Much of my reimagined discographies center around bands I know inside and out. I've owned every album. I've listened to them at least dozens of time. Years ago, I consolidated them to my favorite tracks.

Some of these, however, are learning experiences for me.

This Genesis discography is a little of each. I'm totally familiar with all of the Genesis albums. I know the post-80s output of Peter Gabriel. I've lived through all of Phil Collins career at a time when I was very impressionable. I've owned the first two Mike + The Mechanics albums. But until this project, I'd never listened to a Steve Hackett solo album. It's just not my thing. Steve Hackett is one of the primary reasons 70s Genesis sounds so prog rocky. And prog rock is something that doesn't hold my heart the way alternative rock,conscious hip-hop, 70s funk, or girl group R&B does. I can respect it. And, sure, in the late 90s, I owned every Rush album that they'd put out, which is at least seven million albums. But I wasn't popping on a Rush album and going for a walk. Same with Steve Hackett's material.

I respect it. I recognize why some tracks are more popular with his fans than others, but his stuff isn't really aimed at me so it doesn't hit me just right.

I debated doing a White Album approach, including tracks from the various solo members to make a more diverse sounding album, but, ultimately that would lead to me skipping around tracks when I listened to it, so I decided to keep things By Artist.

While Peter Gabriel was the first member to leave and have a big solo career, Hackett is the first departure who's post-Genesis material still sounds Very Genesis. I've pieced this together from his first three albums. I was going to use his first five but as soon as Deflector, his fourth album, started playing I said, out loud "Ok, this is when he decided to something new." I'm excited to get to that era of his solo work. But I like what's here. It's Way More Instrumental than almost any reimagined album I've put together/am ever going to put together. He just has more instrumental tracks in his output, and, well...some of the vocals on his non-instrumental tracks are too treacly 70s or wannabe spacey vocoder vibes for my taste.

1. Clocks

The other day, I turned on the toaster and ended up with "No Son Of Mine" being stuck in my head for an hour. Metronomic drums are Monster Earworms. This track is like an even more soundtrackey version of Pink Floyd's "Money". It sounds very 70s in the way that a lot of soundtracks to 80s movies with low budgets sounded very 70s. This isn't a bad thing. But I see cops walking the beat while credits roll to this song. The rolling guitar riff in the middle is where the names of the cameo actors pop up. It is a completely instrumental track.

2.  Ballad Of The Decomposing Man

In an alternate dimension, this is the theme song to a very silly British sitcom that only your coolest friends know about. It's got a mid-era Kinks vibe, a Monty Python vibe, and an out of nowhere, and yet recurring,  Honkey Tonk section. The lyrics are very silly. It's a working class carnival dirge, and 100% my favorite Hackett track that I've heard so far. I would put this on a Greatest Hits of Genesis album as a counterpoint to "I Know What I Like". I fucken love this song, and wish I'd encountered it earlier in my life.

3. Kim

I'm going to put aside my prejudice against this name. This a is a beautiful, haunting instrumental flute and guitar ballad. I love how the strum and the mournful flute play off each other. I also appreciate that it does all it needs to in two minutes and then ends before it wears out its welcome. I do imagine this track plays on loop at a theme park with long ride lines. It's very calming.

4. Hermit

Now we're back to early Kinks or 70s British hippie rock. Bands who listened to The Beatles but falsely viewed them as peers instead of inspiration. There's a sweet orchestral feel to it (again, lots of flute bouncing off  guitars) . This is the outro music to a Lord Of The Rings knockoff from the 70s. Instead of a ring in a volcano, they need to throw a necklace into the sea while hiding from someone who is represented by a giant ear.

5. Hoping Love Will Last

Have you ever wondered what would early Genesis sound like if they had a talented soul/r&b female vocalist? You have? Really? WHY? How high were you? Well, it turns out, it's a good mix. It's definitely montage music for a 70s romance flick with a creepy vibe. Something they showed late in the afternoons on 1980s television stations that weren't affiliated with NBC, CBS, or ABC. Definitely Dialing For Dollars material. But damn does Randy Crawford sing the absolute shit out of this song. 

6. Every Day

If you liked "Dance On A Volcano" by Genesis, here's its natural follow up. It sounds like it would fit right in on the post-Steve Hackett Genesis albums. Its vocals are by Pete Hicks, who I am unfamiliar with, but his harmonies with Hackett have a very Kansas vibe. But with definite Hackett Genesis guitar riffs. This would be in some crunchy coming of age sci-fi movie. Something Last Starfightery.

7. Icarus Ascending

Richie Havens serves as vocalist for the song that most sounds like it could have been played on commercial radio. I mean, the first section. There is a long schwoozy Mellatron infused breakdown in the middle before the vocals kick back in. Any movie with this on the soundtrack would have been written by someone who took the job to maintain their coke habit. It's eclectic and I can't decide whether I like the way it's sort of folky pop r&b, and then it's definitvely prog rock, and then it's some haunted hybrid. I think I do. I do much prefer the first half to the second. That sun is just too damned close.

8.  Hands Of The Priestess (Part 1)

Another instrumental track. This is a flute ballad callback. Very New Age store trying to sell you crystals to soothe your chronic arthritis. It could also pop up in the soundtrack to a movie just after the love interest has died and the emo protagonist is trying to go about their life. There is a fake fade-out where, when it fades back in, it's just peppier enough to give you hope that things are going to be okay. Maybe.

9. Star Of Sirius

Somewhere between Kansas and Genesis is this harmony-vocaled track to close out the album. It feels like the logical musical conclusion to this album, and yet also a bridge to post-Hackett Genesis. It's definitely the scene in an adventure movie where the clouds clear and, whether everything is better or not, the characters are moving on to the next stage in their lives. There's even a na na na na sort of chorus before Hackett reminds us that this is Still A Prog Rock record. 

The 1970s saw the birth of Super Groups. Rock and roll bands filled with legendary members of already famous bands, or successful solo artists, coming together to form commercial rock monsters. Cream, Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Led Zeppelin, Journey. Genesis is a reverse-engineered supergroup. Nobody knew these theatre kid rockers with their flutes and special effect noises, recording their best Beatles riffs underwater and then stuffing a four minute jam solo in the middle of it. They were just a transient band credited with being one of the earliest progressive rock bands, and creating some of the most successful solo artists and side projects of 1980s pop. When their lead singer and, arguably, most interesting songwriter decided to go solo, they replaced him with their third drummer, and not only became More Commercially Successful, but also elevated him until he was one of the most successful artists of the 1980s. 

When I was a college student in Florida, I was asked to audition for a prog rock band that was forming in Gainesville. Not because I had The Best Voice In Florida but because, when they asked me if I knew any prog rock bands, I was the only one who could name someone other than Rush or Dream Theater (but it was really only Yes, Genesis, and Queesryche). I ended up not joining the band because, honestly, I don't like most prog rock. Even much of early Genesis just isn't my thing.

When I was first discovering rock music as a pre-teen, Genesis was the Phil Collins pop rock band. And I loved them. I don't think I knew Peter Gabriel had been a member until I was in high school. Shortly after We Can't Dance hit, they released a couple of live albums. One of them called The Way We Walk 2: The Longs, which included several early songs that I'd been unfamiliar with. So when I went away to high school and started spending too much money on albums, I tracked down as many early Genesis albums as I could find. 

This first album is really an early Best Of Genesis album. Sorry. I've listened to all their albums. Like many prog rock bands, I recognize their talent and complicated sound. But I'm not often longing to listen to eight minute slow build rock symphonies. I just don't get high enough. That's not a dig. I think there is a lot to early Genesis that I haven't been willing to take the time to properly appreciate. But here's what I like of their early work. 

1. I Know What I Like

I love an opening track that climbs from silence. Slap a brief spoken word piece on it before the melody kicks in, and it's going to be the track I choose to open an album. I know what I like / and I like what I know. The vocal melding of Gabriel and Collins is lush here. This was the first song that charted, coming seven years after they dropped their first album. It really makes me think of a charming small-cast play in a black box theater. 

2. Misunderstanding

Their first 80s hit, this is clearly a transition from progressive rock to pop rock. It's gott some background wooooo-oooo-ooohs behing Phil Collins's lead vocals. There's something both very Beach Boys and very early Phil Collins solo work about it. It's catchy but you might feel guilty if anyone saw you singing along to this in your car.

3. Turn It On Again

Sticking with the transition period of Duke is this fun track. I promise there's more Peter Gabriel tracks coming on this album. It's way chronologically out of order. But I love Collins's vocals on this. It just feels close to his work on Face Value, which is my favorite Collins album by a wide stretch. 

4. ABACAB

We reach all the way into 1981 for this somewhat grimier rock. This is more of an evolution of prog rock than the previous tracks. But synthy. Definitely more synthy than early Genesis. But fear not, it's not as synthy as C- New Wave rock. It really works to the band's strength here. It's an organic part of a long jam break.

5. The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway

Ok, now we're going back to the early 70s Gabriel era for the intro track to the one of the greatest Broadway Rock Shows to never actually be performed. I won't get into the plot. But if you're curious, the whole album, for which this is the title track, is solid. I didn't know that when I first heard it. I just enjoyed the progression of several different musical tricks, and the very simple chorus. It's so Clearly a rock musical track. Jesus Christ Superstar, Tommy. It's very catchy in a very different ways from the earlier Collins tracks.

6. Follow You Follow Me

Before Collins became the centerpiece of the group, Genesis had a rotating cast of five or six members. And Then There Were Three signalled one of their final evolutions, which was also their most long-tenured and successful. Phil Collins is certainly soft rocky. But this song still has a heavy foot in prog rock instrumentation. This is the closing tack to that album. I think it works better as a bridge between Gabriel Theater Rockers.

7. The Musical Box

This is the earliest, and also longest, track on the album. The opening song on Nursery Cryme, which is the eldest album I bought from them in high school. The harmonies are beautiful. The flutes are oh so happy 1970s. It's a lovely, sleepy lullaby dream sequence. 

8. Firth Or Fifth

Another early Gabriel track. This is very prog rock, and oh so 70s. There are a ton of great instrumental breaks on this, from Banks's opening piano solo to Gabriel's soothing flute to Hackett replaying the flute melody on the guitar. It's gorgeous. In live shows they segue the guitar section into "I Know What I Like" and it's perfect. 

9. Dance On A Volcano

From the first Gabriel-less album, this song is mostly catchy riff and chorus. Collins hasn't yet figured out his Lead Singer vibe, but that's ok. It's kind of fun to have a track that sounds like it's just instrumental track and background vocals. It's also a bit of a preview of Face Value era Phil Collins. I also enjoy how it sort of deflates at the end, which brings us to the melancholic

10. More Fool Me

This is such a sweet, sad little Peter Gabriel number. It's shorter and poppier than most of his era, and sounds nothing like his later solo work. And yet, if it showed up as a slight departure track on any album in any era of his career, you'd sort of nod and go "Ok, I can see that."

11. The Light Dies Down On Broadway

Even though it's not the album that I love the most from their early work, if you were to ask me which early Genesis album held up the best as an album, it's definitely The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway. This is a great callback to the earlier, title track from that album.

12. ...In That Quiet Earth

The previous track descends into ambient noise, and this sort of climbs out of it with a drum solo. A proper Phil Collins at the top of his game drum solo. This is the sole instrumental track on the album. Can you have a prog rock album without at least one? This is the one I like the best, and I love how it segues from the previous track to this album's finale.

13. Afterglow

A fitting end to this album, I think. It's the last track of Wind & Wuthering. It's not too far after the departure of Peter Gabriel, and it's the last track with Steve Hackett. It just feels like a closing track. It's got some ethereal "ahhhhhhhhing" to fade out on. 

One of the reasons the Scream franchise (which just released its fourth sequel) is so successful is that it plays off of tropes, and slasher movies are positively riddled with some of the worst tropes in genre filmmaking. Often, you can predict when a sfranchise is going to jump the shark, when it's going to focus on humor over horror, when it's going To Space, etc.

This installment is all about breaking rhythms. Some of them are franchise entries that just don't seem to fit in with any of the other films in the series. Some change the series for the better (we're going to skip the ones that changed their series for the worst). And we're going to throw in some one-shot films that stand out from their peers.

1. Friday The 13th: Jason Lives

The first four installments of the series are Fuck Around And Get Killed. Jason and his mom being absolute prudes. The death scenes are a little creative but it's mostly Terrifying Unkillable Man terrorizes sexy teens. In this movie, we mix it up. The little kid from The Final Chapter has grown up, and he wants to kill Jason again. A lot of this film is pre-Scream Scream. Metahumor, creative deaths, etc. This is also when the series gets supernatural as (at the end of the previous film) the protagonist accidentally resurrects Jason, making him a sort of zombie for the rest of the franchise. This time when the death scenes are funny, they're meant to be.

2. Freddy's Revenge

Oh, did you think we were going to skip this movie? Hellllll, no. This is the weirdest metaphor for growing up gay ever commited to film as Freddy, instead of just attacking people in nightmares, takes over a kid's body and uses him to kill people while they're awake. It's a bonkers movie, and has the most accidental subtext of any other movie in the course.

3. Bride Of Chucky

Jennifer Tilly makes everything better. Here, she plays a jilted lover of Charles Lee Ray (the guy stuck inside the Chucky doll) who brings him back to life only for him to kill her and trap her in a different murderous doll. It's weird. And, like Jason Lives, brings a different style of humor into the narrative.  There isn't any Andy in this movie, but don't worry, he'll be back.

4. Get Out

We've had subtextual metaphor, now let's go for something more Overt. Get Out is, without hesitation, the Best Movie in the whole Final Girl course. It's satirical horror about racism with easily the smartest script in modern horror. This is the kind of horror movie you can safely recommend to people who hate horror movies. And it's definitely a change of pace from all the movies that surround it.

5. Alone In The Dark

This is an almost Twin Peaks style of horror. A psychiatrist decides to work in an asylum with dangerous patients, and one of the patients decides that this new psychiatrist killed the psychiatrist he liked, and he convinces his most dangeous peers to escape the hospital and terrorize the psychiatrist's family. It's super creepy.

6. Final Destination 3

Death goes to the fairgrounds! There are no recurring characters from the first two films. A whole new batch of survivors flee from death with varying amounts of success. The story is really shunted to the side to focus on elaborate death scenes, which really are the highlight of all the Final Destination movies.

7. The Funhouse

Oh, we're staying at the faire, as this almost Ray Bradburyan tale of teens getting murdered because they didn't obey their parents takes place almost exclusively in a funhouse. These teens are much more likable than your Friday The 13th types, but it's still fun watching them get picked off after they witness a murder. 

8. Urban Legends

The actors who played Freddy, Chucky, and the Well-Manicured Man from the X-Files are just some of the interesting characters in this meta-meta movie. That's right, people who are watching these movies as a course guide, this movie is about maybe serial killings that take place around a cirriculum about urban legends. It's very Scream-like. Thus, we'll be skipping a Scream entry this semester.

9. Happy Death Day

We Stay In School for Groundhog Day The Slasher Flick. Yeup, a girl keeps reliving the same day, and she and her friends keep getting murdered. It's a Time Loop story! So much fun.

10. Wes Craven's New Nightmare

At the beginning of the season, we saw Nightmare On Elm Street switched up into a subtextual coming of age gay film. Now the franchise gets rejuvenated again as we focus on the actors from the original film, as well as its creator (Wes Craven) dealing with the PTSD of the Nightmare On Elm Street franchise. Oh, and Freddy might be real. 

This is, hopefully, the most complicated season I'll have to cobble together. WWE and WCW start this season at their creative peaks. The Attitude Era is in full swing at The Fed, and NWO is printing money for the former NWA. The heroes of the 80s and early 90s become the villains, the anti-heroes rise to the top of each company. Their weekly soap operas go from One Hour Superstar vs Enhancement Talent With Occasional Interview Segments to Two Hour Chaos Machines Where Superstars Are Frequently Arrested, Assaulted, And Who Knows What Else.

This was a terrible era to be female identified in the industry. The WWE frequently put on pillow fights, stripteases, and bikini matches. Those will not show up in this condensed history. We DO see the slow build rise of Chyna, who will be a huge influence on the eventual Women's Revolution, fifteen years later. We will also continue to see Alundra Blayze/Madusa be as massively underused in the WCW as she was in the WWE. Miss Elizabeth, an absolute delight in the WWE, will also be hugely miscast and misused in WCW. 

Some of the highlights of this season are MMA star Ken Shamrock's time in the WWE, the Montreal Screwjob, the creation of the Mr. McMahon character and The Corporation, Stone Cold's ascendance, the formation of Degeneration X (though we will be skipping their problematic anti-Nation Of Domination and much of their phallus-obsessed nonsense, and focus on their war with WCW and then The Corporation), the dominance of Kane, and Goldberg's WCW undefeated streak. We'll also say goodbye to ECW with just one episode this season, as it became a self-parody due to Paul Heyman's bouncing checks. Oh, and we'll also say goodbye to WCW by the end of the season. Yeup, both of them will reappear next season as properties of WWE, as Vince Russo, Eric Bischoff, and Paul Heyman all take massive losses, establishing the WWE as THE main wrestling organization in the US (but stay tuned for the rise of TNA Impact and Ring Of Honor in Season Six).

1. New World Order, 1996

Hulk Hogan shocked the wrestling world at the end of last season, and now begins his Reign Of Terror as the biggest villain in wrestling, not just in the ring but behind the scenes as he continues to squash the potential stars of the industry under his big, black boots.

Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Dusty Rhodes, Eric Bischoff, Gene Okerlund, Mike Tenay, David Penzer, Michael Buffer

1. Chris Benoit vs Chris Jericho
2. Big Show (as The Giant) vs Randy Savage
3. NWO vs WCW War Games
Hulk Hogan, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, NWO Sting vs Lex Luger, Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Sting

4. Harlem Heat (WCW Tag Team Champs) vs Outsiders
5. Hulk Hogan (WCW Champ) vs Randy Savage​

2. Cold Day In Hell, 1996

To counter the shock of WCW's Hulk Hogan surprise heel turn, WWE executes an amazing slow burn heel turn as Bret The Hitman Hart becomes a villain for complaining about the way the industry is treating him while Stone Cold Steve Austin becomes a hero for doing pretty much the same thing.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon, Shawn Michaels, Todd Pettingill, Dok Hendrix, Howard Finkel

1. Bret Hart vs Steve Austin in a Submission Match
2. Undertaker (WWE Champ) vs Mick Foley (as Mankind)
3. Bret Hart Goes Full Canadian
4. Ken Shamrock vs Vader in a No Disqualification Match
5. Undertaker (WWE Champ) vs Steve Austin

3.  Filling Vacancies, 1996

Some undercard fun in WCW here as the Radicalz get some time to shine and Chris Jericho wrestles a referee. Plus, the first appearance of spooky Sting, and then it's Antique vs Antique as Hogan and Piper renew their feud from the early 80s.

Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Dusty Rhodes, Larry Zybysko, Lee Marshall, Gene Okerlund, Mike Tenay, David Penzer, Michael Buffer

1. Ultimo Dragon vs Rey Mysterio for the J Crown
2. Chris Jericho with one hand tied behind his back vs Referee Nick Patrick 
3. Dean Malenko (WCW Cruserweight Champ) vs Ultimo Dragon (J-Crown Champ)
4. Alundra Blayze (as Madusa) vs Akira Hokotu for WCW Womens Championship
5. Jushin Thunder Liger vs Rey Mysterio
6.William Regal vs Juventud Guerrera
8. Hulk Hogan (WCW Champ) vs Roddy Piper

4. Have A Nice Day, 1997

Mick Foley as Mankind was already a massive favorite in WWE, moreso than his WCW/ECW character, Cactus Jack. But his three part interview with Jim Ross turned him into a superstar. We also get to see our first WWE Light Heavyweight match as Taka Michinoku joins the party.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon, Dok Hendrix, Howard Finkel

1. Owen Hart vs British Bulldog
​2. Steve Austin vs Shawn Michaels
3. Jim Ross Interviews Mick Foley
4. Taka Michinoku vs Great Sasuke
5. The Undertaker (WWE Champ) vs Vader

​5. Ultimate Jeopardy 1996, 1997

ECW had devolved into a pale imitation of itself. The Monday Night Wars left the company in the dust, and this is the last time we'll see the ECW proper. WWE will snatch it up next season, and some of these stars will be a part of that, but this is Paul Heyman's company's swan song, and it's....ok.

