I'm playing my Daft Punk mix in the store, and a guy just chased his girlfriend around the store, speaking along to "Technologic", while she just kept asking questions "Why are you doing this? How do you know the words? What is this? Can you stop?"
He smiled as he chased her out of the store. They left without buying anything, but I was, at least, amused.
If you are going to stand outside my window at 7AM, loudly and slowly delivering a five minute soliloquy about how great your kids are for cleaning their rooms, and there are no kids anywhere near you, giving off the impression that you are either practicing your speech, or else you are standing right next to my bedroom window, making a phone call, and you feel the need to pre.cise.lee. are.tick.you.late "Lawwwwwwwwwwwwv. Yuuuuuuu. Buy-eeeeeeeeee." Then I am going to sarcastically, loudly ,and precisely, say "Buy-eeeeee. Lawwwwwwwwwwwv. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuu." right back.
On my way out of the CVS, I got stuck in a terrible 1980s SNL sketch, as an entire family of Russian tourists stopped in front of the exit to look at the tiny energy drink refrigerator.
Russian Dad: "Look at all the different colored Bulls, Helga. Is red bull, and yellow bull, and green bull, and purple bull."
Helga: "I think is blue bull."
RD: "Ok. Blue bull. And orange bull. There is purple!"
I eventually made my way through them, and out the door, only to discover I'd accidentally purchased Ultra Red "Flavored" Monster, instead of the Pipeline Punch, I'd intended.
It tastes like being stuck behind a group of tourists. Their nationality is not important.
We have two sets of customers that we like, each of whom have kids. And the kids, like all kids, are complicated genetic hormone puzzles. They're often great but sometimes get sad and unruly.
Today, while they were both in the store, one of the kids wanted a toy that the parent wasn't going to get, and the kid went from reasonable to a screaming mess of emotions in less than three seconds.
I mention this, not to shame the usually awesome kid, but because of how hard I laughed when, after the screaming child left, the other unrelated parent pumped his fist in the air and went "Not mine! This time."
As fist pumping parent left, he bought his child, and his neices/nephews each a book. As they were leaving, his child shouted "I WANT TO READ MY BOOK."
"Why did you shout that?" He asked. "We were the good ones. Don't you want to be the good ones?"
And his child whispered. "Sorry. I want to read my book. I'm very excited."
Person standing next to a very nice bicycle: "He went over the handlebars and everything. It was awful. Blood everywhere. He's crying. But now I got a new bike. Hope somebody called an ambulance for him."
I just saw a Pepsi at the 7-11 that read "Summer Now, Adult Later", and I almost pulled the entire display out, and threw them out the summery windows. But I had to be an adult, so I didn't.
Sometimes someone expresses an opinion so pretentious that I have to do research to find out why I disagree with them.
When I say a name three times, and that person appears, it's called Beetlejuicing.
When I talk about how people who order Coronas from me have not tipped all night, and then three people in a row order Coronas from me, and only one tips, that's called Beetledouching.
One of the places I get lunch has two people working behind the counter. One has been there for years. The second is different every time I go in. Usual Person always remembers my order but never my name. But New Person Of The Day is always the one who makes my sandwich, so it ends up being different every time.
Today, while I waited to pay for my sandwich, New Person came up to the register with a ticket order and announced "I am The Shit."
The Register Person sighed and said "No. He's not The Shit. He's just Shit."
The sandwich was good, though.
Your 2020 campaign slogan is: Your last name + 2020 + the last text you sent.
Stone 2020: I'm not as violent as people assume.