Me: What do you want to do tonight?
Dude: Necessary conversation.
I freeze. This is not someone I know through slam, and I can only hear that phrase as a punchline or a Fuck You.
Dude: I'm kidding. I was thinking maybe we should chill and watch Netflix.
Dude: I spent too much time reading articles on how to date someone this week. I'm sorry. Maybe we could.....WHAT DO NORMAL PEOPLE DO?
Me: Are we dating now? Did I miss--
Dude: No. No. That's not what I'm saying. I just read a lot of articles on dating, and now I don't even know how to spend time with my friends.
Me: Are we friends now? I th---
Dude: STOP MESSING WITH ME! I'm very vulnerable right now.
Me: Should I hold you and tell you everything is going to be ok?
Dude: We are definitely not friends. You are The Worst Person I Know.
Me: Really? I'm The Worst Person You Know?
Dude: Let's go get a pizza or something. Isn't there a place at the end of the street?
Me: Ahhhhh. sure, let's go there. Then I definitely won't be The Worst Person You Know.
Dude: So...let's order in, then?