerry Lynn & Amazing Red
8. Anarchy In The Asylum
D-Lo Brown, Brian Lawler, James Storm, Justin Credible, Kid Kash, Konnan, Mike Awesome, Perry Saturn, Rick Steiner, R-Truth, Disco Inferno, AJ Styles, Buff Bagwell, Sonny Siaki, Traci,  and Sabu.

704. Redneck Heaven, 2003

Announcers: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Josh Mathews, Howard Finkel, Tony Chimel
​
We're going to get back to Evolution's climb next episode, but now it's all about The Next Big Thing. Brock Lesnar plows through this episode with three star making matches, Chris Jericho and Goldberg renew a real life rivalry from the days of WCW, and we get the debut of Dominik Mysterio! Ok, he won't be wrestling for another twenty years or so, but he puts in an appearance here (and, no, not because of a particular terrible storyline). 

1. Brock Lesnar (WWE Champ) vs John Cena
2. The World's Greatest Tag Team (as Team Angle) (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Eddie Guerrero & Tajiri in a Ladder Match
​
3. Brock Lesnar (WWE Champ) vs The Big Show in a Stretcher Match
4. Matt Hardy (WWE Cruserweight Champ) vs Rey Mysterio
5. Goldberg vs Chris Jericho
6. Brock Lesnar (WWE Champ) vs The Big Show

705. Expansion Of Honor, 2002, 2003

Announcers: Jimmy Bower, Jeff Gorman, Stephen DeAngelis

We've seen AJ Styles start his rise in Impact, and we got a peek at early days Daniel Bryan, but now CM Punk and Samoa Joe begin their ascent to the top of indie wrestling. 

1. CM Punk vs Colt Cabana
2. Paul London vs Daniel Bryan
3. Samoa Joe (ROH Champ) vs Zebra Kid
4. AJ Styles & Low Ki vs Christopher Daniels & Xavier
5. BJ Whitmer vs Colt Cabana vs Paul London vs Homicide
6. Ace Steel & CM Punk vs Colt Cabana & Raven

​706. They Come In Threes

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Tazz, Teri Runnels, Josh Mathew, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel

Ruthless Aggression really finds its groove with superstars here as Rock And Wrestling legends, The New Generation Stars, The Attitude Era Stars, and the new crop of stars from OVW all intermingle to put on some top tier matches. 

1. Ric Flair vs Shawn Michaels
2. Triple H vs Kevin Nash in Hell In A Cell
3. Eddie Guerrero vs Chris Benoit for the vacant WWE US Championship
​4. The World's Greatest Tag Team vs Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio
5. Brock Lesnar (WWE Champ) vs Big Show vs Kurt Angle

707. Totally Ntense Athleticism, 2003

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash

Impact had some top notch tag teams at a time when WWE was just throwing two superstars together for a few months just to set up an inevitible feud when they broke up. Check out the early days of some current Impact and AEW tag teams as they mostly stole the spotlight from the non-Aj Styleses and CM Punkses. Plus, Sting returns for, shockingly, not even close to his Swan Song era.

1. Team Extreme vs Disciples Of The New Church in a 6 Man Hardcore Match
2. Triple X (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs AJ Styles & D-Lo Brown
3. Paul London vs CM Punk vs Jason Cross vs Kid Romeo
4. Sonny Siaki vs Sandman in a Raven's Rules Match
5. Jeff Jarret (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs AJ Styles vs Raven
6. Chris Sabin (Impact X Champ) vs Paul London
7. Triple X (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs America's Most Wanted 
8. Jeff Jarret & Sting vs AJ Styles & X-Pac

708. Evolution, 2003

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Howard Finkel, Tony Chamel

The Steve Austin/Eric Bischoff story takes a turn when the spotlight starts to shine on a reinvigorated Kane. He doesn't have any matches in this episode, but he's setting up a great storyline. Randy Orton becomes The Legend Killer, one of his greatest gimmicks, and has his first excellent match with Shawn Michaels. Plus, The Elimination Chamber is packed full of greatness.

1. Eddie Guerrero (WWE US Champ) vs Chris Benoit vs Rhyno vs Tajiri
2. Kurt Angle (WWE Champ) vs Brock Lesnar
3. Elimination Chamber Match for WWE Championship
Triple H (WWE World Heavyweight Champ), Goldberg, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels, Kevin Nash

4. Randy Orton vs Shawn Michaels

709. Honorifics, 2003

Announcers: Jimmy Bower, Mark Nulty, Chris Nelson, Stephen DeAngelis

According to legend, this episode contains the greatest match ROH has ever put on, Daniel Bryan (as The American Dragon) vs Paul London's 2 out of 3 Falls Match, plus the CM Punk and Raven feud that started in the last ROH episode really picks up here.

1. Mickey James (as Alexis Laree) vs Sumie Sukai
2. Daniel Bryan vs Paul London in a 2 Out Of 3 Falls Match
3. Samoa Joe (ROH Champ) vs Homicide
4. AJ Styles (Impact Heavyweight Champ)  vs Paul London
5. CM Punk vs Raven in a Dog Collar Match

710. Rampages In Cages, 2003

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don Wet, Jeremy Borash

Impact's first cage match, and one of its early cage title matches. We have more excellent tag team work, and minimal (but still more than I'd like) Vince Russo involvement. Weirdly, while CM Punk is dragging Raven for his drug use over in Ring of Honor, he is desperately trying to be a member of his flock in Impact.​​

1. Triple X (Impact Tag Team Champs) vs America's Most Wanted in a Steel Cage
3. Shane Douglas vs CM Punk in a Clockwork Fun House Match
4. America's Most Wanted (Impact Tag Champs) vs Johnny Swinger & Simon Diamond
5. Chris Sabin (Impact X Champ) vs Michael Shane
6. America's Most Wanted (Impact Tag Champs) vs Johnny Swinger & Simon Diamond in a Strap Match
7. AJ Styles (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs D-Lo Brown in a Steel Cage

711. Trust & Respect, 2003

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jonathan Coachman, Teri Runnels, Josh Matthews, Tony Chimel, Lilian Garcia, Howard Finkel

We finally get some payoff for the Kane is a killer storyline, we see a classic underrated match in Tajiri vs Mysterio, and we close off the Bischoff/Austin frenemyship that's dominated this season. 

