Usually, the dudes working the late night shift at CVS are the slowest Lethargarians you can imagine.
Tonight, there was only one woman behind the register but only four people in line. Things progressed at human speed until a very angry old lady threw her belongings down at an empty register and loudly sighed while the not old not white not ladies in front of her bought their completely reasonable amount of things to buy at a CVS at one am.
When it was her turn, she sighed as she picked up the belongings, threw them at the woman behind the register, and sighed yet again.
Beleaguered Retail Employee: "Do you have your CVS card?"
Rotten Old Lady: "YES, I Have My Card. Do you think I would go out at night with my card? It's why I come here. Lorde!"
Sadly, the pop superstar of 2013 failed to materialize.
BRE: "And would you like a bag for these?"
ROL: "I have BAGS. You can See my bags? Why would you even ask that? Goodness."
BRE announces the total for the purchase.
ROL: "Oh no. Oh No. Those are three for two dollars, and I'm not paying a penny more."
BRE:"Yes, ma'am. You have four of them."
ROL: "Well, I only need three. I don't know why I would even Have four."
BRE: "Ok. That'll be two dollars and eight cents."
ROL: "That's more like it."
Rotten Old Lady throws her things in her bag, looks around, lets out another operatic level sigh, and leaves, muttering to herself.
I put my can of Monster on the counter. "You know," I say, "if you're going to keep feeding old white ladies after midnight, you're going to get Gremlins."
BRE stares at me in what appears to be mute horror.
I have overstepped my social contract.
BRE cracks the fuck up. "Oh, Lorde, just don't get her wet. I can't have any more of Her tonight."
Me: "I don't think she's been wet in years."
BRE: "You're Crazy."