Selina: "Human you are home! We have missed you and are starving!"
Me: "Your bowl is filled beyond capacity with food."
Selina: "We have missed you and are thirsty?"
Me: "Your water bowl is half full."
Selina: "We have missed you?"
Me: "Ok, let me go put my stuff down before I pet you."
Selina: "The thing is. I didn't think you were ever coming back."
Selina: "But you did. Yay!"
Rubs head against shins.
Me: "What did you do when you thought I was never coming back?"
Selina: "Nothing. Nothing much."
Motherfucker meows sarcastically.
Selina: "Ok. I threw up on your bed."
Selina: "But I felt bad about it. I remembered that you have left the house before, and always come back eventually. So I felt bad. About vomiting on your bed. So I knocked over your laundry bag and put a pile of socks over the vomit. To clean it up! "
Me: "Fucken cat."
Selina: "Look, I knocked over the paper towel roll first, but they don't work right. They got all torn up while I was trying to separate them. So. Socks."
Me: "You're the worst."
Selina: "Wait. Did I say *I* vomited? I meant The Dog did it."
Me: "He did not."
Selina: "He DID! And then I heroically covered his puke with your socks."
Me: "That is definitely cat food puke."
Selina: "HE'S BEEN EATING OUR FOOD?"
Me: "Nobody likes you."
Selina: "Motherfucker loves me."
Selina: "I am glad you are back. You may pet me now."