1. Christian (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Chris Jericho vs RvD
2. Kane vs Shane McMahon
3. Tajiri (WWE Cruserweight Champ) vs Rey Mysterio
4. Kurt Angle vs John Cena
5. Team Bischoff vs Team Austin in a Survivor Series Match
(Chris Jericho, Christian, Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Scott Steiner vs Shawn Michaels, Booker T, RvD, The Dudley Boyz)

 712. Beating The Odds, 2003

​Announcers: Jimmy Bower, Jeff Gorman, Stephen DeAngelis

Not many intriguing storylines here, just solid wrestling from future WWE/AEW stars.

1. Samoa Joe (ROH Heavyweight Champ) vs Christopher Daniels
2. AJ Styles vs CM Punk
3. Samoa Joe (ROH Champ) vs Jay Briscoe
4. AJ Styles vs Daniel Bryan
5. The Briscoes (ROH Tag Team Champs) vs Samoa Joe & AJ Styles
6. CM Punk vs Raven in a Clockwork Orange House Of Fun Match

713. Super X Cup & Old Timey Rassling, 2003

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash

​There's a youthfulness to the non-title scene in this season that I find fascinating in contrast to the title scene which features Raven, Jeff Jarrett, Dusty Rhodes, Jim Duggan, Scott Steiner, Sting, and Lex Luger, most of whom practically needed walkers to get in the ring, nevermind wrestle.

1. AJ Styles (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs Raven
2. Teddy Hart vs Juventud Guerrera
3. Chris Sabin vs Frank Gazarian
4. Chris Sabin vs Juventud Guerrera
5. Sonny Siaki vs D-Lo Brown in a Casket Match
6. AJ Styles (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs Dusty Rhodes
7. Jeff Jarret (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs Jim Duggan
8. Jeff Jarret (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs Rick Steiner 
​9. AJ Styles & Sting vs Jeff Jarett & Lex Luger

714. Raw Roulette, 2004

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jonathan Coachman, Josh Matthews, Teri Runnels, Tony Chimel, Lilian Garcia, Howard Finkel

Randy Orton's Legend Killer gimmick starts to really take off, we get a truly excellent rumble, and the Lesnar / Guerrero feud begins. This is peak Smackdown era WWE.

1. Randy Orton vs Sgt Slaughter
2. Royal Rumble
(Chris Benoit, Randy Orton, Mark Henry, Tajiri, Bradshaw, Rhyno, Matt Hardy, Scott Steiner, Matt Morgan, The Hurricane, Booker T, Kane, Spike Dudley, Rikishi, René Duprée, Prince Albert, Shelton Benjamin, Ernest Miller, Kurt Angle, Rico, Mick Foley, Christian, Nunzio, Big Show, Chris Jericho, Charlie Haas, Billy Gunn, John Cena, RvD, Goldberg)

3. Christian vs Chris Jericho
4. Brock Lesnar (WWE Champ) vs Eddie Guerrero

715. Under New Management/Same As The Old Management, 2004

Announcers: Don West, Mike Tenay, Scott Hudson, Jeremy Borash

Here we go, it's mostly homegrown talent, ECW stalwarts, and a couple of 90s WWE guys (which is a step up from the 70s and 80s WWE guys) starting to absolutely wreck things in the best possible way. We also get a fun AAA aaapearance, in the vein of the 80s WCW/New Japan battles.

1. Juventud Guerrera vs Chris Sabin
2. Team AAA vs Team TNA in a Survivor Series Match
Abismo Negro, Hector Garza, Juventud Guerrera, Essa Rios vs Chris Sabin, Elix Skipper, Jerry Lynn, Sonjay Dutt

3. Michael Shane vs R-Truth
4. Raven & Sabu vs The Gathering
5. Abyss vs AJ Styles in a Tables Match
6. Rumble For Rank
R-Truth, D-Lo Brown, David Young, Disco Inferno, Johnny Swinger, Kid Kash, Konnan, Michael Shane, Simon Diamond, Sonny Siaki

7. AJ Styles vs Raven vs Abyss vs R-Truth in a Four Corners Match

716. Legend Killers, 2004

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Howard Finkel

It's still the era of Evolution and The Radicalz, as Eddie Guerrerro continues his title run, and the Legend Killer does his best to goad Mick Foley back into the ring, which results in the return of another Attitude Era star.

1. Eddie Guerrero (WWE Champ) vs Kurt Angle
2. Chris Jericho vs Christian & Trish Stratus​
3. Evolution vs Rock & Sock Connection
4. Triple H (WWE World Heavyweight Champ) vs Shawn Michaels vs Chris Benoit

717. Backlash, 2004

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Lilian Garcia, Tony Chimel, Howard Finkel

It's a violent, bloody, mess of an episode as Mick Foley goes Full Cactus Jack on the Legend Killer, and Eddie Guerrero wears the crimsonest mask in his battle with JBL (a newly racist billionaire version of John Layfield, the non-racist, powerhouse, working class member of APA). Plus, Jacqueline gets some spotlight time, and Chris Benoit proves he deserves his title run against DX.

