I don’t think I’ve ever told a customer that what they’re looking for is “directly to your right” and not had them turn a hard left and look high in the air. Over time, I started to wonder if it wasn’t them, if, perhaps, I’ve always confused my right and left. I have made the “L” with my left hand, I have looked it up online. It isn’t me.
Tonight, someone asked me where the Mad Magazines were. He was standing directly in front of them. So I said “They’re right in front of you.” AND HE TURNED AROUND AND LOOKED UP ON THE WALL. And continued to scan the wall. The wall contains only four posters. There are no comics, and no magazines on it. So I said “Now they’re behind you.” And he turned around IN A COMPLETE CIRCLE and started looking to his right and left. As though, perhaps, the reason the magazines were now behind him was not because HE had moved but because THE MAGAZINES THEMSELVES were dancing around him.
I entered a state of shock. So he came in my direction and stood in front of me, perhaps thinking I couldn’t tell the difference between the two of us and when I said “They’re right in front of you.” I meant “They’re right in front of me.”
I ended up just walking him back to where he started from and pointing at them like I was The Ghost Of Christmas Fucken Future.
You know the future, right? It’s directly behind you.