1. RvD vs Tommy Dreamer
2. Bubba Ray Dudley vs D-Von Dudley
3. The Gangstas (WCW Tag Team Champs) vs The Eliminators vs Sabu & RvD
4. Sandman (ECW Champ) vs Raven
5. Taz vs RvD
6. Sabu vs Perry Saturn
7. Sandman (ECW Champ) vs Raven in a Barbed Wire Match 

6. Radical Ascendence, 1997

The next generation of WCW stars steal the spotlight from the egomaniacs, apart from a spectacular Macho Man/DDP match. 


Announcers: Tony Shiavone, Bobby Heenan, Dusty Rhodes, Eric Bischoff, Ted Dibiase, Mike Tenay, Gene Okerlund, Lee Marshall, Jeff Katz, David Penzer, Michael Buffer, Neil Pruitt

1. Eddie Guerrero (WCW US Champ) vs XPac (as Syxx) in a Ladder Match
2. Dean Malenko (WCW Cruserweight Champ) vs XPac (as Syxx)
3. Eddie Guerrero (WCW US Champ) vs Chris Jericho
4. The Outsiders (WCW Tag Team Champs) vs Lex Luger & The Giant
5. DDP vs Squire Dave Taylor
5. Rey Mysterio vs Ultimo Dragon
6. Akira Hokuto (WCW Womans Champ) vs Alundra Blayze (as Madusa)
7. DDP vs Randy Savage

7. Canadian Stampede, 1997

The Harts as Canadian diehards were the most fun group in an era of too many stables (The Nation Of Domination, Los Boricuas, and Disciples Of Apocalypse spring to mind). It's a pity how it all ended but their war with The Undertaker and Stone Cold was the highlight of this era of the WWE.

Announcers: VInce McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Todd Pettengill, Howard Finkel 

1. Mick Foley (as Mankind) vs Triple H in a Steel Cage
2. The Hart Foundation (WWE Tag Team Champs) vs Steve Austin & Mick Foley (as Dude Love)
3. British Bulldog (WWE European Champ) vs Ken Shamrock
​4. Owen Hart (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Steve Austin
5. Undertaker (WWE Champ) vs Bret Hart

8. Nitro, 1997

The WCW vs NWO angle stayed fresher a bit longer than I remembered, but still not that long, we begin to get a little long in the tooth here as more and more people defect from WCW, making NWO a little too big to take seriously.

Announcers:  Tony Shiavone, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zybysko, Mike Tenay, Eric Bischoff, Dusty Rhodes, Gene Okerlund, Michael Buffer, David Penzer 

1. Dean Malenko (WCW US Champ) vs Jeff Jarret
2. Akira Hakuto (WCW Womans Champ) vs Alundra Blayze (as Madusa) Title vs Career Match
3. Chris Benoit vs Ultimo Dragon
4. THe Outsiders vs DDP & Mr. Perfect
​5. Roddy Piper vs Ric Flair 
6. NWO vs Four Hoursemen WarGames
Kevin Nash, Buff Bagwell, XPac, Konnan vs Ric Flair, Mr Perfect, Chris Benoit, Steve McMichael

9. Road Wild, 1997

GOLDBERG! GOLDBERG! GOLDBERG! And also Sting in the rafters and The Radicalz in the ring. Truly, this is Golden Age WCW. 
​

Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Boby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Larry Zybysko, Eric Bischoff, Dusty Rhodes, Gene Okerlund, David Penzer, Michael Buffer

1. Goldberg vs Hugh Morris
2. Eddie Guerrero (WCW Cruserweight Champ) vs Rey Mysterio
3. Goldberg vs The Barbarian
4. DDP vs Randy Savage
5. Goldberg vs Haku
6. Yuji Nagata vs Ultimo Dragon
7. Eddie Guerrero (WCW Cruiserweight Champ) vs Rey Mysterio
8. Mr. Perfect (WCW US Champ) vs Ric Flair with no DQs

10. The Montreal Screwjob, 1997

Y'all heard about this match, right? Easily the most important match in turning the tide from WCW to WWE in the Monday Night Wars.

Announcers: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Kevin Kelly, Albert DeFrusia

1. Steve Austin banned from Raw
2. Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker Hell In A Cell
3. Kane vs. Hardy Boys
4. Classic Survivor Series Match
Ken Shamrock, Ahmed Johnson, Legion Of Doom vs Nation Of Domination

6. Owen Hart (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Steve Austin
7. Bret Hart (WWE Champ) vs Shawn Michaels

11. Souled Out, 1997 1998

Fallout from WWE spills over into WCW in what should have been the momentum swinger to WCW. Instead, they completely botch the arrival of Bret Hart and continue the dinosaur stampede of 1980s stars, even beginning to phase out The Radicalz. The slow plod to WCW's collapse begins at this time, but we'll focus on the great matches that still managed to take place during this decay.

Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Eric Bischoff, Dusty Rhodes, Mike Tenay, Gene Okerlund, David Penzer, Michael Buffer

1. Chavo Guerrero Jr., Juventud Guerrera, Lizmark Jr. & Super Calo vs El Dandy, La Parka, Psychosis & Silver King in a Lucha Libre Rules Match

2. Goldberg vs Steve McMichael
3.Raven vs Chris Benoit in Ravens Rules Match
4. Scott Hall vs Lex Luger
5. Rey Mysterio (WCW Cruserweight Champ) vs Chris Jericho
6. Booker T (WCW TV Champ) vs Rick Martel
7. Chris Jericho (WCW Cruserweight Champ) vs Juventud Guerrera Title vs Mask
8. Bret Hart vs Ric Flair

12. D-Generation X

The crux of this episode is one of the greatest Royal Rumbles of all time. Like a couple of the rumbles that I've cut, there are a lot of filler characters in this who don't need to be remembered (The Godwinns, 8-Ball and Chains, the Headbangers ... I don't even know who Tom Brandi is, and I've seen this rumble dozens of times). But the pacing and storytelling of this match is superb. Plus, THREE MICK FOLEY CHARACTERS IN ONE MATCH!

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry  Lawler, Michael Cole, Howard Finkel

1. The Rock (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Ken Shamrock
2. Royal Rumble
Mick Foley (as Cactus Jack), Terry Funk (as Chainsaw Charlie), Tom Brandi, The Rock , Mosh, Phineas I. Godwinn, 8-Ball, JBL (as Blackjack Bradshaw), Owen Hart, Steve Blackman, D'Lo Brown, Kurrgan, Marc Mero, Ken Shamrock, Thrasher, Mick Foley again (as Mankind), (The Artist Formerly Known as) Goldust,  Jeff Jarrett, The Honky Tonk Man, Ahmed Johnson, Mark Henry, The Godfather (as  Kama Mustafa), Steve Austin, Henry O. Godwinn, Savio Vega, Faarooq ,  Mick Foley (as Dude Love), Chainz , Vader

13. War Of Attrition, 1998

Sure, WWE was already returning to their status as Top Empire In Wrestling but in order to pull in a record number of previous non-wrestling fans, they brought in one of the biggest names in the history of combat sports, Mike Tyson to play a part in the Shawn Michaels/Steve Austin fued. We also get a fun gimmick tag team match, and finally, Finally, Undertaker vs Kane (part 1 of roughly 1,000).

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon, Michael Cole, Doc Hendrix, Kevin Kelly, Howard Finkel

1. Mike Tyson on Raw
2. War Of Attrition
Ken Shamrock, Ahmed Johnson, Chainz, 8-Ball, Skull vs The Rock, Farooq, Mark Henry, D-Lo Brown, The Godfather

3. Taka Michinoku vs Essa Rios
4. Mick Foley (as Cactus Jack) and Terry Funk (as Chainsaw Charlie) vs New Age Outlaws in a Dumpster Match

5. Undertaker vs Kane
6. Shawn Michaels (WWE Champ) vs Steve Austin

14. The Streak (1998)

WCW begins to circle the drain. And we can't even blame Vince Russo, yet. The Goldberg Streak and the WCW Undercard were putting on spectacular matches while Hulk Hogan, Sting, Kevin Nash, Roddy Piper, Scott Hall, and the rest of the main eventers involved in the NWO storyline put on some of the most unwatchably dull matches in wrestling history. SO we're not going to watch the NWO split into the Black and White and The Wolfpac, we're not going to focus on the washed up WWE stars trying to relive their glory years, instead, we're going to watch the future WWE stars put on the matches that would make them famous.

Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Gene Okerlund, Michael Buffer, David Penzer

1. DDP (WCW US Champ) vs Raven vs Chris Benoit
2. Goldberg vs Perry Saturn
3. Chavo Guerrero vs Ultimo Dragon
4. Booker T (WCW TV Champ) vs Chris Benoit
5. DDP (WCW US Champ) vs Raven in a Raven's Rules Match
6. Raven (WCW US Champ) vs Goldberg
7. Finlay (WCW TV Champ) vs Chris Benoit
8. Goldberg (WCW Us Champ) vs Hugh Morris

15. The War Zone, 1998

The Austin/McMahon feud is one of the surprisingly greatest feuds in the history of sports entertainment. And it really gets going here. The Rock also begins to properly ascend as the company's greatese heel, and the Mick Foley/McMahon relationship turns all sorts of weird. It's almost glorious.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Dok Hendrix, Howard Finkel 

1. Steve Austin (WWE Champ) vs Vince McMahon
2. The Rock (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Farooq
3. Triple H (WWE European Champ) vs Owen Hart
4. Undertaker vs Kane in an Inferno Match
5. Steve Austin (WWE Champ) vs Mick Foley (as Dude Love)

16. The Bottom Line, 1998

DX was a silly, profane, controversial group in WWE history. They were characterised as misognyist, homophobic, racist, but also supposed to be funny good guys. It aged Very Poorly. I've tried not to include their problematic material, and instead focus on their fun, such as their "attack" on WCW, and their feud with the McMahon family. We also see Dan Severn start to show up. I'd completely forgotten about him but he was an interesting counterbalance to Ken Shamrock for a few months in 1998, and his matches are worth the watches. Also, we don't get to hear it but while Triple H calls a match as a commentator, Chyna is commentating the match with the Spanish Announce Team. 

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon, Triple H, Michael Cole, Howard Finkel 

1. DX vs WCW
2. Kane vs Vader
3. The Nation vs DX
D-Lo Brown, Owen Hart, Kama Mustafa vs Triple H, Road Dogg, Billy Gunn
​
​4. Steve Austin (WWE Champ) vs Mick Foley (as Dude Love)  in a Falls Count Anywhere Match
5. Ken Shamrock vs Jeff Jarrett
6. The Rock vs Dan Severen
7. Ken Shamrock vs The Rock

17. Last Gasps, 1998 1999

Here endeth The Last Great Thing in WCW history. These are all title matches with very little storyline developement because the stories were bad, but many of the matches were worse.  There is an entire year's worth of Pay-Per-Views used as the basis of this episode. It's bleak.

Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Gene Okerlund, Michael Buffer, David Penzer

1. Goldberg (WCW US Champ) vs Scott Hall
2. Booker T (WCW TV Champ) vs Bret Hart
3. Hulk Hogan (WCW Heavyweight Champ) vs Goldberg
4. Kidman (WCW Cruserweight Champ) vs Juventud Guererra vs Rey Mysterio
5. Goldberg (WCW Heavyweight Champ) vs Sting
6. Bam Bam Bigelow vs Sandman in a Hardcore Match
7. Goldberg (WCW Champ) vs DDP
8. Goldberg (WCW Heavyweight Champ) vs Kevin Nash

18. Gimmickmania B'Gawd, 1998

There are some great gimmick matches in here, including The Greatest Hell In A Cell Of All Time, B'gawd!

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole,  Howard Finkel


1. D-Lo Brown vs X-Pac
2. Owen Hart vs Ken Shamrock in a Dungeon Match
​3. X-Pac vs Jeff Jarrett
4. Ken Shamrock vs Owen Hart in a Lion's Den Match
5. The Undertaker vs Mankind in Hell In A Cell B'Gawd
6. Steve Austin (WWE Champ) vs Kane in a First Blood Match
7. Kane (WWE Champ) vs Steve Austin

19. Socko Zamboni, 1998

Delightful shenanigans abound in this mostly fun Attitude Era classic.

Announcers: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Kevin Kelly, Dok Hendix, Tony Chimel, Howard Finkel

​1. The Rock vs Mick Foley (as Mankind) vs Ken Shamrock
2. Taka Michinoku (WWE Lightweight Champ) vs Christian
3. Ken Shamrock (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Mick Foley (as Mankind)
4. Mick Foley (as Mankind) vs Steve Austin
5. The Rock vs Undertaker
6. Mick Foley (as Mankind) vs The Rock for the WWE Championship

20. The Fingerpoke Of Doom & Butts In Seats, 1999

On January 4th, 1999, WCW signs their own death warrant in The Monday Night Wars. Their younger stars start to shift over to WWE while their geriatric headliners continue to put on the same boring shows over and over and over. At the beginning of the show that lost the war, host Tony Schiavone decides to roast the WWE by announcing that their show is taped and he spoils the new winner of the WWE title. As a result, millions of viewers switched over to Raw to see the title change. Those that stuck with WCW for that night were rewarded with what is widely regarded as The Worst Main Event in wrestling history.

Announcers: Tony Shiavone, Eric Bischoff, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Gene Okerlund, Michael Cole, Dok Hendix, Michael Buffer, Howard Finkel


1. The Rock (WWE Champ) vs X-Pac
2. Triple H vs Mick Foley (as Mankind)
3. Goldberg vs Miss Elizabeth & The Detroit PD
4. The Rock (WWE Champ) vs Mick Foley (as Mankind)
5. Kevin Nash (WCW Champ) vs Hulk Hogan
6. The Corporate Rumble
7. Mick Foley (as Mankind) (WWE Champ) vs The Rock

Serial 1: Generations
(Picard, Kirk, Laforge, Worf, Riker, Data, Troi, Crusher, Guinan, Chekov, Scott, Sisters Of Duras)

Hardly the greatest of Star Trek movies, this is on the list purely because it combines the casts of The Original Series and The Next Generation as Kirk and Picard work together to stop an alien played by Andy McDowell. So, not epic cinema, but at least a guilty pleasure.


Episode 3: Broken Link
(Odo, Sisko, Worf, Garak, Drax, O'Brien, Quark, Bashir, Kira, Gowron)

Odo isn't doing very well, and needs the help of The Founders to get better. Of course, shenanigans ensue as Worf and Garak are amongst the crew that heads to The Founders' home planet. This episode sets up a ton of different storylines for the rest of the season.


Episode 4: Apocalypse Rising
(Sisko, Odo, Worf, Kira, Bashir, O'Brien, Gul Dukat, Gowran, Quark, Dax, Jake)
​
Last season, it seemed like The Jem'Hadar were the all powerful enemies, but it turned out that they just serve The Founders. Then the Klingons got involved. Then we went to Earth and it looked like maybe The Founders had taken over Starfleet. But what if they actually took over the Klingons? They are Everywhere. And Sisko, Odo, O'Brien, and Worf have to go undercover to unmask Gowran (who, apart from Worf, has the longest ongoing storyline this season). And Sisko makes A Fantastic Klingon. It's a joy to watch.


Serial 2: Scorpion
(Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, Kim, Kes, Torres, 7of9, Doctor, Paris, Neelix)

What could possibly frighten The Borg? Why, a mostly terrible new alien race from another dimension who The Borg just can't seem to assimilate. This new enemy is such a threat that The Borg and the crew of Voyager must team up to stop them.


Episode 7 (of 20): The Gift
(7of9, Kes, Janeway, Doctor, Tuvok, Chakotay, Kim, Torres, Neelix)

The newest member of Voyager is A Borg! And it's up to the rest of the crew to teach her how to be more human. It's somewhat Data-ey, but with more  potential murder than holodeck detective work.


Episode 8: Begotten
(Odo, Kira, O'Brien, Keiko, Bashir, Quark, Sisko, Worf)

Quark finds a baby changeling, and gives custody of it to Odo, causing him to rethink his relationship with the doctor who raised him. Alsowhile, Kira is having O'Brien and Keiko's baby and it is awwwwwwwwwwwwkward for everyone.


Serial 3: First Contact
Picard, Riker, Worf, Data, Crusher, Troi, Laforge, Ogawa, Doctor

It's fun to see them in action again (aside from Worf who just won't leave Deep Space Nine). Especially without the baggage of the TOS cast. In what's easily the best TNG movie, the crew follows the Borg into Earth's past, where everyone's favorite assimilators (unless you're a Cyberman fan) attempt to keep Earth's first contact with Vulcans from taking place.


Episode 11: Trials & Tribbilations
Sisko, O'Brien, Bashir, Worf, Dax, Odo, Kirk, Chekov, Scott, Kira, Uhuru, Spock

This may be my favorite episode in the whole franchise. Filmed like a TOS episode, the crew of Deep Space Nine goes back in time to keep the Klingon villain from "The Trouble With Tribbles" from changing history.  There are a few scenes from the original TOS episode spliced in, and a lot of fun non-interactions between the two casts.


Episode 12: Affliction
(Archer, Phlox, T'pol, Reed, Tucker, Sato, Mayweather)

Why do The Klingons look so different between The Original Series, the Next Generation/Deep Space Nine era, and Discovery? Well, the crew of The Enterprise is back to try and answer that question as best as possible.


Serial 2: A Year Of Hell 
(Janeway, 7of9, Tuvok, Chakotay, Paris)

There are species that even The Borg avoid. When this new threat attacks Voyager, they try a series of increadingly desperate tactics to survive.


Episode 15 Message In A Bottle
(Janeway, 7of9, Doctor)

It's finally time, the crew of Voyager sends a message back to the Alpha Quadrant, hoping that The Federation will acknowledge that they're still alive.


Episode 16: One
(7of9, Doctor, Janeway, Paris, Torres, Kim, Chakotay)

When radiation from a nebula threatens the lives of everyone else on the ship, 7of9 becomes the crew's favorite member as she and The Doctor team up to save the ship.


Serial 3: In Purgatory's Shadow/By Inferno's Light
(Sisko,  Garak, Kira, Bashir, Dax, Odo, Worf, Gul Dukat, O'Brien, Nog, Rom, Martok, Jake)

The standoff with The Dominion gets a whole lot tougher when Gul Dukat leads The Cardassians into an alliance with The Dominion to take on Starfleet. There's a changeling spy on Deep Space Nine, AND Worf and Garak get trapped in a Jem'Hadar prison. This is the episode that cemented Garak as my favorite Cardassian, and soured me on Gul Dukat.


Episode 19: Drone
(7of9, Doctor, Janeway, Torres, Kim, Paris, Chakotay, Tuvok, Neelix)

Borg, Borg, Borg! There's a whole new Borg on the ship, and 7of9 wants to raise him. You'd think this would be too similar to "Begotten" to put in this season, but you'd be wrong, the story goes in a completely different direction. Until it goes exactly the same way.


Episode 20: Call To Arms
(Sisko, Gul Dukat, Odo, Kira, Rom, Ziyal, Quark, Jake, Garak, Worf, Martok)

Sisko comes up with a plan to blow up the wormhole and stop the seemingly inevitable war with the Cardassians and The Dominion. Spoiler Alert: It's not enough to prevent the war. Unrelated Spoiler Alert: This would have been one of my favorite episodes, but there is a gigantic Deus Ex Machina moment that undercut the crux of the episode's tension.

There are shows that take a while to get going but eventually become excellent, like "Bojack Horseman", "Star Trek The Next Generation", or "Parks & Rec". There are shows that are incredibly intriguing and fun to talk about when they start but eventually decay into almost parody, like "Lost", "Dexter", "Roseanne", or "Doctor Who". "Night Court" falls into both categories. Its first season is okay, it's last season is unrecognizably bad (a lot of '80s sitcome just fell apart when the 90s hit), but the middle seasons are a goldmine. So here's the middle season of "Night Court".  As far as '80s sitcoms go, it's a masterpiece.

This season begins with an eleven episode run from the beginning of Actual Season Five, which are then followed by what are largely considered the best two episodes of the series. 