1. Randy Orton (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Mick Foley (as Cactus Jack) 
2. Chris Benoit (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Triple H & Shawn Michaels
3. Chavo Guerrero (WWE Cruserweight Champ) vs Jacqueline
3. Eddie Guerrero (WWE Champ) vs JBL

718. End Of An Error, 2004

Announcers: Mike Tenay, Don West, Jeremy Borash

This marks the end of TNA's weekly pay-per-views, and not a moment too soon. Some might even suggest, a year too late. 

1. Frank Kazarian & Michael Shane vs La Parka & Psykosis
2. AJ Styles (Impact Heavyweight Champ) vs R-Truth
3. America's Most Wanted vs The Naturals
4. Petey Williams (Impact X Champ) vs Sonjay Dutt
5. Abyss vs Sabu in a Falls Count Anywhere Match
6. America's Most Wanted vs The Naturals in a Steel Cage
7. La Parka vs Alex Shelley
8. Jeff Jarrett (TNA Heavyweight Champ) vs Jeff Hardy

719. Truthless Aggression, 2004

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Tony Chimel, Howard Finkel

Randy Orton takes a break from killing legends to defend his title against younger superstar, Shelton Benjamin. Plus, DX continues to battle each other, this time in a Hell Of A Cell. And JBL and Gerrero have a killer rematch.

1. Randy Orton vs Shelton Benjamin
2. Chris Benoit (WWE Heavyweight Champ) vs Kane
4. Triple H vs Shawn Michaels in Hell In A Cell
5. Eddie Guerrero (WWE Champ) vs JBL in a Texas Bullrope Match

For the last few years, when I've looked at Best Of album lists, or which albums have won grammys, I kept seeing the name Jacob Collier, and thinking, I should probably check him out. And by the time I did, I realized he was someone I was quasi-familiar with for his split screen Youtube covers. They're impressive from an arragement perspective. It clearly takes a lot of talent and time to do what he did, and he has a pleasing croony voice, but split screen covers aren't really a genre I enjoy. At some point, I saw him doing live          sing-along covers where he did a different song every night of a tour, and, again, I thought it was an impressive concept, and he clearly has legions of devoted fans, but it's not the type of thing I seek out.

So when his fourth consecutive album came out on the fourth consecutive Best Of The Year list, I did more research and kept seeing him listed as a songwriter. Not just an arranger. Ok. I bought each of his albums, and decided to give them all a proper listen to and see if any of it appealed to me.

It's not necessarily music I'm going to play frequently. He does have a calming tone and a rich voice. He hovers around several music styles, usually with a jazz/chill bent. You can hear the acapella kid in every track, nor matter how many instruments there are. And while, again, it's not necessarily something I seek out to listen to, it does fill me with nostalgia for my own time in acapella groups and doing musical theater. Even if it's not something I'm currently invested in, there's no denying that Jacob Collier is one of the best at what he does, and that alone means I'm going to keep going back from time to time to see what he's up to.

This reimagined album is mostly made up of the Djesse Sequence, which comprise his second, third, and fourth albums. 

1. Percussion is almost as important to this album as close harmonies, so we start with a drum beat, some tinkling chimes, and then the scat harmonies. The first lead singer on the album is actually Lianne La Havas who has a bit of an early Alicia Keys vibe as she breathily leads Feel, occasionally blanketed by Collier's multiple harmonies, as well as her own multiplied voice. It is a gorgeous effect. It surrounds such a simplistic, generic, easily rhyming song about first love that has an almost tropically soothing melt.

2. Rising out of the repeated vocals of the previous track is a single flute, eventually joined by multiple woodwinds and then, of course, close harmonies. Calling a song called Sky Above ethereal is kind of a no brainer, but it is. This is a children's lullaby/folk song with additional harmonies from MARO and Becca Stevens. 

3. In Too Deep comes in like a soft rain before the main vocals hit, at which point it gets as close to modern R&B as Collier seems likely to get. The instruments are pure soft jazz, as opposed to R&B but Kiana Ledé's vocals have an R&B tonality that plays perfctly against Collier's layered croon. The chorus mantra is hypnotic, especially the way it's buried in the mix.

4. We're back to intense percussion with Dun Dun Ba Ba. Fuck this song is infectious. This song is an example of Collier's genius at arrangement. The lead vocals have him sped up at an unrecognizable but not unbelievable tone. The Cuban drumming is efuckenlectric. 

5. There is another rise of layered vocals to bring us into the only cover I included on the album, Moon River is a song I've heard from so many different artists that I don't associate it with anyone. I will now associate it with Jacob Collier. He goes through an entire verse of the song with just harmonized humming. It sounds like a mimd-twentieth century Disney cartoon arrangement.  The second verse starts with chiming acapella percussion before the lyrics kick in. The final verse ascends from chromatic mantra to a seemingly infinitely layered choir. Like twenty Pentatonixes performing at once. It's nearly overwhelming.

6. From the absurd crescendo of the previous track, we drop into stringed instruments and a very Beatles with Beach Boy backing vocals vibe. It makes you realize just how much of a Brian Wilson influence is in much of Collier's work.  Make Me Cry is a soft rock pop future classic.

7. The title track to this imagined album, and the four album sequence it pulls from, Djesse is a self reflection and a romantic myth wrapped in one musical theater opener. Metropole Orkest is a perfect accompaniment here. 

8. With The Love In My Heart is more madness with The Metropole Orkest. It's tough to categorize this. It blends so many genres that it falls into the worrying category of "World" which is one of those genres that eans nothing to me, as it could be anything from anywhere.  It's usually the musical equivalent of colonialism and appropriation. But that's not the case here. This is a blending of so many influences that it becomes a new thing. It's almost Beckish in the best possible way. It then deflates into nautical bells and another chant mantra chorus.

9. Ty Dolla $ign and Mala join in the fun in the 1970s groovefest, All I Need. I love this track but don't have a lot to say about it.

10. Daniel Caesar and some cool effects are the highlight of Time Alone With You. We have more sped up vocals slipping around Caesar's chill delivery. It's almost Prince's Camille but with better technology. 

