You Don't Have To Just Say No, You Can Just Buy Better Drugs

Buckle up. It's Monday.

Random Stoner: "Hey. Alright. I came in because I'm ready to talk about that movie."

Me: "O.k."

RS: "You know, there's all that...talk about it this weekend. And, like, it was supposed to be big."

Ah, Captain Marvel.

Me: "I haven't seen it yet."

RS: "No. Noooooooo. I came in to talk to you about it."

I've never met this person before.

Me: "Sorry, I'm seeing it later this week."

RS: "But, it was good, right?"

Me: "I don't know yet."

RS: "Oh, man. I -- Do you have any, like giant -- You guys don't have giant books."

Me: "Like the ones on the top shelf there?"

I point. He walks in the opposite direction. Of course.

Me: "No, there."

RS: "Wow. Wowwwwwwwwwwwwww. These are -- what I'm looking for are coffee table books. Motorcycles. Sketch art. You know, for the foyer...or, the, ummmm gazebo? Parlor. For the parlor.

Me: "Sure. We don't have those."

RS: "I need people to walk in when I'm painting and be like wowwwwwwwwwww. This --- this is some --- like A level shit, you know?"

Me: "Sure."

RS: "But you don't --- You seriously haven't seen that movie yet?"

Me: "Nope."

RS: "It's fine. I shouldn't be spending money anyway. I have to --- I need to -- do they do laser printing across the hall?"

Me: "You'd have to ask them. I don't know."

RS: "What I'm gonna do, right? Before my show. I'm gonna have shit lasered into wood. Like a table with good wood, but I'd laser it --- like SPACE. I have 47 --- no 59 paintings I need to unload, you know? Renewal. Like when those anime guys take all of their stuff and --- Do you have any gundam?"

Me: "Not currently."

RS: "Shit. Hey, when did the weed store go? I mean --- not a weed store -- a paraphernalia store."

Me: "It's still there. It's across the park."

RS: "I shouldn't be spending -- Hey, instagram --- like marketing --- I could get you 20%." of what I have no idea.

Me: "Great. You should come in on Friday and talk to the owner."

RS: "Yes! Like I did for the collectible store in Methuen. 20%. I'm not a monster."

Me: "That's good."

RS: "You get my vibe. Social media -- it's -- like 10% for you but maybe you have a friend who can help, and they get 10%, that's TWENTY PERCENT."

Me: "Sure."

RS: "Check out my Instagram. I need honest critique. Like, it's time -- my parents know I'm not like that -- but, like, I need to get rid of these paintings. Even if it's just 100,000. Which is -- which is 10% of what they're worth. You feel me?"

Me: "Suuuuure."

RS: "Let me write down -- what's my insta -- I think -- here. I should go. Do you think they really laser across the hall?"

Me: "I have no idea."

Fist bump.

RS: "I'm a mech guy. Captain Ha -- He -- you know."

Me: "Sure."

RS: "I'm not like manga. A little, I guess. But, like -- They need to make a Captain Marvel game. Open world like Tarantino, you know? Or Portal. Yea, Portal. How come there aren't any VR arcades around here where you can walk" he shows me what walking looks like "while you're in the virtual world? All they have around here is pinball."

Me: "I don't know."

RS: "They could make bank on that."

Me: "Sure."

RS: "Friday. You should get people to BOGO. Like, not BOGO, but make people think they're getting a deal. You watch Big Bang Theory?"

Me: "No."

RS: "You should youtube the gaffs. It will make you. You get people who smell the comics?"

Me: "No."  Ok, a couple of times, but I'm not going to talk about them with this guy.

RS: "It's always wrong but -- how late is the paraphernalia shop open?"

Me: "I have no idea."

RS: "Marketing is key. You get it. You got it. I'm gonna go laser."

Me: "Good luck."

He walks across the hall. I think the entire staff has gathered around him. So he must be equally entertaining there.

​His instagram is locked. His follower to following ratio is 1/100. I will not be following him. And, thus, shall never know of his million dollar paintings.