Serial 1: Her Honor Pt 2
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz, Bob Wheeler)

While unemployed Harry plans the perfect prank to catch NYC's attention, Christine realizes that the judge's robe might not be for her. Also, Dan has to pretend to be Harry in order to get him reinstated.


Episode 3: Death Of A Baliff
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz, Art)

We've seen Selma die, we've heard that Florence has died, now it's Bull's turn. And when he comes back from the dead, he decides that God has decided he must give away all his worldly possessions.


Episode 4: Ladies' Night
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz)

After Roz has a bad breakup, Christine decides to take her to a male strip club. Everything gets real, though, when the guys show up.


Episode 5: Safe
(Harry Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz, Art)

While Harry get stuck in the midst of an illusion, Dan sells his soul.


Episode 6: Mac's Dillema
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz,)

An old army buddy shows up and tries to manipulate Mac into altering his record. Plus, Bull puts the corpse of a man who died in court in its own motorized cart to wreac havoc on the whole courthouse.


Episode 7: Who Was That Mashed Man?
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz, Art, Vincent)

Dan has to resist the advance of his boss's niece (Teri Hatcher) while Harry and the rest of the crew try to prevent a golden age TV star from killing himself.


Episode 8: No Hard Feelings
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz)

Elayne Boozler plays a wisecracking, blind assistant to Harry, and Dan deals with a visit from The Melty Man.


Serial 2: The Constitution
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz)

Roz accidentally takes too much insulin after being diagnosed as diabetic, and a criminal threatens to destroy the original version of The United States Constitution.


Episode 11: Let It Snow 
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz, Art)

Another blizzard. Thea heat goes out, and everyone risks freezing to death when they're trapped in the courthouse.


Episode 12: I'm Ok, You're Catatonic/Schizophrenic
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz, Buddy, Mel Torme)

While Harry is busy trying to keep his stepfather from being permanently committed to a mental hospital, Dan chains Mel Torme is in his office. This is considered one of the best three episodes of the show's run.


Episode 13: Another Day In The Life
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz)

Widely considered the best episode of Night Court, the staff has one shift to solve 207 cases, in order to get a millionanaire to donate money to an orphanage.


Episode 14: Heart Of Stone
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz)

Judge Heartbreaker ends up in an a relationship with an ex, who is married to someone else. 


Episode 15: The Jung And The Restless
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz)

Roz has been the unsung hero of the show since joining the cast. We end this, the best season of the reimagined show with Roz entering anger management to try and get her temper under control.

After I posted a proposed Season 1 of a condensed Night Court, anticipating the arrival of the rebooted series, a couple of people noted that the show wouldn't work now, specifically because of the character Dan Fielding, a lecherous lawyer with an assortment of outdated ideals and prejudices (note: not racism ... other than I'm sure institutional racism ... but classism, ableism, and a disrespect to anyone who doesn't fit his norms). I think the show slowly morphs Dan into a three-dimensional person who grows past his prejudices. But in this season, he is The Worst.

Meanwhile, we meet the new baliff Florence, who is then replaced by Roz, who becomes the final member of the permanent cast. We also learn quite a bit more about each character's life outside of the court, ending on a four episode serial that significantly shifts the power balance of the show.

Serial 1: Wheels Of Justice
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Florence, Phil, The Wheelers)

Everything goes wrong at the beginning of this season. A financial crisis causes the city to freeze payroll, the letter of the fails Harry when he wants to do something good, and a judge brought in to replace Harry when he decides to quit Dies On The Stand. Also, Data from TNG shows up as the patriarch of a constantly down on their luck family.


Episode 3: The Apartment
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Florence, Quon Le, Leon)

We're skipping most of a season long storyline where Harry takes care of the shoeshine boy from the courthouse. It's a treacly storyline that's kind of a downer. But he does show up in this episode where Harry hosts a birthday party for Dan where Everything Goes Wrong again. A woman from juvenile service, a stripper, the threat of mass suicide, and a magician all figure in to the shenanigans.


Serial 2: The Hurricane
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Florence, Art, The Wheelers)

It seems like there were always natural disasters hitting the New York City Municipal Court, and always when it could cause the most chaos. A hurricane, named after Harry's favorite singer,  traps Four Pregnant Women in the court.


Episode 6: Dan's Boss
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Florence, Vincent)

This is the first of two episodes that I don't consider great but hit a Night Court trope. Each of them hitting it in a remarkably different way. Look, Dan is a creep. He would justifiably be #metooed out of the judicial system if he were a real person in modern times. He was also a huge bigot (not a racist that I remember, but his class bias and appearance bias were raging). In this episode his boss turns out to be a little person, causing Dan to make tons of short jokes that the audience laughs at, but in the end Dan is shown the error of his ways, and maybe you shouldn't laugh at all those short jokes. Very 80s.


Episode 7: Best Of Friends
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Florence, Phil)

In this episode, Dan's best friend from his law school days returns, having had gender reassignment surgery. The jokes are just as distasteful here as they were in the previous episode. The audience laughs along with it. But in this episode, the rest of the characters are Just As Bad. Oh, sure, they try and get Dan to look past his bigotry but each of them exposes their own bigotry in the process. In the end, none of them seem to have really learned anything or changed, other than Dan seems to be less transphobic. Harry and Christine, on the other hand, hide behind false progressiveness, being kind to Chip but viewing Chip as abnormal. 


Episode 8: The Next Voice You Hear
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz, Buddy)

Harry gets a long lost letter from his mother, and decides to track her down, only to discover that she passed away, after a long stay in a mental hospital. This reunites him with his stepdad, Buddy, who was one of my favorite characters growing up. We also get a new baliff, as Florence has retired, so welcome Roz, the last permanent cast member to join the show.


Episode 9: Giving Thanks
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz, Phil)

Another cringey Dan-centered story. He saves Christine's life and wants to be repaid with sex.


Serial 3: Dan's Operation
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz, Phil, Sheila)

There's a sort of arc here about redeeming Dan. When he's hospitalized for an ulcer, he tries to return to work, only to end up in even worse shape. The rest of the crew confronts him about his selfishness and poor behavior.


Episode 12: Earthquake
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz, Art)

Another natural distaster, another Dan is trapped in an elevator. This time, instead of a queer man who finds him attractive, it's a pair of sumo wrestlers and Roz.         


Episode 13: A Day In The Life
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz, Sheila)                                                                                                                   
Considered the second best episode of the series (the episode considered the best is a direct sequel to it), the court has just one night to get through 200 cases or all the defendants will be granted amnesty. There's a lot of story packed into this one, including the return of Sheila, the woman who only wants to have sex with Dan when he is unable to have sex.


Serial 4: Her Honor Part 1
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Roz, The Wheelers)

It's the time of year when new judges are appointed and Dan is disappointed to learn that he's been passed over but Christine has earned the right to wear the robe. And then it's announced that Harry won't be reassigned.  Shenanigans ensue. This serial is four episodes long, so I've divided it between the end of this season, and the beginning of the next season, just as they did on the original run.

At some point in 2022 or 2023, John Laroquette is set to return to Night Court for a reboot that has the potential to either be an amazing update of a classic show a la The Conners (nee Roseanne), One Day At A Time, Duck Tales, Cobra Kai, or just another tepid nostalgia trip like Murphy Brown, MacGyver, or 90210. There's at least an entire generation that missed out on the often funny, sometimes poignant, occasionally terrible sitcom about an offbeat judge and a somewhat revolving gang of misfit lawyers, clerks, baliffs, and stenographers who work with him.

Like many late twentieth century sitcoms, there are way too many episodes of the show to be consistently good. And this show, in particular, suffers from an incredibly disappointing final season where the creators decided to mix things up a bit and lost much of the show's heart in the process.

So here's a very condensed set of episodes (75 instead of 193) that include all of the Must Sees and a bunch of a Here's What Was Considered Progressive TV In The 1980s and very early 1990s.

My Season One reaches from the pilot all the way into the third season as main characters come and go (some come back again, some die) and we get to see the surface of some characters that we'll eventually come to understand better. Also, hopefully, we'll laugh a bunch.

1. All You Need Is Love  
(Harry, Dan,  Bull, Selma, Lana, Sheila, Carla B)

Nobody likes the brash new judge, Harry Stone, or his desperate magic tricks and tomfoolery. And when he tries to settle a divorce/attempted murder dispute, things go awry for everyone involved. But, obviously, if he was this incompetent the show wouldn't last very long, right?

2. Santa Goes Downtown
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Lana, Liz, Carla B)

Michael J. Fox is the first famous guest star as he plays one half of a pair of runaway teens who end up involved with a man claiming to be The Actual Santa Clause. It's a certainly goofy premise but it ends up being a solid episode of a sitcom.

3. The Former Harry Stone
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Lana, Liz, Al Craven)

But, like, who IS Harry Stone? Besides a wannabe magician, and the greatest troll in the New York Judiciary Sytem? The crew and a sleazy reporter would like to know. This episode features an appearance from Seinfeld's dad.

4. Some Like It Hot 
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Lana, Liz, Art, Yakov)

A Russian immigrant threatens to set himself on fire if the only alternative is jail. What a country! This episode also features our introduction to Art The Maintainance Guy, and the final appearance of Lana.

5. Bull's Baby
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Liz, Charley)

Bull's neighbor abandons their baby to his care, making him more useless than usual. Less useful than usual?

6. The Nun
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Mac)

Harry is Such A Heartbreaker in this series. This time, instead of a coworker or prostitute falling for him, he accidentally causes a nun to forsake her vows. Wowsers. Also, Mac finally arrives as the new court clerk.

7. Nuts For Harry
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Mac, Sue)

Surprisingly not another episode of Harry being a heartbreaker. Instead, a group of escaped mental patients seeks asylum.

8. Daddy For The Defense
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Mac, Christine, Jack Sullivan)

Christine debuts as an optimistic public defender (don't get used to her, she disappears for a while after this episode) with daddy issues that end up putting her dad in jail.

9. Harry On Trial
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Mac, Billie)

Welcome Billie,  the new public defender, who will definitely be around forever. In this episode, Harry's nemesis tries to have Harry removed from the bench. Will he, too, be removed from the cast?

10. Inside Harry Stone
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Mac, Billie, Buddy)

Although referred to as Kenny in this episode, a very important future regular shows up while Harry needs treatment for an ulcer. Oh, and the new public defender is in love with him.

11. The Blizzard
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Mac, Billie, Art)

It's the trapped in an elevator trope! This is one of the first Dan Is Unprogressive And The Rest Of The Cast Tries To Educate Him episodes. He's trapped in an elevator with a gay man who finds him attractive. Give it up for 80s drama.

12. Dan's Parents
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Mac, Billie)

As you can probably guess by the title, Dan's parents pay him a visit. It turns out they're very rural. And Dan is a bag of shit. But we knew that already.

13. Married Alive
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Mac, Billie, Phil)

This is a very Dan-centric part of the season, as he falls in love with an heiress. The rest of the crew assumes he's an insincere gold digger, but he proclaims his love for her. Also, the first appearance of Dan's homeless sidekick, Phil.

14. Mac And Quon Le Together Again
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Selma, Mac, Billie, Quon Le)

We skipped a mediocre episode where Mac 's flame from the Vietnam war comes to visit and the two end up in a complicated green card marriage. But this episode, when she's arrested, is a much better love story. Also, Dan and Billie compete for the same job. I mean, only one of them is going to make it to next season, so ... have a guess who wins.

15. Hello Goodbye
(Harry, Dan, Bull, Mac, Christine, Florence, Phil)

We end this season on a bit of a heartbreaker. The actress who played Selma (also named Selma) died inbetween seasons of the show. Her death sends Bull into deep depression. As the other members of the court deal with their grief, Christine returns to the public defender position and Florence debuts as Selma's replacement. 

To watch all of The Star Trek franchise, it would take you nearly a month of no-sleep-marathoning. Nearly 550 hours at this point. Twenty-four days. AND THEY'RE STILL MAKING MORE. You don't have that kind of time.

I've attempted to put together a much more condensed series of Star Trek. Dividing it into ten episode seasons. For the most part, these are My Favorite Episodes. I've left out some that are historically important episodes, in favor of things that I found fun to watch. If you're a Trekkie or Trekker, or just consider yourself a fan, I may have left off your favorite episode. Sorry. But this is more a list for people like me, who had seen an episode here and there, were interested in seeing more, but don't want to invest in the whole 530+ hours. I'm doing it, so others don't have to.

With the ending of TNG, we are left with two atypical Star Trek series: Deep Space Nine, which takes place mostly on a space station near a wormhole, and Voyager, which is your typical federation starship, but lost on the opposite side of space from the federation, and made up of a crew that is half federation, and half Maquis terrorist. These are both brilliant conceptual twists on Star Trek. Sadly, Voyager never delivers on its potential. I'm not saying that it's terrible, I'm saying that the Maquis/federation angle is never fleshed out as well as the space station angle of Deep Space Nine.

This season focuses on the show Deep Space Nine, but focuses on episodes that mostly revolve around one of their ships, The Defiant, which is the first cloakable federation vessel. The Defiant gets much use as the federation gets embroiled in a constantly shifting war this season, which introduces new villainous aliens, and upgrades some old school aliens to new adversarial heights.

Episode 1: Jem'Hadar
(Sisko, Jake, Quark, Nog, Odo, Kira, Dax, O'Brien, Bashir)

A father/son bonding trip between Sisko and Jake (as well as Quark and his nephew Nog) goes horribly awry when they are kidnapped by the new Big Bad of Deep Space Nine. Forget the Cardassians, the Jem'Hadar are nonfuckwithable warriors from the other side of the wormhole, and they're about to change the whole feel of the series.


Episode 2: Projections
(Doctor, Janeway, Tuvok, Torres, Neelix, Barclay)

Going all the way back to the first season of our journey, the doctors on board the various Star Trek vessels really shine when an episode spotlights them. Mccoy's various lovelife problems, Phlox trying to fit in with humans on Enterprise, Crusher watching the entire crew vanish on TNG, Bashir...well, I'm sure Bashir will get interesting eventually. But Doctor on Voyager is just a hologram. How does that make him feel? And, wait, how is Barclay here?


Serial 1: The Search
(Sisko, Odo, Quark, Kira,  Bashir, Dax, O'Brien, Garak)

So, it turns out the Jem'Hadar are just soldiers who work for The Founders, and they are the unfuckwithable adversaries for the season. Starfleet uses their newest ship, The Defiant, to try and track them down. But the Jem'Hadar have other plans. Oh, and Odo ends up finally meeting aliens just like him. 


Episode 5: The Defiant
(Riker, Kira, Sisko, Dukat, Bashir, Dax, O'Brien, Quark)

Riker's back to check out Deep Space Nine's latest acquisition, We've already seen him hijack Enterprise's storyline for a while, is this just his way of weaselig into the cast of Deep Space Nine now that The Next Generation is over?


Episode 6: Prototype
(Torres, Janeway, Doctor, Tuvok, Kim, Paris)

There have been several continuity episodes of Voyager that we've skpped over because, well, they're not an interesting crew yet. But here, they come together to try and rescue a robot with memory problems who sort of reminds them of Data.

Serial 2: Improbable Cause/Die Is Cast
(Garak, Odo, Bashir, Sisko, O'Brien, Dax, Kira, Eddington)

It has been inferred since the beginning of Deep Space Nine, that Garak, a Cardassian tailor, is actually a high ranking spy. So when his shop is blown up under mysterious circumstances, Bashir and Odo delve into his past.


Episode 9: The Adversary
(Sisko, Dax, O'Brien, Eddington, Jake, Quark, Kira, Odo, Bashir)

Like Odo, The Founders are all changelings, so imagine the damage they could do if they infiltrated Starfleet and Deep Space Nine. Oh, shit, did that already happen?


Episode 10: Meld
(Tuvok, Janeway, Suder, Doctor, Torres)

A senseless murder leads Tuvok to do a mind meld with the confessed killer, and things don't go very well for him.



Serial 1: Way Of The Warrior
(Worf, Sisko, Odo, Kira, Dax, Garak, O'Brien, Gowran, Quark, Gul Dukat, Bashir)

The Klingons haven't been a big part of Deep Space Nine. Sure, Dax and some of her Klingon friends went on an adventure, and yea, the sisters of Duras were around for an early episode, but for the most part, they haven't been very present. But when Gowran decides The Klingon Empire should protect the wormhole from The Founders, he incites a war between The Klingons and The Cardassians, and it gets so intense that Deep Space Nine recruits Worf from Enterprise to join their crew. Take that, Riker.


Episode 13: Deathwish
(Janeway, Chakotay, Doctor, Riker, Q, Quinn)

I can't believe I'm putting another Q episode in this continuity. But it's mainly because Riker, who wasn't successful on staying part of the Deep Space Nine cast, suddenly pops up here to help decide the fate of an errant Q (Quinn) who wants to commit suicide.


Episode 14: Dreadnought
(Torres, Janeway, Chakotay, Doctor)

There isn't enough of the Maquis storyline in Voyager, given its pilot episode. This is a nice glimpse of what might have been as Torres encounters a Cardassian weapon she reprogrammed when she was a part of the Maquis. Can she stop it from destroying a completely innocent planet full of life?
 
 
Episode 15: Maneuvers
(Janeway, Chakotay, Torres, Kim, Seska, Tuvok, Neelix, Paris)

The closest Voyager comes to making the Maquis/federation conflict work is the character Seska, a Cardassian who was living as a Bajoran. She defects from Voyager before this episode and joins up with the Kazon, who are The Big Bads of the first three seasons of Voyager, but who pale in comparison to The Klingons, The Romulans, The Cardassians The Borg, The Jem'Hadar, The Founders, the spooky children of The Original Series, Tribbles, evil Kirk from the Mirror Universe, a stick of gum that gets caught in your sneaker treads. They're a lame adversary, and they're rarely a threat. Until they get combined with Seska. 


Episode 16: Deadlock
(Janeway, Torres, Kes, Doctor, Chakotay, Paris, Neelix)

Two Voyagers? This seems like it could be a problem. Can one Janeway see through the rift in time and save her crew where the other Janway failed?


Episode 17: Homefront
(Sisko, Odo, Jake, Nog)

What if The Founders reached Earth, which has been a paradise since the beginning of this series (apart from the whole Borg attack in Best Of Both Worlds a few seasons ago, and the whale problem from The Voyage Home)? Sisko, Odo, and Jake return to San Francisco (say that five times fast) to help prepare the planet, only to discover The Founders may already be there. This is a particularly good episode about fear mongering and the loss of freedom due to the fear of terrorism (and this was a pre 9/11 series). It's technically part one of a two-part arc, but the second half undoes the power of this episode, if it existed in a vacuum.


Serial 3: The Basics
(Janeway, Tuvok, Chakotay, Suder, Kazon, Paris)

The Kazon threat reaches its strongest point yet when they overrun Voyager and strand the crew on a planet. This leaves only Doctor and ...*checks notes*... that guy who murdered someone way back in Meld to team up and try and take down the Kazon and rescue the rest of the crew.

Episode 20: To The Death
(Sisko, Worf, Dax, Bashir, Kira, Odo, Quark)

After Deep Space Nine is attacked by a faction of the Jem'Hadar, the crew of The Defiant run into another faction of Jem'Hadar who were also attacked. The two crews work together to take down the first faction. There are some great moments of culture examination in this episode between The Jem'Hadar, humans, Klingons, and The Founders. Deep Space Nine was truly the best Star Trek series when it comes to examining how every side in a war is actually The Bad Side.

Hey, yo. This is the season of The Cliq. A heartbreaker, a bad guy, a big sexy, an upstart kid, and the future son-in-law of the owner first cement themselves on the main event scene in WWE, and then split up and take over WCW as well. And the WCW is already full of WWE's aging castoffs taking up valuable headlining real estate while an amazing crop of up and comers get buried. Oh, and then they go to WWE.

At the same time, ECW comes to promenence, and most of those undercard WCW players put on some excellent headlining matches there. 

The star pupil of this season though, is Mrs. Foley's baby boy, who wrestles as Cactus Jack in WCW, then becomes the massively over Cactus Jack in ECW, then becomes megaheel Mankind in WWE. His mic skills and his willingness to destroy his body is like nothing from the previous two seasons. And it's a joy to watch him become one of The Guys in the industry.  