11. Do You Feel Love hits Much Heavier than any other track on this album. But it goes from its explosive beginning to a Michael Jacksonesque pop track. You know, heavy guitar riffs by a legend of hard rock (in this case, Steve Vai) over pop music that is somehow not incogruous. It also has lyrics about being dangerous, and, like Jackson, you like the song but think "Aw, honey, nobody is ever going to be afraid of your badassery." There is a nice moment of Freddy Mercuryesque background vocals just before we hit the obligatory chant mantra portion at the end of the song. Unlike previous songs, I think the chant mantra well overstays its welcome on this track, and I thought about cutting it, but I like this song as a loud outlier.

12. Thunder rolls us into a soft woodwind vibe before we pop back into the Jason Mrazy acapella style pop of It Don't Matter, complete with hand claps and snaps. Jojo's presence on this track is delightfully playful, as are the trilling keyboards.

13. Tori Kelly absolutely drives Running Outta Love, a straight up R&B pop song that wouldn't feel out of place in the early 90s or the early 2000s. 

14. Lizzy McAlpine takes over the lead vocals for Never Gonna Be Alone, with John Mayer on cosmic, echoey, guitar. This really feels like the end of a trilogy of songs that started with "It Don't Matter". I'm not sure if it's the three female lead vocalists, or if it's that Collier has a limited lyrical style, so it sounds like these songs are calling back to each other, though I'm pretty sure it's unintentional. 

15. Closing out the album is the first song I heard when I started this project, He Won't Hold You. It's pure Collier. He comes back to helm the song as lead vocalist until the halfway mark when Rapsody enters to provide the inspirational rap breakdown. The album ends, of course, on a chant mantra with layered harmonies. As it should.

What was my favorite album from 2022? Unquestionably, Gabriels's Angels And Queens. I had missed their EPs, and was far, far away from watching American Idol by the time lead singer Jacob Lusk was on it. But hearing this album made me find every track I could from this band, and all of them are on this album except one song, which commits the crime of being the only very good track by a band who consistently makes Otherworldly Perfect tracks.

​I'm not going to say much more about it as an album. You can get how I feel from the description of every track on this album.

​I can't wait to put together the next reimagined album in their discography.

1. We begin with chimes and a single bass strum before the voice comes in. The voice. Oh, god. Loyalty declares I ain't gonna stop loving you before a woman's voice, beautiful but lacking the lustre of the the main vocals, comes in for alternating verses. This song is so intrumentally spare and vocally lush that it actually earns the term "haunting'. This is a timeless song that could have been released in the 1930s or last week. This is one of those songs that, if you're fresh from a broken relationship absolutely Hurts to listen to, and yet has you reaching for whatever button on your device will let you listen to it just One More Time.

2. Some hand claps and swallowed consonants later, and we're in the Luther Vandross thick Blind. The first time the breakdown happens and reveals we are absolutely in the 21st century, it's a revelation. Lusk's trills are so precise and ... is there a proper antonym for quavering that still allows for vibration?  It occured to me as I listened to this, that I had no idea about the quality of the lyrics because the vocals were so powerful that the lyrics almost didn't matter to me. They're really basic love pop but, damn, Lusk can make you feel anything with his voice.

3. On the flip side of this, the lyrics to Angels And Queens are fucken banger, and drenched with the sort of funk that the musicians of Silk Sonic, talented as they are, can only dream of inspiring to. This is the zenith of unrequieted love funk. And there's not a hint of the misogyny that Mars and Paak cant help but squeeze into every one of their songs.

4. I haven't really talked about the orchestration on some of these tracks, other than mentioning its timeless. Simultaneously super retro and futuristic. Blame is a perfect example of this, as Lusk's vocals sounds like a high pitched 1930s animated cartoon devil. As he sings a love song that coud double as a crushing civil rights anthem, a self-help track, or a gospel lamentation. ¿Por qué no todos?

5. There is a Nina Simone inspired lead in to Stranger with an absolute crushing harmony set against a shimmering guitar. It brings to mind the musical dexterity of Nick Cave and Tom Waits but with soulful vocals that's just beyond almost any other modern pop/rock/soul vocalist.  The bridge soars. Reviewers and critics use that phrase pretty frequently, but I feel like, after you listen to this song, every other song's bridge merely floats. When the bass goes stacatto against the falsetto, it's actually transcendent. I had to blink, look around, and make sure I was actually still in my living room, awake, and merely listening to music.

6. I have easily heard dozens of covers of Screamin' Jay Hawkins's I Put A Spell On You. I don't need to hear any more. I wouldn't say this version invalidates the power of the original. No, Hawkins's original is an untouchable classic. But this violin-centric cover is what every slowed down, retro, Postmodern Jukebox style track inspires to be, but isn't quite. Not an homage. Merely, a second perfect version of a classic song. Hmmm, a third. I had almost forgot about the Nina Simone version, which would have been a crime. The skat vocals in the middle of this track are so tight that is he had trilled another millisecond, he would have split his DNA.

7. My partner loves flamingos. I don't know his stance on The Flamingos, but I think, with the possible exception of Lauryn Hill, they ourtight own doo-wop doo-wop. I would caution any other artist from trying to borrow or sample that seminal piece of music history. But The Gabriels, with just piano, bass, harmony, and finger snaps have stolen doo-wop doo-wop and tossed it into the heavens. In Loving Memory is a haunting, eternal, love song.

8. There are very few upbeat tracks on this album. But there is a 1970s soul groove to Remember Me that makes you want to toss on roller skates and just chill your way around a track for a few minutes. It's a Teddy Pendergrass track with ... I don't want to say Luther Vandross vocals because it's more than that but also reminiscent of that. It's almost like if Luther Vandross had squeezed the fuckboi out of CeeLo Green's range. 

