This Song Written Before Caller ID And The Ability To Restrict Numbers

Before the open mic, I stopped at Already Been Chewed Pizza (not the Problematic place, but the place next to The Cantab) to grab a couple of slices of subpar pizza for me, and some mozzarella sticks for Dr. Bobby,

While I waited, I checked FB on my phone. The person behind the counter called out "Slices", and before I could look up, the person behind me in line said "Your pizza is ready, Phone Guy."

Me: "Yea, I'm waiting on mozzarella sticks, too."

Random Person: "I hate Facebook. But I love it, too. I have 600 friends. I don't even know 600 people."

Me: "Great."

RP: "And people be messaging me, like 'Good morning, wifey.' Do you see a ring on this finger?"

Me: "I do not."

RP: "Wifey? Maybe if they got a million dollars, though, right? Not these 4.99 motherfuckers."

Employee: "Mozzarella sticks are ready."

Me: "Thanks." No, really. Thanks.

When I brought the food into The Cantab, I relayed the story and Simone pointed out that that was not an unusual human interaction for me. For someone else, maybe, but not for me.

After the night was over, Dr. Bobby, Manon, and I headed to Noir, the absolute best worst place to get a drink. I bought a round that was fun but uneventful. The good doctor bought a round that was fun but uneventful, and I was sent to pick up the credit card and the final round, and...the person in front of me ordered a drink, and then turned around and began singing "I just called to say I love you. I just called to say how much I care."

Me: "Nice."

Singing Guy: "I just called to say I looooooooooove you. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart."

Me: "That's a great song."

SG: "No New Year's Day. To celebrate."

Me: "Wow. You know ALL the words."

SG: "Only my solitary heart to give away."

Me: "Those aren't the words."

SG: "I'm 66. Just like Stevie Wonder."

Me: "Congratulations."

I order the drinks and ask for the credit card.

SG: "No first of spring. No song to sing."

Me: "You're literally singing, right now."

SG: "I just called to say I lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvve you."

Then he gives me a hug, I pick up the drinks and go back to the table.

Me "Tell me you guys saw that."

Dr. Bobby: "Oh, did the guy by the bar just serenade you and give you a hug."

Me: "Yea."

DB: "He does that all the time. He drools all over me. I don't mean he finds me attractive and gives me attention, I mean he has literally drooled on me several times."

I am both relieved to find out that at least ONE weirdo's actions can be verified as frequently occurring oddness by at least one other source, and annoyed that he is a regular near the area where I work.

But I'm mostly relieved he didn't literally drool on me.