Apart from Flood and Apollo 18, I don't often listen to TMBG albums. Mostly, I like a fair amount of songs, but some of them just ... don't affect me. I can't remember the last time I listened to their early work, until I put together this combination of their first two albums: They Might Be Giants and Lincoln.  It's called Stovepipe Hat because I prefer Abe to Nebraska.  

She's An Angel is a nice little surreal story about love in the time of anxiety, which is all times when you're the subject of a TMBG song. And who wouldn't want to fall in love at a dog show. 1.) You get to be at a dog show. 2.) You meet someone cool enough to also be at a dog show AND they fall in love with you? Best Meet Cute Story ever. Also, props for not having to throw your body off a building.

The song I am most grateful for having an excuse to listen to more often is Kiss Me, Son Of God, which really sounds like it belongs on Flood. The blood of the exploited working class is also one of those things that I hear is delicious, but I'm just not into tasting myself.

The countrified Number 3 is the most Throwaway Novelty song that I like from their early work. I vacillate between really enjoying the hoe-down quality to regretting including this song on the album. It's, at least, short.

Ana Ng sounds like it comes much later in their discography.  There's so much narrative in this song. It's a short story disguised as a peppy "alternative" 80s song.

My grandfather owned boats. Not just things that floated on the water (which he only owned one at a time, unless you count dinghies), but also giant cars that my family always referred to as boats. The kind of cars you could fit a dozen children in the back of. Boat Of A Car reminds me of the few road trips we took in those vehicles.

I was tempted to put TMBG's Homestar Runner songs around Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head but they'll come on a later album. I like any song that makes me think of muppets. Even if it has an 80s drum breakdown.

Pencil Rain actually sounds like it could have come from The Smashing Pumpkins post-Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness period. But without the whiney Billy Corgan voice. It's the harp / keyboard with the horns in the background. But I really enjoy the whole concept of pencil rain. Sometimes I gotta write things down, and am without writing implement.

If there's a better song title than Youth Culture Killed My Dog on a TMBG album, I can't think of it. I like the title so much that I included it on the album even though the song is a bit too All Over The Place in tone for me to get into. The Michael Jackson hee-hees are fun, and the return of the word puppet are great but the overall senitment of the song is pretty bleurgh.

Lie Still Little Bottle is the closest thing on this album to a Tom Waits song (he's the other artist I'm reimagining albums for right now). I would totally buy both an album where TMBG covered Tom Waits songs, and one where Tom Waits covered TMBG songs. The fact that neither of these albums exist fills me with sadness.

The plaintive narrator of I've Got A Match brings me disproportionate feelings of joy. If I were wearing a stupid looking hat, I would take it off at their command.The plucky strings on this song are also made of expansive joy.

Is Chess Piece Face the inspiration for TMBG's Apollo 18 album? Because it definitely has the appropriately fuzzy guitar and echoey vocals. It is the first song on the album that made my Dudefriend make a sour face. Again, though, it's mercifully short.

I was once bitten by a Rabid Child when I was a teenager. I worked in a summer camp when a tiny vampire who was mad at a different adult, grabbed my head, pulled it toward him and bit me on the neck. This song references the Chess Piece Face from the previous song. Though, I couldn't explain why without looking at the lyrics.

I was not a Rabic Child, but you could argue I was occasionally feral, and during those feral times, I did love playing with a Piece Of Dirt. I am fortunate enough to be immune from the wiles of the voices that bother and influence the narrator of this song.

​You made my bed / Now you have to sleep in it might be my favorite lyric on this album. It's near the beginning of Stand On Your Own Head which has a return to the hoe-downiness foundearlier on the album.

They'll Need A Crane is the second best song about cranes I think of. Jason Mraz gets top honors there. But I do enjoy the bounciness of the repetition in this song.

I don't know why I so much want to make a video for Nothing's Gonna Change My Clothes but I do. Dancing skeletons? People with heads caving in from happiness? Dominoes? The crunchy guitars. Random screaming at the end. Sign me up and give me a camera and some SAG unapproved extras.

Speaking of screaming. Shoehorn With Teeth is a terrifying concept. I don't know what else to say about it. Deathlok should have covered this track.

It brings me stupid joy to put a song called Don't Let's Start near the end of an album.It's another echoey song with a very late 80s/early 90s guitar riff repeating in the background.

Another contender for my favorite lyric on the album: If it wasn't for disappointment / I wouldn't have any appointments. Snowball In Hell is a fun, talky way to close out this album.