9. Innocence booms into the room. Is there a lyric in this song that isn't belted? Not so much. Is there a lyric in this song that needed more restraint? No. The quivering strings under the thunderous vocals and the occasional paino smash are pure musical theater carnage. Ain't love a hypocrite leaves the listener absolutely slain as the strings come back in. When the harmonies come in during the final verse, the audience of ghosts evaporates.

10. Another rare upbeat song, Taboo is very Gnarls Barkley era CeeLo Green. I know I mentioned him somewhat despairingly just a couple of paragraphs ago, but Green was a giant in modern soul and R&B, and if he'd released more songs like this istead of, uhh, being who he is, his name would still be on the tongues of every music fan. Lots of delightfully naughty words in this one. Totally worth every one.

11. Mama sounds more modern than almost any other track on this album. With its pitch-shifted mutterings in the background, and more relaxed vocals, this is one song I can imagine other modern artists covering and not embarrassing themselves. There's a little bit of Sampha's vocal stylings from (No One Knows Me) Like The Piano in this song, and I'm here for it.

12. The 1930's orchestral sound is back as lushly as possible in Bloodline. I can see this as a black and white animation. Again, the devil. But the sweetest devil. The most beguiling lover. The most inspirational crooner. 

13. If You Only Knew with its spare piano trilling, and its gospel chorus, would be the highlight of almost anyone else's album. It's gorgeous, and instantly sing-alongable. I mean, you're not going to do the vocals any justice, but you're going to try. And you're going to geel good about singing. And yet, this isn't even close to the best song on this album. That's how aspirationally great this album is that this could be just an average track. Ooof.

14. Back to the mid-20th century cinema we go for To The Moon And Back. That touch of Nina in the delivery. Those muted, echoey background vocals. The song drenches you in music. Most songs, when I'm into them, I feel like I'm in the room listening to the artist perform them. Here, I fell like I'm sitting in the center of a room with the music surrounding me. The vocals are from everywhere. Every instrument in the orchestra is directed at a different bone, organ, or muscle in my body. It is radiating every pore. 

15. We break out of that song with an upbeat piano riff, and some classic 70s soul vocals. One And Only is a Stand Up And Dance anthem. It brings a kind of musical joy I haven't felt since Lizzo dropped Good As Hell. It's a song that makes you want to strut, even if you would look absolutely ridiculous doing it. 

16. Gabriels recorded a short film version of "Love And Hate In A Different Tme" which ends with Lusk's performance of Strange Fruit through a megaphone at a Black Lives Matter protest. I prefer flipping the order of these two songs but, ooof do they play beautifully off each other.

17. So we close out with the aforementioned Love And Hate In A Different Time.  It's not the best banger from this album. Not the smoothest ballad. But it's the kind of song where I can see credits rolling over it. It has a much different style of background vocals than anything else on this album. 

For 2023, I'm trying to listen to recent bands who either flew under my radar, or whose work I didn't give enough attention to because I'm older, and radio is pretty much dead, and I prefer listening to the music I've purchased from the unscrupulous 20th and 21st century record companies than Spotify, which still gives money to the unscrupulous record companies but adds another layer of scum on top of it. I'm perusing people's Best Of 201x or 202x lists, buying what sounds good to me, and then doing what I usually do with music I like, paring it down to the songs I love.

Alvvays most recent album showed up on several Best Of 2022 lists, and I remembered hearing one of their songs enough times that the name Alvvays registered but I didn't have a feel for the band.

Having listened to their first two albums a few times each now, I feel comfortable recommending it to people who really loved 90s music indie soundtracks. Not necessarily Super Underground Films, but things more along the lines of Pump Up The Volume, Run Lola Run, and Clerks which had soundtracks that looked forward rather than the nostalgia fueled Quentin Tarantino flicks or the Seattle focused Singles Soundtrack. This is a melodically and tempo-diverse set of songs that have one thing in common: sludgy female vocals buried too deep in the mix. It's a style that seemed super big in the early to mid-nineties. I don't hate it, or I wouldn't have bothered making this album, but I generally prefer the vocals to be a bit clearer than they're going to be on any of these tracks.

1. Lottery Noises is the perfect opening track for this album, as it has an ambient start with clear lyrics and then the wall of guitars come in to bury Molly Rankin's vocals. It's an uplifting montage song shot with a shaky black and white handheld camera. There's lots of running, and it's unclear whether it's playfully or purposefully away from whoever is holding the camera. 

2. The 80s drumbeat and new wavey effects may give you the hint that Very Online Guy is going to be an 80s throwback, but then there's the vocals, and it's no mistake that the crew in the studio was wearing flannel. The video is very borderline 80s/90s. More dial-up than DSL, certainly. Like many of the tracks, I don't really get a sense of the lyrics because they're so deep in the mix. But, as you might guess, they're about a troll.

3. On the flipside, the lyrics on Your Type are easy to discern, though they're no more clearer here than on any other track. But it's a Very 90s unrequited love track with a bouncy beat and an almost 80s/early 90s REM delivery. 

4. Velveteen is the most most 90s soundtrack closing song on the album. Any video would just be credits rolling. Winona Rider, Clare Danes, or Christian Slater is the lead. There's a climbing synthesizer in the background that contrasts very nicely with the muddy lyrics. The vocals skyrocket nearly into head voice at the end, and it's beautiful.

5. The early lyrics in Forget About Life grab me more than any other lyrics on the album so far. I adore the spare arrangement, and the way the synth gets called out in the lyrics just after it starts to buzz a riff that most groups would have put on guitar. Then we get the piano sound building into the background before the song crashes into instrumental break. It's probably my favorite song on the album, and it's definitely the make out scene in the film that the audience has been waiting for. I especially love the wavy outro.