1. Everything Old Is New Again, 1994 1995

While ECW gives us some new faces, and some intriguing new gimmicks for some of the 70s and 80s wrestling stars, WCW buys the contracts of WWE's biggest names and uses them to buffer its roster. And, sure enough, we start off with their biggest grab, as Hulk Hogan arrives and immediately begins feuding with Ric Flair.

Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Jesse Ventura, Gene Okerlund, Mike Tenay, Gary Michael Cappetta 

1. Steve Austin (WCW US Champ) vs Ricky Steamboat
3. Ric Flair (WCW Champ) vs Hulk Hogan
4. Steve Austin (WCW US Champ) vs Jim Duggan
5. Vader vs Sting vs Big Boss Man

2. The Great Undertaking, 1994

WWE is about to go from slight creative problems to a massive drought so we start this sort of understated WWE part of the season with holdover storylines from last season, and the return of The Undertaker, and the return of another Undertaker?

Announcers: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, Randy Savage, Gorilla Monsoon, Todd Pettengill, Howard Finkel

1. Bret Hart (WWE Champ) vs Owen Hart in a Steel Cage
2. Scott Hall (as Razor Ramon) (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Jeff Jarrett
3. Undertaker Vs Underfaker
4. The Teamsters Vs The Bad Guys
Sean Michaels, Kevin Nash (as Diesel), Owen Heart, Jim Neidhart, and Jeff Jarret vs Scott Hall (as Razor Ramon), X-Pac (as 123 Kid), British Bulldog, Rikishi (as Fatu), The Barbarian (as Seone) 

 No Jacket Required, 1995

Weird storylines abound, with the payoff to some longterm events. The Owen vs Bret Hart feud continues but now involves Bob Backlund reliving his loss to The Iron Sheik from the early 80s. And The Undertaker (not Faker) gets his revenge on Yokozuna from their previous casket match. The Bret Hart grudge over a stolen jacket is one of my favorite short term rivalries.

Announcers: Vince McMahon, Gorilla Monsoon, Jerry Lawler, Todd Pettengill, Howard Finkel

1. Bret Hart (WWE Champ) vs Bob Backlund
2. The Undertaker vs Yokozuna in a Casket Match
3. Razor Ramon (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Jeff Jarret
4. Brett Hart Vs Jean-Pierre Lafitte

4. Uncensored, 1995

WCW gets in the Hogan Groove, as Flair takes a break. There's just a ton of old WWE talent here, Duggan, Randy Savage, Big Boss Man, Earthquake, even Smash from Demolition is around.  It's hard to believe the company is on the brink of reaching its apex.

Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Gary Michael Capetta, Michael Buffer

1. Sting & Randy Savage vs Earthquake & Big Boss Man
2. Smash vs Goldust in a King Of The Road Match
3. Nasty Boys vs Harlem Heat in a Falls Count Anywhere Match
4. Hulk Hogan (WCW Champ) vs Vader in a Strap Match
5. Sting vs Big Boss Man
6. Hulk Hogan & Randy Savage vs Ric Flair & Vader

5. In Your House, 1995

It's fairly dim days for the WWE. They expand their pay-per-views so that they're monthly "In Your House" events, but apart from The Cliq (Shawn Michaels, Kavin Nash as Diesel, and Scott Hall as Razor Ramon), and the Hart Family, none of their superstars or supervillains really connect with their audience. These matches are from three separate In Your House shows, plus the 1995 Summer Slam.  The storylines were all drab, the highlight match is Shawn Michaels and Scott Hall having their second ladder match because, well, the first one was really good, why not?

Announcers: Vince McMahon, Doc Hendrix,  Jerry Lawler, Tod Pettengill, Jim Ross, Howard Finkel

1. Bret Hart vs Hakushi
2. Road Dogg vs XPac (as 1-2-3 Kid)
3. Jeff Jarrett (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Shawn Michaels
4. Kevin Nash (as Diesel) (WWE Champ) vs Sycho Sid
5. Alundra Blayze (WWE Woman's Champ) vs Bertha Faye
6. Shawn Michaels (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Scott Hall (as Razor Ramon)

6. November To Remember, 1994/1995

ECW! ECW! The underdog wrestling federation doesn't have a ton of good storylines but the matches from this era are just chock full of talent with very little gimmicry.

Announcers: Paul Heyman, Joey Styles, Matt Dematt, Tod Gordon, Bob Artese

1. Dean Malenko vs Taz
2. Shane Douglas (ECW Champ) vs Farooq
3. Public Enemy (ECW Tag Team Champs) vs Mick Foley (as Cactus Jack) & Mikey Whipcrack
4. Dean Malenko vs Ray Odyssey
5. Chris Benoit vs Hack Meyers
6. Mick Foley & Mikey Whipcrack vs Sandman & Tommy Cairo
7. Public Enemy (ECW Tag Team Champs) vs Sabu & Taz
8. Tommy Dreamer vs Stevie Richards
9. Chris Benoit vs Al Snow
10. Mick Foley (as Cactus Jack) vs Sandman in a Texas Death Match
11. Public Enemy (ECW Tag Team Champs) vs Taz & Sabu

​7. World Cup American Shoe, 1995/1996

While the WWE's Kliq Days are numbered, over in WCW (and, simultaneously, ECW), we start to see the rise of The Radicalz, some of the best wrestlers to come out of the 90s WCW. Unfortunately, they're massively overshadowed by the booking of the greying stars of the 80s, both the homegrown WCW legends like Flair and Luger, and the WWE dinosaurs like Hogan and Savage.

Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Dusty Rhodes, Gene Okerlund, David Penzer

1. Bull Nakano & Akira Hokuto vs Cutie Suzuki & Mayumi Ozaki
2. Jushin Thunder Liger vs Chris Benoit
3. Shinjiri Otani vs Eddie Guerrero
4. Randy Savage (WCW Champ) vs Ric Flair
5. Nasty Boys vs Public Enemy in a Street Fight
6. Marc Mero (WCW TV Champ) vs DDP
7. One Mang Gang (WCW TV Champ) vs Konnan
8. Ric Flair (WCW Champ) vs Randy Savage in a Steel Cage

9. Extreme Warfare, 1995

More violent fun from Paul Heyman's House Of Bouncing Checks!

Announcers: Paul Heyman, Joey Styles, Joel Gertner, Tod Gordon, Bob Artese

1. Shane Douglas (ECW Champ) vs Marty Janetty
2. Sabu & Taz (ECW Tag Team Champs) vs Triple Threat
3. Raven vs Tommy Dreamer
4. 2 Cold Scorpio (ECW TV Champ) vs Eddie Guerrero
5. Three Way Dance for the ECW Tag Team Championship
Public Enemy vs Triple Threat vs Taz & Sabu

6. Shane Douglas (ECW Champ) vs Sandman
7. Terry Funk vs Mick Foley (as Cactus Jack)
8.  Sandman (ECW Champ) vs Mick Foley (as Cactus Jack) in a Barbed Wire Match

10. Nerves Of Steel, 1996

There's a weird 80s resurgence in the WWE here as Roddy Piper and The Ultimate Warrior weigh down the rises of Steve Austin, Savio Vega, and Triple H.

Announcers: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect, Jerry Lawler, Dok Hendrix, Todd Pettengill, Howard Finkel

1. Vader vs Savio Vega
2. Bret Hart (WWE Champ) vs Kevin Nash (as Diesel) in a Steel Cage
3. Roddy Piper vs Goldust in The Backlot Brawl
4. Steve Austin vs Savio Vega
7. Undertaker vs Kevin Nash (as Diesel)
8. Mick Foley (as Mankind)  vs Bob Holly
9. Undertaker vs JBL (as Bradshaw)

11. Slamboree, 1996

Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Dusty Rhodes, Eric Bischoff, Gene Okerlund, Lee Marshall, David Penzer, Michael Buffer


1. Alundra Blayze (as Madusa) throws the WWE Womans Title in the trash
2. Eddie Guerrero vs Ric Flair
3. Randy Savage (WCW Champ) vs The Big Show (as The Giant)
4. Konnan (WCW US Champ) vs Eddie Guerrero
5. Finlay (as The Belfast Bruiser)  vs William Regal
6. Sting & Booker T vs Legion Of Doom in a Chicago Street Fight
7. Big Show (WCW Champ) vs Sting

13. Wrestlepalooza, 1995/1996

​Announcers: Paul Heyman, Joey Styles, Joel Gertner, Rick Rude, Tod Gordon, Bob Artese

1. 2 Cold Scorpio, Mick Foley (as Cactus Jack), and Dean Malenko vs Eddie Guerrero and The Steiner Brothers
2. Rey Mysterio vs Psicosis
3.​ Mikey Whipcrack & Public Enemy vs 2 Cold Scorpio, New Jack & Sandman in a Gangsta's Paradise Cage Match
4. Rey Mysterio vs Psicosis in a Mexican Death Match
5. Taz vs Shark Attack Kid
6. Mick Foley (as Cactus Jack) & Mikey Whipcrack (ECW Tag Team Champs) vs Eliminators

14. Just Another Night, 1996

Rey Mysterio, Chris Jericho, RvD, and Mick Foley show why they're the future of wrestling.

Announcers: Paul Heyman, Joey Styles, Joel Gertner, Tod Gordon, Bob Artese

1. Rey Mysterio (ECW Welterweight Champ)vs Juventud Guerrero
2. Chris Jericho vs RvD
3. Raven (ECW Champ) vs Sandman
4. Bam Bam Bigelow vs Mick Foley (as Cactus Jack)
5. Raven (ECW Champ) vs Shane Douglas
6. Chris Jericho vs Mick Foley (as Cactus Jack)
7. Rey Mysterio vs Juventud Guerrero 2 Out Of 3 Falls Match

15. The Outsiders, 1996

WCW's undercard (which was also the best part of the ECW roster) continues to be fantastic, but to freshen up the Senior Citizen Headliners, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash form The Outsiders along with The Third Man, as the preliminary to the rise of the NWO (which, you know, eventually destroyed WCW, resulting in it being purchased by the WWE).

Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Eric Bischoff, Dusty Rhodes, Mike Tenay, Gene Okerlund, Lee Marshall, Michael Buffer, David Penzer

1. Dean Malenko (WCW Cruserweight Champ) vs Rey Mysterio
2. Sting vs Steven Regal
3. Big Show (WCW Champ) vs Lex Luger
4. Rey Mysterio Vs Psicosis
5. Randy Savage, Sting & Lex Luger vs The Outsiders & The Third Man

16. 3:16, 1996

We start this off with the King Of The Ring tournament that essentially kicks off the WWE's Attitude Era as Steve Austin gets his first two catchphrases. Also, Mick Foley shows up to the WWE as Mankind (Don't worry, he's still going to show up on the ECW episodes as Cactus Jack, as well.) and begins an Epic Feud with The Undertaker.

Announcers: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect, Owen Heart, Mark Henry, Dok Hendrix, Tod Pettengill, Howard Finkel

1. Steve Austin vs Marc Mero
2. Jake Roberts vs Vader
3. Mick Foley (as Mankind) vs Undertaker
4. Steve Austin vs Jake Roberts
5. Mick Foley (as Mankind) vs Undertaker
​6. Shawn Michaels (WWE Champ) vs Vader 

17. Buried Alive, 1996

The Attitude Era starts to bubble up through The New Generation as Vince McMahon realizes he's going to have to get a bit edgier if he wants to squash the WCW.

Announcers: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Jim Cornette, Mr. Perfect, Dok Hendrix, Todd Pettengill, Kevin Kelly, Howard Finkel

1. Shawn Michaels (WWE Champ) vs Mick Foley (as Mankind)
2. Steve Austin vs Triple H
3. Marc Mero (WWE Intercontinental Champ) vs Goldust
4. Sycho Sid vs Vader 
5. Undertaker vs Mick Foley (as Mankind) in a Buried Alive Match

18. The Royal Screwjob 1997

The tables are turning in WWE (while they burn and are being crashed through in ECW). Long time faces are forced to turn heel as antiheroes become the new faces of the company. This is really leading us towards the Attitude Era and the Montreal Screwjob. But first, a lesser screwjob that really strengthens one of the best feuds of 20th century wrestling.

1. Mick Foley (as Mankind) vs The Undertaker
2. Bret Hart vs Steve Austin
3. Farooq vs Ahmed Johnson
4. Royal Rumble

Crush, Ahmed Johnson, Fake Razor Ramon, Phineas I. Godwinn, Steve Austin, Bart Gunn, Jake Roberts, The British Bulldog, Pierroth, The Sultan, Mil Máscaras, Triple H, Owen Hart, Goldust, Cibernético, Marc Mero, Latin Lover, Faarooq, Savio Vega, Road Dogg, Bret Hart, Jerry Lawler, Fake Diesel, Terry Funk, The Rock, Mankind, 2 Cold Scorpio, Vader, Henry O. Godwinn, The Undertaker​​

19. Shawn Michaels Loses His Smile, 1997

While The Nation of Domination becomes a thing, and fake Razor Ramons and Diesels litter the landscape, The Heartbreak Kid gets a big sad-on and announces his retirement for neither the first nor the last time. He takes the prestige of The New Generation with him, as this is really the final pay-per-view before The Attitude Era really kicks off. You can tell it's coming because both Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler are on commentary for this one.

Announcers: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Dok Hendrix, Todd Pettengill, Howard Finkel

1. Shawn Michaels Loses His Smile
2. Four Corners Match to determine  new WWE Champ
Bret Hart, Steve Austin, Undertaker, Vader

3. Goldust vs Triple H
4. Bret Hart (WWE Champ) vs Sycho Sid
5. ECW Invasion
6. Goldust vs Triple H
​7. Sycho Sid (WWE Champ) vs Undertaker

20. Hog Wild, 1996

And while the WWE gets ready to go All Attitude, WCW is about to go All-In on the NWO experiment, as the conclusion of this episode sees Hollywood Hulk Hogan deface the WCW belt to make it the property of wrestling's newest fad.

1. Lex Luger vs Big Boss Man
2. Alundra Blayze vs Bull Nakano
3. Chris Benoit vs Dean Malenko
4. Ric Flair (WCW US Champ) vs Eddie Guerrero
5. The Outsiders vs Sting & Lex Luger
6. The Big Show (WCW Champ) vs Hulk Hogan

Serial 1: Descent
(Data, Picard, Riker, Crusher, Worf, LaForge, Troi, Lore, Hugh)

The Borg are back, and a couple of characters we haven't seen for a while resurface and threaten the Federation with imminent destruction.


Episode 3: Cardassians
(Bashir, Sisko, O'Brien, Garak, Gul Dukat, Keiko, Odo)

A Cardassian orphaned child raised by Bajorans ends up in the middle of a custody dispute. I really enjoy the writing on Deep Space Nine, but like most Star Trek shows, the episodes are usually pretty well telegraphed. This one doesn't have any M Night Shyamalan twists, it just doesn't take the easiest way out.


Episode 4: Rules Of Acquisition
(Quark, Kira, Dax, Nagus, Sisko, Rom, Odo)

Staying with The Deep Space Nine crew, but taking a break from all the Cardassian/Bajoran problems, we focus on the Ferengi bartender of the ship as he attempts to expand Ferengi business contacts to the other side of the Wormhole. Most of the focus of this episode is on gender politics in Ferengi culture, which is wildly misogynist, even for a Star Trek species. Also, his brother is a moron. And his even more misogynist mentor thinks intelligent Ferengi females are inconceivable, though he may not know what that word means.


Serial 2: The Maquis
(Sisko, Dax, Gul Dukat, Quark, Bashir, Kira)

The beginning of an intriguing addition to the Bajoran/Cardassian conflict, as we learn of The Maquis, a Bajoran terrorist cell that will begin to reform the Star Trek universe. This conflict eventually leads to the introduction of Voyager, and features heavily in the intervening episodes.


Episode 7: Frame Of Mind
(Riker, Picard, Crusher, Worf, Data, Laforge)

Is Riker insane? While practicing a play about losing his mind, Riker wakes up in solitary confinement. Uh-oh.


Episode 8: Lower Decks
(Picard, Worf, Crusher, Riker, Laforge, Troi, Data, a bunch of people you'll never see again)

Did you know there are other people on the Enterprise besides the usual crew? In this episode we watch a bunch of ensigns vying for promotion on the ship. It's a cool way to explore the relationship between the senior staff, and how they've grown over the duration of the show.


Episode 9: Preemptive Strike
(Ro, Picard, Riker, Troi, Crusher, Worf, Data)

Newly promoted Lieutenant Ro goes undercover in a Maquis terrorist cell. But will she go rogue and leave the Federation to help her Bajoran brethren battle the Cardassians? Nah, this is a Star Trek episode. I'm sure everything will go back to status quo by the end.


Episode 10: Collaborator
(Kira, Odo, Dax, O'Brien, Quark, Videk Winn, Sisko)

Bajorans working with Cardassians must mean shenanigans. And look at how many people AREN'T in this episode. No Bashir, no Dukat, no Garak, no Jake, even Captain Sisko is barely in this episode. She. nanigans.


Serial 4: The Caretaker
(Janeway, Kim, Paris, Chakotay, Torres, Tuvok, Neelix, Doctor, Kes, Quark)

The Maquis situation is out of control, and The Federation has called in Voyager to handle it. Our new cast of officers follows our new cast of villains through a wormhole and end up waaaaaaaaaaaaay far away from home, and might even have to work together to survive. Cool concept, right? Welll, it will go out the window pretty shortly, so enjoy the tension while it lasts.


Episode 13: The Wire
(Bashir, Garak, Dax, Quark, Sisko, Kira, O'Brien)

In "Lower Decks", we met a Cardassian going against stereotype and assisting the federation. Last episode, we saw Bajorans working with Cardassians. On Deep Space Nine, we've seen a Cardassian named Garak who is either a spy, or someone going against stereotype to assist the federation. It's always been unclear which side he's on, but, unlike Gul Dukat, there seems to be no menace to him. But when Doctor Bashir discovers a malfunctioning chip in Garak's head, he decides to go further into his investigation of Garak's motives.


Episode 14: Flashback
(Tuvok, Janeway, Sulu, Rand, Neelix, Kes, Doctor, Chakotay, Kim, Kang)

On Voyager, Tuvok seems to be having similar problems to Garak, only instead of just physical pain, he's having an emotional response to a memory. In order to determine the cause, he mind melds with Janeway and they go back to his most important memory, when he served under Captain Sulu, during the plot of "The Undiscovered Country", way back in season three of this continuity. I think this would have been a solid episode, even if it didn't feature cast members from TOS, but seeing Sulu and Rand again is an absolute blast. Plus, Kang from a terrible TOS epsode ("Day Of The Dove") is back again (and yes, he is the basis for the Treehouse Of Horror alien from The Simpsons).

​
Episode 15: Crossover
(Kira, Bashir, Sisko, Odo, Dax, O'Brien, Quark, Garak)

It's really a Golden Age of Star Trek. Next Gen overlaps with Deep Space Nine, which then overlaps with Voyager. Such good times. So why not have a crossover. But let's have Deep Space Nine crossover with, oh, I don't know, THE MIRRORVERSE DEEP SPACE NINE. Dun dun dun. Any timeline with Smiley O'Brien in it, seems like a fine timeline to me.


Episode 16: Whispers
(O'Brien, Keiko, Sisko, Bashir, Odo, Jake, Quark)

Oh man, now O'Brien is having memory problems? Or is he just fine, and the entire crew of Deep Space Nine, including his wife, has turned evil? This is a fun twist on the alternate universe trope in Star Trek. 


Episode 17: Parallels
(Worf, Troi, Riker, Data, Crusher, Laforge, Picard, Wesley)

And now Worf is having memory issues? This is becoming a huge problem. Is he married to Troi now? Is this going to end up being an alternate universe episode or is this whole season just a mess of red herrings?


Episode 18: Eye Of The Needle
(Janeway, Torres, Tuvok, Paris, Kim, Doctor, Neelix, Kes)

Is the crew of Voyager saved already?  They find a wormhole back to the Alpha Quadrant. Ok, it's too small to fit a ship through, but they can send a message and get rescued, right?