​I'm pretty much precisely the right age to love Pearl Jam, and understand why some others don't. I was fourteen when Ten came out, Vs seemed to come out immediately after, and had a different feel, then Vitalogy. They released three albums while I was in high school, and I loved all three, and convinced the record store I was working for that we should do a midnight opening for the release of No Code. It was not a huge success. But I still loved the band. 

They faded out of my interest in the 21st century with less frequent albums, and less-focused writing. Their music sounded blander to me for a few years, returned to interesting, and then disappeared completely from my radar.

When the first track from their impening release showed up on Youtube, I was excited. I'm a little less excited with their second pre-release single, but I'm intrigued to see what they do with this album. In that spirit, I decided it was time to give a bit of a primer for people who loved the band but lost track, or people who are curious why so many GenXers still care about a grunge band in 2020.

The first album is way extended. I owned all the singles from the album, with all the B-Sides. I bought a bunch of Pearl Jam Bootlegs from record stores, including the legendarry Bad Radio Sessions of Eddie Vedder.  I certainly haven't included all the material from that era. No weeping original version of "Betterman" or the Oh So 1991 "Bee Girl" song. But they had some fun non-album tracks, ad some interesting outtakes from Temple Of The Dog (which would be on my Chris Cornell discography, not Pearl Jam's).

This album is my version of a story hinted at by Vedder's lyrics. It starts from the idea of the song / video for "Jeremy" but takes it in different directions. It's not a story I would consider writing now. It's peak Angsty Teen In The 90s. But that was the album Ten. It was so suicidal. So contemplative. So what happens next. So the problems in my life aren't women's faults, and yet women and fathers are at the crux of them. 

The bookending of this album is pretty essential to how I hear albums, and how I reorganize them. So I have preserved Once as the opening track, with it's slow climbing intro before the guitars crash in. If you want to read Vedder's story of the songs on this album, there are plenty of articles. That's not what I'm going to do here. This is a reimagining based on his lyrics. This opening track is our narrator, a teenager absolutely at the end of his tether. He's looking for anything to latch on to and get himself under control, but it is not happening. It's not hard to imagine the angry destructive sequences a video for this song would have.

There's a lot on this kid's mind as he gets on the bus to school, and he and his friends (not all sociopaths are loners) joke around about Dirty Frank the bus driver, saying that he's a serial killer and probably a cannibal. They don't seem to suspect what the main character of this story is up to.

State Of Love & Trust was one of the first Pearl Jam songs I heard, as it was on the Singles Soundtrack that my roommate and I each bought. It's how I was introduced to Pearl Jam, Alice In Chains, The Smashing Pumpkins, Chris Cornell, Soundgarden, and Screaming Trees. The narrator is thinking of the awful things he's done, and listening to the voice inside (his) head. He's considering ending his own life instead of going through with massacring his school.  And he decides to live.

One of the voices that helps him get through the situation is from a girl he met when he was briefly institutionalized. He doesn't even know what her name is. They talked once. She told him about being abused by her father, and how when she lashed out, her mother had her committed. How her mother wants her to "get better" and go home, but Why Go back, knowing she'l just be abused again? She decides her version of  "getting better" will be different. Neither he nor we ever find out what happens to her. But he loved her, and imagines being with her again, and that keeps him moving forward.

"Why Go" fades beautifully into Black on both the original album, and this reimagining.  Here the narrator imagines a romantic encounter with the girl from "Why Go", and gets flustered. So he goes outside to get some fresh air to clear his head. But it doesn't quite work, as he remembers that the second time he saw her, she didn't acknowledge him, and he doesn't know why.

Wash is still walking outside. Still thinking. Still wishing. Still will he. Still won't he. Still hormonal response to girl he doesn't really know, and yet knows her most intimate secret. Still isn't sure anything he's ever done is right. Still. Still.

Still walking. He reaches the school's Garden. How has he not run into everyone on his little walk around the school? How is he still thinking about this girl who probably hasn't thought of him in months? He decides the way back to her is violence. And he heads back towards the school. 

He reaches the Porch and uses a payphone (Hey, it's 1991 here), and checks the messages on his machine (ibid). There are none. He decides he's going to go for it. Go into the school and make the news.

