It's Not Just A Game, CAROL

When I was six years old, and my family had just rerooted itself in a new state, my parents signed me up for teeball league. We'll never know if I was any good because teeball rules are shit. Even at six, I was very against the futility of a sport where consequences were ignored in favor of feelings.

I knew how baseball worked. Three outs per inning. Hit the ball, run to a base. Try and make it to home plate, and you score. I was fiercely competitive with myself more than the opposing team, so I was excited in our second game when I hit a double. The next kid whiffed it to the pitcher and got out. The next batter hit a double, and I was going to go for home but the Third Base Coach had me stop. Ok. I was six. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that I wouldn't have made it. The next batter hit a pop up that was caught. Then there was a single, and I ran home and scored.

Only I hadn't scored. We already had all three outs. But every player was supposed to get up and hit in every inning. But you couldn't score once there had been three outs.

This was not how baseball was played. I hurled my helmet back to the field, and never played another inning of teeball. Thus losing out on The Fundamentals, and not getting involved in little league, even though they played using an actual set of logical baseball rules.

What is the worst game or sport experience you've ever had? A table-flipping Monopoly ordeal? Scoring a goal for the wrong team in soccer? Splitting your pants during a gymnastic routine? Only being the second best slammer in a National Poetry Competition?

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