Serial 5:  All Good Things
(Picard, Crusher, Troi, Laforge, Worf, Data, Riker, Q, Yar, O'Brien)

Well, it's gone all the way to the top. In this, the final episode of TNG, Picard is having memory problems. This is a fun way to say goodbye to the series using character continuity, but very little plot continuity from previous episodes. Unlike Descent, which pulled from previous storylines, this would have been an interesting episode/movie even if we hadn't met any of these characters before. That we do know them, and that some of them haven't been seen for a while, makes this a fulfilling ending to this part of the Star Trek universe.

To watch all of The Star Trek franchise, it would take you over a month of no-sleep-marathoning. Nearly 800 hours at this point. And there are currently five different series still in production.  You don't have time to watch All the Star Trek content.

I've attempted to put together a much more condensed series of Star Trek. Dividing it into twenty episode seasons. For the most part, these are My Favorite Episodes. I've left out some that are historically important episodes, in favor of things that I found fun to watch. If you're a Trekkie or Trekker, or just consider yourself a fan, I may have left off your favorite episode. Sorry. But this is more a list for people like me, who had seen an episode here and there, were interested in seeing more, but don't want to invest in the whole 530+ hours. I'm doing it, so others don't have to.

Unlike the previous unstructured season, we return to an arc based season. From aging to death & the afterlife to the mistakes of our youth coming back to haunt us. This season also has The Next Generation spinning off into Deep Space Nine.​

Episode 1: First Duty
(Wesley, Picard, Crusher, Riker, Troi)

Wesley is back. And he has Fucked Up. In "Tapestry", we saw how Picard fucked up when he was in Starfleet Academy. Now he gets to go back there and help Wesley from ruining his life.


Episode 2: Data's Day
(Data, O'Brien, Picard, Keiko, Crusher, Troi)

See the ship through Data's eyes, and meet O'Brien's future wife, Keiko. See how Data nearly ruins a wedding but also saves the ship. Also, a cat.


Episode 3: Pegasus
(Riker, Picard, Worf, Data, Troi, Laforge)

Riker went to Starfleet once, too! And after he graduated, he served on a ship called Pegasus where Bad Shit Went Down. He and the Captain, another tropey incompetent Starfleet Asshole (a younger John Locke from Lost!) were the only two who escaped. But what did they escape from, and why are the Romulans interested? DUN DUN-DUNNNNN.


Episode 4: The Are The Voyages
(Riker, Archer, T'Pol, Trip, Shran, Soto, Troi, Mayweather, Reed, Phlox, Data)

This is one of the most hated episodes of Star Trek. But more for its context than its content. It was aired as the final episode of Enterprise, which was a slap in the face to the cast of Enterprise, because it's actually a TNG episode. During the events of "Pegasus", Riker goes to the holodeck to examine his problem from multiple angles. To do so, he recreates The Enterprise from Enterprise (I know, I know), and acts as cook, talking with each crew member about different decisions they've made during their Starfleet Career. It would have probably been liked or loved if it had been in the middle of the season instead of the end. I like it as a non-canon chance for Enterprise and TNG to crossover. Because we're going to come back to Enterprise at least once more, and nothing that happens in this episode will have ever happened to them, but it has helped Riker make a difficult decision during "Pegasus".


Serial 1: Time's Arrow
(Data, Picard, Gainan, Riker, Crusher, Laforge, Troi) 

An ancient artifact discovered on Earth turns out to be Data's head. Time travel shenanigans ensue featuring Samuel Clemens, a resourceful bellhop, card sharks, and everyone's favorite Enterprise bartender.


Episode 7: The Inner Light
(Picard, Crusher, Riker, Data, Laforge, Troi)

A probe seeks information from Picard, and to get it, makes him live an entire lifetime where his new family and friends convince him that his life on The Enterprise was a dream.


Episode 8: Timescape
(Picard, Data, Troi, Laforge, Crusher, Riker, Worf)

While several key officers are on an away mission, The Enterprise attempts to rescue some Romulans and everything goes wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey. The away team thinks they've figured out a way to overcome the time problems, but can they fix The Enterprise or the Romulan vessel before either or both of them explode?


Serial 2: Chain Of Command
(Picard, Worf, Crusher, Riker, Troi, Laforge, Data)

There are FOUR lights, and they all point to a war with the Cardassians on the horizon.


Serial 3: Emissary
(Sisko, Picard, O'Brien, Kira, Odo, Jake, Quark, Dax, Bashir, Keiko, Nog, Gul Dukat)

Way back in Season Five of this continuity, Capt. Picard became a borg named Locutus who blew up a bunch of Federation ships on his course to destroy Earth (which he failed to do). One of the ships he blew up contained Benjamin Sisko who is now traveling with Picard to an abandoned Cardassian space station called Deep Space Nine. Picard totally killed this guy's wife, so he is Not Pleased with him or the assignment, but he and his son decide to join the crew of Deep Space Nine, anyway, and are joined by Enterprise transporter engineer O'Brien, and his wife, Enterprise botanist Keiko. Plus a ragtag crew of Bajorans, Ferenghi, Trill, and whatever the hell Odo is.


Episode 13: Past Prologue
(Kira, Sisko, Bashir, Garak, Odo, O'Brien, Dax, Keiko)

Much of this season focuses on Cardassian and Bajoran war criminals, and how to keep the peace after all the terrible things they did to one another during the war. Deep Space Nine's first officer, Kira, was once a member of a Bajoran underground movement that the Cardassians consider terrorists. When one of her old cohorts shows up, the newly assembled crew needs to figure out how much they can trust each other, and how much they can trust The Cardassians. And what the hell are the sisters of Duras from Redemption doing on Deep Space Nine?


Episode 14: Man Alone
(Odo, Sisko, Dax, O'Brien, Keiko, Bashir, Nog, Jake, Quark)

Deep Space Nine's security officer, Odo, has held the post since the station was run by Cardassians, and while some of the Bajorans trust him, everyone is put on edge when a criminal he sent to prison shows up on board and is swiftly murdered.


Episode 15: Babel
(Bashir, O'Brien, Sisko, Quark, Odo, Kira, Jake, Dax)

More a companion to Darmok than Journey To Babel or Babel One, the episode focuses on the effects of a Cardassian engineered virus that causes aphasia in its victims. And then they die, of course, unable to express what they're going through.


Episode 16: The Nagus
(Quark, Sisko, Kira, Odo, Nagus, Bashir, Jake, O'Brien, Dax,  Rom, Nog, Zek)

It's time to learn about Ferenghi culture with the station's favorite bartender, and a slew of strangers who may be important down the line. Also, O'Brien is substitute teacher for his wife's school.


Episode 17: The Chase
(Picard, Riker, Worf, Crusher, Troi, Data, Laforge)

It's all about unity when the Federation, The Klingons, The Romulans, and The Cardassians chase down an ancient artifact on a strange planet.


Episode 18: Duet
(Kira, Sisko, Bashir, Odo, Gul Dukat, Dax, Quark)

Someone who appears to be a Cardassian war criminal with ties to Kira's past shows up on Deep Space Nine. Kira wants him tried on Bajor, Gul Dukat wants him returned to the Cardassians.  Despite a moderately weak and predictable ending, most of this episode is a very interesting look at the guilt of not-necessarily-innocent bystanders during acts of war.


Serial 5: The Homecoming/The Circle/The Seige
(Kira, O'Brien, Sisko, Odo, Bashir, Dax, Quark, Rom, Keiko)

A Bajoran resistance group called The Splinter comes to play in the war with The Cardassians. Their plans to rise to power include eliminating all alien life on Bajor, including the non-Bajoran staff on Deep Space Nine.

If you want the complete mainstream Meatloaf experience, you can simply listen to the original versions of Bat Out Of Hell and Bat Out Of Hell 2. That was really it for radio's love affair with Meat Loaf. He was great in the late 1970s, he disappeared for the 80s, and emerged triumphantly in the 90s for an encore. Sure, VH1 played some videos from a couple of albums after Bat Out Of Hell 2, but that was about it.

But Meat Loaf put out a dozen albums, not including live albums and a greatest hits collection. Surely there were things on those albums worth listening to. And, let's be real, neither of the first two Bat Out Of Hell albums were flawless. The first one was intriguing rock opera from the 1970s. Very Paul Williams. Very Rocky Horror. But do I want to listen to all of those songs? Not really.

So here is a condensed discography of the songs that I enjoy listening to from the nearly 50 year career of Mr. Loaf.

1. This album is all about bombast and cheese and musical theater singalongs. So even though the title track is the basis of Meatloaf's career, I'm not including it. It's pretty much a sin that the original album didn't start with the completely ridiculous dialogue from the intro to You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth. I'd be shocked to find out that this isn't in the top ten most performed duets in karaoke history. It's a hit from the stilted intro all the way to the hand clap fade out.

2. I'll be jumping around Meatloaf's 80s albums (and the real Bat Out Of Hell) because thy all tend to suffer from a sameness of sound. Each one has a particular drone where even the ballads and bangers tend to sound indistinguishable after a while. I don't think it's true of his whole discography, so I'm going to go from 77 to 88 to 83, etc. Burning Down is a synth and saxaphone track, which is about as 80s as you can get. It's got a hint of Miami Vice to it, and the choir who sings the chorus is vintage musical theater.

3. From synths and saxaphones to a country-esque foot stomper. Midnight At The Lost & Found is just silly and fun.

4. Meat Loaf has claimed that Jim Steinman wrote Air Supply's "Making Love Out Of Nothing At All" for him, but gave it to them during a time when there was a financial dispute between them. If that's true, it seems like Cheatin' In Your Dreams is his revenge, as it seems very 80s soft rock. He eventually gets to his usual belty vocals, but it's very soft and smooth for the first half of the song. It ends like a lost track from Little Shop Of Horrors.

5. Back to the hits from the first album! Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad  is a classic piano crooner with some of the cheesiest lyrics commited to paper. 

6. Given how they share a songwriter, it's a pity that Meat Loaf and Bonnie Tyler didn't work together. But Meat Loaf did work with Cher on Dead Ringer For Love, which definitely sounds like an outtake from either the original Bat Out Of Hell or maybe Rocky Horror Picture Show. 

7. The low end of the piano bangs in through the end of "Dead Ringer For Love" before it gets layered into a very 80s build-a-ballad. It's a weird conceit, I'm Going To Love Her For Both Of Us talks about how he wants an abusive boyfriend to let him date his partner because Meat Loaf will treat her right. He's not singing to her that he's going to rescue her, he's singing to the abusive boyfriend that he needs to do the right thing and let Meat Loaf have the relationship with her so that everyone can be happy. 

8. Before recording his own albums, Meat Loaf was a touring member of Hair and Jesus Christ Superstar and, or course, The Rocky Horror Show. If You Really Want To is a weird little nugget of a love song that, much like some tracks from the first two of those musicals, seems to be building to a belting verse that never comes. It's a rhythmic rock lullaby. It's not a ballad, it's just got a very repetitive bass and rhythm. I get drawn in at the beginning, and then I'm trapped there for the rest of the song. 

9. Some times, I see two track titles, and think "I hope those fit together." Thus we fllow up "If You Really Want To" with the ballady Everything Is Permitted. It soars. Something about Loaf's vocals sound vaguely sour, though. Like a mediocre opera singer. It's still better than most rock musicians, but it's certainly not of the caliber of the Bat Out Of Hell albums.

10. Getting Away With Murder could be any 80s soundtrack song. I can't even place who it sounds like because it just sounds like upbeat 80s soundtrack rock track #4.  It's catchy and inoffensive, despite the title. You can almost see him wearing Raybans, and a white suit with a Hawaiian shirt under the blazer.

11.We knock it back down a notch for a little John Cougar Mellancampy blue collar work song. Piece Of The Action is like barely pre-Bon Jovi narrative rock about how it's tough to have a job, and how you've got to dream big, baby.

12. Another of the original hits, Paradise By The Dashboard Light fits in perfectly here. You can see the co-leads doing a little Fosse as the background singers ooo-bop-bop in the background.

13. While I feel like a lot of 80s Meat Loaf songs do go Nowhere Fast, this particular rocker is a fun little stand-in for "Hot Patootie".  If you stripped the vocal tracks away, this could be a cool Nintendo theme song. Probably Ice Man or Cut Man from the original Mega Man game.

14. Despite namedropping Virginia and California at the beginning of the song, The Promised Land sounds like Alabama or The Oak Ridge Boys  might have recorded this very American song about moving from city to city and state to state.

15. "Promised Land" blends right into Bad Attitude, Meat Loaf's song about how the old squares hated his freedom, man. The guitars are very Queen, but they're sadly buried in the mix. 

16. One More Kiss (Night Of The Soft Parade)  is a spare piano ballad for soft rock radio. There's a lot of whispery singing to kick this song off. It does eventually build to belting with a set of female background singers to levitate his pleas.

17. From pleas to threats we go, as I'll Kill You If You Don't Come Back​ has some of the worst, cheesiest lyrics on this album (which is a high bar). How do you abuse me/ Let me count the ways is so Roger Rabbit that it makes me laugh.

18. If you've ever wondered what a Huey Lewis & The News song would sound like if it had a chorus of female vocalists, wonder no more. Blind Before I Stop has a touch of Robert Palmer, and a touch of generic 80s girl rock band. 

19. We close off the album with what should have been the closing ballad for the real Bat Out Of Hell, Heaven Can Wait. It's a pleasant unwind.

I didn't know Brigham Young from Neil Young until one of them was playing guitar on stage with Pearl Jam at the MTV Video Music Awards. I didn't immediately go and hungrily hunt down Neil's previous work, though. Instead, I waited for his next album, which I kind of liked, then got one of his earlier albums, and wasn't in the right head space for it, so I stopped seeking his work out. Mea culpa.

But this era of Neil Young's work from the late eighties to the early nineties is the era I most enjoy. An angry forty-year old man still yelling at the system while playing loud guitars with a bunch of twenty and thirty year olds. Sign me up.

The synths are gone man. Someone plugged in an electric guitar, and Neil Young tried to reinvent the 1970s. Cocaine Eyes is pure Before I Was Born rock. The song uses the word soul a bit too much for my liking, but he's back to pushing his falsetto until it breaks, and I am Here For It. Listen to those guitars wail at the end. Welcome back, Neil.

White Lines seems to  be, I don't want to say on the nose, but thematically related to the previous track. This song was actually written and recorded in the 1970s,  but Young didn't release it until 1990 when he gave it a heavier guitar sound. But the background vocals are pure 1970s AM radio rock.

A light departure from all the guitars shows up with in the form of Inca Queen. The long instrumental intro, vamps, and outro would usually preclude me from including this song. It's long. Like a live performance from one of The Eagles Hell Freezes Over Tour tracks long. And, at times, it sounds like the kind of rock you could hear playing softly in the background at a resort your grandparents would rent in New Mexico. But I like it. It seems to know what it is, embraces it, and just refuses to end.

We stay chill and southern for a track with The Blue Notes...sorry, Ten Men Working. This song about lost love and cars, Coupe De Ville, would have felt nearly at home on The Damage Done. It's so Retro In The 1970s, you can almost imagine Roberta Flack or Linda Rondstadt covering it.

Eldorado bubbles up through the end of the previous track with a a Very Latin lick and ... castinets? Whle there are some guitar crunches, this continues to give the impression that this album has settled into soft rock. 

Twilight does nothing to change your mind about the softness of this album. It's an occasional electric guitar plucked lovingly over saxophones, a very metronomic drum beat, and lyrics about how Neil is totally going to hold you when the twilight falls.  It even goes instrumental for an absurd amount of time before Neil comes back in, requesting you not be sad because you're the best thing that  he ever had. They're hardly challenging lyrics, but it's a sweet nostalgic love song with a very twangy electric guitar.

And then BOOM, the song that originally got me into Neil Young when he performed it live at the MTV music awards, along with Pearl Jam. It's Keep On Rockin' In The Free World, and it's a screamer, a banger, a call to revolution, and a jam all-in-one. Listening to the original version, just causes me to sing the Eddie Vedder portions of the duet version. 

I bought a ton of Pearl Jam bootlegs in the 90s. For at least a couple of years, I thought Fuckin' Up was a lesser Pearl Jam B-side. I like it, mostly for nostalgic reasons, but I've always considered it a kind of whiny, self-reflective song, which is TOTALLY 90s alt rock. This continues the driving guitars of the previous track, with some excessive wammy work. It's exactly the kind of song an angry teenager would shout along with when their mom took away their computer privileges for something they absolutely knew they shouldn't have been doing. It, naturally, ends with an excessive amount of reverb. TAKE THAT, MOM!!!! 

We return to acoustic folk rock land with Hanging On A Limb. This is another track that you could easily convince me came out in the mid-70s AM radio boom.  Particularly because it's a duet with Linda Ronstadt. It's a political lullaby. It could easily have been the final track of this album.

From Linda Ronstadt to the return of Crazy Horse, Neil Young draws his 70s past into his 80s and early 90s work. Too Lonely sounds less nostalgic than the other tracks, and works as a very simplistic rock anthem.

Because Neil spent the 80s doing his avant-pop synth work, he didn't do the weird 80s transition rock that happened. The slightly crunchier arena rock style guitars with cleaner lead vocals but background vocal arrangements that hadn't yet  powerwashed the stink of the 70s off them. Mansion On The Hill is as close as he comes. It's one of those self-reflective songs where a guy who got rich off of art realizes he's no longer the underdog, he's The Man! But it's not very specific and stays just distant enough from the self-reflection that you can focus on the guitars and not think This Is So Whiny because, miraculously, it isn't whiny at all.

Don't Cry should be from an 80s soundtrack. The protagonist is getting his shit together. He realizes he treated his lover bad and he's helping her leave him. He was never abusive, he just kind of sucked. But he could get better. But he knows it's not her job to stick with him while he gets better. His guitar riffs vacillate between grunge crunch and new wave noodling. I feel like Pearl jam is ust waiting for Neil to pass before they cover this song as well. It's right in their wheelhouse.

The previous epically long tracks on this album have been soft AM whispers with great beats and instrumentation. Love And Only Love starts with a minute and a half of This Is Definitely A Rock Song before the vocals kick in. At over twelve minutes ,I expected this to do more than just verse breakdown chorus bridge instrumental verse breakdown chorus bridge instrumental etc, but the guitat jams between bridges and the verses are so catchy, I don't mind that it's twelve minutes that never break form.

The transition to No More, a similarly toned but half the length jam was so seamless that I didn't notice it took place. It's really an echo of the previous track. I don't mean that disparagingly.  

The Long Walk Home could be the last track on any previous Neil Young album. Harmonica, sweeping near-falsetto, complicated relationship with America, synth rise, wait ... gun sound effects? Ok, so it quickly veers from classic Young ballads, but then it settles back.The guns are a bit much. Using the drums instead would have been just as powerful, and not removed me from the song. I still like this as a closer, particularly when the harmonica wafts back in. Also, the song doesn't overstay its welcome, getting out in about five minutes.

The Freshman Year course of Final Girl University was all about The Classic Slasher Films: Psycho, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Black Christmas, Halloween, Friday The 13th, Nightmare On Elm Street, Child's Play, Final Destination, Scream, and Cabin In The Woods. Eight classics from the 1960s-1990s, a meta commentary from the 90s, written by one of the creators of the classics from the 80s, and one movie from the 21st century that goes beyond meta. Mostly we dealt with normal people who found themselves in a horrigying situation from realistic encounters with unbalanced people to supernatural nonsense involving possessed dolls and dead child killers with powers over dreams. But at the end of each movie, at least one person lived.

The easy way to craft Sophomore year would just be to throw Psycho 2, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, the Black Christmas Reboot, Halloween 2, Friday The 13th 2, Nightmare On Elm Street 2, Child's Play 2, Final Destination 2, Scream 2, and Final Girls at you. But I'm taking this educational opportunity seriously.

This "year" of horror will focus on people who've survived a major unexpected trauma and how they handle it, whether it turns them into killers or saviors. Yes, there will be sequels in this season, but we'll also meet new characters, and we'll skip over some films. Some because they're bad, and nobody should be forced to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 or Halloween 2 without getting paid for it. But some of the part 2s will show up in future "years", so don't worry if your favorite sequel doesn't show up on this list. It might make the next one. 

