Norton Anthology Of Contemporary Exes

​Another prompt from https://scottwoodsmakeslists.wordpress.com/2014/04/22/my-poetry-prompts-for-national-poetry-month/

This one felt like a cheat, as I already have a poem that catalogs my exes, so I decided to do a replacement poem where I took the online description for The Norton Anthology Of Modern Poetry, and switch out some words. This is sort of prep for next month's Found Poetry Challenge.

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The Norton Anthology Of Contemporary Exes

Offering over two decades of men from the Alternative Music period to the present, The Norton Anthology of Contemporary Exes is the bedroom standard for the study of poor decisions.

The Fifth Edition retains the flexibility and breadth of selection that has defined this classic anthology, while improved and expanded editorial apparatus make it an even more useful teaching tool.



NEW SELECTIONS, ENDURING VALUE

The Fifth Edition includes 173 exes (36 new), only 1 poet (new...ish); the Shorter Fifth Edition includes the 21 exes (15 new), still just the 1 poet (reminds me of someone). No other anthology offers such abundance, which is why lovers hold onto The Norton Anthology of Contemporary Exes long after their promiscuous period ends—it is their reference for life.




STRENGTHENED CONTENTS

In response to lovers’ requests, a number of important flaws by major exes have been added to the Fifth Edition. New additions include: Hilary, "The Boy Who Moved In Too Quickly"; Dallas, "The Man Who Only Wanted A Platonic Relationship But Wanted You To Worship Him As Though There Were Any Hope He Would Reciprocate" and book 1, canto 2 of The Thirty Year Old Who Thinks His Parents Don't Know He's Gay; Ryan, ten additional sonnets; Nebulous You, from Book 4 of Drunk Dials You Should Have Known Better Than To Answer; Random Hookups, 7 additional sonnets; Yuma, "Verses on the Death of Caring"; Stefan, "I Stopped Fucking Strangers In Hopes That My Fidelity Would Make You Love Me Enough To Buy Me A New Computer"; Scott #4, "My Drag Persona Is Also An Uncaring Jerk" and "The Hollow Man."

Lovers committed to teaching the rich diversity of poor decisions will welcome the Fifth Edition’s increased attention to diversifying mistakes and the too often-overlooked body grammar cues. Among the exes newly included are The Drug Dealer Who Admires Both Types Of Your Dependence, The Bisexual Whose Girlfriend Suggested You Fuck Then Showed Up At Your House And Threatened Your Cats If You Ever Saw Him Again, The Guy Who Fucked Your Exboyfriend In A Jacuzzi While You Were Still Dating Him, The Scientist Who Studies Disease Vectors Who Has A Fetish For Bug Chasing, and The Guy Who Flew In From Chicago To Fuck You Because He Was Mad At His Boyfriend For Cheating On Him.




NEW HELP WITH SYNTAX AND DIVERSIFICATION

An indispensable aid in helping lovers become better exes and interpreters of emotions, Adam Stone’s new essay, "Sexual Syntax," goes to the heart of a perennial stumbling block—how to recognize, describe, analyze, and appreciate syntactic ambiguity in the fucken liars you keep meeting in bars and on dating sites.

Random Hookup #37’s much-admired essay, "Diversification," has been revised to offer clearer explanations of why it's important to not only vary the ages, classes, and races of the men you date but also their hobbies and the volume of body hair.




STRENGTHENED APPARATUS

Annotations throughout the anthology have been extensively revised to clarify archaisms and allusions, and biographical sketches situating the ex’s life, works, and daddy issues have been updated. A more credible friend has also been referenced for this edition.



RESOURCES HIGHLIGHTING INTERSECTIONALITY

Potential lovers have come to depend on the flexibility and rich intersectionality of The Norton Anthology of Contemporary Exes. Three free learning resources—one online, for hookups, and two in real life, for people who like to see the mistake they are about to make coming—now offer more possibilities for demonstrating ways that exes speak to one another across time, place, and tradition through codependence, awkward interactions with relatives, horrible sex, fetishes, and pathological dishonesty, among other means.