But he doesn't. The crux of this idea. The crux of the album. The video that changed how seriously kids myage watched videos was Jeremy, and in that video an abused kid decides to bring weapons to school and ends up killing himself in front of his horrified class. Things happen differently there. Our narrator isn't Jeremy, but he's in class with him. And they're not friends. But they're similar people. Only this Jeremy doesn't kill himself, but reads a story about killing himself in front of his class. I can't imagine that won't, at least, end up with him in the guidance counselor's office. He's not our concern, though. Jeremy goes off to live his best life. Meanwhile, the teen we've been following decides not to do anything. Today. Tomorrow is not a promise. But today, everybody lives. Nobody has to know what he never quite planned.

The kid goes back to the porch after class, debates whether it would be worth getting in trouble if he smoked a cigarette, and decides against it. He's thinking about that girl again. He's imagining them meeting outside of the hospital. A beach would be great. Yellow Ledbetter has him pndering whether (he's) the boxer or the bag.

He writes her off. In his head, of course. In real life, there's no real way to write off someone who probably hasn't thought of him. He grabs a bus, not a school bus, a city bus, to the beach to blow off some steam, and to Not Be Home. He needs to be on the beach so he can't hear her voice or her Footsteps in his head anymore. Instead, he ends up with the voice of his hospital assigned therapist talking to him. He confessed things to her that he wishes he hadn't but she'd been kinder than anyone else in the hospital. Still, she'd reported some things back to his family that he wishes she hadn't.

He walks into The Ocean to be dramatic. Not suicide dramatic. Floating in the ocean dramatic. Thinking about her again dramatic. But it's deliberate now. It's not voices. It's not hoping for any actualization. He's just drifting, and letting his mind unravel.

When I was in high school, my roommate had a mixtape from a friend called Windowsills. It was songs to listen to while being melodramatic and dreaming out a window. There were many references to suicide. And, while not being suicidal at all myself, I asked a bunch of people on my floor, what song made them think of suicide. That this didn't get me sent to a therpaist myself is remarkable. Deep was on my mix because it even references windowsills. For the purpose of this album, the kid is still in the ocean, diving down and swimming under water for as long as his breath holds. Then gasping back up into the air.

Breath is not about the gasping in the ocean. But about going home. About having skipped the last half of school and being pretty sure his horrid parents know. It's about it now being past curfew and his not having even done anything bad. No violence. No alcohol. He didn't even smoke. Just cut classes to calm himself, and take a dip in the ocean. And then he just walked home instead of taking a bus.

We leave him at the door, and see his father's view of the day Alone. His girlfriend has left him. Just like his wife left him. Because he's awful. And he knows he's awful. And he knows he's a lousy father. And he was an awful husband. And he might just be a awful person. And he walks around the town, and the beach, the same way his son did. And he saw him cutting class. And he saw him doing nothing destructive. And he went home. And he got there first. And he's just as suicidal.

The story that the teenager told the therapist? He knows that his father is not his father. That the guy that's been poorly raising him is just some guy his mother married. Some guy that was better than his real father was. That his real father is no longer Alive, that he will never get a reconciliation there. He remembers the conversation with his mother. How she left. How she left him with the man who doesn't know how to raise him.

The album ends here as the original album ends. Though I don't like how it flows out of "Alive", Release brings us to the kid sitting on a windowsill. (Which once again gets referenced in the song.) Once agan, he's considering suicide. He's considering the legacy of his dead father. He's considering the legacy of the man who's raising him. He's considering the mother who left, the stepmother who left, the father who left, the acting father who he wishes would leave. We don't get an answer about what happens to any of these people. We fade out to credits. Because it was the nineties, and everything was edgy and ambiguous, and dark. 

I'm a Marvel fan. I came to comics through the X-Men. And while I did enjoy the Tim Burton Batman movies, it wasn't until the X-Men movies that I loved comic movies, and it wasn't until the Marvel Cinematic Universe that I Loved comic movies. Yea, I liked the first two Nolan Batmans, but that's pretty much it. The DC Cinematic Universe isnot for me. And that's ok. I have loved several seasons of their cartoon properties. Teen Titans was amazing. Batman The Animated Series was wildly inconsistent, but the good epiodes were years beyond other comics-based cartoons. Batman: The Brave & The Bold was a blast. Both incarnations of The Justice League, and the Young Justice cartoons are about as perfect as you can get. But the live action shows?

Obviously the 1966 Batman show was iconic and necessary, even if it's complete cheese. The original run of The Flash was ... fine. Birds Of Prey was watchable. And then came a new wave of DC shows. For the most part, pretty good. But not all good.

