Event Coordinator: "Would you like to come to our event?"
Me: "I would but I'm working."
EC: "Are you excited that our event is about to happen?"
Me: "I can't come. I hope everyone has a good time but please stop e-mailing me about your event."
EC: "Our event is tomorrow!"
Me: "I've asked you to stop e-mailing me. I can't make it."
EC: "I didn't see you at our event today. We hope everything's ok, and look forward to seeing you tomorrow."
Me: "Are you even reading my e-mails? I have tried unsubscribing via your website. Please stop contacting me."
EC: "I didn't see you at our event today. Will you be able to make our next one?"
Me: "Your parents must be so ashamed of you. How do you run a literature based event when you have such difficulty with reading comprehension?"
EC: "Fuck you! There's no need to be rude."
Me: "Ah, so you CAN read. Unsubscribe me from your list."
EC: "Please fill out this survey and let us know how we can do better next time!"
There was no option for "Fire social media director" so I declined to fill it out.
Most shockingly, this status has nothing to do with anyone involving slam or spoken word. See, academics can be self-centered and incompetent, too!