5. Candyman

We go from a movie about being attacked in dreams, to the first Woke movie of the entire course. Candyman is about gentrification and urban legends. The protagonist tries to debunk the sillier part of an urban legend she's researching, and everything goes horribly, horribly wrong for her. Like Sleepaway Camp, and The Burning, she becomes a Final Girl during the course of the film, and then has to try and overcome her trauma. It's probably the best written movie of this Sophomore Year.​

6. Child's Play 2

Actually better than the original, this is a well-paced thriller. Not a cinematic triumph by any stretch but a prime example of 80s horror that's campy and unrealistic but not unbelivable and cheap. ​

7. Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter

And speaking of campy....eh?  Eh? We return to Crystal Lake for the second time this semester. Why? Because there's a slight shift in tone. We start off with a historical recap of the first three movies, even though we've only seen the first two. The third movie isn't bad, but doesn't really fit into the cirriculum. Plus, this movie starts with them finding all the bodies from the third installment. We meet a bunch of new characters who vary slightly from the template of the first two movies, but only slightly. Then the movie really focuses on the Don't Fuck Or You Die trope with some fine ridiculous acting. There is a death scene near the end that takes so long that I'm not sure I'm not still watching the character yell "He's killing me. Ahhhhh. Run. Run. He's killing me. Ahhhhhhh."

8. Aliens

Neither Sigourney Weaver nor John Hurt can catch a break. I always imagine how perfect an experience this would be if there were no more sequels to this. It's great to have three sequels in a row that improve upon the originals. This will ... not be a trend, unfortunately.
​

10. Scream 2

I debated beginning Sophomore Year with this, as one of our survivors from the original film gets super meta and lists the rules for how to survive sequels in horror movies. Then the film goes down the list of tropes and destroys them. It's just as meta fun as the original, and is also actually thrilling. And it's a nice way to see off some of our familiar faces, as Junior Year is mostly invested in the parts of slasher franchises that go off the rails and tell different kinds of stories.

The song descriptions are going to tell the whole story here. Bruno Mars and Anderson.Paak would be terrible boyfriends to anyone. They're unfaithful, egomaniacal, misogynist dirtbags with incredibly smooth voices, and exceptional style. Silk Sonic is a pretty apt name for their collaboration, as I'm guessing Red Flag Lovers is already a band playing somewhere.

I could have done a Bruno Mars discography and an Anderson.Paak album with the Silk Sonic material split between them, but the truth is, I have to be exactly in the right mood to listen to either, so why not just have one double album that has all the songs I enjoy that they appear in.  If they end up making even more music I like in the future, I'll just pretend this album is by Prince and throw a third disc on it.

1. 777

I love a dirty funk groove that sounds like it was lifted from a low budget 1970s movie, so this is a perfect start for me. Bruno Mars is trying his best James Brown (which is great and all, but he ain't no James Brown). The party horns are also a great touch. The lyrics tell you right where this album is going to live. Bruno is straight up cheating with a woman, and "giving her permission" to blame him when they get caught. He also mentions making her drinks. I would not trust Bruno Mars or Anderson.Paak to mix me a drink. They have definitely each purchased roofies before. Bootsy Collins is probably a safer bet. I think he's a creepy enabler (I mean, shit, he played for James Brown) but I don't think he was ever going to hurt anyone directly, and certainly not now that he's 410 years old.

2. Watching Her Move

Bruno Mars is at his best when he's trying to be Michael Jackson. His voice has that perfect smoothness, plus he's actually believable as a womanizer, which Jackson was ... not. This is a straight up happy pop song with lyrics about a creepy dude watching a woman dance, which is right there in the title. What? Did you think he meant he was watching her move houses? I mean, if she lives in his neighborhood she SHOULD move houses, and maybe change her name.


3. Where Did She Go?

We're in the same club. There's a different, but similar, infectious bassline, and the woman from the last song has, understandably, beelined out of the club to get away from Creepy Bruno. So now he's doing an early 2010s bopper trying to track her down. I hope she got out of town safe, and never has to see this intensely inappropriate singer again.


4. Good Heels

Everything slows down to a breezy 90s rap ballad tempo, as we move from Creepy Bruno to Red Flag Anderson, as he and Jazmine Sullivan sing a duet about how they also suck and are cheating on their significant others.


5. Smokin Out The Window

This has been recommended to me a billion times in the last few weeks, and I get it. It's a definite future funk classic with a great hook about three guys whose dicks should be dry and flaccid for the rest of their heterosexual dogshit days. You reap what you sew, Bruno. You treat women like disposable sperm depositories, and the women who gravitate toward you are going to take advantage of you financially, and they deserve to be compensated for dealing with your shit. This "No Scrubs" take, except the women are the scrubs just doesn't sound at all realistic. But it does sound catchy as hell, probably because every musician involved has every strain of HPV ever recorded.


6. The Lazy Song

I can definitely relate to a song about not being motivated to do anything but stay home and masturbate. I was in my twenties once, too. This breezy pseudo-island jam, on its own merits, is a great song that might not be written by a complete piece of sh...oh, wait, I just heard the second verse. Anyone who feels the need to brag about having a degree (who wants to place bets that it's an associates degree in Women's Studies?), and talking about how girls that have sex with him think he's great at sex is 1.) Terrible In Bed, and  2.) Probably lying about having a degree.


7. Blow

Now we go mid-90s Metallica hard, as *checks notes* Chris Stapleton, and *rechecks notes* Ed Sheeran? join Bruno Mars to sing the most generically written song comparing sex to guns that has ever been written. I mean, as a piece of writing, this song is pure garbage, but it's three sweet sounding guys who can really sing juxtaposed with Bruno Mars going absolutely ham on guitar.


8. Lyk Dis

Now we fall back into the 70s-groove-reminiscent-2010s-with-that-early-Weeknd-production and Kendrik Lamar style vocals as Anderson.Paak tells you how he likes to fuck. That's all there is to this song, but it's solid and short.


9. Treasure  brings the fun and 70s funk back. Bruno can't help but sound like a sweet, uplifting baby face. This song is all about how much he values the generic girl that he's singing to. But, like, you've heard his other songs, right? It can't last any longer than three minutes (and according to some of his exes, that's true about a lot of things Bruno Mars does).


10. Make It Better

There were a ton of white dudes, and morally questionable dudes of color trying to be Marvin Gaye. But let's be real, if Bruno Mars is the Michael Jackson of his generation, this song makes the case that Anderson.Paak is its Marvin Gaye. He loves singing about his dick (he doesn't have the religious angle, and that's fine by me). This is a cheeky and fun song about how he and his partner role play as if they're cheating to keep things spicey. This might be the healthiest song on this album.


11. Yada Yada

But he's Marvin Gaye with a filthy, filthy mouth. While "Make It Better" was straight out of the 70s, this is straight out of the 90s hip-hop that sampled the 70s, with a little 2010s thrown in.  This is just a generic, but relatable Life Is Hard And I Don't Know What To Do Except Be Mad song. It's not hyper-focused, it's just generalized ... I don't want to say rage ... frustration expressed in a perfectly reasonable way that, nevertheless, would probably seem threatening to your whitest friends.


12. Chosen One

This is our third Anderson.Paak song in a row, and it really feels like the halfway point between the two previous songs. This is smooth guy at the open mic sings song to specific girl in the audience, but will take any girl who comes his way. The rap portion is tight. The chorus is a head bopper. There are references to sex as a gun that put "Blow" to absolute shame. 


13. Skate

This was the first actual Silk Sonic single that I heard. I spent a weekend with my father a few months ago where we watched several Blacksploitation-era movies, including That's The Way Of The World, which has Harvey Keitel as a music producer trying to get Earth, Wind, And Fire over, only to discover that organized crime runs the music business and wants him to make an uninspiring family group The Next Big Thing instead. For a movie ostensibly about Earth, Wind, and Fire, there's way too much emphasis placed on Not Earth, Wind, And Fire, including a roughly six year long montage set to a song by the fictional, less-talented band. But there is a scene in a roller-skating rink where actual Earth, Wind, And Fire play, and they tear shit up (musically, they do not riot at the rink, though they would have been justified if they did). This track would have fit perfectly in that scene, too. It's totally a scummy-DJ-with-a-lot-of-talent-trying-to-get-with-a (probably underage) -roller-skater jam.


14. Talking To The Moon              

I don't watch "The Voice" anymore, but I imagine this piano ballad by Bruno Mars has been used at least a million times in auditions. It's a perfect slice of emotional Gurl I Luv You But Can't Talk To You. 


15. What More Can I Say

Not the Jay-Z song, though that's what I think of every time it shows up. This is an Anderson.Paak, 2010s rapper sings about trying to be good but he's attracted to a married woman. There's enough "Lord, give me strength" for me to realize he's more of a Marvin Gaye than I gave him credit for a few tracks previously.


16. Just The Way You Are

There's more 80s pop to this Bruno Mars classic. This is another generic, Gurl You're Perfect And You Don't Know It, Lemme Tell You How Great You Are but it fucken crushes. I first heard this when I was listening to tons of mash-ups, and djs were using both the music and the lyrics in a ton of different great tracks. But it is totally another red flag that this guy is a smooth fuckboi who can't be trusted. This is the end of the first disc.

********************************

17. After Last Night

If Prince made his 1990s erotic funk in the 70s, it might have sounded like this Bootsy-Collins first Silk Sonic song.  I had to do a fair amount of research to discover who the female vocalists on this song were because, well, fuckboi production.


18. Wngs

Another laid-back rap by Anderson.Paak, this one is a super brief reminder to the woman he's currently gifting his dick to that he's about to come home and they better be prepared for his fuckery. It's only really acceptable if you imagine this is part of that healthy role playing he was doing earlier.


19. Runaway Baby

An almost Lenny Kravitz groove at the start of the song decays into a basic riff-centric song where Bruno admits he's the shittiest boyfriend you could ever hope for and he tells women to run away from him. Solid advice. He's got King Crabs, which themselves have syphillis. 


20. Fly As Me

From Kravitz riff back to Discount James Brown vocals. Bootsy and the horn section are all over this track about how lucky you'd be to be seen with any member of Silk Sonic because they're so hot and so good at The Sex. The music on this track is untouchable. The vocals just shouldn't be touched. 


21. Grenade

I'm pretty sure this is the first track where I identified it as a Bruno Mars song the first time I heard it. I had a couple of friends who would quote this song when they were being melodramatic about what good friends they were.  This song, weirdly, sounds like it comes from The Lion King. I don't know if it's because young Bruno hasn't fully grown into his voice yet, or if it's the ... no, it's definitely the background vocals. I picture them as gazelles.


22. Uptown Funk

One of the most inescapable songs of the 2010s. It's a Mark Ronson track with Bruno on vocals, smoother than a fresh jar of Skippy. You definitely already know it. It was so hot, it made a dragon want to retire, man. The biggest ugh factor is that I listened to this song once over a week and a half ago, and it has popped back into my head every time I try to pause my thoughts and get some sleep. It's just too hot.


23. Blast Off

This could have been a fun opening track. It's my second favorite Anderson vocal track. It's an almost timeless, space-themed, funk ballad. Lots of effects offer the perfect accompaniment to his vocals. This has more movements than most of the other songs on this album, but still only clocks in at 4:38.


24. Billionaire

This is likely the first song I ever heard with Bruno Mars. It's a Travie McCoy rap with Mars on the chorus, and it's the most Hawaiian track Mars has been on. It's a precursor to his 24K Magic persona, which I mostly avoided on this album. I'm much more tolerant of "I want to be a rich piece of shit" than "I have become a rich piece of shit" songs.


25. Leave The Door Open

Back to the 70s disco funk ballads. There's a lot of self-talking about just how great Bruno is and how this lady he's singing about would be lucky to get some Bruno in her ... life. It sounds so sweet, and so tight, but it has the really trite lines that let you know it was written by an absolute dog. Whack him in the nose with a newspaper, and close that door, or he's going to run into the neighborhood and get every dog paw-regnant.


26. Locked Out Of Heaven

Uh, yeah. This very What The Police Thought Reggae Sounded Like In The 80s ballad banger is a bit of a departure from most everything else on this double album. This song is all chorus, no verse, but it's a damned catchy chorus. I'm not sure how many artists could have pulled this off. The lack of verses makes it so that there aren't any red flags here. A totally nice guy could have recorded this. But Bruno Mars did, instead.


27. Scared Money

This is almost an interlude track by Anderson.Paak. It starts off sounding like someone sing rapping over  the music playing in an elevator thirty years ago but eventually transitions into 2010s meth rap.


28. Get Bigger puts us back in the elevator but Anderson positively folics over the beats with a song about the jobs he took to keep himself alive before he became a famous singer. It rings absolutely true, which is rarely the case with songs on this subject. This is one of the few songs on this album that I wish was a bigger hit.


29. Marry You

In the '90s, Paula Abdul released a single called "Will You Marry Me?" a proposal song to Emilio Estevez, who she married and divorced in rapid fashion. It had bells, and Stevie Wonder on harmonica, and was a big old bag of cheese ballad. This track is lacking only Stevie. It's otherwise an even more generically written but otherwise similar track. I'm glad this isn't to anyone specific, as that person should realize that if they married Bruno, the two year Abdul/Estevez marriage would look like Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn's.


30. Ladies Is Pimps Too

"This is an official DJ X-Factor mixtape session" is a great signal that this is going to be an early 21st century style alt radio track. Jay-Z samples behind autotuned rap-singing. This is actually an AKA joint that just heavily features Mr. Mars. Honestly, I like it more for the Hova sample than the Mars vocals.


31. Put On A Smile

Back to Bootsy and the actual Silk Sonic songs, this is just a solid groove. And the lyrics are a bit of a departure, but only a bit. It's that point when your horrible ex talks to you about their feelings, and how much they tried to be good but you make them just So Sad. If anyone serenades you with this song, RUN. If you hear someone do this song justice on a karaoke mic, shake their hand, buy them a drink, but DON'T go home with them.


32. Nothin On You

Ok, back to  ballady Bruno crooning about how much he loves you and how perfect you are. It sounds so sincere, but how could he have written so many of these songs. This is a B.O.B. song where they do the verses inbetween Mars's catchy as hell chorus. It came out the same year as "Ladies Is Pimps To", though it sounds like it's from a different decade. The B.O.B. lyrics make Bruno Mars seem like the Poet Laureate Of The Planet.


33. When I Was Your Man

Whooo. We made it all the way through this double album, and hopefully no one who read this slept with anyone on this album (except maybe Bootsy Collins, if he's your type, I wish you both all the happiness a roll in the sack can grant you both). This is a piano drenched show closer with falsetto fade out magic, and lyrics about how he's an absolute dog who fucked up the relationship. No shit, Bruno, you're A TERRIBLE PARTNER. At least he's being up front about it here, even if he's trying to paint himself as somehow also sympathetic. Buying flowers and holding hands was the least you could have done, creepo.

Finally, The Justice League gets together. The Big Seven (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and ... Hawkgirl? (take that, Aquaman) assemble and form one of the most important superhero teams in comic history (the original version, The Justice Society, won't show up until later in our continuity).

I didn't watch this show when it originally came out. After following several seasons of the Batman Animated Series, I stopped watching superhero toons for a while. It was in the early 2000s when a coworker in a comic book store told me JLU was worth the watch that I decided to go back and watch all of the Justice League cartoon. I was not disappointed.

While I've excised some episodes of the list because this is intended to be The Best Of The Best Episodes, I don't remember a single episode of either Justice League of Justice League Unlimited ever being boring. Preachy, maybe, but never at the expense of the audience.

Of course, we'll still be seeding Batman and Superman episodes in, as well as some later DCEU movies because the loose continuity of the DCEU is fun to play with.

​

Episodes 51 - 53: Batman Gotham Knight

A group of kids each claim to have encountered Batman, and tell their stories. Each story has a different animation style, a completely different looking Batman, and an enemy reminiscent of a Batman villain, but not quite the same. Its a visually cool set of episodes, and a fun way to start a new season.


Episode 54: Superman In Brightest Day

Continuity in this series is definitely squidgy, so please excuse the fact that Hal Jordan has appeared as The Green Lantern precisely once, and yet in this "Superman: Animated Series" episode we see the ring passed to Kyle Rainer, who battles with Jordan's nemesis, Sinestro.


Episodes 55 - 57: Wonder Woman

We didn't bother touching on Superman's origin, and Batman's origin has been told ad nauseum in flashbacks. Here we get the origin story for The Big Three of The Justice League. I'm not especially fond of this version of her origin, but she doesn't get as much screen time as the others, and I feel not as many people are familiar with her background.


Episodes 58 & 59: Batman Demon's Quest

Ra's Al Ghul shows up in the Batcave claiming his daughter was kidnapped, shortly after Batman believes Robin was kidnapped in the same manner. A Lazarus Pit and World Domination adventure follows alternating between Batman and Ghul working together, and being at odds.


Episodes 60 - 62: Justice League Secret Origins

An invasion from Mars sparks Superman to enlist Batman, Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter, Green Lantern, and Hawkgirl's help, thus leading to the founding of  The Justice League. (Finally, it's season three already, geeze.)


Episodes Justice League 63 & 64: In Blackest Night

How are we already on our third Green Lantern? John Stewart (not The Daily Show guy) ends up on trial for destroying a planet, and The Justice League must figure out how to prove his innocence.


Episode 65: Superman Demon Reborn

Ra's Al Ghul shows up in Metropolis and causes enough havoc that Batman has to come into town to save him.


Episode 66: Batman Read My Lips

Scarface and The Venriloquist head up the newest gang in Gotham.


Episodes 67 & 68: Batman Shadow Of The Bat

When Commissioner Gordon is framed for taking bribes, his adopted daughter Barbara goes to Batman for help, and thus we get the origin of original flavor Batgirl.


Episode 69: Batman Mudslide

Clayface is falling apart. Literally. And he believes the cure to his condition lies at Wayne Biomedical Labs. That ... can't be good for anyone.

Episodes 70 & 71: Justice League Injustice For All

Look, if the good guys are going to have an all-star team, it's only fair that poor Lex Luthor gets to create on of his own. 


Episodes 72 & 73: Justice League The Brave And The Bold

Why do all the team ups have to have Batman and/or Superman in them? The Flash teams up with Green Lantern (John Stewart) to take down one of the many ridiculous gorilla-themed hijinks of Grod.


Episodes Justice League 74 & 75: Legends

Flash, Green Lantern, Hawkgirl, and Martian Manhunter close out the season when they're whisked into the world of comic book superheroes (meta, right?) The Justice Guild Of America (based on DC's Justice Society from the Golden Age of comics). This is a fun dventure where, once again neither Supes nor Batsy is the focal point. 

The American superhero mythology begins with Superman. He's inarguably the most important superhero character in pop culture. But he's hella boring. While I only enjoy Batman stories about 50% of the time, I enjoy Superman stories somewhere between 5 -10% of the time. He's fine in a group setting but I don't enjoy his regular adventures, I don't care about his origin story or Kryptonian heritage, and I've never bought the whole Clark Kent secret identity thing. I was born way too late for any of his attributes to connect with me or impress me. Even other companies attempts to make a Superman character interesting (Marvel's The Sentry, The Boys' Homelander, The Mighty's Alpha One, Irredeemable's Plutonian, The Authority's Apollo, etc.) are usually intriguing for about ten to twelve issues before the idea gets stale.

So there won't be a ton of Superman stories in this chronology. Which also makes sense given how short Superman: The Animated Series run was vs. Batman: The Animated series. Also, Batman: The Animated Series spawned The Batman, Batman Beyond, Beware The Batman, and Batman The Brave And The Bold. Superman spawned ... The Justice League.

Still, Supes Kent gets liberally sprinkled into the Justice League series here, while we still include a ton of Batman.

Episode 26: Superman Brave New Metropolis 

Lois Lane gets stuck in an alternate dimension wher Supey and Lex Luthor are besties, and she is totally dead. Her death even led Supey to go rogue. She decides she must get back to her own universe and tell the big blue boy scout that she loves him.


Episode 27: Superman Ghost In The Machine

Braniac invades Lex Luthor's computer system, and forces Luthor to build him a new body.


Episode 28 -30: Superman World's Finest

The Joker and Lex Luthor team up to destroy Superman, but, awww buddies, Batman happens to be in town, too, leading to a Super Team Up.


