Cute straight boys, nerdy punk rock animé haired boys, drunk bisexuals with tongue rings, Progaine Shampoo, key theft, butt grabbers, Livejournal, fetishism, Celeste, and Mortimer Velociraptor; the first part of this story was written for an Archie McPhee contest for embarrassing dating stories. I won. The final portion of the story won the hearts of Livejournal fans, as their favorite Insafemode Journal entry of 2004. I have altered it a bit, for continuity's sake, and because I hated it.
The convention mentioned is, yes, the 2003 National Poetry Slam. Also, there is a line that ended up in Drunken Conversations At Hampshire College.
Also, the chair I was using squeaks periodically. I was not harboring a duck fugitive.
Featuring Saint, David, Celeste, Mortimer Velociraptor, and a bunch of people you will never hear about again.
Intro Music: The Revenge Of The Nerd Song
Incidental Music: "The Geeks Were Right" by The Faint
Incidental Music: "What What In The Butt" by Samwell
Outro Music: "Shut Your Mouth" by Garbage