How The Conversation Would Have Gone If Either Of Us Ever Actually Spoke About Anything In Our Lives Worth Mentioning
Him: What was the fight about?
Me: Which one?
Him: The one you were just talking about?
Me: It's not important.
Him: So. Me, then. It was about me.
Him: Was it about 18th century agrarian business practices?
Me: No. It was stupid.
Me: No. Fine. I called him by your name.
Him: So you do still have feelings for me?
Me: "Feelings for you?" Apparently.
Him: And you think about me during sexy times.
Me: No. You know I don't take attendance during sex. I called him by your name when we were arguing about something that was only slightly less stupid than arguing about the fact that when I'm frustrated about something stupid, I think of you. Because you're incredibly annoying.
Him: And you still liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike me.
Me: Your name is a curse word to me.
Him: And curse words are named after the things we most enjoy doing. Nobody says "Holy Appendectomy" or shouts "Taxes!" when they drop something on their toes. No, they yell the things that release tension and bring them fleeting moments of serenity.
Me: If only my moments with you were more fleeting.