6. The blooby intro to Hey weaves wonderfully with "Forget About Life"'s outro, and then introduces a very 80s U2 guitar effect over the usual grungesurftar melody. It's definitely a head bopper as it bounces between Garbage and The Cardigans. If "Forget About Life" is the single from this album, this should be the B-Side.

7. I've said a couple of times that the lyrics aren't usually the main draw for me on this album but College education is a dull knife cut right through me. Yeup.  You can perfectly hear the despair of going to college because it's what's expected of you in  Easy On Your Own. I didn't quite feel like I was in my early 20s again but I definitely felt like those nights where I waks up in a panic because I dreamed I had to go back to school.

8. Belinda Says is a perfect follow up, as it talks about moving back to the country and just seeing how life goes if you surrender to it. The driving guitars near the end are gorgeous.

9. I'm not sure which track from Empire Records, After The Earthquake sounds like but it absolutely jangles like it belongs there. There's even a Gin Blossomy guitar riff. But then there's a beautiful extended breakdown before we get back to the sort of rock-y climax.

10. Not My Baby is another montage song. The instrumental intro is catchy as hell, and then the whole Now that I'm not your baby / I can do whatever I want makes for a delicious chew of gum. It's perfectly paced, and its echoey background vocals are used with just the right level of restraint.

11. Closing out the album proper (you'll see what I mean by that soon), is Dreams Tonite is the most Cardigans song on the album. It's so chill and inviting. The lyrics are so basic, you feel like you have the song memorized as soon as it starts. But that's not a complaint. It's nice to end on something familiar, and the way it echoes out at the end? *Chef's kiss*

Here's my confession. I thought Alvvays had only put out two albums. I'd simply never come across their first album. But while I was putting this together, I did some research and, oops. But I gave the album a listen. It's definitely my least favorite of the three, but there are a few tracks I'd be remiss to not include, so I'm including them as a Bonus Disc.

BD1. Adult Diversion is the lo-fi intro that really hinted at the band's trajectory. It buries the echoey vocals under the wall of guitar. It's a song about unrequieted love that breaks no ground and has a very flat melody. But it's still catchy.

BD2. Archie, Marry Me  is more Cranberries than any other tracks on the album. It's better written, lyrically, but Rankin's vocals have that sharp O'Riordan quality that I miss in modern pop. 

and BD3. Actually closing the album out is Red Planet, which sounds like if early Phil Collins wrote video game music. Spare drums. 8-Bit Synth. It ends with effects rather than a fade out.  

Everyone has a band or two that seems like it should fit comfortably on their emotional/mental playlist but that they just can't get into. I have a few: The Who, Elvis Costello, and ABBA being the ones that spring immediately to mind. I don't dislike any of them enough that I'm likely to skip their track if it shows up on a random playlist, but I never feel like I'm looking forward to their music.

I thought, of the three, ABBA was the one I could most likely sift through their discography for an album of music I liked. I was not mistaken.

This is nowhere near a Greatest Hits album. I don't like a lot of their hits. They released twenty-three singles in the 70s and 80s. Six of them appear here, and two of them are heavily edited. I didn't really reach into their B-Side catalogue but I listened to each of their albums a few times, and found some gems that didn't sound as bland as their hits but we're definitely recognizable as ABBA.

I find that much of their material reeks of the filler music from rock musicals. Either spare ballads choking with loneliness in the lyrics but almost blandly sung or wildly overproduced orchestral pop that buries the vocals in the mix. I tried not to include (m)any of those songs on this album. I wanted to reward them for those times that they took musical risks that paid off. A tropical themed lovesong, a funk song about a creepy old rich guy, a hand clappy punk song. 

Of course Dancing Queen is on here, and a few other songs that I imagine everyone who's ever heard of ABBA, and a few who haven't, have heard before. But this is mostly ABBA stretching their wings and playing out of their 1970s AM radio comfort zone.

I was going to include stuff off their reunion album but then I listened to it. There weren't any risks taken.

I'm calling this album The 1980's Theater Tech Kids Backstage Makeout Playlist somewhat ironically. It's what I would call the album filled with all the popular ABBA songs that I didn't include on this reimagined album, and ABBA Spreads Its Wings just sounds like a predictably 1970s ABBA album. 

1. Of course, if there's a track that begins with clockwork, or just the ticking of seconds passing, and the song is good, I'm probably going to use it as an opening track. For this album, that track is Like An Angel Passing Through My Room. It's almost a Bonnie Tyler ballad with the edges sanded off of her vocals. It's almost a 20th Century Disney ballad. It's the kind of track that you'd think would just be one verse, but it does go to a second one without overstaying its welcome. It's incredibly well-produced as a music box song. If you'd told me it was off their reunion album from 2021, I'd believe you, as it has a wistful nostalgia to it.

2. As the clock continues to tick down, we move to another really well-produced track. This one is a very 80's tropical cheesy dance number, though it was recorded in 1974. It seems so soaked in a Hawaiian shirt, that I'd have sworn it came out ten years later. Sitting In The Palm Tree is one of the rare tracks that I'm including with Björn on lead vocals.

3. Lay All Your Love On Me is the first track that, to me, sounds Totally ABBA. Unlike the first two tracks, this one pops up on their Greatest Hits collections. It's overly orchestrated with a disco beat and the weirdly uninteresting and uninterested vocals that I associate the band with. But this one is bright and poppy enough and, again, like many ABBA songs, sounds to me like it came off the Hair Soundtrack. It was clearly influential on Ace Of Base and Madonna. It could have easily been an overly produced remix track from Like On A Prayer.

4. The last track ends on applause, which makes it easy for me to do an edit. Look, the rise to the excellent chorus of Fernando is exquisite. And, it's nice that is isn't just a bland love song. But the song is too long for me, so I spliced out the first verse and chorus so that you only get the best parts of the track. I have no regrets about this. 

