Today I got an e-mail asking me to fill out a survey for a local cookie store. What kind of cookies did I buy, how was the service, would I recommend the cookies to a friend, etc. There was also a section asking me to describe the service in two or three words.
For filling out the survey, I would get two free cookies.
I filled it out positively, got a coupon code, and ordered two cookies and a cookie sandwich (icing between two cookies) to pick up when I was done with work.
When I got there, there were about a half dozen Harvard frosh women. And the two Very Very Very Stoned but happy employees, neither of whom were the very stoned employees from my last trip, gave them a shit ton of free cookies.
At one point, a student asked if they had any peanut butter left. They had one.
Student: "How much is it?"
Very Stoned Dude #1: "I'll flip you for it. Heads, it's free. Tails, it's a dollar fifty."
It was heads.
Everyone giggled, they all eventually got their free cookies, and they left.
Me: "Hey. I'm Adam. I'm here to pick up an order."
VSD #1: "An order? Did you see an order?"
VSD #2: "Check by the computer."
VSD #1: "Is your phone background Kanye's dick?"
VSD #2: "Nah, that's his thumb."
VSD #1: "Whose thumb?"
VSD #2: "Kanye's."
VSD #1: "Oh, here's the order. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaan. OH SHIT."
VSD #2: "What?"
VSD #1: "This is the guy who wrote 'Entertainingly Stoned' in the 'How would you describe our service' box."
VSD #2 (to me): "FOR REAL?"
VSD #2: "You are definitely not paying for cookies tonight. That shit KILLED ME."
VSD #1 (shouts to the back): "The entertainingly stoned guy is here."
VSD #3 comes out from the back. "You are getting a whole bowl of icing in your Bigwich."
VSD #3: "And make sure he gets big cookies, too. I don't care what he ordered. You give him the biggest cookies he wants. I laughed my ASS off when I saw that."
VSD #3 goes back to the back.
VSD #2: "The bad news is, we're completely out of all three cookies you ordered. So you're going to have to pick from what's left."
I pick some basic cookies, and two huge ones for the Bigwich.
VSD #2 puts the cookies in a box, and hands me an overstuffed giant cookie sandwich and a bowl of icing.
VSD #1: "Give him that box of oatmeal raisin cookies we got left, too."
Me: "Woah woah woah. I thought we were friends. Oatmeal Raisin? What did I do to you?"
We laughed, and I left with way too many cookies, none of which I'd paid for.
On my way back to the store, I waited at the intersection with two women carrying salads from Sweetgreen's. I gave them each a cookie and the entire bowl of icing.