Ruminations on TV Shows, Comics, And Music
To watch all of The Star Trek franchise, it would take you nearly a month of no-sleep-marathoning. Nearly 550 hours at this point. Twenty-four days. AND THEY'RE STILL MAKING MORE. You don't have that kind of time.
I've attempted to put together a much more condensed series of Star Trek. Dividing it into eighteenish episode seasons. For the most part, these are My Favorite Episodes. I've left out some that are historically important episodes, in favor of things that I found fun to watch. If you're a Trekkie or Trekker, or just consider yourself a fan, I may have left off your favorite episode. Sorry. But this is more a list for people like me, who had seen an episode here and there, were interested in seeing more, but don't want to invest in the whole 530+ hours. I'm doing it, so others don't have to.
Unlike my other reimaginings, I'm not saying how many seasons this will be, because I don't know yet. THEY ARE STILL MAKING MORE!
Last season, we got to meet and spend some time with all our major characters, watch them repeatedly fall in love with someone who either died or had to be left behind, defy Starfleet orders, and we spent some time in the pre-TOS (The Original Series) days with the cast of Enterprise and Discovery, who we'll revisit this season. This season has more Federation Of Planets intrigue, a seemingly endless supply of new alien species, and more women from the crew's past and future (sorry Uhura and Chapel, no male exes are allowed on-screen this season).
Star Trek Season 2:
So Little Provocation
Episode 1: The Andorian Incident
(Archer, T'Pol, Phlox, Sato, Mayweather, Reed, Trip, Shran)
Back in the time before The Federation Of Planets, The Vulcans were showing we bumbling humans around space. So it makes sense that we would want to know a little more about our tour guides. But while visiting a Vulcan monastery planet, the crew ends up in a showdown with some very crabby (I guess irritable is a better word, as they don't walk sideways or have claw appendages) blue antennaed jerks. Luckily, we learned last season that, apart from the Vulcans and humans, space is so vast that, once you encounter an alien race, you never see them ever again.
Episode 2 & 3: Babel One/United
(Archer, Shran, Reed, Trip, T'Pol, Phlox, Mayweather, Sato)
Oh for fuck's sake, more blue jerks, already? An Andorian ship is attacked by a race called the Tellarites, who were attacked by some Andorians, and Klingons are in the mix and--wait, someone is pitting aliens against each other, which is super easy, since they're all such incredible jerks. The villainous species turns out to be another returning threat from season one. Somehow Reed and Trip end up getting separated from the ship and the crew again (hold it together, guys, how are you always together on the brink of death?), and we learn about another new technology that confuses our simple human brains. This is technically the first 2/3rds of a three story arc, but the last third is irrelevant to our season, so we're going to skip it.
Episode 4: Journey To Babel
(Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Chekov, Uhura, Sarek, Amanda)
It's Meet The Parents, Vulcan style, as Spock's mumsy and dadsy are sent as ambassadors to broker some peace, when a fight breaks out between the Tellarites and the Andor---seriously, More Blue Jerks? What is this Avatar? This is a really good episode about diplomacy in both the political and family setting, and gives us an interesting glimpse into Spock. Plus, those blue jerks are actually growing on me. Like antennae.
Episode 5: Lethe
(Burnham, Sarek, Saru, Tyler, Tilly, Stammets, Lorca)
Spock's mummy and daddykins also raised an adopted human daughter named Mike Burnham. You know, the protagonist of Discovery. So when Sarek ends up on the brink of death, it's his fully human daughter who comes to his rescue.
Episode 6: All Our Yesterdays
(Spock, Kirk, McCoy)
I wonder if Spock was jealous of his adopted human sister. We probably won't know. But we do know that not having emotions made Spock sad. Wait, that can't be right. Well, in this episode The Big Three of the original series end up on a doomed planet at different times in its past. And Spocky falls in wuv.
Episode 7: This Side Of Paradise
(Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, Uhura)
Mellow out, man. Even Spock gets groovy in this tale of a planet that keeps everyone chillaxed and on the serious harmonius vibology. Will someone narc them out to Starfleet so they can get back to The Man's duty?