This particular reimagining is how I would string together a series of related shows to form a fun, watchable universe. Usually, I do ten episode seasons of condensed storytelling, but I'm going to go for twent to thirty episode seasons because that's how long these stories seem to need in a season. This is mostly a Flash reimagining. It has some Shirtless Arrow, even though that show isn't my favorite, because that's where The Flash spun out of. It has some Brave And The Bold episodes because those characters spun out of The Flash, and some of them are ridiculous and joyous. Supergirl started too campy for me, but then it got into a groove that I enjoyed. Black Lightning has been solid since the first episode, and I'm thrilled it crosses into this continuity. As of this writing, I haven't seen Batwoman yet, but Im'm hoping it's fun. There will be no Gotham. I hate that show. If you like it, awesome. I may have seen all the Batman shows I need to see at this point, and that one had some fun moments, but, overall, I just didn't care. It's hopefully the last time I'll mention it.

​Season One is all about Barry Allen, his friends, and family, coming together to create The Streak, which isn't the best name Cisco has come up with.

Episode 1: The Vigilante And The Scientist
(Barry Allen, Oliver Queen, Felicity Smoak, John Diggle, Roy Harper, Slade Wilson, Sebastian Blood, Tommy Merlyn)

This is technically the eighth ("The Scientist") and ninth ("Three Ghosts") episodes of the second season of Arrow, which was a backdoor pilot for The Flash. Oliver Queen has been a vigilante for a while, he has mucho mucho baggage, and is in the midst of massive plot shenanigans with Slade Wilson and Sebastian Blood when a meek little scientist named Barry Allen shows up. One of the quirks of Arrow is that a good chunk of each episode is made up of flashbacks from Oliver Queen's life before he became Arrow. Personally, I edited most to all of them out because I found it excruciatingly dull. But the current storyline introducing Barry is fantastic, and a great way to start the series.


Episode 2: Particle Accelerator
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Oliver Queen, Henry Allen, Eddie Thawne, David Singh, Clyde Mardon) 

The actual pilot for The Flash gives us all the Barry Allen backstory we need to know. Oh sure,  we'll get it several more times over the series, but all the important stuff is here. Family trauma, new family, love life, superhero origin. All tightly packed in an episode where Arrow stops by to check in on Barry. Isn't that sweet?


Episode 3: The Fastest Man Alive
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Henry Allen, Eddie Thawne, David Singh)

Barry Allen is now The Streak, a superhero in Central City who runs really fast. I mentioned how annoying the flashback scenes were  in Arrow.  The Flash's most annoying quality is the narration at the beginning of each episode. It's a totally unnecessary throwback to when TV was more episodic and people didn't tune in to the same show each week, with the ability to binge old episodes. Ignoring that, this episode is even better than its predecessors, as we really get a feel for Barry the forensic cop and how that balances with The Streak. 


Episode 4: Things You Can't Outrun
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Henry Allen, Eddie Thawne, David Singh)

What makes The Flash an interesting comic and TV show, despite the fact that the hero being able to run fast isn't exactly spellbinding, is his rogue's gallery. His villains are complex but ridiculous. In this one The Mist appear, seeking vengeance on Joe for arresting him. We also get some Caitlin backstory, as we continue watching pretty much every episode of the first season of The Flash.


Episode 5: Going Rogue
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Leonard Snart, Felicity Smoak, Eddie Thawne, David Singh)

See? Rogues! And this episode introduces a doozy! Captain Cold is pure fun. He's great in the modern comics, and he's wonderful here. He's just the kind of villain you wish had his own show. Oh well, we can dream.


Episode 6: Plastique
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Eddie Thawne, David Singh, Wade Elling)

Barry Allen was adopted by Joe West after Allen's mother was murdered. This makes Iris West sort of his sister. She's a journalist writing about The Streak (we're still calling him that? ok). Everyone wants her to stop. Meanwhile this episode's rogue of the week can blow shit up just by touching it. Of course the military wants a piece of her.


Episode 7: Flash Is Born
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1,  Eddie Thawne, David Singh, Tony Woodward)

Finally. Am I right? Streak no more. Barry Allen is The Flash. The rogue of the week is Girder, who is as silly as his name sounds. But there are some cool developments with Eddie, Joe, and Barry in this episode.


