There's long standing beef at The Cantab Lounge about who has the best pizza within reasonable walking distance. No one believes that either option is good, but there are people who claim the 7-11 Pizza is better than the pizza place next door.
Those people are, what is known colloqually as, wrong.
But on New Year's Day, the next door pizza place was closed, and I was forced to talk the additional thirty feet or so to the 7-11 for their bland, soft, pizza.
It was fine.
But the box let me know that 7-11 pizza is made from "100% Real® Mozzarella made from whole milk piled on our signature sauce made from vine-ripened, California heirloom tomatoes. We then add a complex combination of herbs and sices to give our pizza Authentic Italian Flavor."
Write a gourmet artisinal description of a product that's clearly garbage. It doesn't have to be food. Please feel free to overboard with decriptive words that in no way actually describe the mediocre to awful thing that you're advertising.
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