5. Nina Pretty Ballerina begins with a train whistle is early early days ABBA. It's silly pop but there is slightly more emotion in the vocals than in later tracks. And it's just a fun song about an office worker who dances her heart out on weekends. I'd put it on-par with a Beatles B-side. The football style audience chants during the song help propel it into my heart.

6. While on the subject of office workers living out fantasies, Anni-Frid gets the bouncy anti-capitalist ditty, Money, Money, Money. This could have definitely come off an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical from before he started wholesale plagiarizing other artists while calling himself a composer.  Allegedly.

7. The Visitors is easily my favorite ABBA album. It's a little darker, it's got tight 80s production, and you can tell the band is going through the kind of turmoil tha turns out albums like Fleetwood Mac's Rumors. This track also has some early Genesis prog rock vibes with a deliberately flat tonality that also has late Beatles vibes but with a hand clappy 80s chorus.

8. Another of ABBA's Greatest Hits wildly edited. I really don't like Mamma Mia. It's breakdown is So Excellent, but everything around it I find forgettable. So you get one verse, one breakdown, one chorus, and a fadeout, which is all you really need from it. 

9. On the flipside you get the full version of another Tropical Loveland song. It's definitely more recognizable as an ABBA song but it's also got that soft rock colonialism We Sailed Our Ship To This Island Once So Its Musical Cultural Is Now Ours feel to it. It's a very bouncy ooooooooooooooooh song.

10. The halfway point of the album happens at the crux of tracks 10 and 11, so you're welcome to think of SOS as the end of Side A. Though it would be a better start to Side B. This is one of their hits, and I understand why. This is another case of a song that's a bit over-orchestrated. It's a little too dense to be fun. But it's still catchy. 

11. And look, I really don't think you can have an ABBA album without Dancing Queen. This was the first track I heard by them, and realized I'd heard it covered several times before I ever heard the original. It could easily be creepy, being a song about how attractive a teenager is. If one of the men sang this, it could be on Ephebophilia Top Forty (don't look that up). Instead, it's a woman seeing a little bit of herself in the beautiful girl on the dance floor. Much more palatable.  This also suffers from overproduction but the piano chops through the noise just enough to be endearing.

12. When All Is Said And Done marches out of the fadeout from the previous track. It's a closing time song with a good hook, and one of those cool 70s songs where the music flashes into a sort of breakdown where there's still a ton of noise around the vocals but it's ... less noise than in the rest of the song. 

13. I love funk. At my last retail job, the owner was also really into funk, so our store played funk all the time, and it was glorious. The bass here is completely 100% funk certified. Man In The Middle is another song that drops the age "seventeen" but isn't creepy, as it's about watching a rich guy who loves to be in the spotlight. 

14. We leave funkytown for Italy and more orchestral grandeur, this time with 80s country style vocals. This Italy is funkytown adjacent, though, as it also has a shiny 70s bassline. One Of Us isn't a folky song about possibly seeing God on a bus, but a lyrically bland song about how love is sad that rhymes lying with crying. 

15. King Kong Song is the crunchiest song on this album. Heavy (for Abba) guitars and the vocals having a punk wall of sound quality in the background while the actual background vocals are pitched into the foreground with a doo-wop style. It's a wild, dumb ride with an almost Queen sort of hand clap percussion. It's got definite Banana Splits vibes.

16. If you've ever been trapped in an elevator on the way to a job interview, you've probably heard something that sounded remarkably like My Mama Said. I know that sounds like a diss, but there's something appealing about this song, whcih also has vocals that are absolutely buried in the mix for no reason. 

17. Why Joan Jett hasn't released a cover of Hey Hey Helen, I'll never know. Maybe she thought it would be redundant? There is a funk breakdown near the end of this song that makes virtually no sense, as it's otherwise as new wave punk rock as ABBA ever gets.

18. Returning to the bright and bouncy technopop from earlier on this album, Head Over Heels is another song where I can't tell you why I like it more than most other ABBA songs. It's mostly the squeaky clean production.

19. A whispery Every Musical In The 80s and 90s vocal drags us into the piano an ooooooh ballad, Kisses Of Fire, that then slams us into pop. It's a perfect transition. Something about this song makes me want to hear Lizzo cover it. It doesn't sound like a Lizzo song at all, and there isn't a flute solo or anything, I just think this song is due for another single release, and I think she'd spin it in a fantastic direction.

20. ABBA has precisely one banger in their arsenal. One perfect song from beginning to end, and it's Take A Chance On Me. Every piece of this musical puzzle fits snugly together from the disco vocals to the occasional doo-wop background vocals to the occasional spoken line, it's just expertly crafted. No other song by the band can possibly follow it, so we let it fade the album out. 

When I started this journey of creating a guide to watching the best of Star Trek, there were over 550 hours of content. Well, a few years later, and we're over the 700 hour mark, as we've added four completely new shows: Strange New Worlds, Picard, Lower Decks, and Prodigy to the list. And there are more series coming (although Picard will end after Season Three).

I've watched some of each of those properties, and am excited that they'll eventually work their way into the chronology, but we're not quite there yet.

This season sees The Dominion War in full effect on Deep Space Nine, while the crew of Voyager plods their way back out of The Delta Quadrant. This is a season that really celebrates 7of9, Doctor, Dax, Sisko, Weyoun, and more. There's more loss in this season than there tends to be in pre-21st century Star Trek and that really gives it a bit more weight than some previous seasons.

Episode 1: Sacrifice Of Angels
(Sisko, Gul Dukat, Odo, Kira, Rom, Ziyal, Weyoun, Quark, Jake, Garak, Worf, Martok)

The Dominion War is truly underway, and it's about to go horribly awry for both sides.


