Wannabe Stand Up Comedian walks in and immediately launches into a routine that he’s clearly been practicing for several years.”Stilt Man. Am I right? He’s just a guy on stilts. He isn’t awesome. He’s just a guy on stilts. Know what I mean? His deal is, he can be tall. But not on his own. He needs stilts to do it. Because he’s Stilt Man. What kind of a name is Stilt Man anyway. I mean, so what? You’ve got stilts.”
This goes on for roughly seventeen years of my life.
He keeps asking me questions that no one in the history of comics has ever cared about. “What happens to Thunderbolt Ross’s mustache when he turns into Red Hulk.”
"It goes to the negative zone. It’s all explained in an issue of Fantastic Four. I don’t remember the number." I lie.
"Maybe that’s where Stilt Man gets his ideas from, am I right? The Negative Zone?"
I eventually was so worn down, he asked me a question about the X-Men and I told him I’d never heard of them. That I didn’t really read comics.
He wouldn’t leave, so I stopped speaking. I just glared at him every time he addressed me.
"Do you think they made The Hulk’s mustache disappear so that people wouldn’t be able to tell the two Hulks apart?"
At this point an actual customer shouts “THEY’RE TWO DIFFERENT COLORS. OH MY GOD, STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.”
Stilt Man’s nemesis gets real quiet, and leaves a couple of minutes later.
I’m about to thank the shouter when he says “What an idiot. Who cares about The Hulk’s mustache. So. Have you seen Wonder Woman makes out with Superman yet. That wouldn’t happen. She’s a total lesbo.”