The X-Files In 97 Episodes Worth Watching, 1: I Want To Believe The 90s Were Real

A group of a little over a dozen of us have been watching the Star Trek In Significantly Fewer Seasons (how many? who knows? they Keep Making Star Trek series!), and it's been a blast. One of the regular co-viewers, Valerie asked me last night if I was ever going to do one for X-Files, and I thought "Man, I tried watching all of X-Files at some point, and something stopped me from following through and watching them all. I wonder what it was."

A coma. Not caused by aliens or demons or werecreatures, as far as I know. 

I decided to do a Best 100 Episodes of X-Files, making ten seasons of ten episodes, but it would have been slightly padded. The X-Files, like The Simpsons, and really any show that goes on for too long, becomes a victim of The Law Of Diminishing Returns. I'll take about that when I get to later seasons.

This first season of my Ten Season version of X-Files doesn't even quite contain the original first season, as we have to set up a ton of mythology (which, I need you to inhale deeply, count to ten, ok, let it all out) is only going to get slightly resolved, and that resolution will not be at the end of the series), and really get to know Mulder and Scully.

Season One:
I Want To Believe The 90s Were Real

Episode 1: Pilot
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Scott Blevins, Billy Miles)

Fox Mulder is a cuckooo pants, conspiracy theorizing, FBI agent who thinks aliens are real and that they kidnapped his kid sister. So he spends his time investigating the weirdest, unsolvable crimes in the division, referred to as The X-Files. His bosses are like "Woah, slow down there Professor Paranoia." and assign a By The Books, Squaresville scientist named Dana Scully to debunk all of his theories and try and solve the crimes rationally. This is the story of how they become friends!


Episode 2: Deep Throat
(Mulder, Scully, Deep Throat)

No, pervs, not the porn. A reference to the Watergate Informant. Mulder has a friend in the agency who helps him connect conspiratorial dots. In this episode, it's all about flying saucers!


Episode 3: Squeeze
(Mulder, Scully, Tooms, Briggs)

No, fans of 1970s British pop, not the dudes who sang "Tempted". A reference to someone constricting themselves to fit in a tight space. Mulder and Scully investigate some murderages that can't be explained, and run into the series' first Monster Of The Week.


Episode 4: Ice
(Mulder, Scully)

No, diamond thieving meth heads, this is about frozen water. It's kind of a "What If The Thing monster was much, much smaller, and therefore more menacing?"


Episode 5: Fallen Angel
(Mulder, Scully, Deep Throat, Max Fenig)

No, Buffy-fans, I know you've had a terrible year finding out about Joss Whedon, and all, but this isn't a fun crossover between two of the 90s best sci-fi shows.  It's about UFOs and alien abductions, so, you know, an early X-Files episode.


Episode 6: Eve
(Mulder, Scully, Deep Throat)

No, Bette Davis devotees, this has no relation to the classic 1950s movie. This is about clones. Like "Orphan Black", kinda, sorta. You know?


Episode 7: Beyond The Sea
(Scully, Mulder)

We're pretty far into the run of the first season, and it's time to see what happens when Scully wants to believe something, and Mulder is like, "Nah, Really?"


Episode 8: EBE
(Mulder, Scully, Deep Throat, The Lone Gunmen)

Are we still doing UFOs and alien abductions? Really? Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. Well, in this episode we meet The Lone Gunmen, a group of other conspiracy theorists who are interesting, but not, like, interesting enough to have their own series or anything.


Episode 9: Darkness Falls
(Mulder, Scully)

Oh, I'm a Lumberjack and I'm ok. I work all night and then I disappear completely with no explanation. Where did I go? *tune changes* Where have all the lumberjacks go-one?


Episode 10: Tooms
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Skinner, Tooms, Briggs)

We wrap up the first season with our first returning villain, our returning menacing supervillain, and the introduction of a new recurring character.