Episode 8: Magic To Make The Sanest Man Go Mad
(Burnham, Tyler, Mudd, Stammets, Lorca, Saru, Tilly)
It's time loop madness when Mudd comes back to exact his revenge on Lorca and Tyler for leaving him in the Klingon prison last season.
Episode 9: I, Mudd
(Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Mudd, Scott, Uhura, Sulu, Chekov)
And now it's time for Mudd to have his revenge on Enterprise for what *they* did to him last season. Why so angry Muddsy? You have an entire planet of hot cloned androids to keep you company. Why would you ever want to get away from them?
Episode 10: Operation Annihilate!
(Spock, Kirk, McCoy, Scott, Uhura)
Ok, now This outpost is having some actual problems. In fact, they're ready to kill The Enterprise crew. But Kirk has family here, so they'll be able to help out with---oh, it's another mind control thing? Yikes. This seems to be happening an awful lot. Maybe this time they'll just kill all the mind controllers in the universe, and they can start trusting each other again.
Episode 11: Changeling
(Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scott, Uhura, Sulu, Chapel)
It's the original series cast vs. Wall-E, as a friendly little Starfleet droid threatens to destroy the entire universe if it doesn't get its way.
Episode 12: Immunity Syndrome
(Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Chekov, Scott, Uhura, Chapel)
Another new type of...alien?...planet?...galaxy?...dimens---what is going on in this episode? Will the crew have to make an ultimate sacrifice to save the universe? I mean, probably not. We are only twelve episodes into the second season. But maybe one of the cast will die this time to establish some stakes. Maybe?
Episode 13: Shore Leave
(Kirk, McCoy, Spock, Sulu, Uhura)
This season has been so taxing. The crew rather desperately needs some R&R, so they find an abandoned planet, send Sulu and McCoy to check it out, and prepare for a nice, uneventful time. Wait. Did McCoy just see The White Rabbit from Alice In Wonderland? Is he on shrooms? Are there people here? Are we back in mind control territory? Damn it, will the crew ever get to properly relax?
Episode 14: Space Seed
(Kirk, Spock, Khan, McCoy, Scott, Uhura)
The Enterprise stumbles on an abandoned ship filled with prisoners once jettisoned from Earth, including a certain sexpot with the name Kirk most likes to yell in his sleep. That's right, it's the debut of KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!!
Episode 15: The Enterprise Incident
(Spock, Kirk, McCoy, Scott, Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, Chapel)
We started this series with The Enterprise chasing down Romulans, but haven't seen them since. Well, Starfleet has decided that the crew needs to go on board a Romulan vessel and steal a Romulan cloaking device. We've seen Kirk get creepy with the ladies, but this time good old Spock will be the catfish bait for the Romulan captain. He will, of course, me-ow logically.
Episode 16: For The World Is Hollow And I Have Touched The Sky
(McCoy, Kirk, Spock, Scott, Sulu, Uhura, Chekov, Chapel)
A McCoy-centric episode where they visit a ship full of people who don't know they're on a ship. There's a love plot, the possibility of a character being left behind, and some mind-control, so it's pretty tropey, but fun!
Episode 17: City On The Edge Of Forever
(Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scott, Uhura, Sulu, Chapel)
Many people have this as their favorite episode ever of The Original Series. I am not one of those people. I think this is a middle-of-the-road episode, but if you don't see this, your Trek friends will snub you at your next antisocial gathering. Joan Collins guest stars in this time travel tale where Kirk and Spock follow a crazed McCoy through a dimensional gate. Kirk falls in love with someone historically important, and decisions must be made. May you love this episode as much as the people who expressed rage at my indifference.
Episode 18: Deadly Years
(Kirk, McCoy, Spock, Chekov, Sulu, Scott, Chapel, Uhura)
A seemingly abandoned planet turns out to actually be a deathtrap, as it causes most (but not all) the people who visit it to age rapidly. That's right, you'll get to see Grandpa Kirk, Wizardly Spock, and a whole bunch of other crew members grow grey over a single episode. Shockingly, no one is mind controlled into thinking they're young.