I'm doing a 30/28 for the month of February. I'll be posting all of the poems here. One of the series I'll be doing is explaining Internet Memes. The first one I've tackled involves all those videos of cats losing their minds when confronted with cucumbers.
Why Are Cats Afraid Of Cucumbers?
Cucumbers dress like snakes on movie nights Lisp inappropriately then pause for laughs
Cucumbers get salty before they're eaten Tell your crush intimate details about how you've fetishized them Suggest a threesome
Cucumbers never lie but always mislead
Cucumbers are undefeated at staring contests Cats don't handle failure gracefully
Cucumbers show up unexpectedly like gray hairs or joy If someone placed a grapefruit behind you while you weren't looking you might swat it across the floor Cucumbers don't roll far enough If someone placed a rumor behind you while you were looking you might not notice it you might think it wouldn't travel as far as a cucumber you might not even know what it was If someone placed decay behind you the floor might disappear before the cucumber the cat might swat at things you couldn't see you might be more terrified of the void than the cat is of the cucumber or it might be adorable The cat or the void
Cats fear cucumbers because cucumbers are defined as "creeping plants" and cats like to be the creepiest living thing in any house
Cucumbers do not smell They are moist without being flavorful They get angry when you sing It's Not Easy Being Green in their presence They've heard it before Being green is the simplest part of a cucumber's life They don't like being sung to They hate the slightly sharp third of the meow They are vengeful A cucumber does not smell or forget
Cats are not stupid though they've never won any money on Jeopardy They do not have time for trivialities such as the state tree of mississippi is often referred to as the ________ tree due to the unripe fruit's resemblance to this type of vegetable
What is the cucumber trying to accomplish? Is it merely a tool of the bored human cat owner Is the cat more afraid of the cucumber or the intent that led to the cucumber appearing on the floor?
How does a cat even know what a snake looks like if it's never left the house?
Cats are afraid of questions Cucumbers have no fear Both are naturally curious but only cucumbers are not embarrassed by their curiosity Cats are ashamed of their shame
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