Intense Loiterer: "Hi. What happened to the Cambridge Phone Company?"
Me: "I have no idea."
IL: "They used to be HERE."
Me: "Not in at least thirty years. Probably more, if at all."
Me: "I've been here for about a decade, but I shopped here before that. I remember a fortune teller, a Russian book store, a bootleg anime DVD store, a cake shop, and a series of failed nail salons, but no phone company."
IL: "THEY WERE HERE."
Me: "Nope." Puts *Cambridge Phone Company* and *Mt Auburn Street* into Google. "I don't know where they were, but I can't find any record of them being in this building."
IL lets out a primal scream and walks out.
Other Random But Way Less Intense Loiterer prarie dogs up out of the Indie Wing.: "Wow."
Me: "I was going to wish him a good day, but it seemed way too late for that."
Sleepy mental rolodex couldn't parse the name "Gene Wilder" and insisted to my memory that Gene Hackman starred in "Charlie And The Chocolate Factory".
BvPP: "You know Wolverine is a very popular character."
BvPP: "Yea. A lot of people don't know that."
Me: "How is someone popular if a lot of people don't know they're popular?"
BvPP: "Do you have a Marvel Presents section?"
Dude: "I still think about you, Adam. I see you in the eyes of every kind face, in the laugh of every child."
Me: "I'm told that if you look clearly into the eyes of any kind person, you can see the reflection of the last person who thought of murdering them. And, let's be real, all laughing children sound at least moderately insane."
Attention Passengers: There is a black BMW with New York plates whose alarm is going off on the vehicle deck. Please return your car, and drive it into the ocean. Thank you.
I just misread the Hippocrates quote: "Before you heal someone, ask them if they're willing to give up the things that made them sick." as "Before you heal someone, ask them if they're willing to give up the things that made them suck."
I think these are equally valid approaches.
Me: "I'm sure you've seen all the articles about the resurgency of torrenting in the wake of the multiple streaming services being launched."
Dr. Mo: "Yea, they don't realize that they're not competing with each other, they're competing with The Pirate Bay. There's a threshold for the amount of money people can afford to pay for television and movies, and we're way past it now."
Me: "And I've spent most of my money supporting the book industry."
Dr. Mo: "Supporting it? Look around, Adam, You're The Face Of Big Book."
Me: "I'm sorry, I have to close the store now and go re-evaluate my life."
I'm playing my Daft Punk mix in the store, and a guy just chased his girlfriend around the store, speaking along to "Technologic", while she just kept asking questions "Why are you doing this? How do you know the words? What is this? Can you stop?"
He smiled as he chased her out of the store. They left without buying anything, but I was, at least, amused.
If you are going to stand outside my window at 7AM, loudly and slowly delivering a five minute soliloquy about how great your kids are for cleaning their rooms, and there are no kids anywhere near you, giving off the impression that you are either practicing your speech, or else you are standing right next to my bedroom window, making a phone call, and you feel the need to pre.cise.lee. are.tick.you.late "Lawwwwwwwwwwwwv. Yuuuuuuu. Buy-eeeeeeeeee." Then I am going to sarcastically, loudly ,and precisely, say "Buy-eeeeee. Lawwwwwwwwwwwv. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuu." right back.
On my way out of the CVS, I got stuck in a terrible 1980s SNL sketch, as an entire family of Russian tourists stopped in front of the exit to look at the tiny energy drink refrigerator.
Russian Dad: "Look at all the different colored Bulls, Helga. Is red bull, and yellow bull, and green bull, and purple bull."
Helga: "I think is blue bull."
RD: "Ok. Blue bull. And orange bull. There is purple!"
I eventually made my way through them, and out the door, only to discover I'd accidentally purchased Ultra Red "Flavored" Monster, instead of the Pipeline Punch, I'd intended.
It tastes like being stuck behind a group of tourists. Their nationality is not important.