Episode 31 & 32: Batman Robin's Reckoning

How will Robin (original flavor, Dick Grayson) react when a local crime boss turns out to be the person who murdered his parents?


Episode 33: Superman The Late Mr. Kent

When Clark Kent survives a murder attempt (because he's Superman, duh), the original Krytpo-currency hero must figure out how to balance his dual identity.


Episodes 34 & 35: Batman Heart Of Steel

Everything goes higgledy-piggledy in Gotham and the Batcave when one of Bruce Wayne's old friends turns up for dinner.


Episode 36: Batman If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?

The Riddler's capitalist origin story.


Episodes 37 & 38: Superman Apokolips ... Now

Darkseid invades Earth and defeats Superman. Can Orion from New Genesis, and mere common humans hold back the invasion?


Episode 39: Batman Joker's Wild

An insurance fraud scheme designed to ensnare The Joker almost toally works.


Episode 40: Batman The Laughing Fish

Fish tainted by Joker toxin are just part of the clown prince of crime's plans to capture Batman and seed chaos in the city. Just another Tuesday in Gotham.


Episode 41: Batman Harley & Ivy

The relationship between these two pseudo-villains is one of the purest evil things in the DCEU, and this is where it all gets started.


Episode 42: Superman New Kids In Town

It's The Legion Of Superheroes going back in time to stop Braniac, who has gone back in time to kill Superman soon after he lands on Earth.


Episode 43: Batman Zatanna

Paul Dini is as important to this chronology as Bruce Timm (who designed and set up The Animated Serieses and several other shows). He created Harley Quinn, and he wrote this great episode where super magician Zatanna is framed for a crime, and Batman swoops into help her, and the two of them don't even remotely fall in love. There's more sexual tension when he teams up with Superman. It's great.


Episode 44: Batman The Man Who Killed Batman

A very petty criminal seems to accidentally kill Batman and becomes the most popular man in Gotham's underground. This is another Paul Dini masterpiece.


Episode 45: Batman Almost Got 'Im

The rogues gallery sits around a table discussing all the times they almost beat Batman. Meanwhile, Harley Quinn decides to off Catwoman because she keeps helping Batman. Yeup, it's Paul Dini again.


Episode 46: Superman Knight Time

Batman has disappeared! And it's up to Robin to deal with the entire rogues gallery, luckily Superman stops by and puts on the Batsuit to help Robin figure out what happened to the caped crusader.


Episode 47 - 50: Superman Red Son

We started with Lois trapped in an alternate reality, now we see an entirely different world where baby Supe Supe's space crib lands in Russia, and instead of the US, the entire superhero boom takes place in the Soviet Union. The graphic novel is one of the best things Mark Millar has ever written. The movie adaptation is ok, and at least an intriguing Elseworlds tale.

In the Marvel vs DC debate (which, in my opinion, was won by Image about a decade ago), I'm mostly Team Marvel. I significantly prefer their comics. DC may have done wonders with about half their 20th century Batman movies while Marvel movies were originally trash, the 21st century Marvel movies have left DC's movies in the very dark, very boring dust. I prefer Marvel's politics to DC's. Working in the industry, I prefer the way Marvel has treated their retail customers. But when it comes to animated TV shows, no amount of Spider-Man goodwill can overcome DC's dominance. From Superfriends to the DCEU movies, DC rarely missteps with its cartoons.

That said, I tried to watch Superfriends a few months ago, and was physically in pain watching it, but that's because, unlike everything DC has done since the mid-80s, it had no interest in speaking to adults, it was a cartoon for very young children whose frontal lobes hadn's developed yet. That's a totally viable audience to shoot for.

But while the comics started to go Dark and Adult in the mid-80s, the late 80s saw DC create Batman: The Animated Series. It wasn't ADULT. There was no swearing, no hyperviolence, no sexual tension as plot device. It was a show for kids that was written so well that older teens and adults could enjoy it. From then on, DC's series were always well-targeted for specific demographics, and seemed meticulously planned to make a universe akin to what Marvel has done with their live action movies in the 21st century.

This series will focus on the members of the justice League: Batman and his Batfamily, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Flash, etc. It will have A Lot of Batman because there have been a ton of very good Batman series and animated films in the last forty years. While it is somewhat chronological, it will not start with Bruce Wayne's parents dying. We will not watch Superman's home planet explode while he's tossed in a space crib. I don't think we'll see The Flash get struck by lightning for a while. I assume, because the stories have been told a billion times, and almost Never Well, that people know the basic premises of Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent, and don't need to see every second of the characters' lives and development. This is a Best Of watchthrough. There will be timejumps, as some more modern series, like Young Justice, had massive timejumps between seasons. But it should all be easy to follow, and mostly fun.

Season One is mostly Batman because without The Animated Series, the whole Justice League cartoon history might look more like the old Superfriends cartoon than what we, thankfully, were given.  

Episodes 1 & 2: Batman Year One

Frank Miller's "Year One" reset Batman in the mid-80s, and established Gotham as a gritty city full of mob bosses and petty criminals struggling to take control of a city patrolled by corrupt cops. It sets a cool tone that DC has struggled to overcome ever since it came out. It's still a masterpiece, and introduces crime families who will be extremely important to the series, as well as introducing Catwoman and Jim Gordon.


Episode 3: Batman Nothing To Fear

Batman's origin story is exhausting. I never want to see it again. I stopped watching Gotham during its first episode when I realized they were telling the same story I'd read/watched hundreds of times, but they were going to tell it poorly. So instead of seeing baby Brucey being traumatized outiside of Zorro, or The Lone Ranger, or Space Jam, or Air Bud, or whatever movie he watched with his parents, we're going to watch adult Bruce deal with his trauma courtesy of Scarecrow's fear toxin. It's a way better experience.


Episode 4: Batman Heart Of Ice

The story that made The Animated Series a classic show. This is the story of Doctor Victor Fries, and how a supervillain can be forged by relatable events, as opposed to The Desire To Take Over The World. Oh, he goes way too far, and is clearly a Bad Dude, but you do see where he was coming from.


Episode 5: Batman Pretty Poison

It's Poison Ivy's turn for the origin treatment, as District Attorney Harvey Dent is poisoned during a dinner date with Pamela Isley and Bruce Wayne.


Episodes 6 & 7: Justice League New Frontier

The Animated Series takes place at some point in the 20th century. When is unclear. There are police blimps, noir-era architecture and weapons. It's a shrug. But we open in the 1950's Silver Age era of comics with the foundation of The Justice League. While this is definitely a different animation style than the rest of the season, it is a gorgeous, bright, Darwyn Cooke story that gives us all the major players for the series meeting for the first time to fight a mysterious crisis much bigger than The Joker or Lex Luthor could pull off. 


Episode 8 & 9: Batman Feet Of Clay

It's  the origin of Clayface, as Bruce Wayne is framed for the murder of Lucius Fox.


Episode 10: Batman POV

When a police bust goes awry, three GCPD cops: Bullock, Wilkes, and Montoya are interrogated and each explains how things went bust from their own perspective.


Episode 11: Batman Joker's Favor

It's almost criminal how far we've come already without Mark Hamill's Joker, as he calls in a favor in order to kill Jim Gordon. This episode also features the franchise debut of Harley Quinn.


Episode 12: Batman Appointment In Crime Alley

Leslie Thompson makes her debut, as she's taken prisoner by a mob boss who wants to destroy the landmark where Bruce's parents were killed.


Episode 13: Batman Mad As A Hatter

There are A Ton of Terrible Alice In Wonderland stories in the Batman universe. Sam Keith has only written 1/3rd of them. This origin story for The Mad Hatter is probably the best version, and is an actually compelling story based on the Lewis Carrol classic.


Episode 14: Batman Perchance To Dream

Infamous DC Overlord, Dan Didio pounded his fists on tables and made it clear that Batman should never be married. Yet, here, Bruce Wayne wakes up married to Selina Kyle in a world without a Robin or a Batcave. What has happened?


Episode 15: Batan The Strange Secrets Of Bruce Wayne

Evil psychiatrist, Hugo Strange, tries to use brain technology to learn the secrets of wealthy industrialist, Bruce Wayne!


Episode 16: Batman Dreams In Darkness

Scarecrow escapes Arkham and wants to make the whole city succumb to his fear toxin. Wait, isn't this the plot to Batman Beg....oh! this is the cartoon based on a comic that the movie was based on. Cool!


Episodes 17 - 20: Batman The Long Halloween

An astounding follow-up to "Year One", Gotham's crime families are all hit with a murder spree that sees pretty much every villain in Gotham as a potential suspect. Batman, Catwoman, and Harvey Dent all work together to figure out whodunnit.

Episode 21: Batman Beware The Grey Ghost

Batman teams up with an actor who portrayed a hero that inspired Batman to stop a series of bombings. Featuring Adam West (aka Batman from the 1966 live action series) as The Grey Ghost.


Episode 22: Batman I Am The Night

Bruce just can't get over his parents death, as he and Leslie Thompson visit Crime Alley when he Should be helping Jim Gordon, who ends up getting shot. Will he hang up his cape and pointy ears?


Episodes 23-25: Batman Gotham By Gaslight

An elseworlds tale set in Victorian-era Gotham, featuring all the familiar Bat-characters. This is more violent than the rest of the series, and even has a few naughty words in it. It's still pretty great.

My partner, Comrade, and I have been consuming a ton of TV and movies together. We've been using many of the guides on this list to watch Doctor Who, Star Trek, Community, Bojack Horseman, Happy Endings, and more. 

Early on in our relationship, we'd talked about watching terrible horror movies together, but never got around to it. Since October is Scary Movie Month, we decided to sit down and binge some classic franchises. We started with Poltergeist (woohoo! amazing!), and then watched Poltergeist 2 (what the fuck was that? that was terrible!).

Binging franchises was probably going to wear us down. So, instead, we decided to watch the movies somewhat thematically. We'd watch a ton of the classics (that's this season), followed by The Best Early Sequels (so, Child's Play skips over part 2 and goes directly to 3, and Nightmare On Elm Street skips 2, which is not a real sequel, for a while, etc.), followed by The Outlier Films (Halloween 3 is an anthology film, Nightmare On Elm Street 2 has a completely different premise, etc.), followed by a Many Years Later season where we check in with characters often decades after their original trauma, and closing it out with Full Circles, which hint at the franchises and premises being concluded. But, you know, I can always come back and do a Season 6 if there are good enough movies in the future.

This first season is The Ultimate Classics of the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and 2000s. Meet the recurring evil, the original final girls and boys, and just enjoy the different premises that blend into this Often Terrible Genre. Yes, some of these movies are fantastic films that involve slashers. But many of them are porrly written or poorly acted schlock-fests that ingrained themselves into American Culture's Psyche and maybe Eventually included a great film or at least a really fun set of sequels. This season is fairly chronological, so you get to see the progression of the genre over fifty years.

1. Psycho

The one that starts it all without really starting it all. This is a wonderful suspense film where Anthony Perkins is the perfectly creepy without being creepy Norman Bates. He shines in every scene he's in, as a morality play unfolds around him and he gets to hack away at the center of it. This is one of Hitchcock's absolute masterpieces, and it features a twist that M Knight Shamylan can never hope to live up to. Professor Stone would argue that Bates is not only the first Big Evil of this course, he's also the first Final Girl.

​2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The first overtly violent film in the slasher genre, this film was banned all over the place. It's a very fictionalized take on serial killer Ed Gein, and introduces the trope of traveling friends encounter horror, not so fine not so young cannibals, and an undisputed Final Girl. It's a real creepy, I Suppose That Could Conceivably Happen horror movie. Like Psycho, but not so much many of the movies after it, it's actully quite unnerving.

3. Black Christmas

The 1970s horror genre brought us holidays, a whole bunch of films centered around creepy phone calls, and the idea that sexy co-ed sorority girls are always running into terrifying danger. And this is the first movie to successfully translate that into Final Girlism. It also features a wonderful cliffhanger ending that will also help inspire thousands of much worse movies.

​4. Halloween

Comrade, and the general public, like this movie a lot more than I do. It's certainly important to the slasher genre, and Jamie Lee Curtis is excellent, but I find the rest of the cast excruciating, and blame this film for the Thirty Year Old Teenager trope of actors failing miserably to portray more youthful characters.  There are also some scenes that were clearly filmed to set up premises that were later abandoned and somewhat contradict the action going on around it. In particular, a scene where the psychiatrist finds an abandoned truck, and fails to notice a dead body, presumably to show us that Mike Meyers changed cars during his escape (which he definitely did not do, according to the rest of the movie).  It's still fun to watch, and, like Psycho has a fantastic and memorable theme song.

5. Friday The 13th

Continuing a trilogy of classic slasher films with holidays in their title, we get to see horror film that became a franchise the fastest. A group of slutty teenagers end up working at a cursed camp and are slowly slaughtered by an unknown force. While not precisely magical, we get our first Unusual Character Who Tries To Warn People Away. Also, unlike most of the slashers that follow this, there isn't an accumulation of bodies bewildering a police force, or the survivors. No one has any idea what's happening until we approach the very end of the film. The Final Girl and the killer reveal are worthy of having a franchise set upon them. The theme to the movie is wonderfully creepy.

6. A Nightmare On Elm Street

Our first taste of the supernatural comes when a murdered child killer sort of comes back from the dead by invading the dreams of the children whose parents killed him. It's a brilliant premise which helps offset the terrible acting (even Johnny Depp isn't very good in this) and hacky writing (Wes Craven is an astounding director, but while the premise and plot points are solid, the dialog and the characters in this leave a lot to be desired). I had a false memory of the ending of this film which was a combination of the actual ending of this, and the actual ending of Nightmare On Elm Street 2 mixed together. My memory far surpassed the actual ending which was Studioed Away from Craven's original vision. That's a shame. It also boasts a memorable soundtrack.

7. Child's Play

Continuing with the supernatural theme, we get a serial killer who uses magic to put his soul into a doll. As soon as a child receives the doll as a present, the bodies start to pile up. While Friday The 13th got to the killing fairly quickly, it still built a lot of suspense as it went around. The plot and the murders are Full Steam Ahead here. There is, of course, a bout of Nobody Believes The Child Who Knows What's Happening And Who The Killer Is (which we got a taste of in Nightmare On Elm Street) and a few other fun tropes and scares, but this is definitely the weakest of the films in the Fresh(Wo)men Year course. 

8. Final Destination

This movie does the best job since Psycho of making you care about the characters and what they're going through. And this is good because the deaths are complex but silly and the soundtrack is Awful. We take a further leap in the supernatural direction as the Big Evil of this movie is Death, and not some hokey creepy dude in a Ghost Of Christmas Future hoodie, it's the intangible concept of Death following a group of people who survived a plane crash when they weren't supposed to. This also presents us with a cliffhanger ending where you don't find out who the Final Girl is until partway through the sequel.

9. Alien

It's time to get sci-fi! Not all final girls are scream queens of horror. Some are stone cold, bad-assed sci-fi heroes. But none of them are as cool and as awesome as Ellen Ripley. 

10. Scream

It's time to get meta! Wes Craven's delicious 1990 horror/comedy examines the tropes of 20th century horror movies while it uses those tropes and tries to convince you it's not going to use the tropes .... while using the tropes. It's silly in the best possible way, and the actors appear to be having an absolute blast while still being Very Good Actors. This is about ten times better written than Nightmare On Elm Street. It's also a great way to bring us back to the non-supernatural horror as it's just a fun teen slasher flick. Musically, it features Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds's "Red Right Hand" several different times, so I loved it.

Working in comic book stores has been both a blessing and a curse for me in this millenium, as I have amassed an increidbly large library of graphic novels and knowledge about the industry. In the 90s, I worked in record stores and had the same issue but with CDs and opinions. As a completist, both jobs fed into my craving for complete understanding of a band/series/author/artist.

I was in high school when Counterparts came out. I loved the first track, and thought the album was pretty good. And the next time I went down to the trendy CD store in Greenfield, MA, I picked up Roll The Bones, and then I just kept getting one album every time I went into town until I owned All Of Them. But it didn't stop there. In college, I briefly worked with a progressive rock band who asked me to join them because of two things 1.) I had a massive CD collection that included all of Rush and Dream Theater's output. and 2.) When they asked me to name progressive rock bands, I mentioned early Genesis, causing the drummer to shout "SOMEBODY ELSE GETS IT." which, um, sort of? We didn't make it to our first show.

I bought their three 21st century albums when their comic series, Clockwork Angels came out. I neither listened to the albums nor read the comics. I hadn't had an urge to listen to Rush since college. I didn't even plan on doing a discography for them because, hoo-boy, what do you say about a band that had 40 years of songs, a legendary reputation, but who very few people outside of college ever have the desire to listen to? Then I saw the video of the marching band who performed a Rush Medley at some football game and I thought "How visually cool, and musically boring. How is it that all marching band music just sounds like the same eternal song, no matter the source material?" Rush deserves better.

So here is a One Album Discography of Rush, despite their tremendous output because, oooof, so many of their songs are long and pretentious. And who wants to listen to Ayn Rand put to music? I mean even the Tolkien put to music is excruciating, and I like Tolkien.

Please listen to the album reponsibly.

1. It's Rush, so I feel like to properly prepare you for the experience, I can't just throw down one of their hits. Instead, you get the heavily instrumental (there is narration and the occasional verse) and incredibly long Tolkienesque The Necromancer. It's over 12 minutes of progressive rock from the 1970s that flirts with the ideas of Heavy Metal but never really commits. The different sections of the song are broken up by pitched down narration. The second section, which kicks in with drums before getting as Heavy as early Rush really gets (think really slow early Metallica with Led Zeppelinesque vocals), is probably the most satisfying part of the song. But it's all good if you're in the mood for this kind of music.  Just frenetic in its pace changes.

2. The first excellent riff of this album belongs to The Spirit Of The Radio. This song just throws everything at you right from the get-go. It's like three different great openings in a row. The lyrics are rarely the highlights of early Rush songs, and this is no exception. But it sounds like the kind of track you occasionally hear on a Classic Rock radio or streaming station and think "Do I know this song? I swear I've heard these riffs before."

3. One of the four Rush songs whose lyrics I've ever really remembered is Their Biggest Hit, Tom Sawyer. If you've only ever heard one Rush song, it was almost definitely this one. Again, a great riff, and again complex and noticably awesome drumming. It's got that whole sci-fi synthsound that places in the early 80s but the lyrics are pretty timeless. This is one of three songs that gets stuck in my head whenver I think of Rush.

4. I don't think Losing It shows up on many people's Favorite Rush Songs list, but it's a great example of their ballady synth work. It has a sweet narrative that's neither Tolkienesque nor Randish, and Geddy Lee's vocals are softer here than on any of the previous tracks on this album. If the guitars were a bit softer, it could fit into that Air Supply Early 80s Soft Alternative Rock.

5. Ok, here is the monster. Clocking in at over twenty minutes long, 2112 was the song and album that really drew the music nerds to Rush. It's so 1970s spacey. It's so epically long. It's so many parts. The whole album is the best example of Rush telling a single story on an album. And while it's never been my favorite Rush album, I get why it is Many Fans' favorite Rush album. This is definitely a Strap In Song. If you wash your hands the length of this song instead of "Happy Birthday", they'll be pruney and will smell like soap for Hours. I think it's four minutes before the vocals even kick in. You'll need a candy cigarette after this one.

6. To balance it out, we have the short and somewhat sweet The Trees, which is a very folklorey song about different types of trees that accelerates as it goes on. I say it's short, but that's really just compared to the other songs on this album. It's still over four minutes. 

7. The Most 80s Radio Friendly Song, in my opinion, is Subdivisions. This could almost be Journey  or Foreigner with Geddy Lee on vocals. The synths are much catchier here than on most tracks. It's also the apex of their Conformity Is Bad, Fight The Power songs. It doesn't sound rebellious musically, but the lyrics are very Of That Genre And Era.

8. The second Hey I Know All The Words To This Song  is the first Rush song I ever heard, Closer To The Heart. It was on a friend's mix called "Windowsills", which contained songs they liked to listen to while sitting on their ... windowsills ... contemplating the universe. It's a light, bass-centric ballad with bells. You can see it as a bit of a template for the more eccentric but mainstream grunge  bands like Screaming Trees and Alice In Chains. It 100% sounds like a Mother Love Bone song.