Episode 8: Power Outage
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Oliver Queen, Henry Allen, Eddie Thawne, David Singh, Tony Woodward)
  
This week's rogue is electric. Boogie oogie oogie. But the theme of this episode is how do The Flash's friends and family potect themselves when Barry is depowered?


Episode 9: The Brave
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Oliver Queen, Felicity Smoak, John Diggle, Roy Harper, Eddie Thawne, Digger Harkness, Amanda Waller)

Team Arrow needs Team Flash's help to deal with (let me check my notes here, ah yes) Captain Boomerang. A classic Flash rogue. But another rogue with a very silly name shows up and turns The Flash into Public Enemy #1. (This episode is actually titled "The Flash Vs Arrow")


Episode 10: The Bold
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Oliver Queen, Felicity Smoak, John Diggle, Roy Harper, Eddie Thawne, Digger Harkness, Amanda Waller)

Evil Flash is a problem, so Team Arrow is going to have to go to Central City to help Team ummm...Flash, I guess?  It's fun seeing the different characters invade the tone of the other show. (This is actually a season three episode of Arrow called "The Brave & The Bold".)


Episode 11: The Man In The Yellow Suit
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Eddie Thawne, Henry Allen, Ronnie Raymond)

One of my least favorite parts of The Flash, across TV or comics, is that a good chunk of his rogues are Other People Who Run Fast But In Slightly Different Colored Suits. This episode introduces the first of them, Reverse Flash. If he were the only one, I'd be more forgiving, but this is the beginning of an unfortunate trend. We do get to see the debut of Firestorm, though, and he'll be around for a bit. Sort of.


Episode 12: Revenge Of The Rogues
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Leonard Snart, Mick Rory, Eddie Thawne, David Singh)

Get our your popcorn. The Reverse Flash story continues to be interesting, but Captain Cold's return, and his first teamup with Heatwave is the beginning of one of the most pure, beautiful villain friendships in television history.  Oh yea, and Barry has more weird love feelings blah blah blah.


Episode 13: The Nuclear Man
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Martin Stein, Ronnie Raymond, Eddie Thawne, Wade Elling, Linda Park)

Firestorm is back, and he's ... a ... bad .... guy ? Nah. Heroes get confused for villains all the time. Surely Caitlin's ex wouldn't kill some innocent scientist. Right? And while researching who killed Barry Allen's mom, in order to exonerate Harry Allen, new evidence apears that implicates Barry Allen?


Episode 14: Fallout
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Martin Stein, Ronnie Raymond, Wade Elling)

​Nobody went quite as boom as was expected in the previous episode, but things are still tense. Also, that milliatary guy is still hanging around, and that can't be good for anyone. He's not even cool enough to be a rogue.


Episode 15: Out Of Time
​(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Eddie Thawne, Mark Mardon, Linda Park, Clyde Mardon)

Time travel! Reprecusions from the pilot! Relationship growth! Identity reveals! Someone is badly injured! This almost feels like a season finale.


Episode 16: Birds Of Prey
(Oliver Queen, Felicity Smoak, Sara Lance, John Diggle, Roy Harper, Laurel Lance)

We move over to Arrow for an episode to meet Canary and Huntress who are definitely not having a team up. Oh, yea, and Arrow and his crew are also doing things.


Episode 17: Tricksters
​(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1,  Henry Allen, Eddie Thawne, David Singh, Eobard Thawne )

What if most of what we knew about The Reverse Flash was wrong? What if that wasn't even the most interesting part of this episode where the Joker-wannabe villain The Trickster is able to contact the Joker-wannabe villain The Trickster from the old 1990s Flash show, y'know, the guy who voiced The Joker on Batman The Animated Series aka Luke sisterkissing Skywalker. This episode is So Much Fun.


Episode 18: Who Is Harrison Wells?
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Eddie Thawne, Laurel Lance, David Singh, Quentin Lance)
 
Team Flash goes to Arrowtown, and they don't even bother to see how Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak are doing? Bad. Form. At least Canary can be useful. We also have a rogue of the week who can turn into anyone he touches. I bet that creates complicated social interactions.


Episode 19: The Trap
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Eddie Thawne, David Singh)

Everything starts to come together as the gang seeks to out the identity of Reverse Flash to help get Henry Allen cleared of his wife's murder.