Episode 2: Waltz
(Sisko, Gul Dukat, Odo, Worf, Kira, O'Brien, Dax, Bashir, Weyoun)

This is a defining moment in the series, and I considered making it the end of the previous season but, uhm, there are some events that happen that I don't want to give the sense of importance that the original series of Deep Space Nine did.


Episode 3: In The Flesh
(Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, Doctor, Boothby, 7of9, Torres, Paris, Neelix, Kim)

I remember thinking that Barclay was the weirdest legacy character to show up on a Star Trek series where they're lost in an uncharted region of space. But then Riker showed up. And now ... Boothby? The crew of Voyager is back on Earth at, of all places, Starfleet Academy. Nah. Something ain't right here.


Episode 4: Who Mourns For Morn?
(Quark, Sisko, Worf, Odo, Kira, Dax, O'Brien, Bashir)

Quark's most reliable, most silent customer, who's been in almost every episode in our chronology, and yet has never spoken a single line, dies and leaves Quark a fortune. Nah. Something ain't right here, either.


Episode 5: Change Of Heart
(Worf, Dax, Sisko, O'Brien, Bashir, Kira, Quark)

Worf's relationships have traditionally Not Gone Well. His first wife died just after surprising him with the existence of their son. Then he was married to Troi in a parallel timeline. Now he's married to Dax, the parasitical symbiont who can be any species, race or gender. And it's been going really well. But can he prioritize his most recent marriage over his duty to Deep Space Nine?


Episode 6: Inquisition
(Bashir, Sisko, Worf, Odo, O'Brien, Quark, Kira, Weyoun)

Wait...is Bashir a spy for The Dominion? Section 31 (Holy Holy, we haven't seen them since the Discovery story arc. Finally, we see their origin in the Star Trek Universe.) is determined to find out.


Episode 7: Timeless
(Chakotay, Kim, Janeway, 7of9, Doctor, Paris, Tuvok, Torres, Neelix, Laforge?)

Voyager toys with a new technology, hoping it might get them home faster. But Henry Kim fucks it all up and they lose fifteen years marooned on a planet. 


Episode 8:  In The Pale Moonlight
(Sisko, Garak, Bashir, Quark, Weyoun, Odo, Kira, Dax, Worf, O'Brien)

War is a constant shifting of allegiances and ethical dillemas, so nobody should be surprised at how wrong everything goes when Sisko tries to bring the Romulans into the Dominion War.
​

Episode 9: The Sound Of Her Voice
(Sisko, Bashir, O'Brien, Kira, Odo, Quark, Dax, Worf, Yates, Jake, Morn)

In the midst of The Dominion War, The Defiant hears a distress call and sets out to rescue a woman stranded on an alien planet. During the trip she gives advice to several members of the crew about their personal lives. Quark also dispenses love advice to one of DS9's newest couples.


Episode 10: Counterpoint
(Janeway, Chakotay, Torres, Paris, Neelix, Doctor, Tuvok, 7of9, Kim, Naomi)

The crew of Voyager takes on telepathic refugees in a portion of space where telepathy has been deemed illegal, and must figure out a way to protect the refugees from hostile forces.


Episode 11: Latent Image
(Doctor, Janeway, Kim, 7of9, Chakotay, Torres, Neelix, Tuvok, Naomi)

Can a hologram have a psychotic break? Is it morally ethical to erase the memories of someone who isn't precisely sentient in order to help them do their job when it is imperative that they can always do their job to the best of their ability?


12: Tears Of The Prophets
(Sisko, Dax, Dukat, Worf, Kira, Bashir, O'Brien, Quark, Odo, Garak, Nog, Weyoun, Martok, Ross, Jake)

Every war has to have its great casualty. When Dukat returns to the picture to help the Cardassian/Dominion alliance win the war, he sets events in motion that change the whole feel of the show. 


Serial 1: Dark Frontier
(Janeway, 7of9, Chakotay, Torres, Paris, Neelix, Doctor, Tuvok, Borg Queen, Naomi)

Booooooooooooooooooooorg drama, as Voyager's heist goes awry and 7of9 is confronted with her memories of her life when she was human.


15: Someone To Watch Over Me
(7of9, Doctor, Janeway, Chakotay, Torres, Paris, Neelix, Tuvok)

Do I need to say anything more than In This Episode 7of9 Explores The Idea Of Dating With Help From Everyone's Favorite Sort Of Sentient Hologram, Doctor?


16. Shadows And Symbols
(Sisko, Dax, Worf, Bashir, O'Brien, Quark, Martok, Kira, Weyoun, Jake, Ross)

Guess who's Dax? Dax again? Sort of? Lots of changes take place as Kira battles the Romulans, Sisko battles his faith and self-doubt, and the rest of the crew collide head-on with The Dominion.


17. Relativity
(70f9, Janeway, Torres, Chakotay, Paris, Kim, Tuvok, Doctor)

Time travel on Voyager is always pretty wonky. This time, 7of9 is sent into the past to find and deactivate a bomb that would shift the timeline, but a wily past-Janeway figures things out and everything gets all timey-wimey complicated-womplicated.

18. Treachery, Faith, And The Great River
(Weyoun, Odo, Sisko, O'Brien, Nog, Rom, Quark, Martok, Kira, Dax, Worf, Bashir)

Multiple Weyoun episode? Yes, please. While Odo and one of the Weyouns see if they can diffuse the Dominion War, O'Brien, Nog, and Rom try and fix smaller problems on the space station.


Serial 2: Equinox
(Janeway, 7of9, Doctor, Tuvok, Neelix, Torres, Paris, Kim, Chakotay, Naomi)

We end the season on the discovery (no, not The Discovery) that there's another Federation ship lost in the Delta Quadrant trying to get home. But instead of everyone being chummy and helping each other out, the crew of the Equinox decides to dispose of Voyager to speed up their journey.