Understanding Internet Memes

I'm doing a 30/28 for the month of February. I'll be posting all of the poems here. One of the series I'll be doing is explaining Internet Memes. The first one I've tackled involves all those videos of cats losing their minds when confronted with cucumbers.

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Why Are Cats Afraid Of Cucumbers?

Cucumbers dress like snakes on movie nights          Lisp inappropriately          then pause for laughs

Cucumbers get salty before they're eaten          Tell your crush intimate details about how you've fetishized them          Suggest a threesome

Cucumbers never lie          but always mislead

Cucumbers are undefeated at staring contests          Cats don't handle failure gracefully

Cucumbers show up unexpectedly          like gray hairs          or joy          If someone placed a grapefruit behind you while you weren't looking          you might swat it across the floor          Cucumbers don't roll far enough          If someone placed a rumor behind you while you were looking          you might not notice it          you might think it wouldn't travel as far as a cucumber          you might not even know what it was          If someone placed decay behind you          the floor might disappear before the cucumber          the cat might swat at things you couldn't see          you might be more terrified of the void than the cat is of the cucumber          or it might be adorable          The cat          or the void

Cats fear cucumbers because cucumbers are defined as "creeping plants"          and cats like to be the creepiest living thing in any house

Cucumbers do not smell          They are moist without being flavorful          They get angry when you sing It's Not Easy Being Green in their presence          They've heard it before          Being green is the simplest part of a cucumber's life          They don't like being sung to          They hate the slightly sharp third of the meow          They are vengeful          A cucumber does not smell          or forget

Cats are not stupid          though they've never won any money on Jeopardy          They do not have time for trivialities          such as           the state tree of mississippi is often referred to as the ________ tree          due to the unripe fruit's resemblance to this type of vegetable

What is the cucumber trying to accomplish?          Is it merely a tool of the bored human cat owner          Is the cat more afraid of the cucumber          or the intent that led to the cucumber appearing on the floor?

How does a cat even know what a snake looks like          if it's never left the house?

Cats are afraid of questions          Cucumbers have no fear          Both are naturally curious          but only cucumbers are not embarrassed by their curiosity          Cats are ashamed of their shame