Episode 20: Rogue Air
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Leonard Snart, Oliver Queen, Ronnie Raymond, Mark Mardon, Eddie Thawne)

The Particle Acclerator is going to go boom again, so the heroes need to relocate all those supervillains they've been imprisoning in that vicinity. Not only does this mean another Arrow team-up, it also means thinking outside of the box, which means More Captain Cold!


Episode 21: Fast Enough
(Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Joe West, Harrison Wells 1, Leonard Snart, Martin Stein, Oliver Queen, Ronnie Raymond, Henry Allen, Eddie Thawne, David Singh)

The season finale has The Flash getting into proper timeline hijinks. Our seasonlong arc about clearing Henry Allen's name gets ... closure ? complications ? wibbly-wobbly timey -wimey ? It's a thoroughly satisfying place to end the season, and would have even worked as a series finale if the show had been cancelled. 

I respect the hell out of a good novelty band or artist. I was fourteen when my mother tried to convince me not to waste my money on Right Said Fred's album Up. When I first started hosting potry slams, the prize I gave to the last place finishers was a copy of the MC Skat Kat album. You know, the cartoon who danced with Paula Abdul in the "Opposites Attract" video. I love and fully support Weird Al Yankovic's near half-decade career of weird. But.

But I can't listen to their music for too long. I haven't been able to listen to a full Yankovic album since probably the same year I bought into Right Said Fred. I'll occasionally hear and appreciate a new song by him, but I don't need to hear it again, or buy the album. Even the old albums that I loved and owned when I was younger.

In many ways, They Might Be Giants is a novelty band. Their music is often fun, often weird, and sometimes written specifically for children or commercials. But, unlike other bands of their style, I do find myself wanting to sit down and listen to a full album of their work. But.

But I don't like how they're structured. This is especially true of Apollo 18, which concludes with twenty-one  songs between seven and thirty seconds. The brief songs are great, but, if they had to be grouped together, I'd rather have them at the beginning, as though you were flipping through commercials to get to the rest of the album. That's not what I've chosen to do here, though. Instead I've used those "Fingertips" songs to bridge the other tracks on the album. I think it gives the whole thing more cohesion, while maintaining some of the weird. I hope you appreciate it as much as I do.

Start your space dreams young. Dream moongrab. Dream starwish. Dream astronaut. Dream aliens. Get your dreams into some science. Make your wishes improbably possible. Reach for stars. See The Constellations (I Walk Along Darkened Corridors). Rock out with your meteorite out. Dance a comet tail. Do that thing all teenagers do, where they imagine the citylights are constellations. Don't be original. Be a fun, familiar, weird. Not offputting. Celestial. This is such a fun mantra filled declaration of teenage wont. Grab it. Dance it around your room.

Some day mother will die, and I'll get the money. I Palendrome I (Hey Now Everybody) continues the weird. It's an insectile guitar. It's chirpy percussion. It's a chorus of crickets singing about snakes. I wish I could call it a lunar luau, but it's too cold. Too dancing in the vacuum of space. There's barely any air in this song, so don't waste any time breathing.

It's all sci-fi in here as My Evil Twin (Who's That Standing At My Window) has a touch of brass  in its montagey and only slightly sinister keyboards. I wish this was somewhere in the Leslie Nielsen movie Naked Space (aka The Creature Wasn't Nice), a movie which terrified me when I was six.

Death is twangy. Death is punk background vocals. Death is wonk organs. Every time you call my name / I hear the angels sing.  Death is Dig My Grave (Come On Wreck My Car). Death is two mercifully short songs stitched together.

Everything comes down a notch. Dirgey. Circus dirgey. Bass-lickey. If I Wasn't Shy (All Alone),  is a series of humdrum confessions that sound decreasingly fantastical. But you just want to snap your fingers to this tune, as you slowly walk down a darkened alley.

Muppet vocals. George Takei promises. Superhero snippet song. Ohhhhhh.  Spider (I've Found A New Friend) is  the kind of bizarre that would have seemed right at home on Queen's soundtrack to The Flash.

Leave Me Alone (Which Describes How You're Feeling All The Time) brings that circus vibe back. A carousel of conflcting constant feelings. Blissful nausea.  Solipsism. Relgious questioning. Everything vague. But in rhyme. Which describes how you're feeling all the time. Ehhh.

The intro is straight out of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Particularly Columbia from the Official Sountrack. And then, Brad takes the vocals for a song about The Fifty  Foot Woman. (Someone Grab A Hold Of Me) She's Actual Size. It's a lovely sci-fi romp with a prominent brass section.