9. Where's My Thing is the fourth part of a trilogy of songs. How Douglas Adamesque, right? It's completely instrumental, and funky as Hell. I wish there were more Rush songs like this, but with lyrics. It's a blend of 80s arena metal and funk that I just don't remember hearing from anyone else.

10. As I was collecting the Rush albums, Test For Echo came out, and I loved the title track. I falsely remembered how it went for years, though, and listening to it this time through I still love it, but it sounded completely different from the version that occasionally rattled around my head for the last twenty years.

11. Tears is another ballad, this one almost acoustic, that I don't see on any of their retrospective hit albums. It just sounds like a familiar singer/songwriter with a guitar from the early late twentieth century. It's a great break from the relentlessness of most of Rush's work while still definitely being Geddy Lee. Also, flutes and violins? Ok.

12. Another early Rush hit was Fly By Night. I didn't remember this one at all when I was doing my listen-throughs. Each time it came up I thought "I like this Very 70s radio friendly classic rock song. Why don't I remember listening to it before?" It's chorus is just slightly different from the way they usually approached songwriting in the 1970s that it catches me pleasantly by surprise.

13. Red Sector A is very early 80s U2ish with its jangly and echoey guitars, so of course I gravitate towards it. It has an almost "Eye Of The Tiger" bassline in the background, and it definitely gets Rushier as it goes on, but that beginning is straight up all the early 1980s bands that I started to like in the early 90s.

14. I have never understood how Neurotica wasn't one of Rush's greatest hits. They didn't even release it as a single, but it's one of those Four Songs I mentioned earlier that I remember most of the lyrics to. I suppose that's one of the benefits of rarely hearing a band on the radio but owning their albums is that you really do end up knowing that you like a song because it affects you, and not just because you're bombarded by it in public.

15. The Body Electric is another jangly early 80s track. I liked it when I thought it was just a catchy song with a binary chorus. But it's based on a Twilight Zone episode by Ray Bradbury which, in turn, is based on a line by Walt Whitman. So it was pretty much designed for my enjoyment.

16. The fourth song that has stuck with me during the vast years when I don't listen to Rush is Animate. This one was a single, and I get it. It's got the riffs, the easy to remember lyrics that sound like a bunch of platitudes in a love song lacking a narrative. And the breakdown, where they namedrop the album name (Counterparts) comes out of nowhere and then tosses you back to the original melody.

​17. Territories flows out of the end of "Animate", with its almost Paul Simon rhythm guitar licks. Because of Gddy Lee's unique voice, it's instantly recognizable as Rush. Otherwise, this would be a real outlier song.

18. Closing out the album is a quiet Tolkienesque ballad, Different Strings. I imagine it as a love song from Frodo to Sam at the end of their journey. It's an appropriately ridiculous way to end a Rush album that doesn't contain a focused narrative.

During the early days of her career's shuttle-like rise (it took years to prepare for, but once she reached the digital platforms, she shot into the stratosphere), Billie Eilish was interviewed on a late night show. During the course of the interview, she was asked about Van Halen, and she didn't know who they were. She was massively ridiculed online for Not Knowing this seminal 80s rock band. But the thing is, you can't know Everything. And even if you, like Eilish, devour thousands of bands and albums, you're going to have a blind spot.

Sometimes a blind spot is sort of intentional. For me, that's The Rolling Stones. Apart from their massive hits, I've never really got into them. When Metric asked "Who would you rather be? The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?" I wanted to shout back. The Beatles, Of Course. My reimagined discography of The Beatles would be one of the lengthier discoveries I've done, even though they were only really around for a decade (though I would absolutely slot in their Anthology singles from the 90s). The Rolling Stones? You get two albums.

When I was in high school I bought their four Greatest Hits albums, which include their work from 1964 - 1981. And I thought "This is too much. Not all of these hits are very great. You could probably squish all the good songs on to one album."

So I've had my own Greatest Hits mix of The Rolling Stones for decades now. But since I was doing these discographies, I thought I should go through and listen to all their albums. Maybe a couple of times to really give them a chance. 

At the end of the third listen-through, my opinion hadn't changed very much. The band, minus Mick Jagger, are extraordinary. They're versatile. They've evolved over the years. They're incredibly talented. But they're rarely innovative. When they are innovative, like they are on "Gimme Shelter" and "You Can't Always Get What You Want", they're transcendent. But when they're playing American blues rock, they're just a very talented cover band with a nasally lead singer.

Mick Jagger is the problem. He's an excellent front man. Great energy, easy to impersonate, and when he's got a song in his range, you want to sing along with him. But, particularly in the 60s and 70s, he would try and be bluesy or morph his voice in interesting ways, and it just never worked for me.

One of my closest friends has an Exile On Main Street shirt, and has talked about the album at length to me. So I was excited to sit down and devour it. I imagined I would have a three or four album discography, and one of them would be a condensed Exile On Main Street. I listened to it twice in a row, trying to find anything that I would want to listen to again, and there was nothing for me. A group of tax dodging British millionaires trying to emulate Black American culture comes off exactly as disingenuous you might imagine from that description. Yea, the instruments sound great, but the nasally vocals clash with them, and the lyrics could be replaced with an air conditioner warranty manual, and they would have the same effect.

If I were going to be stuck on an island for a year, and given the choice between Exile On Main Street or a Right Said Fred album without even "I'm Too Sexy" on it, I'd choose Right Said Fred.

There is no Beatles album that I would even consider swapping out for Right Said Fred.

At the end of this last listen-through, I came out with a two album discography. And, I want to make it clear, I LOVE these two albums worth of songs. There was no struggle to fill up the two albums. I could listen to any of these songs on repeat (except "Let It Bleed") and be content.

1. Tig Notaro has a routine about being in school, and having a teacher that asked students to bring in their favorite song. The teacher would play the beginning of the song at the end of the class. And, one day, a kid who was not Tig's friend asked Tig, because Tig is cool, what would be a cool song to play. Tig answered, honestly, You Can't Always Get What You Want. It is a very cool song. BUT it starts with a boy's choir singing the lyrics acapella. And the teacher only played that part of the song, making the kid embarrassed that people would think that he was super into boys choirs. It's a great routine. The dichotomy between that boys choir that floats at the beginning and end of the track and the Mick Jagger, congos and maracas and background singers chunk of the song is perfect.

2.  The drums and "yeows!" from Sympathy For The Devil creep through the end of the previous track. I first heard parts of this song during a live version of "Bad" by U2, and decided I needed to hear the original. Its a song that's been liberally covered by bands that I loved. But as much as I loved Guns N Roses in the 90s, I could never imagine deliberately listening to their horrendous whispery growled cover of this song. It sounds like a karaoke version recorded just after Rocky Horror Picture Show let out. The Rolling Stones version is such a weird mix of bongos, piano, and hooo-hooos that it always makes me smile. The guitar sounds like some sort of alien mosquito, occasionally buzzing by the song. It also has some of The Stones best narrative and lyric writing.

3. So, uh, I also only sought out Ruby Tuesday because it's part of the same medley  from the end of that live versino of U2's "Bad". Like "Sympathy For The Devil", it's more piano based than guitar. It also has the best fluttery flute use in rock and roll. I feel like, having grown up in the 80s and not the 60s, I don't usually enjoy this Frolicking In The Flowers rock. It (the genre, not this song in particular) was a cliched object of ridicule when I grew up. But this had the kind of catchy energy that makes it a bit of an exception. I can imagine this in an Ernest Goes Somewhere movie.

4. The first really rock song on this imagined album, with it's fantastic drum intro, drum fills, and basic-ass riff is Get Off Of My Cloud. This was a song I'd hear on the oldies station pretty regularly. It's almost a Kinks song. It's nice and dirty with very 60s garage production. I can see it being a song where people at high school dances would shout the chorus at each other.

5. And it leads into the dirtiest riff they ever produced. Even if you've tried (and tried and tried) to avoid The Rolling Stones, there is no escaping (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction. What is there to say about this song? It's on every Best Rock Songs Of All Time List, even the one that's called Best Rock Songs Of All Time Not By The Rolling Stones. It's just that pervasive. I wonder if the lack of girly action is what led Jagger to Bowie.

6. There's a bit of a twangy guitar transition from "Satsifaction" to another piano rag song, Let It Bleed. I kind of hate Jagger's vocals here, the fake drawl that he uses only at the end of certain lines. It's definitely a Get Ready To Stumble Home Drunk song for the end of the night at a very shitty bar.

7. I think the only reason I enjoy Street Fighting Man is because I used to have a mashup of its music along with the vocals to The Temptations' "Ball Of Confusion", which is one of my favorite songs from that era. The music on "Street Fighting Man" is bright and flawless but the vocals have never really grabbed me. Too nasally and too cemented to the beat for a rock song about revolution. But that guitar riff is perfect.

8. Similarly, the piano riff for Let's Spend The Night Together demands my attention every time I hear it. I do prefer the Bowie version, which I heard first, even though it is Uber 70s space rock. But this version is okay, too. The bada-bop-bop-bop-ba-da-das and the Beatlesque background vocals really make the song.

9. Under My Thumb should really be a song about espionage rather than a song about taking control of a relationship from someone who used to be controlling. The lyrics on this song are kind of shitty. But that marimba and fuzz bass? *Chef's kiss" And the quality of Jagger's vocals are perfect for this song. I just hate the lyrics.

10. Tina Turner covered "Under My Thumb", and it's not one of my favorite songs when she sings it, either. But she should have covered Stray Cat Blues. How would it sound for an older woman to sing about how much she wanted to fuck a 15 year old groupie? Would it still be considered "a classic"? This is another song where I love the music but wish the lyrics were different.

11. On the flipside, I love the lyrics on Mother's Little Helper. Great narrative, great rhyme scheme, great chorus. Getting old totally is a drag.

12. Partially for the thematic dissonance with the previous track, and partly because I do love the organ intro and the fiftiesesque echoey production, the next track is Time Is On My Side.  This has to be their best throwback song. This could be a Big Bopper track.

13. The Rolling Stones have a lot of songs that are covers or blatant rip-offs of American blues. Most of them don't land for me. But Heart Of Stone sounds more like Cream or the other British bands doing blues-rock, and that hits differently. I like it. Jagger seems to be content to sound like Jagger, while the background vocals bounce between 50s croony background vocals, and the harsher 60s sound.

14. Another song I first heard by U2 is Paint It Black. I love U2. They were my favorite band in high school, when I first heard their cover. I could not, with a straight face, say that their cover does the original justice. It's a paint-it-black-by-numbers version. I am glad that it turned me on to the original, though.

15. Yesterday's Papers was in weird rotation on the oldies station my parents listened to. They often highlighted the echoey, barely produced rock with the slightly off-key doot-do-do-dooods in the background that were pervasive in the 60s. The highlights of the song for me are the haunting marimbas dripping off the equally hautning vibraphones giving the track something that's both very creepy, and very elevator jazz. It just makes me think about period pieces in the 60s about the 1940s for some reason.

16. I almost think that the radio station previously mentioned used to medley "Yesterday's Papers" with Not Fade Away, since I hear them seeming to flow into each other, though they clearly do not. The vibraphones and marimbas are jettisoned for harmonica, tambourine, and hand claps. It's one of those covers that I am more familiar with than the original, even though it is not a better version.

17. For me, the best song on this album is the closer. There's a lot of history behind the song that I've heard via poets, and VH1, and articles about bands who wreaked havoc on other musicians who worked with them. It's not my place to talk about it, but you should really research the history of Gimme Shelter. It's pretty dense, and important to music history. It's also just a killer song. Jagger is always better with background singers. He's never once been the best singer on a Rolling Stones album. I can't think of a single song that should even attempt to follow this.

This season is heavy on the overarching conspiracy theory, so get ready to spend a lot of time with Skinner, X, Krycek, Byers, and the Syndicate (featuring SMoking Man and friends!)

Episode 1: Apocrypha
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Skinner, Krycek, The Lone Gunmen, John Fitzgerald Byers)

We open Season Four with The Syndicate (Smoking Man, Well-Manicured Man, and their associates), The Lone Gunmen, and Krycek. This is super continuity and conspiract heavy and has some very juicy?...oily developments.


Episode 2: Jose Chung's From Outer Space
(Mulder, Scully)

It's Monster Of The Week time! It's a relatively funny one, too, with alien abductions, a foul mouth sherrif whose profanity is amusingly handled for prime time network television, and The Best Cameo of the series, if not the best cameo in all of 90s TV.


Episode 3: Quagmire
(Mulder, Scully)

Frogs. You're already on board, right? The investigation into a decreasing frog population leads to one of the longest and best Mulder/Scully scenes for the entire series.


Episode 4: Wetwired
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Skinner, X, The Lone Gunmen, John Fitzgerald Byers)

Despite the cast involved in this, this episode isn't focused on the series' long-arc about alien abduction and everybody's past. Instead, we get an investigation into the relationship between television and violence with X, members of The Syndicate, Skinner, and The Lone Gunmen all helping piece together a relatively smaller scale conspiracy.


Episode 5: Talitha Cumi
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Skinner, X)

Here is the overarching conspiracy episode with some awesome character development between Mulder and Smoking Man.


Episode 6: Herrenvolk
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Skinner, X)

This is the beginning of the X-Files official season four. It's one of those great Build Your Longtime Story By Destroying Part Of It episodes. Also, there's a creepy new wrinkle to the mystery.


Episode 7: Home
(Mulder, Scully)

This is more Friday The 13th than X-Files, as the Monster Of The Week is humanity. Horrible, distorted humanity.


Episode 8: Musings Of A Cigarette Smoking Man
(Smoking Man, John Fitzgerald Byers)

There is a phenomenon in Doctor Who called Doctor Lite Episodes, wherein the Doctor is either barely used or not at all. This episode has barely any Mulder or Scully, as we see the career of Smoking Man through his own eyes.


Episode 9: Tunguska
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Skinner, Krycek)

Everyone is turning on everyone, as the US Government demands to know Where Is Fox Mulder? (No, there was no reason to think he was missing before this episode.)


Episode 10: Terma
(Mulder, Scully, Smoking Man, Skinner, Krycek)

Where is Fox Mulder? Russia? Why? We end the season trying to find that out.

Ending the discovery on HitNRun EP was such a bummer. Latter-day Prince seems incredibly overwrought compared to his 80s and 90s output (and even his vaulted albums). So far, we've had three posthumous Prince albums (not including rereleases), Piano And A Microphone, which was a live album,  Originals, which is a collection of singles and demos of Prince singing songs he wrote for other artists, and Welcome To America, easily the best of the trio.

There's not much for me to do with Piano And A Microphone. It's a live album, and not even a particularly well produced one. Nothing on it jumped out to me as Necessary. And I've sprinkled some of the tracks from Originals on previous albums because the tracks have been around forever, they just didn't have their own album in the real world.

I decided to combine this most recent album with the HitNRun EP that I had already made. Look, there was no way to use 21st century Prince songs to make something as good as Sign O'The Times or anything. But this is a much more fun album to go out on than the previous version. The grungey somewhat overproduced HitNRun EP benefits from the more open and breezily mixed tracks from Welcome To America​. I would much rather listen to this album than either of the real world counterparts that make it up.

Welcome To America is the obvious opening track for this album. Prince starts off going after capitalism with some moderately cheesy lyrics. It's catchy. It really wants to be Gil Scot Heron good, but it definitely sounds like an old person talking about modern things (modern being early 2010s) while using slogans from the late 80s and early 90s. It's still good, but without the music this would sound like a sloganeering slam poem that Old Heads would shit talk relentlessly when they got together. 

Fixurlifeup sounds like a Foo Fighters track. A really good one. The lyrics are generic fixyourlifeup bumper sticker wisdom. But the guitar is a buzzing wasp, killing everything in its path.

My previous version of this album (The HitNRun EP) closed with Revelation but Welcome To America deserves better. This is some 90s sex under a waterfall music video with Kenny G on horns. It's really good for what it is, as it definitely sounds more Of An Era than an Outdated Shell Of A Song. Like, this SHOULD have been released in the 90s. People would have Fucked to this song, which is what Prince would have wanted. People still might be fucking to this song, but they're probably moving slow because they have to not because they're trying to be erotic. Nobody is breaking a hip to this song.

Break out your pompoms for Yes, it's got crunchy guitars but kind of bland sing-along vocals. Prince sings bass harmonies under the lead, and it's ... a choice. It's simultaneously a very late 80s and very late 90s production sound where the vocals feel like they're sitting in the wrong section of the mix, and all of the instruments are at the wrong volume. It's still a head bopper but with better production it could actually be good instead of just listenable.

There was a version of When She Comes on the HitNRun EP but this is not that version. That was a kind of overproduced definitely 21st century erotic Prince song. This version is Classic Prince. The instruments are stripped down. The harmonies are flawless. The lyrics are filthy. This is easily one of the best 21st century Prince songs. It could have been put out at any time in his career. Thank God for the return of Prince's falsetto erotic balladeering.

Another song from the previous version, Whitecaps is a loud bass and slamming drums song with an almost Porno For Pyros underwater instruments feel. Until the guitars kick in, it's difficult to realize this is a Prince track. He's barely a background vocalist here but it eventually morphs into  recognizably Prince.  

The song floats right into Stopthistrain. It's almost a continuation of the previous track, but now we at least get Prince harmonizing to Hannah Ford-Welton's lead vocals. The brief, echoey breakdown near the close of this track was probably the best part of the 3rdeyegirl portion of this album.

The lick of a bass. Prince shows up. Talking about his old days, taking the stage in our underwear. Who can help but Stare at Prince when he's on stage? And now that we've put the proper funk into the music, we're in familiar territory. He even pulls out the "Kiss" lick to remind us who he was. Ok. But who are you now, Mr. Nelson?

The keyboard intro for 1010 (Rin Tin Tin) is another case of This Could Be Prince From Anywhen. The lyrics are 21st century but the production is so much cleaner than most of the rest of this album. I would put this on a Best Of Prince album if I had to represent each of his albums.  

Another Lover starts out with an almost Tom Morello riff before descending into ... Incubus? When I was writing about this for the previous incarnation of this album, I mentioned how itneresting it was to hear someone who influenced so much of modern music turn around and be influenced by the artists who came after him. Often it doesn't work at all. I think Duran Duran's Thank You was the first album where I thought bands should really stick to covering the songs from before they started making music, not the songs that came after them. This song isn't a cover, but it definitely sounds like Prince trying to capture a sound that has evolved past him. I still like it but it sounds like A Band With Vocals By Prince as opposed to A Prince Song.

Plumelectric is straight up the licks from Rage Against The Machine's "Revolver" slightly retooled. Morello could have definitely sued him for credit as a songwriter. It's a banger, but, again, not precisely a Prince song even though it's definitely his fingers absolutely destroying the guitar in a late 90s grunge fashion. 

Here we go, Prince wants to make this woman scream in Hardrocklover which is half slow jam, half rock track. All Prince. This is the first production that sounds 2010s. It could also be a Frank Ocean track. Beyonce could be on vocals here. But, again, it's completely Prince on guitar.

Now that all that heavily bassed guitar portion of the album is over, it's time for hand claps and harmonies with a 90s Prince feel instead of a 90s grunge feel. Same Page Different Book is Prince singing about war and religion, which he felt passionately about but never wrote particularly well. The lyrics to this song are ... fine. They're not going to explode your head. It has that "Yea, I Said It" feel without actually presenting any challenging ideas. But it feels good to listen to. The funk guitar is On Point.

Running Game (Son Of A Slave Master) is the best middle finger song on the album. It achieves what many of the rest of the songs on the actual version of Welcome 2 America aspired to. Nothing earth shattering or that you couldn't have heard at the average poetry slam before the pandemic but it feels better conceived than the other tracks.

The album Has To Close with One Day We Will All Be Free. It's just a great optimistic sounding closing track with lyrics that defy the optimistic music and title. It's the inverse of Jason Mraz's "Life Is Wonderful" where the lyrics are all about how great everything is while the vocals and instrumentation make it sound like someone is holding a gun to the head of Mraz's favorite dog. This is a false flag song that doesn't seem to believe in its title. And then it closes with that buzzy amp sound that filled most of the HitNRun​ era tracks. It's a phenomenal end to this particular album.