(Mysterious Whisper) The Statue Got Me High is a climb not a trip. It's scrambling atop the fifty foot woman. The monumantal woman.  The atomosphere explodes.

(Who's That Knocking On My Door) Hypnotist Of Ladies infers that maybe that monumental woman used to be an actual woman, but she was hypnotized by some gross dude who is charming, but otherwise no damned good.  

If you're looking for more narrative in your TMBG songs, look no further than (What's That Blue Thing Doing Here) Turn Around. Oh, it's  still a bit vague about what the narrative is trying to say, other than some interpretive dancing guy is pushed into a grave by his dancing instructor, and lands on a skull. Typical Thursday.

Dinner Bell (I Heard A Sound) mentions what happend when you turn around, and then, the dinner bell rings. Have you ever had a parent with a literal dinner bell? Before cell phones, or pagers, even, my mother used to ring this ludicrously loud bell to get me to go home. When we moved (down the street and to the left), she gave the bell to the people who moved into our old house, and the mom in that family was crackers crackers and would ring that bell and screech for so long, parents offered their children money and video games to dress up as this woman's daughter and get her to shut the shut up. This song is not nearly as annoying as that. Ding Ding Ding!!!

Romantic tropes were alread boring in the eighties. Gender norms were tired in the nineties. And tha narrator of this song doesn't want to be a traditional suitor, so he asks you (Aren't You The Guy Who Hit Me In The Eye) to  Narrow Your Eyes, and see his love from a different perspective.  Then they'll have a nice friendly breakup because their relationship is totally not working.

After some brief lyrics from the parenthetical title, (I Hear The Wind Blow) Space Suit, we get a cool, sci-fi instrumental that really does sound a bit like how early-twentieth century writers who didn't understand space might imagine wind sounded in space.

The reason I originally purchased this album was for The Guitat (I'm Having A Heart Attack / I Just Don't Understand You). I love this update of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" with its brass beat, its disaffected background vocals, and its enthusiastic lead vocalist. I epescially love its brass noise break, followed by the drums and guitar bridge. And it's lovely bass riff, of course.  It's just a super fun happy song. But then it gets thrown into the subdued statements of everything going awry.

(Everything Is Catching On Fire) Hall Of Heads is very very very Futurama. Or, rather, Futurama is very this song.  The Hall Of Heads seen through a keyhole, then heads pitched at you whle you try and leave. Try not to picture Fry and Leela at some point. It can be done, but it's difficult.

I drop the rest of the (Fingertips) songs here. There aren't that many, and they thematically link from one to the next before arriving at Mammal, which feels like a callback to the scientific research of "Why Does The Sun Shine" or "Why Does The Sun Really Shine".  I'm unclear why this didn't end up on their Here Comes Science album.

Closing out the album is more spy-themed eighties movie than sci-fi, but I really love the bouncy quality of  Happiness Doesn't Have To Have An Ending. But the album does have to come to a close. Don't worry! There are plenty left.

Thirty years ago, They Might Be Giants put out their first major label album, Flood. It's astounding. It's totally upbeat. It's weird, but not offputting. It would clearly make a great lover. But when you listen to the lyrics, it becomes something else. Anxiety. It's almost like one long panic attack. Sure everything seems inoccuous. But that's the thing. Almost anything anxiety inducing can seem innocuous. That's how it gets you.

We open with the Opening Theme, naturally. But it quickly segues into Istanbul (Not Constantinople). Arguably their most timeless song. A surprisingly fantastic background tune for a doughnut store shootout, and help with a very basic trivia question. I'm imagining most people know this song. But if not, it's a cover of a Four Lads song with heavier drums, more modern sounding vocals, better production, and a slightly faster tempo, but otherwise, a faithful fun cover.  A song to play at a party. A song you can dance awkwardly to. It's the only way to dance to it.

Man, if there was ever a song from the 1980s that rings true in the 2010s and 2020s, it's They Might Be Giants's Your Racist Friend. This could be the theme song for the very few parties I attend. It should be the anthem of so so so so so so so so so many people I know. It has a killer basic-bones guitar solo that leads into a festive trumpet solo. And it's just so consistently relevant.

I think of  the racist friend as Mister Horrible, who is also the lead character of   Someone Keeps Moving My Chair. The chair is tolerance and basic human dignity, and the racist Mister Horrible keeps moving the chair (or goalposts) to get under the skin of the other people at the party. It's a technique that totally works on most people, as they get so frustrated at the constantly changing goalposts that they give up even trying to reason with Mister Horribles.

In fact the frustration makes you feel like a returned bag of groceries. Or Dead tired. What were the people who witnessed the confrontation thinking of? Why didn't they intervene? Why didn't they warn you how awful that person would be? Or is it you? Oh god. Were you overreacting? No. No. Mister Horrible was a bigoted asshole. Why are you feeling bad about this? Ok. You need to stop isolating yourself and actually start antagonizing people like that. Or ... or will that make you like them? You're just going to have to stay home an only socialize with people you trust forever.

You've still got this on my mind as you head back to your Minimum Wage job. A muzak based up-tempo carnival blah. 

Lucky Ball And Chain breaks through the instrumental. It's about realizing that the perfect person left you because you didn't have your shit together.  You totally took them for granted while you were being your own mess of anxiety. Oh God. This happy album is just constantly battling the depression of every day life. Your inability to handle conflict or properly appreciate loved ones is ruining your life in totally avoidable ways. What are you doing with your life?

The thing is ... the person who left you? She's not the most important in the world. You're not the most important person in her world. But she wants to see you again.  Slowly Twisting. Life is constantly like this. People wanting imperfect things. It's okay to be imperfect. 

Not everyone can be stable. Oh sure, We Want A Rock to lash our life to. But it's not out there. Everything is a mess of jangly string instruments and Casio keyboards. Life is upbeat soft rock songs about how terrible life is, and how we always want what we don't have. It sounds relentlessly happy if you don't pay any attention to the lyrics. 

Scattershot xylophone and ringing Sapphire Bullets Of Pure Love will hit you if you're not careful. Love won't save you, though. Certainly not if you're imagining them as a violent explosion of gunshots. Best not to dwell on it for more than a minute and a half or so.

It's best to just to try and be the best you you can possibly be, right? Isn't that what all self-help is really about. And your anxiety means you need help. But you don't want anybody else to help because you hate asking people for help, so self-help is the best way to go, right? It's not just Whisling In The Dark, is it? But what ... if ... you don't know which part of your self is the best part? Nevermind. Everything will be fine. Is fine. Whistling. Whistling. Dark. Dark.

We take a break from your regularly scheduled anxiety to present some scientific facts. In this peppy number we explain Why Does The Sun Shine. Doesn't it feel great to talk about something you're an expert at that certainly won't ever be proven wrong. Science! Enjoy these permanent facts about the sun!

Good work, Particle Man. Yeah, that's right. You used to get teased in school because you liked science. So many stupid nicknames. Oh, and you liked geometry. Why was everything you loved so derisible? Oh well. Don't dwell on the past. School if so far in your rearview.

OH NO. It turns out that everything you knew about the sun has been proven wrong. The education system is constantly failing us because the present, on its way to becoming the future from sci-fi novels keeps presenting us with new information that helps us understand Why Does The Sun Really Shine. 

Ugh. Everything everything everything is always changing. How can you handle now without knowing how the future will change the prespective on what you've done? (You)'ll never know what you'll find When you open up your Letter Box tomorrow. 

Anxiety is so stressful. Sometimes you just want to put some bacon on the oven and walk away from your life without explanation. Hot Cha. The piano and the kick drums shake your shoulders as you imagine just escaping.

Let's put on some traveling music, and sneak out this glass of bourbon and drink along to your new life as A Road Movie To Berlin. 

Oh dear. The bourbon is messing with your sense of self and reality. Everything is starting to sound weird. Your voice is hiccuping. There's some strange birdsong. The lyrics kaleidoscope. They could be important. Or They Might Be Giants. Boy.

Put in your reality Hearing Aid and start trying to make sense of things again. Sober up. Go home. Or, at least, somewhere where people could use you. Oh no. Work. Ooof. Yea, that will sober you up. The job you're not paid enough to survive at, overseen by someone who doesn't know what they're doing, either. Is this some sort of weird The Bad Place type of deal you're living in?

The music fades out. There is a constant drumming. An explosion of noise. A fuzzy guitar. Like, a fan blade or something? Something miniscule at work scrapes your brain. Then, you get distracted from the tedius fan blade by a procession of   Women And Men who present you with positive reasons to keep going. At work. At your house. Everywhere you go. You're through it. You can make a Birdhouse In Your Soul. You can move on. Hooooooooooooooooooooooo. Not to put too fine a point on it​.